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I have daily human contact online at work. I've never met one of my coworkers in the flesh. In meatspace, I drive into a tiny village once a week to get mail at

I have daily human contact online at work. I've never met one of my coworkers in the flesh. In meatspace, I drive into a tiny village once a week to get mail at the post office, usually talking to nobody. Every other week I go to a more distant small town and hit the grocery and hardware store, and pass a few words with a clerk or three. It isn't unusual for a month to go by without speaking in the flesh with anyone that I'm not buying something from. I've had years go by without a non-commercial visitor to my home. I built a desk a couple of years ago and I'm still waiting to show it off to somebody. It isn't a good way to live. But for some weird reason it isn't very lonely ... until I'm around people. Then the loneliness becomes unbearable and I retreat.

johnchristopher 5y ago
> Then the loneliness becomes unbearable and I retreat. I don't understand how this goes. Could you describe your experience with more details ? > I built a desk a couple of years ago and I'm still waiting to show it off to somebody. Well, you could paste a picture here :).
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- em-bee 5y ago
  when you are alone, you are alone, but when you are among people that you don't know how to interact with, or don't want to interact with because you don't feel you have anything in common with them, then you feel lonely.
  - hirundo 5y ago
    Yes, thank you.
  - sethammons 5y ago
    So much this. I never feel as lonely as I do in a packed city visiting for work.
- KronisLV 5y ago
  > Well, you could paste a picture here :). That does sound like a pretty nice thing to say! That said, i can't exactly recall seeing many "Show HN" posts about making furniture, though awesome stuff like that does occasionally appear in the comments. I do feel like reaching out to some of the online communities for those particular interest groups could be pretty beneficial, though! For example: https://www.reddit.com/r/Carpentry/ https://www.reddit.com/r/woodworking/ https://www.reddit.com/r/DIY/ (just using Reddit here as an example, because it's one of the better known sites)
  - hypertele-Xii 5y ago
    Just posting the picture right here, in this comment thread, although completely off-topic, will probably be accepted positively (net karma gain). HN folk seem to like personal tidbits, stories, and cool stuff made self.
  - hilbert42 5y ago
    I find there is something enormously satisfying and intrinsically rewarding about working with one's hands, doing woodworking and the like. It's especially so when one has everything to hand and one can work on without distracting interruptions (such as having just remembered that you lent your No 5 jack plane to a friend and you now need it to continue). :-) I've found that working this way and being able to see the product of one's labors slowly forming and taking shape often brings rewards in and of itself that I seldom experience in my technical work. It's difficult for me to put into words but there's something inherent in the nature of the process and to the flow of this way of working that provides fulfillment and that one rarely seems to tire of doing it. I know a few technical/professional people who are disparaging of such pursuits and view such work as just an unskilled or menial activity—or that it's tedious and boring. I feel sorry for them in that they've not grasped the idea or notion of doing creative work with one's hands is not the slightest bit in conflict with their professional work and in fact that both activities usually complement one another. It also makes considerable sense to me that introverts would seek solace and comfort in such activities for the very reasons I've given.
    - 5y ago
dominotw 5y ago
> It isn't a good way to live. Why do you choose to live like this. I am asking because wht you are describing here stuff of my dreams. I even bought a piece of land in rural colorado during the pandemic that I plan to start building in september.
- ryandrake 5y ago
  Yea, I was going to say, OP's living situation sounds like a paradise to me. Also saving up for the big piece of rural land in the middle of nowhere. It sure beats commuting hours from a cramped home or apartment stacked up in a city with thousands of others, to a cramped office building where you sit literally shoulder to shoulder with hundreds of others and try to do work all day.
  - 3np 5y ago
    Sounds like a case of “the grass is always greener”. There are things that only start to affect you after extended time in a lifestyle. Maybe it would actually be great for you, but it could also be that the downsides only become apparent after a year or two, at which point it can be hard to find a way to get to a good place. EDIT: Current situation doesn’t sound healthy, though. The sweet spot is probably somewhere between the two extremes.
    - iancmceachern 5y ago
      Exactly. I read so many posts on HN about living alone in the middle of nowhere being better than driving 2 hours each way in terrible traffic to sit shoulder to shoulder in an open plan office. There are lots of downsides to living in the middle of nowhere, healthcare, access to other resources, etc. Don't get me wrong, I've fallen into that trap of thinking. My wife and I bought a small RV trailer that we tow to these kinds of "middle of nowhere places", we stay for a few weeks, or long enough to make us want to come back. My point - so.many of these comments I read on HN focus on putting all eggs in one basket. Why does it have to be bumper to bumper traffic and open plan offices vs. Hermet life in the woods? The reality is if one finds a good job I a semi-major urban center that often allows them to live both lives. Take a month or two off int he summer, live and work remotely in the boonies, then go back to "normal life". If you live full time in the boonies and align with that lifestyle that's all you get, it's hard to then go live for a few months in the city without blowing the budget. Variety is the spice of life?
emerged 5y ago
I’m generally this way too. Life is beautiful in simple solitude. Other people bring with them all manner of drama and complications, which all see completely pointless to me. I like being around people when they aren’t balls of anger, stress, drama. But those people are extremely rare and they tend to also isolate.
majgr 5y ago
I'm not sure personal contact is that important. Imagine this page as a giant table, and when one speaks, the rest listen. Reading through all these comments feels like being in a room where conversation takes place. For older people who do not use internet, TV or Radio plays that role. Moreover, one soaks atmosphere of given community (even online), and adjusts behaviours, thoughts accordingly, to some point at least I think.

johnchristopher 5y ago

> Then the loneliness becomes unbearable and I retreat. I don't understand how this goes. Could you describe your experience with more details ? > I built a desk a couple of years ago and I'm still waiting to show it off to somebody. Well, you could paste a picture here :).

