5 ms·

Why is that? What's wrong with SF for dating? (just curious)

ramesh31 5y ago
>"Why is that? What's wrong with SF for dating? (just curious)" Where to begin? The tech industry is massively skewed towards male, so right off the bat your odds of meeting someone in your work life is near nil. Then, with the complete lack of affordable housing, there's no such thing as just being a single 20-something living independently and supporting yourself on a non-tech salary. Bare minimum subsistence income is about $80k. So that filters out the vast majority of women who are in non-tech careers and simply cannot afford to move there. At that point you're basically left with the lucky few locals who have parents that bought houses in the 80s/90s and live with them rent free, or the unicorn types who make enough to live in SF independently. From that vanishingly small pool of women, you're now competing with the guys who made startup money or have the $300k+ FAANG gigs and can afford luxury vacations, nice condos, BMWs, etc. An average dude doesn't stand a chance.
- bradlys 5y ago
  Don’t feel too bad about the highly paid tech dudes. Tech dudes don’t stand a chance either because women don’t want to date another tech dude. I’m turning 31 in a couple months and am coming out of a 5 year relationship. It’s looking grim AF. My only real hope is that I get back with my ex eventually. I did the fancy vacations. I have the high income (~400k). I have a reasonably high net worth for my age (~2M). Even have the BMW! Didn’t stop her from walking away because she didn’t wanna date just a miserable workaholic techie anymore!! Honestly, the best candidates that I think many women are aiming for aren’t the tech guys. It’s the guys with rich families. They’re the ones I see not really having any issues because they don’t really need to have any kind of shit job. They got parental money after all.
  - Dracophoenix 5y ago
    Would you say that the gender ratio also counts against you as a factor? Do you think you would be probably better off dating transnationally or internationally? Oh, and what kind of Bimmer?
    - bradlys 5y ago
      135is convertible. Sporty, outrageously loud, and full of fun. I’d get a 1M but no drop top kills it for me. Also, I don’t have to feel as bad for driving it because a 1M is a collectible now. Gender ratio is definitely horrible. Likely the worst factor against straight men. It’s obvious everywhere. Dating in other cities is likely a lot better (especially not on the west coast AFAICT). It’s no surprise that most long term couples I’ve met in SF have met outside the Bay Area. I’ve heard access to the best dating in SF is by getting a cab down to SFO and flying anywhere else.
      - Dracophoenix 5y ago
        Is dating really that bad across the entire west coast? Seattle, Portland, Los Angeles, and San Diego included? As far as your own dating life is concerned, what do you intend to do for yourself given how bad the circumstances are for you?
        bradlys 5y ago
        I hear LA and SD are better. But otherwise, pretty bad compared to east coast. Gender balance is just not there because of so many tech jobs. I have nothing I can do. I’ll see if I can meet someone else in another city when I get back to traveling. That’s about my only hope. I have in person activities I do but I don’t think post-pandemic will bring enough new blood to make up for the bad odds. (Even the activity I do which is normally known for being woman heavy is more heavily male here than anywhere else I’ve seen in the world)
        Dracophoenix 5y ago
        What activity would that be? Also, any lessons learned with regard to your ex that you'd like to impart just so the rest of us don't fall through the same cracks you did?
  - bongoman37 5y ago
    There is no money like old money.
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
  - mensetmanusman 5y ago
    2M@31 means you could do almost anything and not have to have any kind of shit job. E.g. you could buy a farm in the midwest and hire laborers, marry a local, and live life with the salt of the earth.
    - bradlys 5y ago
      Ah, yes, because that's clearly what I want to do. Who really earns 2M by this age and goes, "Yeah, I wanna hire cheap immigrant laborers and live on a farm in BFE." Nearly no one.
  - golergka 5y ago
    > It’s looking grim AF. > I have the high income (~400k). > high net worth for my age (~2M) SF is like another planet. Unless you're exceptionally ugly or have an incredibly bad personality, you wouldn't have problem dating anywhere else on entire Earth. I'm 33, living in Eastern Europe, and have nothing special in terms of looks (probably solid 6, but you can just google my username) or money (certainly nothing even close to SF tech salaries). And yet, when I re-activate my profile on Tinder, I get first 100 likes in a first day or two.
volkk 5y ago
probably because its very heavily skewed towards tech dudes

