12 ms·

My Son, the Organ Donor

126 points by dsr12 6y ago

cortesoft 6y ago
> I grew those organs in my body, for my son. And now they’re working inside the bodies of total strangers, supporting the lives of people I will probably never meet. Or possibly never hear from. Damn.
- NotSammyHagar 6y ago
  That's a moving article. Hard to imagine facing this for my own kid. >I also learned that the care team doesn’t just wheel the donor away. They send them off with an Honor Walk. The doctors and nurses who worked to keep my son’s organs functioning at optimal levels joined local family, friends, and colleagues, packed shoulder-to-shoulder (pre-COVID) to line the short corridor from the ICU to the surgical suite for the ceremonial transport of my son’s body.
  - rideontime 6y ago
    Anybody browsing the comments to get the gist of the article should click through to see this photo.
    - mrclark411 6y ago
      I was going to just skip over this by reading the comments. Thank you for suggesting I go look. Extremely moving.
- Blahah 6y ago
  I surprised myself by spontaneously shedding a tear as I read that sentence.
zuppy 6y ago
full article: https://outline.com/t2H493 https://outline.com/t2H493
renewiltord 6y ago
I am glad there are people like this. For my part, I am not an organ donor intentionally. I stopped being one when I realized I (and my kin) would be the only ones not getting paid in the following chain: 1. Me (body) 2. Organ Procurement Organization 3. Hospital + Insurer 4. Organ Transplant Team Each time I get a new licence I check the box in a moment of weakness and have to go opt-out again. Over the next year, I hope to write down a fee schedule and a quick-to-sign contract that will hopefully bring down the friction to get my organs down to 15 min after my death for someone who can pay appropriately. If anyone else is working on ways to bypass anti-organ-sale laws, I'd love it if we could work together. Email in profile.
- weird-eye-issue 6y ago
  What the
  - renewiltord 6y ago
    Is it irrelevant or something? It felt relevant on this article and considering this is a startup site. I don't mean to diminish the benefit of watching another young man being able to run and live with the heart of one's child in him but merely to ensure that some part of the value chain comes to rest where the person providing a crucial piece intended. EDIT-Response since I'm now rate-limited. User psychometry: I am not complaining about the downvotes, to be clear. I don't mind being voted down by people who disagree with me since that is how this platform is intended to be used. I would prefer not to because it makes what I say hard to see but if the community believes it doesn't fit, then it doesn't fit. This comment was intended to be a request for clarification from this guy, but if no one wants to share that's also okay. I won't be very upset. It is a sunny day in San Francisco with no traffic. I will go for a ride and if I am to die on my motorcycle, my organs will rot. That is unfortunate, but perhaps if that happens a year from now, they will instead be of use, and my family will be wealthier by some small measure.
    - psychometry 6y ago
      You're getting downvoted into oblivion because you wrote an astonishingly selfish and moronic screed because of some kind of weird financial code you apparently live by. Truly bizarre.
asadlionpk 6y ago
I checked that box on my recent DL renewal (against my family's wish). The moving send off photo in the article confirms I made the right choice.
- munk-a 6y ago
  There is a lot of mysticism around our bodies once we pass on - and when that happens we've lost all the ability to bask in the honor of our act or receive the appreciation - but our bodies are also quite worthless to ourselves at that point and can be of an immense value to others. Organ donation is a very sensitive subject since it can be viewed as losing the coherence of all that remains of someone, but the benefits to others can be extreme. This particular story involved someone getting a heart transplant and, while it was surely a loss that this individual died, after they died they enabled another person who had a limited lease on life to get a lot more time out of something that would have decayed in the ground or be cremated.
  - piyh 6y ago
    I'm all for organ donation, but it's something we'll look back on in 60 years and marvel at how complicated and crude it was compared to growing new ones with the patient's own cells. In the mean time it's definitely a silver lining for those left behind.
- input_sh 6y ago
  > (against my family's wish) Where I'm from they're gonna ask my family for confirmation regardless. Fortunately for me they're okay with it.
  - asadlionpk 6y ago
    They will still honor it. But it's understandably hard for them to even think about at it right now.
- gumby 6y ago
  Why would your family object? Among other reasons it's your body, not theirs, but apart from that by what basis would anyone choose to object to helping others in this way? Genuinely curious.
gambiting 6y ago
"and managing hospital bills that would soon follow. The donor network takes over medical costs once a patient officially enters the program, but there was still the matter of the pricey care that preceded it." It never occurred to me that the American healthcare system is so ruthless that even if someone dies your family has to pay for your care. How absolutely cruel and awful.
- MattGaiser 6y ago
  I am kinda surprised at that part. Why would the family be responsible for his costs beyond what insurance would cover? It is not their debt.
  - BugsJustFindMe 6y ago
    > Why would the family be responsible for his costs I think for the same reason that your family gets control of your assets. Neither transfer is deserved, but if you allow one then you have to also allow the other.
    - kahrl 6y ago
      No. Debt is never transferred from one family member to another unless agreed to contractually. If no will is drawn up, the estate will be transferred to the next-of-kin after all debts are settled.
      - munk-a 6y ago
