5 ms·

> I am frequently surprised by the number of "dead bedrooms" I know about among friends I originally thought they were mostly an old people thing, but I am hea

> I am frequently surprised by the number of "dead bedrooms" I know about among friends I originally thought they were mostly an old people thing, but I am hearing more stories about it from friends. And we are mid 20s.

colanderman 6y ago
Yep same here (mid 20s-30s). I guess it shouldn't really be too surprising; young people often don't know what they really need and/or are capable of providing before diving headlong into an exclusive relationship.
schnevets 6y ago
It was a trend that began in my mid 20s as well. I have also noticed women are more inclined to voice frustrations than my male friends. I guess I became more approachable after proposing to my now-wife (and the things I hear are G-rated compared to the things I hear secondhand from my wife)
Balgair 6y ago
One thing to note is that birth-control may decrease libido in some women. The science is a bit mixed though. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201902/the-latest-birth-control-pills-and-women-s-libido https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201902... As for the male side of things, I'm not sure if there is a environmental culprit like birth-control.
- willcipriano 6y ago
  Antidepressants and antianxiety medications decrease libido as well.
  - robocat 6y ago
    Depression and anxiety usually reduce libido. Edit: Also an unhappy relationship often can lead to poor sex, depression, and anxiety.
    - AnthonyMouse 6y ago
      Sounds like we need to address depression and anxiety with something other than drugs.
      - supernovae 6y ago
        Shorter work weeks, universal healthcare, affordable housing, open borders, freedom to travel, less consumerism, more time for friends/family...
        robocat 6y ago
        I thought countries that have most of those things seem to have as many problems with depression and anxiety? And countries without those things perhaps don't? Which are the correlations that actually matter?
        supernovae 6y ago
        nah... go look up quality of life ratings and you can see these countries do great.
        tomp 6y ago
        I'm pretty sure that universal healthcare isn't compatible with open borders. Budgets aren't infinite.
        supernovae 6y ago
        Why do people assume open borders means freeloaders vs freedom?
        tomp 6y ago
        As long as your country is offering something that 90% of Earth’s population lacks (access to high-quality free healthcare which is what people usually mean as “universal”) then, yes, you’re going to attract a lot of freeloaders.
  - coldtea 6y ago
    Depression and anxiety even more so, modern work-life balance and social media too...
- throwaway1492 6y ago
  Bluntly, pornography and masturbation can lead to desensitization and difficulty in "real" sex with a partner. A lot of the r/nofap people have discussed this extensively. I know of no studies to cite, but there's a tone of anecdotal evidence available on that particular subreddit.
nradov 6y ago
Exposure to phthalates reduces testosterone in both men and women, and thus lowers sex drive. Phthalates are widely used chemicals, primarily for softening plastic. https://news.umich.edu/reduced-testosterone-tied-to-chemical-exposure/ https://news.umich.edu/reduced-testosterone-tied-to-chemical... That's not the only cause. Increased obesity levels also play a role. Probably other factors.
- krrrh 6y ago
  Widely and freely available HD porn too. It’s easier than ever for people to use it as a substitute, and it reduces the drive to seduce. It contributes to a downward spiral of satisficing. Edit: Getting downvotes from folks in denial. I’m not making this stuff up, college students rarely used to have ED, now porn-induced ED is quite common. Many such cases! [0] [0] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5039517/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5039517/
  - ClumsyPilot 6y ago
    I thought porn was supposed to make people into sexual deviants, which is it?
    - proxyon 6y ago
      It reduces the novelty of real sex and thus the arousal for it. Lots of studies on this.
    - jjeaff 6y ago
      A common side effect of porn addiction is that the addict requires more and more extreme situations and stimulus in order to get aroused. So I would say that is sort of turning one into a sexual deviant.
      - WalnutBoat 6y ago
        Would love to see any sort of actual studies on this, because I'm fairly confident it's false. The argument at face value is a slippery slope, like "sugar triggers dopamine response in the brain in similar areas as cocaine, so any exposure to sugar eventually leads to someone consuming sugar at all times" I think it's much more likely that people, in general, imprint sexual preferences around the time that they are becoming sexual in their teens, and that doesn't change much as they age. Religion in the US tends to focus on "any exposure to porn makes you an addict," which is why I am assuming this is what you're trying to imply. If you want to play a semantics game "porn addiction is defined as" then I'd argue that the same people are -true- porn addicts at the same rate that people are -true- sugar addicts. So, not saying they don't exist, but are a significantly lower number of the population than US religions would have you believe.

