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> one of the top five regrets of the dying is "I wish I hadn't worked so hard" One of my pet peeves is this notion that dying regrets is some sort of yardstick

> one of the top five regrets of the dying is "I wish I hadn't worked so hard" One of my pet peeves is this notion that dying regrets is some sort of yardstick for how to live your life. At any age, it's easy to look back and think "why didn't I just...", but life is complex, and actions have unintended consequences. Personally I subscribe to the "que sera sera" philosophy. Control is limited. Life is a rollercoaster, just strap in for the ride.

Throwawayjedi 6y ago
> one of the top five regrets of the dying is ”I wish I hadn’t worked so hard” I look forward to contributing to the reversal of that
patatino 6y ago
Not only people dying are saying that but also people at the age of 60-70. Some of them still working but now their children are adults and they missed too much and regret it.
- mrmonkeyman 6y ago
  Lots of people have worked too little and end their lives in debt with nothing to show for it. This is not a good thing. It does not mean they had excellent quality time with the family (usually not). Sometimes a little hard work would be best, but it is seldom admitted by those who need it the most.
- llaolleh 6y ago
  This reminds me of what my first told me. He was in his 50s and decided not to have children. He said, "I don't get it man. These people, they work all the time. What's the point of having kids when you are never going to spend time with them??"
  - p1esk 6y ago
    You must be in your 70s then. What do you think about working hard?
    - llaolleh 6y ago
      Working hard is extremely rewarding if you have intrinsic interest in the problem.it's fun for you, and it's a problem worth fighting for. But I agree with my boss on this matter. If you have kids, I think you should scale down your operations, have a 9-5 and spend time nurturing mini-yous to the fullest potential.
Ros2 6y ago
Wishing you hadn't worked so hard on your deathbed in your 80s is something people say after they have already saved enough money to live out their post-career life. When you're in your youth working, you have no idea what this number is and better to be safe than sorry. If the amount of work you need to do to get through life with your target level of comfort were "solvable", then people would do it. But capitalism is a world of exponential growth, decay, and unpredictability. When all financial advisors stop padding the hell out of their client's target retirement date just to be safe, then we can say this regret is solely on the conscience of the person on their deathbed.
JoshCole 6y ago
The idea that the regrets of others can teach you about how to best live your life has pretty strong foundations. Investigation into the playing of imperfect information games has revealed that one way to get a Nash strategy is by: playing in proportion to regret, then taking that strategy space which will oscillate around the nash strategy and averaging it. If you play the average of that set of strategies you will play the nash strategy. Meanwhile, if you look at the world's richest human, his financial situation is a direct result of a decision made on the basis of regret. He made the decision to found his company on the basis of thinking about what he would regret. So we can also find a focus on regret as a successful strategy in the case of an outlier success.
Voxoff 6y ago
Isn't it the best yardstick possible? Your view assumes that those with dying regrets lack much critical analysis. That they espouse these regrets without having critically considered the alternatives. That no one has said to them 'oh you had a comfortable life, quit complaining' or 'if you hadn't worked, you wouldn't have had such a comfortable retirement'. I suspect they have been told this over and over. And I suspect that they have thought critically about those regrets. I guess I'm concerned about your quick dismissal of their potential wisdom.
- xavierlint 6y ago
  Even if his view assumes that, wouldn't assuming otherwise be also wrong? Why should we think that most people dying have carefully analyzed their entire life, and even if they did, why should we assume they are correct?
imtringued 6y ago
I honestly don't see anything that isn't worth regretting in hindsight. Even decisions made five seconds ago are worth regretting if you have "perfect" as your yard stick. I have better things to do than write this comment yet it's out there on HN.

Throwawayjedi 6y ago

> one of the top five regrets of the dying is ”I wish I hadn’t worked so hard” I look forward to contributing to the reversal of that

patatino 6y ago

Not only people dying are saying that but also people at the age of 60-70. Some of them still working but now their children are adults and they missed too much and regret it.

mrmonkeyman 6y ago
Lots of people have worked too little and end their lives in debt with nothing to show for it. This is not a good thing. It does not mean they had excellent quality time with the family (usually not). Sometimes a little hard work would be best, but it is seldom admitted by those who need it the most.
llaolleh 6y ago
This reminds me of what my first told me. He was in his 50s and decided not to have children. He said, "I don't get it man. These people, they work all the time. What's the point of having kids when you are never going to spend time with them??"
- p1esk 6y ago
  You must be in your 70s then. What do you think about working hard?
  - llaolleh 6y ago
    Working hard is extremely rewarding if you have intrinsic interest in the problem.it's fun for you, and it's a problem worth fighting for. But I agree with my boss on this matter. If you have kids, I think you should scale down your operations, have a 9-5 and spend time nurturing mini-yous to the fullest potential.

Ros2 6y ago

Wishing you hadn't worked so hard on your deathbed in your 80s is something people say after they have already saved enough money to live out their post-career life. When you're in your youth working, you have no idea what this number is and better to be safe than sorry. If the amount of work you need to do to get through life with your target level of comfort were "solvable", then people would do it. But capitalism is a world of exponential growth, decay, and unpredictability. When all financial advisors stop padding the hell out of their client's target retirement date just to be safe, then we can say this regret is solely on the conscience of the person on their deathbed.

JoshCole 6y ago

The idea that the regrets of others can teach you about how to best live your life has pretty strong foundations. Investigation into the playing of imperfect information games has revealed that one way to get a Nash strategy is by: playing in proportion to regret, then taking that strategy space which will oscillate around the nash strategy and averaging it. If you play the average of that set of strategies you will play the nash strategy. Meanwhile, if you look at the world's richest human, his financial situation is a direct result of a decision made on the basis of regret. He made the decision to found his company on the basis of thinking about what he would regret. So we can also find a focus on regret as a successful strategy in the case of an outlier success.

Voxoff 6y ago

Isn't it the best yardstick possible? Your view assumes that those with dying regrets lack much critical analysis. That they espouse these regrets without having critically considered the alternatives. That no one has said to them 'oh you had a comfortable life, quit complaining' or 'if you hadn't worked, you wouldn't have had such a comfortable retirement'. I suspect they have been told this over and over. And I suspect that they have thought critically about those regrets. I guess I'm concerned about your quick dismissal of their potential wisdom.

xavierlint 6y ago
Even if his view assumes that, wouldn't assuming otherwise be also wrong? Why should we think that most people dying have carefully analyzed their entire life, and even if they did, why should we assume they are correct?

imtringued 6y ago

I honestly don't see anything that isn't worth regretting in hindsight. Even decisions made five seconds ago are worth regretting if you have "perfect" as your yard stick. I have better things to do than write this comment yet it's out there on HN.