        Sorta - this issue is a bit more complex when it comes to shared property. If you live in a multi-generational home technically owned by your grandfather and he passes away then the house may be seized during any debt resolution or bankruptcy filing. Debts don't get passed on but they can eliminate the value of estates being transferred. I think it's perfectly legitimate to question whether any assets or debts should be transferred on death but right now society is such that some people will be depending on that inheritance since they're inheriting the roof that they've been living under all their life.
input_sh 6y ago
I signed up to become a donor a few months ago! I don't know if my organs will be used when I die, but I sure hope so. There's some sort of zen feeling knowing that my death may result in someone's life being saved or made easier. The decision was quite easy to make. That initial talk with my family was a bit of an awkward subject to bring up, but that's about the only unpleasant side to it.
aaomidi 6y ago
Organ donor should be opt out, not opt in.
- lordnacho 6y ago
  IIRC I heard they were doing this in the UK, at least I heard something about it on the radio. I think it's the right default, most people won't mind donating and those who do are generally more motivated to fill out the opt out docs.
- newbie578 6y ago
  Absolutely agreed! Make it whenever people get their driver's license, they must make an opt out form.
- thepete2 6y ago
  I disagree. Instead it should be mandatory to choose. Make it a condition for getting a driver's license or even your ID.
  - AdamJacobMuller 6y ago
    > mandatory to choose That's a contradiction. If it's mandatory, it's not a choice. What makes you feel you have the right to tell others they should be forced to donate their organs?
    - deleted 6y ago
      [deleted]
    - Zanni 6y ago
      Not mandatory to donate. Mandatory to make an explicit choice of whether to donate or not (neither opt-out nor opt-in).
    - jimmyswimmy 6y ago
      I believe GP was suggesting that making a decision should be mandatory at some point. While I personally prefer the default here be to opt in as a donor, GP suggested merely that a decision as to yes or no should be required. Where I live, one must state organ donor preference when obtaining a driver's license. I believe the default answer is no if you choose not to choose.
deleted 6y ago
[deleted]
pseudolus 6y ago
Remarks from his memorial service by his mother: https://themakermom.com/2020/02/isaac-moldofsky-mom-eulogy.html https://themakermom.com/2020/02/isaac-moldofsky-mom-eulogy.h...
annoyingnoob 6y ago
I wasn't expecting the emotional response I just got from that. Thank you for your story, sorry for your loss. My father was the recipient of a lung transplant. It saved his life and enabled him to meet all of his grandchildren. We are forever grateful to the donor that allowed Dad to live.
dvirsky 6y ago
The part about the honor walk is really great. My father was killed in a terrorist attack 18 years ago and we were able to donate his organs (he was shot in the head so was brain dead but his body was mostly fine). It was in Israel and there wasn't anything ceremonious about it at the time. I signed the consent form, we were given some time to say goodbye, and that was it, we just went home and left him. It was around noon, and IIRC by evening his liver, lung and kidneys were already being transplanted. I have to say that it was comforting to know he saved lives. We got to meet two of the families of the people he saved. One was a Palestinian family, who came to visit us and were really wonderful given the circumstances. The other one we met was a 12 year old boy who got a kidney, and as far as I know is still alive and kicking with part of my dad in him. That's incredible. None of this makes up for how awful losing my dad was, but knowing it also did some good in this world is a tiny comfort.
jerkstate 6y ago
Proud to be a registered organ donor after reading this. If you want to do something right now, you can donate blood every 8 weeks. I just got a text message notification that my most recent donation (last Thursday) was just sent to a hospital, between reading the article and making this comment.
cheeze 6y ago
I love articles like this. I wish there was an hn for articles. Not tech. Not some random lisp interpreter, but things like "The hunt for the death valley germans", the story about the nuclear power device in the mountains in nepal, this post. Anyone know any good resources?
cloud5ir 6y ago
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for sharing. Love seeing stuff like this on HN. You can also be a living donor and donate part of your liver, lung, etc. https://instagram.com/kevinsjourneytolivertransplant https://instagram.com/kevinsjourneytolivertransplant, https://www.facebook.com/kmprue/ https://www.facebook.com/kmprue/ https://www.ynhh.org/services/transplantation/become-an-organ-donor https://www.ynhh.org/services/transplantation/become-an-orga...
hycaria 6y ago
I opted out. For the sole reason that I don't think this planet lacks humans enough to justify prolonging some lifes more than their own bodies allowed them to. Also this article was too mellow for my taste.
- Chris2048 6y ago
  Why do you think the planet has too many humans? And why is a grown adult the best thing to eliminate?
- aoeusnth1 6y ago
  They should put people like you at the bottom of the organ receiver lists ;)
anotherevan 6y ago
This is a good reminder to me to double-check my own organ donor status. And also to review the information I asked for a received regarding what is involved in leaving my body to science. (In a morbid kind of way, I'm hoping my remains end up at the forensic taphonomy research facility[1] in NSW.) [1] https://www.uts.edu.au/about/faculty-science/after-facility/about-us https://www.uts.edu.au/about/faculty-science/after-facility/...
didgeoridoo 6y ago
My daughter received a donor’s heart at 6 months old, after hers had been shredded beyond repair by a virus. I’ve tried to write a thank you note to the donor family several times, but each time I’ve thrown it away. The words feel so hollow and small compared to the gift we were given. It feels selfish to not write just because I can’t get out of my own way emotionally — but what can you possibly say?
- 5555624 6y ago
  > but what can you possibly say? Just say, "Thank you." It doesn't need to be long and complex: "I'm sorry for your loss; but, I id like you know that your son's/daughter's heart has given our daughter a second chance. Thank you." Don't over think it. You'll never get it "perfect."

