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Anecdotal, but I have three sons and four daughters. In my experience boys are harder when they are younger (wild, causing mayhem and physical destruction in th
by irrational 6y ago
Anecdotal, but I have three sons and four daughters. In my experience boys are harder when they are younger (wild, causing mayhem and physical destruction in their wake, solving problems using fighting, etc.) but in their teenage years prefer to hang out quietly in their rooms. Girls on the other hand tend to be calmer in their younger years, but then in their teenage years become argumentative, moody, causing lots of emotional and psychological strife. It takes until they are in their early 20s for things to calm down. Though by then the damage has already been done. In an ideal world I'd like to raise girls when they are young and boys when they are older.
- astura 6y agoExactly the opposite for my family.
- deleted 6y ago[deleted]
- benjohnson 6y agoAny reason why? If you can tell us, it may be illuminating!
- nirav72 6y agoI have one son and one daughter. This has been my experience as well. Both of them are teenagers now. Dealing with my son is a lot easier now compared to my daughter. Just a few years ago, it was the opposite.
- rubiquity 6y agoMom? Dad? Is that you? Joking aside, I’m the youngest in a family of 3 boys and 4 girls and your comment lines up with my upbringing. Being the youngest I got to see the teenager year insanity of my sisters all unfold. Another anecdote is that when one of my brothers did get in trouble it was always something significantly worse than my sisters.
- stevetodd 6y agoFunny, I’m also the youngest of 3 boys and 4 girls.
- starkd 6y agoNot to be snide, but was wondering if the number of bathrooms available in a family might matter. Growing up with sisters, that was a frequent source of tension.
- sethammons 6y agoWe have more bathrooms than people. It has helped but teenaged girls are .... hard.
- bitcharmer 6y agoI have two sons and two daughters. What you described is exactly my experience.
- beckman466 6y ago> Though by then the damage has already been done. Wow that sounds severe, what damage was done?
- throwawayboise 6y agoI presumed he was referring to damage to the parents' relationship dealing with the female teenage drama.
- Brian_K_White 6y agoDamage to all relationships involved.
- tal8d 6y agoMy youngest sister got married young and against the advice of everyone that loved her, more because the groom was a scumbag than the haste of the decision. Well she went full revenge mode and had to be totally cut off from the family once she and her husband started suing my parents. It really put my act of rebellion many years prior, joining the Marines, into perspective for my mother - who had until that point still carried hard feelings. The stereotype about women being irrationally vindictive doesn't come out of nowhere.
- throwaway0a5e 6y agoI think your story reinforces the apple and tree stereotype as much as it does the irrationally vindictive stereotype.
- tal8d 6y agoEh, my mother's conduct wasn't totally insane - I'd be a little displeased if my son not only selected a branch that prided itself on combat exposure (right as bombs started falling on Baghdad), but he also intentionally chose the one component of the Corps that guaranteed he'd be getting shot at for months on end. I wouldn't have taken it so personally, but I'd still be pretty irritated.
- Balgair 6y agoSeven is a fair amount! Any tips that those of us with two may have missed?
- jacquesm 6y agoI think that in this case tip flow should be a two way street.
- gweinberg 6y agoBe careful what you wish for.
- serhatozgel 6y agoDo you think if this a difference between the nature of genders or a difference emerging due to how parents and/or society treats boys and girls differently?
- mpfundstein 6y agoits brain structure, hormones, inherited traits, etc.
- menzoic 6y agoBrain structure is also shaped by environment
- mpfundstein 6y agoof course. but even if you fix environment, girls will usually interact and experience the world different than boys which obviously will cause their brains to form differently. even though environment is same. lots of studies about that. especially twin studies with m/f twins.
- dragonwriter 6y ago> lots of studies about that. especially twin studies with m/f twins. Twin studies with m/f twins outside of an environment shaped by external imposition of traditional (or otherwise differentiated) gender roles and gender-based expectations and treatments? If so, how was that acheived? If not, you haven't supported the conclusion of differences even if you fix environmental differences.
- DoreenMichele 6y agoYeah, that minor little detail of all of society generally treating boys and girls differently is slightly hard to really escape.
- ineedasername 6y agoWith 7 kids, you're close to crossing over from "anecdotal" into "dataset" territory.
