4 ms·

I disagree. There's nothing childish about "a flash of anger" - most people have many small impulses and feelings. I'd bet many people might make a small joke

I disagree. There's nothing childish about "a flash of anger" - most people have many small impulses and feelings. I'd bet many people might make a small joke about the situation - but the joke depends on precisely that small unhappiness, even if they won't admit it (or can't, because they're not aware of it). "A flash of anger" (in the author's words) is very different from "fly[ing] off the handle" (in your words). Only the latter is childish. Being aware of the former sounds like your mature, balanced last sentence, where you still might have a little judgment about what you've been given but you're still responding with grace to the other person.

patcon 6y ago
I'm thinking deeply on your comment, and appreciate it. Aren't these just degrees of the same? I'm not sure the value of cultivating positive view of the small manifestation, but then scolding it when it becomes big. Imho, yes it's understandable, but not a perspective we should value as part of our growth -- we should just work to will it out of our minds, and maybe someday succeed? Yours seems like a perspective that's valorizing the control of the impulse, putting fault in "lack of control", but still aspiring to salvage a wisdom compass from the feeling...? Many would say the core feeling doesn't truly serve us in any way that something more positive couldn't equally stand in for. Regardless, I appreciate your sharing your perspective. I'm willing to consider we're both right, and mumble mumble "different strokes for different folks", and the world works out only when we can both push for it as we please :)
- NortySpock 6y ago
  Not your parent poster, but I view the initial emotional reaction to an event as "an emotion that is to be observed, cannot be prevented, but must only reach the surface if the situation calls for it." Say you are talking in a small group of people. You perceive something that someone says to you as an implied insult. You _will_ feel a flash of anger, you should observe that you are angry as it bubbles up through you, but you MUST choose (a) whether or not they meant it as an insult , (b) whether or not to let it show on your face and (c) if you are going to call it out gently, call it out with a "Hey!", or turn into a pillar of rage in public (unwise, of course, but an option). But in that moment, when you feel that initial impulse of emotion, I assert (without evidence) that the emotion cannot be suppressed -- only your outward appearance can be modulated.
  - patcon 6y ago
    I think this is really thoughtful. In mindfulness practices, I've heard it mentioned as "noting without judgement". Maybe this is all just a matter of labels :)
    - clankyclanker 6y ago
      There’s also the issue of internal versus external. I’ve always been off the mindset that you never have to apologize for your feelings, but you should comport yourself so that you never have to apologize for your actions toward yourself or others. Feelings are tricky to control even after you’ve noticed them, and maybe even after you’ve evaluated them. Therefore spending energy on them is not always judicious. However, every action is a choice, and letting your feelings drive you to doing something regrettable is, well, regrettable.
  - rhizome 6y ago
    You have discovered: Spinoza's "Ethics," which, in an essay bouncing between the Bible (where I stopped reading every word) and Aristotle and Plato, is notably missing. That said, she doesn't say that she acted on it (and only implies that she didn't), so a lot of this thread reads as melodrama.
  - xupybd 6y ago
    I've noticed that while I can't control my emotional reactions, only what I do with them. The emotional reactions I allow to surface more often become more frequent and dominant. If I fight my angry impulses they happen less frequently. I find the same with any impulse. I struggle to eat healthy, spend healthy and stay focused 100% of the time. But the more I do these things the less effort they require.
- watwut 6y ago
  Impact on other people is different. It is not just abpit what you feel, but also what you do. > Aren't these just degrees of the same? The big immediate difference is how you treat other people. If you get angry internal emotion and then think about it, you end up treating other people well. And that emotion just helped to not be complete pushover - you noticed issue and can be assertive of needed. Fly off handle implies that other people have to deal with your emotions, because you are throwing them at them. Basically they are more "victims". It also does not work as well as healthy assertivity, because they will seek retaliation or conclude you are asshole or avoid you etc. They will respond to you acting aggressively by protecting themselves and reacting to their feelings.

patcon 6y ago

I'm thinking deeply on your comment, and appreciate it. Aren't these just degrees of the same? I'm not sure the value of cultivating positive view of the small manifestation, but then scolding it when it becomes big. Imho, yes it's understandable, but not a perspective we should value as part of our growth -- we should just work to will it out of our minds, and maybe someday succeed? Yours seems like a perspective that's valorizing the control of the impulse, putting fault in "lack of control", but still aspiring to salvage a wisdom compass from the feeling...? Many would say the core feeling doesn't truly serve us in any way that something more positive couldn't equally stand in for. Regardless, I appreciate your sharing your perspective. I'm willing to consider we're both right, and mumble mumble "different strokes for different folks", and the world works out only when we can both push for it as we please :)

NortySpock 6y ago
Not your parent poster, but I view the initial emotional reaction to an event as "an emotion that is to be observed, cannot be prevented, but must only reach the surface if the situation calls for it." Say you are talking in a small group of people. You perceive something that someone says to you as an implied insult. You _will_ feel a flash of anger, you should observe that you are angry as it bubbles up through you, but you MUST choose (a) whether or not they meant it as an insult , (b) whether or not to let it show on your face and (c) if you are going to call it out gently, call it out with a "Hey!", or turn into a pillar of rage in public (unwise, of course, but an option). But in that moment, when you feel that initial impulse of emotion, I assert (without evidence) that the emotion cannot be suppressed -- only your outward appearance can be modulated.
- patcon 6y ago
  I think this is really thoughtful. In mindfulness practices, I've heard it mentioned as "noting without judgement". Maybe this is all just a matter of labels :)
  - clankyclanker 6y ago
    There’s also the issue of internal versus external. I’ve always been off the mindset that you never have to apologize for your feelings, but you should comport yourself so that you never have to apologize for your actions toward yourself or others. Feelings are tricky to control even after you’ve noticed them, and maybe even after you’ve evaluated them. Therefore spending energy on them is not always judicious. However, every action is a choice, and letting your feelings drive you to doing something regrettable is, well, regrettable.
- rhizome 6y ago
  You have discovered: Spinoza's "Ethics," which, in an essay bouncing between the Bible (where I stopped reading every word) and Aristotle and Plato, is notably missing. That said, she doesn't say that she acted on it (and only implies that she didn't), so a lot of this thread reads as melodrama.
- xupybd 6y ago
  I've noticed that while I can't control my emotional reactions, only what I do with them. The emotional reactions I allow to surface more often become more frequent and dominant. If I fight my angry impulses they happen less frequently. I find the same with any impulse. I struggle to eat healthy, spend healthy and stay focused 100% of the time. But the more I do these things the less effort they require.
watwut 6y ago
Impact on other people is different. It is not just abpit what you feel, but also what you do. > Aren't these just degrees of the same? The big immediate difference is how you treat other people. If you get angry internal emotion and then think about it, you end up treating other people well. And that emotion just helped to not be complete pushover - you noticed issue and can be assertive of needed. Fly off handle implies that other people have to deal with your emotions, because you are throwing them at them. Basically they are more "victims". It also does not work as well as healthy assertivity, because they will seek retaliation or conclude you are asshole or avoid you etc. They will respond to you acting aggressively by protecting themselves and reacting to their feelings.