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I recently tried to join a discord that was tangentially relevant to the trans community and the amount of self-identification they wanted was troublesome to me

I recently tried to join a discord that was tangentially relevant to the trans community and the amount of self-identification they wanted was troublesome to me (region, age, sexual preference, opinion on pronouns/pronouns, etc). EDIT: well fuck me for sharing, right? 2021 Hacker News karma scores are fucking cold.

api 5y ago
Any group like that is going to get a lot of trolls, so you probably experienced a kind of manual captcha.
- Quarrelsome 5y ago
  sure, its a shame because I really like the content.
  - google234123 5y ago
    You can also enter fake data (for the things that aren't important: e.g. location), I do this all the time on the internet.
fao_ 5y ago
I mean, most spaces have those as roles that you can fill in, but don't have to. wrt pronoun roles, they are used for figuring out how to refer to you -- it is after all, a trans space where appearance and expectation won't match up with people's preferences, and where people are tired from the water-drip torture* that is constant implicit and explicit misgendering. * - that is to say, each individual instance (drip) wouldn't cause pain, but when you face it almost constantly, and you're already hyperaware of it, it can cause a lot of anguish.
- Quarrelsome 5y ago
  In this case they were mandatory. I get that it represents an issue for that community but I'm merely describing a schism compared with earlier internet attitudes and some spaces today. I left the community because it just upset me to have to do that. a/s/l always broke my heart and it still does.
raehik 5y ago
I also think asking for some of those things is absurd and intrusive. I would feel a little (*not deathly) uncomfortable baring my soul like that to some anonymous Discord admins. I'd like to know what others feel/why this is a downvoteable comment.
icedchai 5y ago
Is that a problem? Just give them fake information.
- Quarrelsome 5y ago
  it changes how people might act around you. I always wanted it to only be about the words.
tomjen3 5y ago
I am guessing you are downvoted because a transforum is arguable one of the very few places where that question makes sense. I would find it deeply wrong if HN were to ask for the gender of their users, let alone their sexual preferences, but I would expect the same of a dating site. But I don't disagree with you in general. I also miss the intimacy a nick could afford you. Somehow you could talk about deeper things when nobody knew your name.
iron_ball 5y ago
I participate in a Discord that is kind of similar. Not the same one, because my example has totally optional pronoun choice. But they have reason to be cautious of newcomers: before they added an interview/onboarding step, they were continually brigaded by trolls of various levels of sincerity. The internet can be a harsh place, and I understand the desire to create a refuge.
- Quarrelsome 5y ago
  I totally get _why_ its like that, and I'm not upset, its just unfortunate that this is a chasm of difference between very early internet culture.
UnpossibleJim 5y ago
S'ok. I was asked for my preferred pronouns on an application (for a job I didn't care too much about, but the pay was OK) so I put my preferred pronouns as he/him/dude, which are my actual preferred pronouns. I was told never apply to the company again. They make video games...
- cout 5y ago
  My first response to reading this was "dude isn't a pronoun", but after thinking about it, I realize it is being used more and more as a pronoun and not just as a noun. I wonder what other words can be used as a pronoun?
  - hunter2_ 5y ago
    A name for the male segment of this class of words is "bronoun," which includes things like bro, man, guy, etc. Basically anything you can use in place of a name, so long as the grammatical usage is namelike. "That guy doesn't have a clue." -- guy is a noun "Guy doesn't have a clue." -- guy is a pronoun (you can tell because "he" also works grammatically) However, I think these would need to be in the initial position(s) when slash-delimiting one's pronouns, because the final position is for a possessive form. That is, they're analogous to "he" but not analogous to "his" (and using them like "him" would be a stretch, as far as I can figure...), which might be what got GP in hot water.
    - wearywanderer 5y ago
      > "Guy doesn't have a clue." -- guy is a pronoun (you can tell because "he" also works grammatically) You don't think that's merely people being lazy and leaving off a word that can be inferred ('That')? This is something I often do in casual conversation, particularly vocal conversations: "I am wondering what you mean" - 'I' is a pronoun "Wondering what you mean" - 'Wondering' is now the pronoun??? Clearly not. It's just a way that people are lazy and sloppy with grammar when correct grammar isn't important.
      - 5y ago

api 5y ago

Any group like that is going to get a lot of trolls, so you probably experienced a kind of manual captcha.

