13 ms·

I'll never understand this, but I see it all the time. People should have shared money, and they should also have their own money. Does my wife like it when I b

by Grakel 6y ago

I'll never understand this, but I see it all the time. People should have shared money, and they should also have their own money. Does my wife like it when I buy myself expensive toys? I have no idea, it's irrelevant unless I stop covering the bills.

_AzMoo 6y ago
When your family has limited resources and needs to prioritise it's frustrating when somebody chooses to use those resources on frivolity.
- konschubert 6y ago
  You can still have personal budgets, even if they are very small. Heck, when things are tight, even having 10 Euro personal "fun money" a month for each partner can give a bit of freedom.
  - satellite2 6y ago
    Freedom 10EUR
    - konschubert 6y ago
      GP mentioned a situation where money is tight. I’m glad you’ve never been in a place where 10 Euro fun money felt like a bit of a luxury.
      - satellite2 6y ago
        I don't know where you lived but I've been there and 10EUR doesn't make you feel free. It's an amount lower than the volatility of basic life (running out of toilet paper...). You would have to save five months to buy a jeans. 10EUR remaining on your bank account is precisely the amount that makes you feel insecure and poor. Either you live in a very poor country, either you have no idea what you're talking about and are just condescending.
        fwip 6y ago
        "a bit of freedom" is the quote that you're arguing about.
        konschubert 6y ago
        You must be mis-understanding me. I am implying that the basic necessities are covered by the common budget. 10 Euro buys you a coffee in a nice cafe a couple times a month. When you're poor, that's something!
    - tikhonj 6y ago
      I've never been that poor, but I've had limited funds in the past, and I can say that having even a small amount of money that you're psychologically comfortable spending on anything is a massive relief. Sometimes the best thing you can do in a situation largely out of your control is to consciously take back any amount of control you can, even if it ends up being more symbolic than anything.
    - warent 6y ago
      That goes a lot further in eastern europe than you might think!
  - _AzMoo 6y ago
    For sure, but the original article and the comment I replied to are talking about relatively expensive spends.
    - blockyhead 6y ago
      1200$, which were not squandered but invested. You should do something about your financial situation if that seems like a lot of money to you. Edit: how is it controversial that if you are poor, you should try to do something about it? To claim it is impossible to escape poverty is madness (unless you are sick or handicapped). Obviously the only way to escape is if you do something about it. Even if you just earn 5$ per hour, you can try to save something. 1000$ would be 200 hours, not impossible. A better strategy would be to try to find a job that pays better, though.
      - konschubert 6y ago
        "Stop being poor" That's how what you are saying sounds like. EDIT: Even when you aren't poor, blowing 1K on a crazy project that might or might not pay off is something that a lot of couples would discuss first.
      - pc86 6y ago
        > To claim it is impossible to escape poverty is madness This is an offensively wrong statement and suggests an extremely privileged and out-of-touch upbringing. There are numerous - hundreds - of articles explaining in-depth why it's very expensive to be poor in the US. > Even if you just earn 5$ per hour, you can try to save something. 1000$ would be 200 hours, not impossible. It really sounds like you're suggesting that someone in poverty should be willing to work for below minimum wage for 200 hours (5 weeks of full-time work) to save $1000 to "invest" on Kazakh emoji domain names? I would typically assume I'm misunderstanding someone since that's such an incredibly asinine comment, but given the first half of the comment I have to wonder if that's what you actually mean.
        blockyhead 6y ago
        test
bcrosby95 6y ago
Bills. And retirement savings. And college savings for the kids. Oh yeah, saving for the new stove. I give myself $50/mo to spend on whatever I want. Anything else I mention it to my wife. Oh, and if it takes space in the house I mention it too.
asciimov 6y ago
It's for family budgeting and trust. We generally ask/inform if we are going to spend more than $100 on any given project/item. This helps both of us realize if it's a need or want. That way if I mention I'm going to get a new video game, I'll be stopped if its the third one in a month. Or if she wants new luggage, is it because it is needed or is it desired because it's a new color that is available. You might make enough money to not really need this kind of consent. That's great if you do. For us, it is just a small check to help us get to our goals.
- magneticnorth 6y ago
  Our solution was to sit down and decide what amount and cadence of "fun money" we can safely allocate to ourselves, and we can save or spend that individually. In our case we have very different spending habits - I love to get a fairly regular coffee-shop latte & croissant, or fancy restaurant meals with friends, and similar things that savings gurus tell you will prevent you from ever retiring (my spouse's point of view). My partner likes to spend way too much (imo) on "toys" once or twice a year. We spent way too much time being obnoxiously judgemental at each other before we did the math and discovered each spending pattern works out almost exactly the same in aggregate over a year or two. Now we just set that aside and there's no judging because we know that the amount spent averages out to under what we decided was reasonable.
  - fwip 6y ago
    Yep, my wife and I each have separate checking accounts that are basically our own allowances, set up with an automatic recurring transfer every month. We're fortunate enough to have enough financial security to do this.
  - Vinnl 6y ago
    We do the same, but in reverse: we roughly figured out what we need for shared spending, and have both set up automatic transfers into our shared checking account from which those expenses are paid. Everything that remains can be spent at will without having to consult the other. Edit: No kids though.
high_byte 6y ago
I disagree on initial premise of having shared money...
jiggunjer 6y ago
you must not have kids. If my wife and I have relatively large personal budgets to spend on ourselves, it would feel like we are denying our kids a nicer holiday or a nicer college education. Unless of course you're rich enough to afford everything.
- Grakel 6y ago
  I have a one year old, and I grew up poor. We still don't have a lot. But at some point you don't have a money management issue, you have an income issue.
- sepin4 6y ago
  I guess this is a problem only in USA. In Europe, the education is inexpensive enough with government funding and some effort from the child(which eventually pays back). Holiday vacations are usually for the whole family or organized by the school so this is planned expense. And in my opinion most of the expensive "toys" are usually not good for the child, like giving a sever year old an iPad/iPhone. I prefer to go with toys that spark creativity which usually are less expensive. That is not to say I would not buy expensive toys, however I believe that they should be given as rewards for memorable achievements or and to teach them what investment is. However I do admit that during the first five years the expenses for a child are huge, because most things have very short utilization lifespan - strollers, clothes, furniture, toys etc. Instead of shared money with personal allowances, which works in constricting manner, we have shared goals approach to which we contribute whenever and however we can, which works in contributing manner. And we try to keep our budget aligned with our forecast for the goal or we reevaluate the forecast in case of unforeseen circumstances like the COVID pandemic. Of course we don't hit all of our targets but with time we get better at evaluating. Also any unspent money from a missed goal start as base for another goal.
  - cbnotfromthere 6y ago
    "In Europe, the education is inexpensive enough with government funding" Actually, in the European Union the education is "inexpensive enough" with taxpayer money. The government is just the middleman with the gun.
dr-detroit 6y ago
You have no idea? Better start saving for the divorce.
Breza 6y ago
This is a topic we covered in pre-marital counseling. The exact approach you pick matters less than making sure you both agree on it. My wife and I share all of our money and agree on big expenses before they happen.
Salgat 6y ago
It's very specific to each couple. My wife and I both trust each other and consult each other on big purchases. We also trust each other not to be controlling and judgmental. We have no need for separation of money. Not everyone can do this and that's also fine.