colanderman 6y ago

Yep same here (mid 20s-30s). I guess it shouldn't really be too surprising; young people often don't know what they really need and/or are capable of providing before diving headlong into an exclusive relationship.

schnevets 6y ago

It was a trend that began in my mid 20s as well. I have also noticed women are more inclined to voice frustrations than my male friends. I guess I became more approachable after proposing to my now-wife (and the things I hear are G-rated compared to the things I hear secondhand from my wife)

Balgair 6y ago

One thing to note is that birth-control may decrease libido in some women. The science is a bit mixed though. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201902/the-latest-birth-control-pills-and-women-s-libido https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201902... As for the male side of things, I'm not sure if there is a environmental culprit like birth-control.

willcipriano 6y ago
Antidepressants and antianxiety medications decrease libido as well.
- robocat 6y ago
  Depression and anxiety usually reduce libido. Edit: Also an unhappy relationship often can lead to poor sex, depression, and anxiety.
  - AnthonyMouse 6y ago
    Sounds like we need to address depression and anxiety with something other than drugs.
    - supernovae 6y ago
      Shorter work weeks, universal healthcare, affordable housing, open borders, freedom to travel, less consumerism, more time for friends/family...
      - robocat 6y ago
        I thought countries that have most of those things seem to have as many problems with depression and anxiety? And countries without those things perhaps don't? Which are the correlations that actually matter?
        supernovae 6y ago
        nah... go look up quality of life ratings and you can see these countries do great.
      - tomp 6y ago
        I'm pretty sure that universal healthcare isn't compatible with open borders. Budgets aren't infinite.
        supernovae 6y ago
        Why do people assume open borders means freeloaders vs freedom?
        tomp 6y ago
        As long as your country is offering something that 90% of Earth’s population lacks (access to high-quality free healthcare which is what people usually mean as “universal”) then, yes, you’re going to attract a lot of freeloaders.
- coldtea 6y ago
  Depression and anxiety even more so, modern work-life balance and social media too...
throwaway1492 6y ago
Bluntly, pornography and masturbation can lead to desensitization and difficulty in "real" sex with a partner. A lot of the r/nofap people have discussed this extensively. I know of no studies to cite, but there's a tone of anecdotal evidence available on that particular subreddit.

nradov 6y ago

Exposure to phthalates reduces testosterone in both men and women, and thus lowers sex drive. Phthalates are widely used chemicals, primarily for softening plastic. https://news.umich.edu/reduced-testosterone-tied-to-chemical-exposure/ https://news.umich.edu/reduced-testosterone-tied-to-chemical... That's not the only cause. Increased obesity levels also play a role. Probably other factors.

krrrh 6y ago
Widely and freely available HD porn too. It’s easier than ever for people to use it as a substitute, and it reduces the drive to seduce. It contributes to a downward spiral of satisficing. Edit: Getting downvotes from folks in denial. I’m not making this stuff up, college students rarely used to have ED, now porn-induced ED is quite common. Many such cases! [0] [0] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5039517/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5039517/
- ClumsyPilot 6y ago
  I thought porn was supposed to make people into sexual deviants, which is it?
  - proxyon 6y ago
    It reduces the novelty of real sex and thus the arousal for it. Lots of studies on this.
  - jjeaff 6y ago
    A common side effect of porn addiction is that the addict requires more and more extreme situations and stimulus in order to get aroused. So I would say that is sort of turning one into a sexual deviant.
    - WalnutBoat 6y ago
      Would love to see any sort of actual studies on this, because I'm fairly confident it's false. The argument at face value is a slippery slope, like "sugar triggers dopamine response in the brain in similar areas as cocaine, so any exposure to sugar eventually leads to someone consuming sugar at all times" I think it's much more likely that people, in general, imprint sexual preferences around the time that they are becoming sexual in their teens, and that doesn't change much as they age. Religion in the US tends to focus on "any exposure to porn makes you an addict," which is why I am assuming this is what you're trying to imply. If you want to play a semantics game "porn addiction is defined as" then I'd argue that the same people are -true- porn addicts at the same rate that people are -true- sugar addicts. So, not saying they don't exist, but are a significantly lower number of the population than US religions would have you believe.