Quarrelsome 5y ago
sure, its a shame because I really like the content.
- google234123 5y ago
  You can also enter fake data (for the things that aren't important: e.g. location), I do this all the time on the internet.

fao_ 5y ago

I mean, most spaces have those as roles that you can fill in, but don't have to. wrt pronoun roles, they are used for figuring out how to refer to you -- it is after all, a trans space where appearance and expectation won't match up with people's preferences, and where people are tired from the water-drip torture* that is constant implicit and explicit misgendering. * - that is to say, each individual instance (drip) wouldn't cause pain, but when you face it almost constantly, and you're already hyperaware of it, it can cause a lot of anguish.

Quarrelsome 5y ago
In this case they were mandatory. I get that it represents an issue for that community but I'm merely describing a schism compared with earlier internet attitudes and some spaces today. I left the community because it just upset me to have to do that. a/s/l always broke my heart and it still does.

raehik 5y ago

I also think asking for some of those things is absurd and intrusive. I would feel a little (*not deathly) uncomfortable baring my soul like that to some anonymous Discord admins. I'd like to know what others feel/why this is a downvoteable comment.

icedchai 5y ago

Is that a problem? Just give them fake information.

Quarrelsome 5y ago
it changes how people might act around you. I always wanted it to only be about the words.

tomjen3 5y ago

I am guessing you are downvoted because a transforum is arguable one of the very few places where that question makes sense. I would find it deeply wrong if HN were to ask for the gender of their users, let alone their sexual preferences, but I would expect the same of a dating site. But I don't disagree with you in general. I also miss the intimacy a nick could afford you. Somehow you could talk about deeper things when nobody knew your name.

iron_ball 5y ago

I participate in a Discord that is kind of similar. Not the same one, because my example has totally optional pronoun choice. But they have reason to be cautious of newcomers: before they added an interview/onboarding step, they were continually brigaded by trolls of various levels of sincerity. The internet can be a harsh place, and I understand the desire to create a refuge.

Quarrelsome 5y ago
I totally get _why_ its like that, and I'm not upset, its just unfortunate that this is a chasm of difference between very early internet culture.

UnpossibleJim 5y ago

S'ok. I was asked for my preferred pronouns on an application (for a job I didn't care too much about, but the pay was OK) so I put my preferred pronouns as he/him/dude, which are my actual preferred pronouns. I was told never apply to the company again. They make video games...

cout 5y ago
My first response to reading this was "dude isn't a pronoun", but after thinking about it, I realize it is being used more and more as a pronoun and not just as a noun. I wonder what other words can be used as a pronoun?
- hunter2_ 5y ago
  A name for the male segment of this class of words is "bronoun," which includes things like bro, man, guy, etc. Basically anything you can use in place of a name, so long as the grammatical usage is namelike. "That guy doesn't have a clue." -- guy is a noun "Guy doesn't have a clue." -- guy is a pronoun (you can tell because "he" also works grammatically) However, I think these would need to be in the initial position(s) when slash-delimiting one's pronouns, because the final position is for a possessive form. That is, they're analogous to "he" but not analogous to "his" (and using them like "him" would be a stretch, as far as I can figure...), which might be what got GP in hot water.
  - wearywanderer 5y ago
    > "Guy doesn't have a clue." -- guy is a pronoun (you can tell because "he" also works grammatically) You don't think that's merely people being lazy and leaving off a word that can be inferred ('That')? This is something I often do in casual conversation, particularly vocal conversations: "I am wondering what you mean" - 'I' is a pronoun "Wondering what you mean" - 'Wondering' is now the pronoun??? Clearly not. It's just a way that people are lazy and sloppy with grammar when correct grammar isn't important.
    - 5y ago