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Excellent question. As a person with ADHD (but on meds), and a possible CFS, I ask myself this sometimes. While I wouldn't use a disabled parking spot, there a

Excellent question. As a person with ADHD (but on meds), and a possible CFS, I ask myself this sometimes. While I wouldn't use a disabled parking spot, there are some exceptions from social norms that I allow myself: - segregating trash (keeping an apartament clean and organised is crazy difficult by itself, and I still learn to put things into trash after using, at the age of 36) - getting a sitting space in a crowded bus, even if there are old people around As for the disabled parking spots, when I was ~25y.o., I had a knee issue for half a year. I didn't limp much, but every single step was painful and difficult. It was just half a year, and I didn't bother to get a disabled license plate, but still fully deserved to use the spots. Since that time I always have doubt whether to point out to someone that they took a disabled parking spot. The way I handle it now is by asking someone who leaves a car, who doesn't look disabled, if they need some help (instead of pointing out that they are assholes). If they are indeed disabled, they won't mind, if they aren't - they feel like assholes :)

sideshowb 6y ago
Tangentially related: it took me 3.5 years of having a child to remember that the wider 'family' parking spaces were actually for me. I'd used them maybe twice in all that time, and now I don't need them any more. Could have saved myself a tweaked back a few times... My point? I think this is a measure of how strongly we're wired to respect resources for those who need them. Which is a good thing, but obviously fails when it extends to inaccurate judgement of those with invisible disabilities.
WalterBright 6y ago
> who doesn't look disabled My dad said if you were a young man during WW2, walking down the street not in uniform, and did not look disabled, people would spit on you. It was hard on people with invisible disabilities.
- deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
jan_Inkepa 6y ago
>segregating trash Aha, unexpectedly relatable. That's an allowance I give myself as well. I segregate a bit, but give myself a pass after a certain amount, when it makes the difference between living in squalor and not.
- 495636483 6y ago
  Me too. Today I realized, yesterday I apparently threw away the bathroom trash bin with the trash.... (It was upcycled, so no big loss.) Another ADHD compromise: I don't use the "eco" soaps (e.g. sugar surfactants) because, their remains are easily feeding algae (the orange one) and I, realistically, won't clean my shower every week. (Hope less than a week isn't considered the normal XD) Honestly, I feel it's really important for ADHD people to allow themselves feeling a little disabled: We mostly endured so much misguided anger and being called lazy and such, it's healing to give ourselves that break. We're literally killing ourselves (life expectancy; suicide) over keeping up with an outside almost mechanical and estranged to human "nature". It's okay to search for our own pace and only comply with what's obligatory and possible. (Not saying therapy and medication aren't necessary; not that it's all down to modern life.)
wccrawford 6y ago
Or if they are but don't like having it pointed out, they feel angry and sad and ashamed, and you've made their day worse by once again making assumptions about them.
macspoofing 6y ago
>getting a sitting space in a crowded bus, even if there are old people around Why? Giving up a seat to an older individual is a show of respect as well as a recognition that standing for seniors is a bigger burden than it is for a young 30-something. Why would ADHD change that?
- anoncake 6y ago
  They wrote they also have CFS (or something with similar symptoms)
- speeder 6y ago
  Not the person you are replying to but... In my case was because if I tried to give space to older people, I would go nuts, having ADHD and possibly (I never tried to get diagnosed since there is no treatment) Asperger's, I just don't notice old people there... So I go, see a spot, sit, and after a while note the stares and so on. I had to learn to ignore the stares, because whenever I was worried about being a gentleman and whatnot I ended going into crazy thinking spirals on my head, ruminating non-stop if I was offending someone or not, or not noticing someone, I would instead scare people, looking like some sort of paranoid person on the bus.
  - tener 6y ago
    The alternative coping mechanism would be not to sit at all if most of the sitting spaces are already taken. I sometimes did so as I expected to have to vacate my spot in only a few minutes.
- kolinko 6y ago
  ADHD not, but CFS yes - i take meds daily to not keep falling asleep all the time. My theory is that for the part of the ADHD population the core reason is excessive daytime sleepiness/tiredness.
stronglikedan 6y ago
> The way I handle it now is by asking someone who leaves a car, who doesn't look disabled, if they need some help I'm curious as to why you feel the need to say anything at all, considering you are not an authority figure. It seems like you're possibly inviting trouble by not minding your own business. At the very least, you're unnecessarily shaming people, which is not admirable.
honkycat 6y ago
> - getting a sitting space in a crowded bus, even if there are old people around This is fine, honestly. I see people trying to be... tough? I don't know what they are doing, but they are blocking the lane when they refuse to sit down because they perceive it as rude. We are all in this together, just take a seat and get out of the way!! That being said I will give up my seat for someone with a kid in tow.
notsureifdis 6y ago
> Since that time I always have doubt whether to point out to someone that they took a disabled parking spot. The way I handle it now is by asking someone who leaves a car, who doesn't look disabled, if they need some help (instead of pointing out that they are assholes). If they are indeed disabled, they won't mind, if they aren't - they feel like assholes :) You should just stop bothering because it’s really not your place or any of your business. I say this as someone who took care of my mother during cancer treatments. I drove her to her clinics/hospitals and she had a difficult time walking from the parking lot to the door, so we were able to get a handicap parking thing issued to hang on the rear view mirror. It helped her tremendously that I could park the car basically right at the door and we could both go in together. I never abused the label and removed it when I wasn’t driving her around, but every time she was in the car with me and we went somewhere I hung it up. There were times when she/I forgot something in the car and I had to go out to go get it. There were times when people like you would have seen me lightly jogging to the car to get something and running back in. You would have asked me if I needed help and apparently I “should feel like an asshole.” You would have asked me if I needed help and if I didn’t ignore you you would have wasted my time trying to bring in papers or my mom’s purse or something. And if I did ignore you because I was in a hurry you might have tweeted about me taking up a handicap parking, when you know absolutely nothing about the situation. When she was recovering and was able to drive herself, she took the decal and used the handicap parking as well. She was able to walk around normally and you wouldn’t have thought she was handicapped in anyway, but she still had respiratory issues and was physically weak that walking far was difficult. You would have been one of those people pointing out to her that she was an asshole.
- R0b0t1 6y ago
  >You should just stop bothering because it’s really not your place or any of your business. Superficially yes, but if there's no enforcement then the accommodations do not serve their original purpose.
partyboat1586 6y ago
We have a different culture in the UK, no one will confront you for using the disabled spot even if you look fully able bodied. They announce in supermarkets "some people have an invisible disability and are not able to wear a mask" so people don't get harassed for that too. It's pretty good. Unfortunately this trust does get abused but when it works it's good.