by Grakel 6y ago

_AzMoo 6y ago

When your family has limited resources and needs to prioritise it's frustrating when somebody chooses to use those resources on frivolity.

konschubert 6y ago
You can still have personal budgets, even if they are very small. Heck, when things are tight, even having 10 Euro personal "fun money" a month for each partner can give a bit of freedom.
- satellite2 6y ago
  Freedom 10EUR
  - konschubert 6y ago
    GP mentioned a situation where money is tight. I’m glad you’ve never been in a place where 10 Euro fun money felt like a bit of a luxury.
    - satellite2 6y ago
      I don't know where you lived but I've been there and 10EUR doesn't make you feel free. It's an amount lower than the volatility of basic life (running out of toilet paper...). You would have to save five months to buy a jeans. 10EUR remaining on your bank account is precisely the amount that makes you feel insecure and poor. Either you live in a very poor country, either you have no idea what you're talking about and are just condescending.
      - fwip 6y ago
        "a bit of freedom" is the quote that you're arguing about.
      - konschubert 6y ago
        You must be mis-understanding me. I am implying that the basic necessities are covered by the common budget. 10 Euro buys you a coffee in a nice cafe a couple times a month. When you're poor, that's something!
  - tikhonj 6y ago
    I've never been that poor, but I've had limited funds in the past, and I can say that having even a small amount of money that you're psychologically comfortable spending on anything is a massive relief. Sometimes the best thing you can do in a situation largely out of your control is to consciously take back any amount of control you can, even if it ends up being more symbolic than anything.
  - warent 6y ago
    That goes a lot further in eastern europe than you might think!
- _AzMoo 6y ago
  For sure, but the original article and the comment I replied to are talking about relatively expensive spends.
  - blockyhead 6y ago
    1200$, which were not squandered but invested. You should do something about your financial situation if that seems like a lot of money to you. Edit: how is it controversial that if you are poor, you should try to do something about it? To claim it is impossible to escape poverty is madness (unless you are sick or handicapped). Obviously the only way to escape is if you do something about it. Even if you just earn 5$ per hour, you can try to save something. 1000$ would be 200 hours, not impossible. A better strategy would be to try to find a job that pays better, though.
    - konschubert 6y ago
      "Stop being poor" That's how what you are saying sounds like. EDIT: Even when you aren't poor, blowing 1K on a crazy project that might or might not pay off is something that a lot of couples would discuss first.
    - pc86 6y ago
      > To claim it is impossible to escape poverty is madness This is an offensively wrong statement and suggests an extremely privileged and out-of-touch upbringing. There are numerous - hundreds - of articles explaining in-depth why it's very expensive to be poor in the US. > Even if you just earn 5$ per hour, you can try to save something. 1000$ would be 200 hours, not impossible. It really sounds like you're suggesting that someone in poverty should be willing to work for below minimum wage for 200 hours (5 weeks of full-time work) to save $1000 to "invest" on Kazakh emoji domain names? I would typically assume I'm misunderstanding someone since that's such an incredibly asinine comment, but given the first half of the comment I have to wonder if that's what you actually mean.
      - blockyhead 6y ago
        test