126 points by dsr12 6y ago

> I grew those organs in my body, for my son. And now they’re working inside the bodies of total strangers, supporting the lives of people I will probably never meet. Or possibly never hear from. Damn.

NotSammyHagar 6y ago
That's a moving article. Hard to imagine facing this for my own kid. >I also learned that the care team doesn’t just wheel the donor away. They send them off with an Honor Walk. The doctors and nurses who worked to keep my son’s organs functioning at optimal levels joined local family, friends, and colleagues, packed shoulder-to-shoulder (pre-COVID) to line the short corridor from the ICU to the surgical suite for the ceremonial transport of my son’s body.
- rideontime 6y ago
  Anybody browsing the comments to get the gist of the article should click through to see this photo.
  - mrclark411 6y ago
    I was going to just skip over this by reading the comments. Thank you for suggesting I go look. Extremely moving.
Blahah 6y ago
I surprised myself by spontaneously shedding a tear as I read that sentence.

zuppy 6y ago

full article: https://outline.com/t2H493 https://outline.com/t2H493

renewiltord 6y ago

I am glad there are people like this. For my part, I am not an organ donor intentionally. I stopped being one when I realized I (and my kin) would be the only ones not getting paid in the following chain: 1. Me (body) 2. Organ Procurement Organization 3. Hospital + Insurer 4. Organ Transplant Team Each time I get a new licence I check the box in a moment of weakness and have to go opt-out again. Over the next year, I hope to write down a fee schedule and a quick-to-sign contract that will hopefully bring down the friction to get my organs down to 15 min after my death for someone who can pay appropriately. If anyone else is working on ways to bypass anti-organ-sale laws, I'd love it if we could work together. Email in profile.

