2 ms·

If (real if) you're hostile to the idea that they could really be trans, it's possible they feel hostile to the idea that you could really be making a good fait

by btilly 5y ago

If (real if) you're hostile to the idea that they could really be trans, it's possible they feel hostile to the idea that you could really be making a good faith best effort to support them, which is what this sounds like to me: defensiveness. True, you don't know me. When my child came out as pan, a few days later we had arranged for a trip to an old friend of mine who is a trans-woman, a lesbian, and who had a non-binary friend who was staying with her. I regret the fact that you had a difficult relationship with your parents. I've seen that story play out. However I'm pretty confident that I'm not actually transphobic. My concern is not that I don't want a child who is trans, my concern is about what is best for my child's long-term well-being.

jolux 5y ago
There's no need to get defensive, I'm just trying to help because you said you didn't understand why your kid was being unreasonable, and what the line was in trying to support them. I'm sure you have their best interests at heart. Feel free to ignore me fully, I'm just some idiot on the internet. > However I'm pretty confident that I'm not actually transphobic. I don't know where you got it from, but the rhetoric you're using in this thread is extremely common in transphobic spaces, for what it's worth. Describing this as an ideology, claiming most girls end up desisting, that transition will "backfire" in most cases, and so on. Trans people recognize this language as coded transphobia, and an attempt to delegitimize them. These claims more or less originate from transphobes and dubious science, which is why I recommended WPATH, which clarifies the many different paths people take in dealing with dysphoria.
- sirmike_ 5y ago
  Parents make mistakes all the time. It’s a milestone of parenting. A child is a child and knows nothing. Not even themselves up to a certain age. But that’s how we are all born. Not knowing anything, until we do. Then we all make a shit ton of mistakes and learn some more. Whether a child is this or that has to be ALWAYS balanced against the back drop of their best interests. It’s one thing to be supportive and empathetic. It’s another thing to bow down to worship your child and let them run the show. The trans issue has risen to a point where society must face it and figure out the bigger questions of how can we accommodate them and yet balance and find natural limits. We are so fucking far away from that point. And we will get there eventually. I agree with the parent comment saying the trans issue is way over sampled and is or has become some kinda trend. It just is. Clearly their child showcases the main point of children know nothing when the child mis-understands what true transphobia is versus a childlike ignorance of parroting a concept they just heard about. Why is that? Well it never changes from generation to generation. If you have kids at some point they learn about attention and how to use it. It’s kinda like personal preferences. Is it transphobic to say you are only attracted to the opposite sex and would never date or consider a trans person in a romantic relationship? Nope. But it’s a sure fired way to keep eyeballs on the screen and people in their rigid political groups. Like this parent (although I will be more brutal) I could give two shits if they felt they were a trex or were a girl or a boy. I don’t care. What matters is that I raise a kind hearted, compassionate human being who understands the world is not your friend. And can find their grit and true will when they need it. There’s book loads more to this but boiled down I’m doing my best to not raise an inconsiderate asshole. Because they must be held to account and told when they are in fact acting like an inconsiderate asshole.
- raxxorrax 5y ago
  If gender dysphoria is as quickly diagnosed as "transphobia", there is probably little to it. Sorry to say it that harshly, but this is basically shutting down any discussion.

by btilly 5y ago

jolux 5y ago

There's no need to get defensive, I'm just trying to help because you said you didn't understand why your kid was being unreasonable, and what the line was in trying to support them. I'm sure you have their best interests at heart. Feel free to ignore me fully, I'm just some idiot on the internet. > However I'm pretty confident that I'm not actually transphobic. I don't know where you got it from, but the rhetoric you're using in this thread is extremely common in transphobic spaces, for what it's worth. Describing this as an ideology, claiming most girls end up desisting, that transition will "backfire" in most cases, and so on. Trans people recognize this language as coded transphobia, and an attempt to delegitimize them. These claims more or less originate from transphobes and dubious science, which is why I recommended WPATH, which clarifies the many different paths people take in dealing with dysphoria.

sirmike_ 5y ago
Parents make mistakes all the time. It’s a milestone of parenting. A child is a child and knows nothing. Not even themselves up to a certain age. But that’s how we are all born. Not knowing anything, until we do. Then we all make a shit ton of mistakes and learn some more. Whether a child is this or that has to be ALWAYS balanced against the back drop of their best interests. It’s one thing to be supportive and empathetic. It’s another thing to bow down to worship your child and let them run the show. The trans issue has risen to a point where society must face it and figure out the bigger questions of how can we accommodate them and yet balance and find natural limits. We are so fucking far away from that point. And we will get there eventually. I agree with the parent comment saying the trans issue is way over sampled and is or has become some kinda trend. It just is. Clearly their child showcases the main point of children know nothing when the child mis-understands what true transphobia is versus a childlike ignorance of parroting a concept they just heard about. Why is that? Well it never changes from generation to generation. If you have kids at some point they learn about attention and how to use it. It’s kinda like personal preferences. Is it transphobic to say you are only attracted to the opposite sex and would never date or consider a trans person in a romantic relationship? Nope. But it’s a sure fired way to keep eyeballs on the screen and people in their rigid political groups. Like this parent (although I will be more brutal) I could give two shits if they felt they were a trex or were a girl or a boy. I don’t care. What matters is that I raise a kind hearted, compassionate human being who understands the world is not your friend. And can find their grit and true will when they need it. There’s book loads more to this but boiled down I’m doing my best to not raise an inconsiderate asshole. Because they must be held to account and told when they are in fact acting like an inconsiderate asshole.
raxxorrax 5y ago
If gender dysphoria is as quickly diagnosed as "transphobia", there is probably little to it. Sorry to say it that harshly, but this is basically shutting down any discussion.