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Not trying to be judgmental here, just trying to get your take. But if one of your close friends got cancer and died a few months later, would you ever get to s

by cco 5y ago

Not trying to be judgmental here, just trying to get your take. But if one of your close friends got cancer and died a few months later, would you ever get to say goodbye to them? Given the other descriptions in this thread, it seems like you wouldn't unless they or someone they were close to reached out to you to let you know. If that was the case and I was your friend and I died with zero contact from you, I would have to strongly consider that you do not care about me and were not there for me as a friend when I needed it the most. That is how I would feel about it, but I'm curious if what I describe is a fair hypothetical and how you think about that situation.

kradeelav 5y ago
Not the OP, but have forgotten birthdays, and am a classic introvert. That's a bit of an extreme take to pivot to; birthdays happen every year and if you have more than 5+ people to remember, that's a lot of days to keep in the head. Quite frankly, there's a lot of people out there (including myself) that see birthday greetings as rather meaningless - or simply not one of their love languages. (It strikes me this whole thread shows the rather diametrically different love languages of people.) Why send a card that's going to be read and tossed, realistically? I'd much rather have a meandringly long coffee chat out of the blue once every few years. Conversely, cancer is life altering enough to the point you're far more likely to hear through the grapevine of social contacts even if it's an acquaintance, let alone a close friend. There's workplace social circles, family social circles... Then you can adjust to the level of proper severity and be on hand for food assistance, longer chats knowing time is short, and so on.
GrinningFool 5y ago
> That is how I would feel about it That's also an exceptional circumstance. If I had awareness of my friend's situation, I'd contact them; but that's because the urgency pushes it to the front of my mind making it something that I can't forget or postpone.

by cco 5y ago

kradeelav 5y ago

Not the OP, but have forgotten birthdays, and am a classic introvert. That's a bit of an extreme take to pivot to; birthdays happen every year and if you have more than 5+ people to remember, that's a lot of days to keep in the head. Quite frankly, there's a lot of people out there (including myself) that see birthday greetings as rather meaningless - or simply not one of their love languages. (It strikes me this whole thread shows the rather diametrically different love languages of people.) Why send a card that's going to be read and tossed, realistically? I'd much rather have a meandringly long coffee chat out of the blue once every few years. Conversely, cancer is life altering enough to the point you're far more likely to hear through the grapevine of social contacts even if it's an acquaintance, let alone a close friend. There's workplace social circles, family social circles... Then you can adjust to the level of proper severity and be on hand for food assistance, longer chats knowing time is short, and so on.

GrinningFool 5y ago

> That is how I would feel about it That's also an exceptional circumstance. If I had awareness of my friend's situation, I'd contact them; but that's because the urgency pushes it to the front of my mind making it something that I can't forget or postpone.