4 ms·

But how can anyone _possibly_ deny the first part? How could anyone contradict an individual who states their own gender - on what grounds can you claim to know

by btilly 5y ago

But how can anyone _possibly_ deny the first part? How could anyone contradict an individual who states their own gender - on what grounds can you claim to know how someone feels about themselves better than they themself do? How do you define denying the first part? According to my child's world view, I need to ask them every day what their pronouns are today. And any accidental slip-ups on any adult's part are a demonstration of transphobia, which justifies a raised voice and lecture. While I'm perfectly OK with making an attempt to treat people as they wish to be treated, at what point does the inconvenience and stress that your constant demands make on others become an unreasonable ask of them? (Which is a question that every parent of teenagers winds up asking at some point, for some reason...)

samat 5y ago
Really sorry about the stress of raising a teenager!
ithkuil 5y ago
Teenager brains have a outstanding circuitry designed at discovering what infuriates their parents (and the generation of their parents) and just hammer on it, whatever that thing is.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- parineum 5y ago
  I was going to say, having been a teenager, this sounds an awful lot like the kind of thing I'd pull. Not exactly to make my parents upset but them being upset was an indication of success. I honestly don't know what my real end goals were but I'm sure it's at least partially understood by professionals.
- indemnity 5y ago
  In my experience this skill is present much earlier, but honed to precision in the teens when they are smarter than they ought to be.
jolux 5y ago
> According to my child's world view, I need to ask them every day what their pronouns are today. And any accidental slip-ups on any adult's part are a demonstration of transphobia, which justifies a raised voice and lecture. I agree that their request is unreasonable, and I'm sorry for the stress it's causing you. I can't really justify their behavior on a rational basis (teens, right?). And obviously I don't know your child, and I don't know you, but as a trans person who went through a similar phase, maybe consider what they might be thinking if you want to understand why they might be behaving like this? For one thing, they almost certainly know your opinions about the persistence of trans identity and online echo chambers of gender identity. If (real if) you're hostile to the idea that they could really be trans, it's possible they feel hostile to the idea that you could really be making a good faith best effort to support them, which is what this sounds like to me: defensiveness. I had a very similar dynamic with my parents for several years. We came out of it understanding each other a lot better, but it was certainly rough in the thick of it. I really hope you can find a way to resolve the tension.
- AIX2ESXI 5y ago
  It's brainwashing of the highest order, what is happening to our young people. Professor Sam Valkin on Youtube elaborates on all this nonsense. Powerful forces seek to manipulate impressionable minds and make them question their own gender. The more educated and socially connected you are, the more you are at risk of the inversion tactics.
  - klyrs 5y ago
    What are these "powerful forces"?
    - AIX2ESXI 5y ago
      Nation States, Corporations, Moguls that that have no moral compass and use control matrices to sway minds. E.G. did you know that Snapchat is biggest peddler of child porn? Or how about Only fans being a legal pimp for narcissists and their enablers?
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
munk-a 5y ago
I can completely understand how frustrating the situation can be - I am extremely supportive of trans rights but I also feel like that decision starts at adulthood. Puberty blockers seem like a really good way to compromise on that point since doors are being kept open but no decision is being fully committed to. Being a teenager is really confusing to begin with, and the last thing children need is more ways to categorize and divide people into clumps.
lordCarbonFiber 5y ago
How difficult is it to ask a simple question every morning? Or baring that, engage your kid. Could come to a compromise for defaulting to a gender neutral "they" for when you don't know how they're feeling in a given day. Upon which they could give you a reasonable clarification (or you know, just ask). When your kid's demands are as simple as "hey support my identity, which requires nothing but thinking slightly more about the words you use" how could they not be frustrated when their parent can't even clear that low bar.

by btilly 5y ago

samat 5y ago

Really sorry about the stress of raising a teenager!

ithkuil 5y ago

Teenager brains have a outstanding circuitry designed at discovering what infuriates their parents (and the generation of their parents) and just hammer on it, whatever that thing is.

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
parineum 5y ago
I was going to say, having been a teenager, this sounds an awful lot like the kind of thing I'd pull. Not exactly to make my parents upset but them being upset was an indication of success. I honestly don't know what my real end goals were but I'm sure it's at least partially understood by professionals.
indemnity 5y ago
In my experience this skill is present much earlier, but honed to precision in the teens when they are smarter than they ought to be.

jolux 5y ago

> According to my child's world view, I need to ask them every day what their pronouns are today. And any accidental slip-ups on any adult's part are a demonstration of transphobia, which justifies a raised voice and lecture. I agree that their request is unreasonable, and I'm sorry for the stress it's causing you. I can't really justify their behavior on a rational basis (teens, right?). And obviously I don't know your child, and I don't know you, but as a trans person who went through a similar phase, maybe consider what they might be thinking if you want to understand why they might be behaving like this? For one thing, they almost certainly know your opinions about the persistence of trans identity and online echo chambers of gender identity. If (real if) you're hostile to the idea that they could really be trans, it's possible they feel hostile to the idea that you could really be making a good faith best effort to support them, which is what this sounds like to me: defensiveness. I had a very similar dynamic with my parents for several years. We came out of it understanding each other a lot better, but it was certainly rough in the thick of it. I really hope you can find a way to resolve the tension.

AIX2ESXI 5y ago
It's brainwashing of the highest order, what is happening to our young people. Professor Sam Valkin on Youtube elaborates on all this nonsense. Powerful forces seek to manipulate impressionable minds and make them question their own gender. The more educated and socially connected you are, the more you are at risk of the inversion tactics.
- klyrs 5y ago
  What are these "powerful forces"?
  - AIX2ESXI 5y ago
    Nation States, Corporations, Moguls that that have no moral compass and use control matrices to sway minds. E.G. did you know that Snapchat is biggest peddler of child porn? Or how about Only fans being a legal pimp for narcissists and their enablers?

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

munk-a 5y ago

I can completely understand how frustrating the situation can be - I am extremely supportive of trans rights but I also feel like that decision starts at adulthood. Puberty blockers seem like a really good way to compromise on that point since doors are being kept open but no decision is being fully committed to. Being a teenager is really confusing to begin with, and the last thing children need is more ways to categorize and divide people into clumps.

lordCarbonFiber 5y ago

How difficult is it to ask a simple question every morning? Or baring that, engage your kid. Could come to a compromise for defaulting to a gender neutral "they" for when you don't know how they're feeling in a given day. Upon which they could give you a reasonable clarification (or you know, just ask). When your kid's demands are as simple as "hey support my identity, which requires nothing but thinking slightly more about the words you use" how could they not be frustrated when their parent can't even clear that low bar.