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> Brutally candid advice? You sound like a creep. my first guess wasnt creep, but i do get some offbeat social cues from the text. my two choices are autism sp

> Brutally candid advice? You sound like a creep. my first guess wasnt creep, but i do get some offbeat social cues from the text. my two choices are autism spectrum or sociopathic tendencies. the technicals sound good enough, so personality/culture fit problems seem more likely. im not sure how one would go about getting "cooler", but i would take some personality tests to see if youve got some uncommon traits. once you know what youre working with, you may have a path ahead. dont give up, friend. theres is a place for you in this world.

ipiz0618 6y ago
It's impossible to tell if OP's on the spectrum. I used to think I could do that until I got close with a Clinical Psychologist. Sometimes it can't be confirmed even after a few in-person sessions with professionals, so it's certainly dangerous to "guess" it from a few internet comments.
- sangnoir 6y ago
  I think parent was saying that author is violating social norms - either because they are oblivious to them (like it is to some people on the spectrum) or they are aware of the norms, but do not care for them (which would be sociopathic)
  - kortilla 6y ago
    > but do not care for them (which would be sociopathic) No, disliking social norms is not sociopathic. The critical piece of being sociopathic is a lack of conscience.
    - deleted 6y ago
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    - sigg3 6y ago
      That's not true. A sociopath knows that he's doing something wrong and chooses not to regret it. A psychopath otoh has a low neural activity in the area of the brain usually associated with empathy. The main point being that being a sociopath is learned behavior. Cf. https://youtu.be/6dv8zJiggBs https://youtu.be/6dv8zJiggBs (I agree that disliking norms are not sociopathic. The norms might be sociopathic.) (Also: I'm not an expert, I could well be wrong.)
      - blackbrokkoli 6y ago
        You are wrong on a meta-level. Both sociopath and psychopath are terms stemming from the early 20th century, where our main concern was to lable people ASAP and prescribe them a "cure". No professional psychology authority uses either of those terms today. Instead, you get ranked on the Antisocial personality disorder spectrum. This has several advantages, like having an actual statistical body of research behind it etc. So your random YouTube video might not be wrong in a sense, but more like someone defining what "miasma" or "bloodletting" is: Interesting, but essentially just a talk about medieval medicine. I would urge you to refrain from (especially) diagnosing people based on public wisdom on psychology.
  - deleted 6y ago
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  - deleted 6y ago
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- kortilla 6y ago
  For sure, but this person is asking for help and it’s worth pointing out that there is a lot of socially unacceptable behavior going on here. If he/she doesn’t understand that, it’s probably coming through in the interviews and would explain the ghosting. This is not a diagnosis, it’s a suggestion to get one.
snakedoctor 6y ago
I'm seeing a therapist. I had an abusive childhood. Not that it justifies anything. I was also homeschooled since the 6th grade, so I didn't really have any IRL friends etc. I hope that I'm not a sociopath... I might be on the high functioning autisim scale. I've never been tested so I don't know.
- klyrs 6y ago
  Yeah, I'd guess that you're on the spectrum. To be quite honest, I see my younger self in your actions. It took me a long time and a lot of work to recognize bad ideas before acting on them, and I wish I could share notes... but I never could learn from other people's advice, only from years of deep reflection after fucking up repeatedly. But it's good to hear that you're seeing a therapist. I didn't figure that one out until my mid 30s Edit: I'm not one to crab about downvotes, but if y'all downvoting the parent post could kindly quit that. This person has shared some deep vulnerability here, they're asking for help and doing the work. This shit's a process
  - kelnos 6y ago
    > I'm not one to crab about downvotes, but if y'all downvoting the parent post could kindly quit that. I upvoted parent/OP's post because I agree with you there. > Yeah, I'd guess that you're on the spectrum. Unless you are a psychiatrist who has met with OP in person (well, Zoom, these days, I guess), please don't armchair diagnose someone as being autistic. You have no basis or qualifications for this, and reading a couple posts on HN does not count.
    - eyelidlessness 6y ago
      > Unless you are a psychiatrist who has met with OP in person (well, Zoom, these days, I guess), please don't armchair diagnose someone as being autistic. You have no basis or qualifications for this, and reading a couple posts on HN does not count. I got the impression they were also on the spectrum and speaking from a place of familiarity. Sure, not a basis for diagnosis, but "I'd guess" isn't a diagnosis. It's a "yeah that seems to line up for me". People with neurodivergence spot each other whether we want to or mean to or not. It's incredibly delicate bringing it up, but it can be incredibly helpful when someone with like experience says "hey I see a familiar pattern".
throwaway292893 6y ago
ah hacker news, where you can get both job advice and a diagnosis at the same time.
eyelidlessness 6y ago
I had this same read. Also I'm incredibly disappointed to see this very kind and encouraging approach marked "flagged dead". OP doesn't seem to be upset about discussing the possibility and added some helpful clarification. This comment shouldn't be moderated the way it has been.
RGamma 6y ago
OP seems fine to me. It's the social norms/environment that seem pathological here. Who would have thought that if you interact with robots (read: computers) long enough you turn into one yourself, dear Americans... It's a clown show. I do not envy OP.