- DoreenMichele 6y agoA single data set for a single family which may not generalize. I have two sons. One was a handful when he hit puberty and one was not. I sat both of them and a friend of theirs down one day to talk to the one who was a handful and talked to him about the impact of hormones on his mood. The punchline for that conversation was "Your problem is called testosterone, not My Bitch Mother." All three boys laughed and all three boys were easier to cope with afterwards.
- markdown 6y ago> My Bitch Mother. It's always strange to see this kind of thing said. It's uniquely western that this behaviour would be tolerated. In my neck of the woods, such disrespect would result in a hiding, such that by the time a child is 3 they know not to disrespect their parents... at least not to the extent of verbal insults like that. What would anyone other than Ted Cruz allow someone else to disrespect their spouse like that?
- DoreenMichele 6y agoMy son never called me a bitch and the only time in 22 years of marriage their father ever did was to say "Honey, I think you are pregnant. You are being such a bitch." and because he never, ever spoke to me that way, I didn't say one word in reply. I just went and got a pregnancy test (like that same day or within a day or two) and, lo and behold, I was in fact pregnant. I'm the one in the family with a potty mouth who swears like a sailor. It was funny to them and they all three laughed in part because that line was colorfully descriptive of his cranky, blamey behavior, not because anyone in the family ever spoke to me that way.
- markdown 6y ago
- imbnwa 6y agoMost boys learn to mask their emotional state once the teenage years roll around owing to various vectors of messaging. I fear too many people are relieved by the ease of interface this brings about, but it can and usually is very deceptive. The consequent lack of communication just makes a void that gets filled with all sorts of terrible information about being "CHAD OR NOT" amongst other garbage that has to be unlearned.
- jcims 6y agoSuicide statistics would seem to correlate: (edit: changed link, didn't realize how spammy statista.com is) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_in_the_United_States https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_in_the_United_States
- throwaway2245 6y agoThe gender gap in the USA/Western Europe appears to be a lot bigger than it is in the rest of the world. A ratio of 3.4 in the US (77% male) as opposed to 1.7 globally (63% male).
- flerchin 6y agoMen in the US commit suicide by gun. More effective.
- DoreenMichele 6y agoI'm sure that's a factor, but I imagine it's more complicated than that.
- scarmig 6y agoYou find similar suicide gender ratios in societies where guns are heavily regulated and comprise a small minority of suicides (e.g. UK, Japan).
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- chasd00 6y agoI have two boys age 8 and 11. It’s nontrivial keeping a boy alive between the ages of 3 and about 6. We’ve been in the ER so many times for stitches and other care that I asked if they had a rewards system or like a punch card for a free visit.
- sonofhans 6y agoThat’s so true. When I was a boy I was on first-name basis with one ER nurse. As an adult with a boy ... I’m on first-name basis with an ER nurse.
- WrtCdEvrydy 6y ago> As an adult with a boy ... I’m on first-name basis with an ER nurse. Not sure if wife or son is also dangerous.
- deleted 6y ago[deleted]
- stephenr 6y agoHave you considered that maybe it’s just you/your family?
- sonofhans 6y agoOh, I’m sure it is. I love it. I’ve always loved taking controlled risks. To the untrained eye it can look like being careless :D
- stephenr 6y agoI'm not sure it counts as "controlled" if you still end up in the emergency room.
- sonofhans 6y agoWell, no one’s perfect. I’d rather take a risk and get a little hurt than be totally safe all the time. The last time I was in the ER was due to falling off a skateboard and needing stitches in my chin. I was trying to learn to skate, at 45. My son got me a skateboard for Father’s Day. I always wished I’d learned to skate as a kid. Pry 50% of my ER calls are due to bike wrecks. My wife always says the day I buy a motorcycle is the day she buys a black dress and veil :D
- rootusrootus 6y agoMine are currently the opposite. My daughter (10) has been a handful pretty much since she turned three. Love her to pieces, but nothing about raising her is easy. My son (8) is super relaxed, laid back, compliant. He gets into fights with his sister, but she is the one who picks the fights. She's also much larger than he is, which does not help.
- quickthrower2 6y agoGirls calmer in their younger years? I have some outliers then! Hopefully it means we’re prepared for teenage :-)
- bcrosby95 6y agoYour description of boys sounds like my 6 year old daughter. Except she's also emotional, moody, and can go from 0 to 60 in half a second. Can't wait till the teenage years, I'm sure that'll be a blast. Luckily our twin 3 year olds (boy/girl) are much easier so far. I've overheard parents talk about how easy daughters are. Always made me laugh a little.