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
em-bee 5y ago
when you are alone, you are alone, but when you are among people that you don't know how to interact with, or don't want to interact with because you don't feel you have anything in common with them, then you feel lonely.
- hirundo 5y ago
  Yes, thank you.
- sethammons 5y ago
  So much this. I never feel as lonely as I do in a packed city visiting for work.
KronisLV 5y ago
> Well, you could paste a picture here :). That does sound like a pretty nice thing to say! That said, i can't exactly recall seeing many "Show HN" posts about making furniture, though awesome stuff like that does occasionally appear in the comments. I do feel like reaching out to some of the online communities for those particular interest groups could be pretty beneficial, though! For example: https://www.reddit.com/r/Carpentry/ https://www.reddit.com/r/woodworking/ https://www.reddit.com/r/DIY/ (just using Reddit here as an example, because it's one of the better known sites)
- hypertele-Xii 5y ago
  Just posting the picture right here, in this comment thread, although completely off-topic, will probably be accepted positively (net karma gain). HN folk seem to like personal tidbits, stories, and cool stuff made self.
- hilbert42 5y ago
  I find there is something enormously satisfying and intrinsically rewarding about working with one's hands, doing woodworking and the like. It's especially so when one has everything to hand and one can work on without distracting interruptions (such as having just remembered that you lent your No 5 jack plane to a friend and you now need it to continue). :-) I've found that working this way and being able to see the product of one's labors slowly forming and taking shape often brings rewards in and of itself that I seldom experience in my technical work. It's difficult for me to put into words but there's something inherent in the nature of the process and to the flow of this way of working that provides fulfillment and that one rarely seems to tire of doing it. I know a few technical/professional people who are disparaging of such pursuits and view such work as just an unskilled or menial activity—or that it's tedious and boring. I feel sorry for them in that they've not grasped the idea or notion of doing creative work with one's hands is not the slightest bit in conflict with their professional work and in fact that both activities usually complement one another. It also makes considerable sense to me that introverts would seek solace and comfort in such activities for the very reasons I've given.
  - 5y ago

dominotw 5y ago

> It isn't a good way to live. Why do you choose to live like this. I am asking because wht you are describing here stuff of my dreams. I even bought a piece of land in rural colorado during the pandemic that I plan to start building in september.

ryandrake 5y ago
Yea, I was going to say, OP's living situation sounds like a paradise to me. Also saving up for the big piece of rural land in the middle of nowhere. It sure beats commuting hours from a cramped home or apartment stacked up in a city with thousands of others, to a cramped office building where you sit literally shoulder to shoulder with hundreds of others and try to do work all day.
- 3np 5y ago
  Sounds like a case of “the grass is always greener”. There are things that only start to affect you after extended time in a lifestyle. Maybe it would actually be great for you, but it could also be that the downsides only become apparent after a year or two, at which point it can be hard to find a way to get to a good place. EDIT: Current situation doesn’t sound healthy, though. The sweet spot is probably somewhere between the two extremes.
  - iancmceachern 5y ago
    Exactly. I read so many posts on HN about living alone in the middle of nowhere being better than driving 2 hours each way in terrible traffic to sit shoulder to shoulder in an open plan office. There are lots of downsides to living in the middle of nowhere, healthcare, access to other resources, etc. Don't get me wrong, I've fallen into that trap of thinking. My wife and I bought a small RV trailer that we tow to these kinds of "middle of nowhere places", we stay for a few weeks, or long enough to make us want to come back. My point - so.many of these comments I read on HN focus on putting all eggs in one basket. Why does it have to be bumper to bumper traffic and open plan offices vs. Hermet life in the woods? The reality is if one finds a good job I a semi-major urban center that often allows them to live both lives. Take a month or two off int he summer, live and work remotely in the boonies, then go back to "normal life". If you live full time in the boonies and align with that lifestyle that's all you get, it's hard to then go live for a few months in the city without blowing the budget. Variety is the spice of life?

emerged 5y ago

I’m generally this way too. Life is beautiful in simple solitude. Other people bring with them all manner of drama and complications, which all see completely pointless to me. I like being around people when they aren’t balls of anger, stress, drama. But those people are extremely rare and they tend to also isolate.

majgr 5y ago

I'm not sure personal contact is that important. Imagine this page as a giant table, and when one speaks, the rest listen. Reading through all these comments feels like being in a room where conversation takes place. For older people who do not use internet, TV or Radio plays that role. Moreover, one soaks atmosphere of given community (even online), and adjusts behaviours, thoughts accordingly, to some point at least I think.