>"Why is that? What's wrong with SF for dating? (just curious)" Where to begin? The tech industry is massively skewed towards male, so right off the bat your odds of meeting someone in your work life is near nil. Then, with the complete lack of affordable housing, there's no such thing as just being a single 20-something living independently and supporting yourself on a non-tech salary. Bare minimum subsistence income is about $80k. So that filters out the vast majority of women who are in non-tech careers and simply cannot afford to move there. At that point you're basically left with the lucky few locals who have parents that bought houses in the 80s/90s and live with them rent free, or the unicorn types who make enough to live in SF independently. From that vanishingly small pool of women, you're now competing with the guys who made startup money or have the $300k+ FAANG gigs and can afford luxury vacations, nice condos, BMWs, etc. An average dude doesn't stand a chance.

bradlys 5y ago
Don’t feel too bad about the highly paid tech dudes. Tech dudes don’t stand a chance either because women don’t want to date another tech dude. I’m turning 31 in a couple months and am coming out of a 5 year relationship. It’s looking grim AF. My only real hope is that I get back with my ex eventually. I did the fancy vacations. I have the high income (~400k). I have a reasonably high net worth for my age (~2M). Even have the BMW! Didn’t stop her from walking away because she didn’t wanna date just a miserable workaholic techie anymore!! Honestly, the best candidates that I think many women are aiming for aren’t the tech guys. It’s the guys with rich families. They’re the ones I see not really having any issues because they don’t really need to have any kind of shit job. They got parental money after all.
- Dracophoenix 5y ago
  Would you say that the gender ratio also counts against you as a factor? Do you think you would be probably better off dating transnationally or internationally? Oh, and what kind of Bimmer?
  - bradlys 5y ago
    135is convertible. Sporty, outrageously loud, and full of fun. I’d get a 1M but no drop top kills it for me. Also, I don’t have to feel as bad for driving it because a 1M is a collectible now. Gender ratio is definitely horrible. Likely the worst factor against straight men. It’s obvious everywhere. Dating in other cities is likely a lot better (especially not on the west coast AFAICT). It’s no surprise that most long term couples I’ve met in SF have met outside the Bay Area. I’ve heard access to the best dating in SF is by getting a cab down to SFO and flying anywhere else.
    - Dracophoenix 5y ago
      Is dating really that bad across the entire west coast? Seattle, Portland, Los Angeles, and San Diego included? As far as your own dating life is concerned, what do you intend to do for yourself given how bad the circumstances are for you?
      - bradlys 5y ago
        I hear LA and SD are better. But otherwise, pretty bad compared to east coast. Gender balance is just not there because of so many tech jobs. I have nothing I can do. I’ll see if I can meet someone else in another city when I get back to traveling. That’s about my only hope. I have in person activities I do but I don’t think post-pandemic will bring enough new blood to make up for the bad odds. (Even the activity I do which is normally known for being woman heavy is more heavily male here than anywhere else I’ve seen in the world)
        Dracophoenix 5y ago
        What activity would that be? Also, any lessons learned with regard to your ex that you'd like to impart just so the rest of us don't fall through the same cracks you did?
- bongoman37 5y ago
  There is no money like old money.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- mensetmanusman 5y ago
  2M@31 means you could do almost anything and not have to have any kind of shit job. E.g. you could buy a farm in the midwest and hire laborers, marry a local, and live life with the salt of the earth.
  - bradlys 5y ago
    Ah, yes, because that's clearly what I want to do. Who really earns 2M by this age and goes, "Yeah, I wanna hire cheap immigrant laborers and live on a farm in BFE." Nearly no one.
- golergka 5y ago
  > It’s looking grim AF. > I have the high income (~400k). > high net worth for my age (~2M) SF is like another planet. Unless you're exceptionally ugly or have an incredibly bad personality, you wouldn't have problem dating anywhere else on entire Earth. I'm 33, living in Eastern Europe, and have nothing special in terms of looks (probably solid 6, but you can just google my username) or money (certainly nothing even close to SF tech salaries). And yet, when I re-activate my profile on Tinder, I get first 100 likes in a first day or two.

volkk 5y ago

probably because its very heavily skewed towards tech dudes