bcrosby95 6y ago

Bills. And retirement savings. And college savings for the kids. Oh yeah, saving for the new stove. I give myself $50/mo to spend on whatever I want. Anything else I mention it to my wife. Oh, and if it takes space in the house I mention it too.

asciimov 6y ago

It's for family budgeting and trust. We generally ask/inform if we are going to spend more than $100 on any given project/item. This helps both of us realize if it's a need or want. That way if I mention I'm going to get a new video game, I'll be stopped if its the third one in a month. Or if she wants new luggage, is it because it is needed or is it desired because it's a new color that is available. You might make enough money to not really need this kind of consent. That's great if you do. For us, it is just a small check to help us get to our goals.

magneticnorth 6y ago
Our solution was to sit down and decide what amount and cadence of "fun money" we can safely allocate to ourselves, and we can save or spend that individually. In our case we have very different spending habits - I love to get a fairly regular coffee-shop latte & croissant, or fancy restaurant meals with friends, and similar things that savings gurus tell you will prevent you from ever retiring (my spouse's point of view). My partner likes to spend way too much (imo) on "toys" once or twice a year. We spent way too much time being obnoxiously judgemental at each other before we did the math and discovered each spending pattern works out almost exactly the same in aggregate over a year or two. Now we just set that aside and there's no judging because we know that the amount spent averages out to under what we decided was reasonable.
- fwip 6y ago
  Yep, my wife and I each have separate checking accounts that are basically our own allowances, set up with an automatic recurring transfer every month. We're fortunate enough to have enough financial security to do this.
- Vinnl 6y ago
  We do the same, but in reverse: we roughly figured out what we need for shared spending, and have both set up automatic transfers into our shared checking account from which those expenses are paid. Everything that remains can be spent at will without having to consult the other. Edit: No kids though.

high_byte 6y ago

I disagree on initial premise of having shared money...

jiggunjer 6y ago

you must not have kids. If my wife and I have relatively large personal budgets to spend on ourselves, it would feel like we are denying our kids a nicer holiday or a nicer college education. Unless of course you're rich enough to afford everything.

Grakel 6y ago
I have a one year old, and I grew up poor. We still don't have a lot. But at some point you don't have a money management issue, you have an income issue.
sepin4 6y ago
I guess this is a problem only in USA. In Europe, the education is inexpensive enough with government funding and some effort from the child(which eventually pays back). Holiday vacations are usually for the whole family or organized by the school so this is planned expense. And in my opinion most of the expensive "toys" are usually not good for the child, like giving a sever year old an iPad/iPhone. I prefer to go with toys that spark creativity which usually are less expensive. That is not to say I would not buy expensive toys, however I believe that they should be given as rewards for memorable achievements or and to teach them what investment is. However I do admit that during the first five years the expenses for a child are huge, because most things have very short utilization lifespan - strollers, clothes, furniture, toys etc. Instead of shared money with personal allowances, which works in constricting manner, we have shared goals approach to which we contribute whenever and however we can, which works in contributing manner. And we try to keep our budget aligned with our forecast for the goal or we reevaluate the forecast in case of unforeseen circumstances like the COVID pandemic. Of course we don't hit all of our targets but with time we get better at evaluating. Also any unspent money from a missed goal start as base for another goal.
- cbnotfromthere 6y ago
  "In Europe, the education is inexpensive enough with government funding" Actually, in the European Union the education is "inexpensive enough" with taxpayer money. The government is just the middleman with the gun.

dr-detroit 6y ago

You have no idea? Better start saving for the divorce.

Breza 6y ago

This is a topic we covered in pre-marital counseling. The exact approach you pick matters less than making sure you both agree on it. My wife and I share all of our money and agree on big expenses before they happen.

Salgat 6y ago

It's very specific to each couple. My wife and I both trust each other and consult each other on big purchases. We also trust each other not to be controlling and judgmental. We have no need for separation of money. Not everyone can do this and that's also fine.