weird-eye-issue 6y ago
What the
- renewiltord 6y ago
  Is it irrelevant or something? It felt relevant on this article and considering this is a startup site. I don't mean to diminish the benefit of watching another young man being able to run and live with the heart of one's child in him but merely to ensure that some part of the value chain comes to rest where the person providing a crucial piece intended. EDIT-Response since I'm now rate-limited. User psychometry: I am not complaining about the downvotes, to be clear. I don't mind being voted down by people who disagree with me since that is how this platform is intended to be used. I would prefer not to because it makes what I say hard to see but if the community believes it doesn't fit, then it doesn't fit. This comment was intended to be a request for clarification from this guy, but if no one wants to share that's also okay. I won't be very upset. It is a sunny day in San Francisco with no traffic. I will go for a ride and if I am to die on my motorcycle, my organs will rot. That is unfortunate, but perhaps if that happens a year from now, they will instead be of use, and my family will be wealthier by some small measure.
  - psychometry 6y ago
    You're getting downvoted into oblivion because you wrote an astonishingly selfish and moronic screed because of some kind of weird financial code you apparently live by. Truly bizarre.

asadlionpk 6y ago

I checked that box on my recent DL renewal (against my family's wish). The moving send off photo in the article confirms I made the right choice.

munk-a 6y ago
There is a lot of mysticism around our bodies once we pass on - and when that happens we've lost all the ability to bask in the honor of our act or receive the appreciation - but our bodies are also quite worthless to ourselves at that point and can be of an immense value to others. Organ donation is a very sensitive subject since it can be viewed as losing the coherence of all that remains of someone, but the benefits to others can be extreme. This particular story involved someone getting a heart transplant and, while it was surely a loss that this individual died, after they died they enabled another person who had a limited lease on life to get a lot more time out of something that would have decayed in the ground or be cremated.
- piyh 6y ago
  I'm all for organ donation, but it's something we'll look back on in 60 years and marvel at how complicated and crude it was compared to growing new ones with the patient's own cells. In the mean time it's definitely a silver lining for those left behind.
input_sh 6y ago
> (against my family's wish) Where I'm from they're gonna ask my family for confirmation regardless. Fortunately for me they're okay with it.
- asadlionpk 6y ago
  They will still honor it. But it's understandably hard for them to even think about at it right now.
gumby 6y ago
Why would your family object? Among other reasons it's your body, not theirs, but apart from that by what basis would anyone choose to object to helping others in this way? Genuinely curious.

gambiting 6y ago

"and managing hospital bills that would soon follow. The donor network takes over medical costs once a patient officially enters the program, but there was still the matter of the pricey care that preceded it." It never occurred to me that the American healthcare system is so ruthless that even if someone dies your family has to pay for your care. How absolutely cruel and awful.

MattGaiser 6y ago
I am kinda surprised at that part. Why would the family be responsible for his costs beyond what insurance would cover? It is not their debt.
- BugsJustFindMe 6y ago
  > Why would the family be responsible for his costs I think for the same reason that your family gets control of your assets. Neither transfer is deserved, but if you allow one then you have to also allow the other.
  - kahrl 6y ago
    No. Debt is never transferred from one family member to another unless agreed to contractually. If no will is drawn up, the estate will be transferred to the next-of-kin after all debts are settled.
    - munk-a 6y ago
      Sorta - this issue is a bit more complex when it comes to shared property. If you live in a multi-generational home technically owned by your grandfather and he passes away then the house may be seized during any debt resolution or bankruptcy filing. Debts don't get passed on but they can eliminate the value of estates being transferred. I think it's perfectly legitimate to question whether any assets or debts should be transferred on death but right now society is such that some people will be depending on that inheritance since they're inheriting the roof that they've been living under all their life.

input_sh 6y ago

I signed up to become a donor a few months ago! I don't know if my organs will be used when I die, but I sure hope so. There's some sort of zen feeling knowing that my death may result in someone's life being saved or made easier. The decision was quite easy to make. That initial talk with my family was a bit of an awkward subject to bring up, but that's about the only unpleasant side to it.

aaomidi 6y ago

Organ donor should be opt out, not opt in.