ipiz0618 6y ago

It's impossible to tell if OP's on the spectrum. I used to think I could do that until I got close with a Clinical Psychologist. Sometimes it can't be confirmed even after a few in-person sessions with professionals, so it's certainly dangerous to "guess" it from a few internet comments.

sangnoir 6y ago
I think parent was saying that author is violating social norms - either because they are oblivious to them (like it is to some people on the spectrum) or they are aware of the norms, but do not care for them (which would be sociopathic)
- kortilla 6y ago
  > but do not care for them (which would be sociopathic) No, disliking social norms is not sociopathic. The critical piece of being sociopathic is a lack of conscience.
  - deleted 6y ago
    [deleted]
  - sigg3 6y ago
    That's not true. A sociopath knows that he's doing something wrong and chooses not to regret it. A psychopath otoh has a low neural activity in the area of the brain usually associated with empathy. The main point being that being a sociopath is learned behavior. Cf. https://youtu.be/6dv8zJiggBs https://youtu.be/6dv8zJiggBs (I agree that disliking norms are not sociopathic. The norms might be sociopathic.) (Also: I'm not an expert, I could well be wrong.)
    - blackbrokkoli 6y ago
      You are wrong on a meta-level. Both sociopath and psychopath are terms stemming from the early 20th century, where our main concern was to lable people ASAP and prescribe them a "cure". No professional psychology authority uses either of those terms today. Instead, you get ranked on the Antisocial personality disorder spectrum. This has several advantages, like having an actual statistical body of research behind it etc. So your random YouTube video might not be wrong in a sense, but more like someone defining what "miasma" or "bloodletting" is: Interesting, but essentially just a talk about medieval medicine. I would urge you to refrain from (especially) diagnosing people based on public wisdom on psychology.
- deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
- deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
kortilla 6y ago
For sure, but this person is asking for help and it’s worth pointing out that there is a lot of socially unacceptable behavior going on here. If he/she doesn’t understand that, it’s probably coming through in the interviews and would explain the ghosting. This is not a diagnosis, it’s a suggestion to get one.

snakedoctor 6y ago

I'm seeing a therapist. I had an abusive childhood. Not that it justifies anything. I was also homeschooled since the 6th grade, so I didn't really have any IRL friends etc. I hope that I'm not a sociopath... I might be on the high functioning autisim scale. I've never been tested so I don't know.

klyrs 6y ago
Yeah, I'd guess that you're on the spectrum. To be quite honest, I see my younger self in your actions. It took me a long time and a lot of work to recognize bad ideas before acting on them, and I wish I could share notes... but I never could learn from other people's advice, only from years of deep reflection after fucking up repeatedly. But it's good to hear that you're seeing a therapist. I didn't figure that one out until my mid 30s Edit: I'm not one to crab about downvotes, but if y'all downvoting the parent post could kindly quit that. This person has shared some deep vulnerability here, they're asking for help and doing the work. This shit's a process
- kelnos 6y ago
  > I'm not one to crab about downvotes, but if y'all downvoting the parent post could kindly quit that. I upvoted parent/OP's post because I agree with you there. > Yeah, I'd guess that you're on the spectrum. Unless you are a psychiatrist who has met with OP in person (well, Zoom, these days, I guess), please don't armchair diagnose someone as being autistic. You have no basis or qualifications for this, and reading a couple posts on HN does not count.
  - eyelidlessness 6y ago
    > Unless you are a psychiatrist who has met with OP in person (well, Zoom, these days, I guess), please don't armchair diagnose someone as being autistic. You have no basis or qualifications for this, and reading a couple posts on HN does not count. I got the impression they were also on the spectrum and speaking from a place of familiarity. Sure, not a basis for diagnosis, but "I'd guess" isn't a diagnosis. It's a "yeah that seems to line up for me". People with neurodivergence spot each other whether we want to or mean to or not. It's incredibly delicate bringing it up, but it can be incredibly helpful when someone with like experience says "hey I see a familiar pattern".

throwaway292893 6y ago

ah hacker news, where you can get both job advice and a diagnosis at the same time.

eyelidlessness 6y ago

I had this same read. Also I'm incredibly disappointed to see this very kind and encouraging approach marked "flagged dead". OP doesn't seem to be upset about discussing the possibility and added some helpful clarification. This comment shouldn't be moderated the way it has been.

RGamma 6y ago

OP seems fine to me. It's the social norms/environment that seem pathological here. Who would have thought that if you interact with robots (read: computers) long enough you turn into one yourself, dear Americans... It's a clown show. I do not envy OP.