3 ms·

I suppose it's important to know the context that this colleague suggested their skin colour was darker than she expected. "Wow, what a tan" > "Yeah I just ca

I suppose it's important to know the context that this colleague suggested their skin colour was darker than she expected. "Wow, what a tan" > "Yeah I just came back from 3 months in Egypt" "Yeah! I was a momentarily surprised because your skin colour was darker than I expected since I'd seen your photo on your CV" Maybe I'm giving the colleague too much credit.

cfcf14 6y ago
Preface: I think this is probably giving the colleague too much credit, but with that thought in mind... I learned the hard way once that even a (seemingly) innocent comment about a friend's tan could be perceived very adversely, due to the fact that their culture had "being tanned" == "being dark(er)" connotations which were quite negative. It's a particular point of view, not one globally shared, that being tanned (or general malleability of skin tone) is a discussion point/something of casual interest. These day I find it's best to simply mind my own business about others' appearances unless they're very close friends or family.
- psychiatrist24 6y ago
  Why are you supposed to learn about their culture, and not they about your culture?
- nomdep 6y ago
  If they think darker==bad, they are the racist that should be reported
- serial_dev 6y ago
  I moved to Germany and learned that the "Where are you from" question is not a good icebreaker. As an immigrant working in an industry with lots of other immigrants, I thought it's okay to ask, but once you ask a German person of foreign descent this question they might perceive it as if I said they are not really German (sometimes context can make it even worse).
  - psychiatrist24 6y ago
    That's just propaganda by grievance activists, though. "Where are you from" is standard German small talk. Notice how effectively this method destroys communities, nobody dares to talk to each other anymore, for fear of saying something wrong.
    - serial_dev 6y ago
      I don't think it's just propaganda, I honestly felt a couple of times that I inadvertently made people feel bad. It's not like they threw a fit and called me racist (like the "grievance activist" implies). Also, I don't want to say that anytime I asked this question I offended someone, it's more like 3% of the time I had this feeling that I wish I didn't ask.
      - zo1 6y ago
        Why would they feel bad or offended about you asking them where they're from? That's already a weird state for people's psyche to be in. That negative link between "asking where they're from" and the person having negative feelings is precisely the effect that the "propaganda" as OP called it is having on people.
      - psychiatrist24 6y ago
        Grievance activists teach them that they should feel bad, and it is communicated on many channels. But grievance activists should not dictate to us how to behave or feel.
- belorn 6y ago
  Historically before the industrialization, being fair skinned was a proxy for being wealthy enough that you did not need to be in the field and work hard for a living. After the industrialization, having a tan was a proxy for wealth. It showed that the person could afford being outside rather than working hard inside a factory all day. Wealth and status gained from wealth is something which people inherently find interesting, and especially when there are changes. From a behavioral perspective, anytime people comment about someone tan I see it as a comment about status, similar to what happen if someone buys an expensive jewelry or car.
passtheglass 6y ago
It's surprising people would even think about this let alone say it.
Cthulhu_ 6y ago
Mmm, generalizing and from a position of ignorance, but, white people and especially Americans have weird hangups about complexion and tan, and will casually mention it in conversations. But others may get offended when their skin tone is pointed out to them; in east-Asian (again, broadly generalizing here) societies, tanned skin is considered undesirable and implies you're 'working class'.

cfcf14 6y ago

Preface: I think this is probably giving the colleague too much credit, but with that thought in mind... I learned the hard way once that even a (seemingly) innocent comment about a friend's tan could be perceived very adversely, due to the fact that their culture had "being tanned" == "being dark(er)" connotations which were quite negative. It's a particular point of view, not one globally shared, that being tanned (or general malleability of skin tone) is a discussion point/something of casual interest. These day I find it's best to simply mind my own business about others' appearances unless they're very close friends or family.

psychiatrist24 6y ago
Why are you supposed to learn about their culture, and not they about your culture?
nomdep 6y ago
If they think darker==bad, they are the racist that should be reported
serial_dev 6y ago
I moved to Germany and learned that the "Where are you from" question is not a good icebreaker. As an immigrant working in an industry with lots of other immigrants, I thought it's okay to ask, but once you ask a German person of foreign descent this question they might perceive it as if I said they are not really German (sometimes context can make it even worse).
- psychiatrist24 6y ago
  That's just propaganda by grievance activists, though. "Where are you from" is standard German small talk. Notice how effectively this method destroys communities, nobody dares to talk to each other anymore, for fear of saying something wrong.
  - serial_dev 6y ago
    I don't think it's just propaganda, I honestly felt a couple of times that I inadvertently made people feel bad. It's not like they threw a fit and called me racist (like the "grievance activist" implies). Also, I don't want to say that anytime I asked this question I offended someone, it's more like 3% of the time I had this feeling that I wish I didn't ask.
    - zo1 6y ago
      Why would they feel bad or offended about you asking them where they're from? That's already a weird state for people's psyche to be in. That negative link between "asking where they're from" and the person having negative feelings is precisely the effect that the "propaganda" as OP called it is having on people.
    - psychiatrist24 6y ago
      Grievance activists teach them that they should feel bad, and it is communicated on many channels. But grievance activists should not dictate to us how to behave or feel.
belorn 6y ago
Historically before the industrialization, being fair skinned was a proxy for being wealthy enough that you did not need to be in the field and work hard for a living. After the industrialization, having a tan was a proxy for wealth. It showed that the person could afford being outside rather than working hard inside a factory all day. Wealth and status gained from wealth is something which people inherently find interesting, and especially when there are changes. From a behavioral perspective, anytime people comment about someone tan I see it as a comment about status, similar to what happen if someone buys an expensive jewelry or car.

passtheglass 6y ago

It's surprising people would even think about this let alone say it.

Cthulhu_ 6y ago

Mmm, generalizing and from a position of ignorance, but, white people and especially Americans have weird hangups about complexion and tan, and will casually mention it in conversations. But others may get offended when their skin tone is pointed out to them; in east-Asian (again, broadly generalizing here) societies, tanned skin is considered undesirable and implies you're 'working class'.