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I had a strange relationship with the keeping-in-touch thing. When I was a kid my parents' generation was scattered all over the world, and long-distance calls
by lordnacho 5y ago
I had a strange relationship with the keeping-in-touch thing. When I was a kid my parents' generation was scattered all over the world, and long-distance calls were expensive. Plus there were a lot of them, and a lot of kids. So they developed a no-news-is-good-news attitude. You'd get the occasional call for life events, or you'd phone them if you heard there was an earthquake where they lived.
When I moved away from home I kinda thought it would be the same with me. After all, not that much happens during the average working week. I worked, I ate with friends. So why call all the time?
Turns out I think they just missed me. To a degree parents live through their kids. Are you enjoying your work? Have you found a girlfriend? It's like living through that age again.
Technology really helped. The last few years before they died they'd call weekly to check on their grandchildren. Often short calls, but still pretty good. In fact my last contact with my mom was via a video chat.
- hondo77 5y ago> To a degree parents live through their kids. Are you enjoying your work? Have you found a girlfriend? It's like living through that age again. Or maybe they just...you know...cared.
- lordnacho 5y agoIsn't that the same thing? When you care about someone, don't you put yourself in their shoes?
- castlecrasher2 5y agoI imagine most would agree that the phrase "live through their kids" has a negative connotation and "caring about someone" does not.
- lordnacho 5y agoFair enough, I'm probably in minority. I don't see anything wrong with living through the kids, for me it's just one way to explore the world.
- sircastor 5y agoI think that's a very smart way to explore the world, but I think with the premise of "living through your kids", you're forgetting to live yourself.
- panopticon 5y agoI think a lot of the negative connotation comes from the type of parent that's trying to live out old glory years or missed opportunities through their child by forcing them into a particular sport or activity instead of allowing their child to grow as an individual.
- filoleg 5y agoImo there is nothing wrong with it, but only if you are truly "exploring the world" in a sense of being an observer and trying to take in what your kid is experiencing, while providing advice and guidance if needed. Where it starts being wrong is when people take "living through my kids" as "controlling and demanding my kids live the way I imagine I would have wanted to live, if I was in their shoes now". Note: when I say "kids", I mean someone's children who are already adults and have their own life to live. I am not trying to say that kindergarten-aged children should be given full freedom to make their own life decisions and that any attempt to infringe on that is wrong.
- jimmygrapes 5y agoThis is the actual definition of empathy, yes, not the currently trendy use which is much closer to sympathy in the way it is used.