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It's possible you're coming from a very different background than me... I can understand your point of view if your context is being raised under real impoveris
by bihla 6y ago
It's possible you're coming from a very different background than me... I can understand your point of view if your context is being raised under real impoverished conditions; I agree a parent should do anything they can to meet a necessary level of stability for the child.
But this comment makes me think of what is more likely familiar to members of this forum, where parents use their children to serve their own ego, trying to do everything to yield the best "Success" for their child where success is defined by the parent. For so many of us (professionals in the tech industry), the "wellbeing of your child" is not really a question--we know we'll be able to provide food, shelter, etc. People will say they do other things for the "wellbeing" but what they really mean is living out their own failed life goals by putting that baggage on their kid.
So yeah, you got downvoted. It's possible you meant to make a more sympathetic point, but my first impression is that the comment espouses an actively harmful idea about the relation between parent and a child.
- NovaJehovah 6y ago> the "wellbeing of your child" is not really a question Mental health, substance abuse, and suicide statistics, including among the middle and upper classes, would seem to strongly indicate otherwise. > It's possible you meant to make a more sympathetic point, but my first impression is that the comment espouses an actively harmful idea about the relation between parent and a child. So "try hard, make sacrifices, and do your best" is now considered problematic? The relativism in this mindset is absurd. Nobody here would claim that there's no right or wrong way to design a distributed system, or that there are no right or wrong ideas about religion, but we have to pretend it's the case with parenting so we don't hurt anyone's feelings?
- bihla 6y agoChildren are not clay to be molded, and they are not computer systems to be planned and carried out. They are individuals. And there are no clear solutions to mental health, substance abuse, or suicide--but there are clear non-solutions like helicopter parenting. EDIT: And best-efforts at laying out everything for your kid are more than potentially-wasted energy. It's smothering, controlling behavior of someone who should have the right to live and make their own choices and mistakes.
- NovaJehovah 6y ago"Helicopter parenting" and "smothering" are not the only alternatives to self-serving, self-absorbed neglect. Throwing your hands up because something is hard and there are no obvious answers is not a recipe for doing a good job at... anything.
- bihla 6y agoI guess I see fewer under-concerned parents than I do over-concerned parents. Of course there are both.
- NovaJehovah 6y agoI most often see that kind of thing from parents who are trying to compensate for failing to be present in more fundamental ways.
- Talanes 6y agoSome of the most troubled people I've known had very involved parents.