lordnacho 6y ago
IIRC I heard they were doing this in the UK, at least I heard something about it on the radio. I think it's the right default, most people won't mind donating and those who do are generally more motivated to fill out the opt out docs.
newbie578 6y ago
Absolutely agreed! Make it whenever people get their driver's license, they must make an opt out form.
thepete2 6y ago
I disagree. Instead it should be mandatory to choose. Make it a condition for getting a driver's license or even your ID.
- AdamJacobMuller 6y ago
  > mandatory to choose That's a contradiction. If it's mandatory, it's not a choice. What makes you feel you have the right to tell others they should be forced to donate their organs?
  - deleted 6y ago
    [deleted]
  - Zanni 6y ago
    Not mandatory to donate. Mandatory to make an explicit choice of whether to donate or not (neither opt-out nor opt-in).
  - jimmyswimmy 6y ago
    I believe GP was suggesting that making a decision should be mandatory at some point. While I personally prefer the default here be to opt in as a donor, GP suggested merely that a decision as to yes or no should be required. Where I live, one must state organ donor preference when obtaining a driver's license. I believe the default answer is no if you choose not to choose.

deleted 6y ago

[deleted]

pseudolus 6y ago

Remarks from his memorial service by his mother: https://themakermom.com/2020/02/isaac-moldofsky-mom-eulogy.html https://themakermom.com/2020/02/isaac-moldofsky-mom-eulogy.h...

annoyingnoob 6y ago

I wasn't expecting the emotional response I just got from that. Thank you for your story, sorry for your loss. My father was the recipient of a lung transplant. It saved his life and enabled him to meet all of his grandchildren. We are forever grateful to the donor that allowed Dad to live.

dvirsky 6y ago

The part about the honor walk is really great. My father was killed in a terrorist attack 18 years ago and we were able to donate his organs (he was shot in the head so was brain dead but his body was mostly fine). It was in Israel and there wasn't anything ceremonious about it at the time. I signed the consent form, we were given some time to say goodbye, and that was it, we just went home and left him. It was around noon, and IIRC by evening his liver, lung and kidneys were already being transplanted. I have to say that it was comforting to know he saved lives. We got to meet two of the families of the people he saved. One was a Palestinian family, who came to visit us and were really wonderful given the circumstances. The other one we met was a 12 year old boy who got a kidney, and as far as I know is still alive and kicking with part of my dad in him. That's incredible. None of this makes up for how awful losing my dad was, but knowing it also did some good in this world is a tiny comfort.

jerkstate 6y ago

Proud to be a registered organ donor after reading this. If you want to do something right now, you can donate blood every 8 weeks. I just got a text message notification that my most recent donation (last Thursday) was just sent to a hospital, between reading the article and making this comment.

cheeze 6y ago

I love articles like this. I wish there was an hn for articles. Not tech. Not some random lisp interpreter, but things like "The hunt for the death valley germans", the story about the nuclear power device in the mountains in nepal, this post. Anyone know any good resources?

cloud5ir 6y ago

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for sharing. Love seeing stuff like this on HN. You can also be a living donor and donate part of your liver, lung, etc. https://instagram.com/kevinsjourneytolivertransplant https://instagram.com/kevinsjourneytolivertransplant, https://www.facebook.com/kmprue/ https://www.facebook.com/kmprue/ https://www.ynhh.org/services/transplantation/become-an-organ-donor https://www.ynhh.org/services/transplantation/become-an-orga...

hycaria 6y ago

I opted out. For the sole reason that I don't think this planet lacks humans enough to justify prolonging some lifes more than their own bodies allowed them to. Also this article was too mellow for my taste.

Chris2048 6y ago
Why do you think the planet has too many humans? And why is a grown adult the best thing to eliminate?
aoeusnth1 6y ago
They should put people like you at the bottom of the organ receiver lists ;)

anotherevan 6y ago

This is a good reminder to me to double-check my own organ donor status. And also to review the information I asked for a received regarding what is involved in leaving my body to science. (In a morbid kind of way, I'm hoping my remains end up at the forensic taphonomy research facility[1] in NSW.) [1] https://www.uts.edu.au/about/faculty-science/after-facility/about-us https://www.uts.edu.au/about/faculty-science/after-facility/...

didgeoridoo 6y ago

My daughter received a donor’s heart at 6 months old, after hers had been shredded beyond repair by a virus. I’ve tried to write a thank you note to the donor family several times, but each time I’ve thrown it away. The words feel so hollow and small compared to the gift we were given. It feels selfish to not write just because I can’t get out of my own way emotionally — but what can you possibly say?

5555624 6y ago
> but what can you possibly say? Just say, "Thank you." It doesn't need to be long and complex: "I'm sorry for your loss; but, I id like you know that your son's/daughter's heart has given our daughter a second chance. Thank you." Don't over think it. You'll never get it "perfect."