sideshowb 6y ago

Tangentially related: it took me 3.5 years of having a child to remember that the wider 'family' parking spaces were actually for me. I'd used them maybe twice in all that time, and now I don't need them any more. Could have saved myself a tweaked back a few times... My point? I think this is a measure of how strongly we're wired to respect resources for those who need them. Which is a good thing, but obviously fails when it extends to inaccurate judgement of those with invisible disabilities.

WalterBright 6y ago

> who doesn't look disabled My dad said if you were a young man during WW2, walking down the street not in uniform, and did not look disabled, people would spit on you. It was hard on people with invisible disabilities.

deleted 6y ago
[deleted]

jan_Inkepa 6y ago

>segregating trash Aha, unexpectedly relatable. That's an allowance I give myself as well. I segregate a bit, but give myself a pass after a certain amount, when it makes the difference between living in squalor and not.

495636483 6y ago
Me too. Today I realized, yesterday I apparently threw away the bathroom trash bin with the trash.... (It was upcycled, so no big loss.) Another ADHD compromise: I don't use the "eco" soaps (e.g. sugar surfactants) because, their remains are easily feeding algae (the orange one) and I, realistically, won't clean my shower every week. (Hope less than a week isn't considered the normal XD) Honestly, I feel it's really important for ADHD people to allow themselves feeling a little disabled: We mostly endured so much misguided anger and being called lazy and such, it's healing to give ourselves that break. We're literally killing ourselves (life expectancy; suicide) over keeping up with an outside almost mechanical and estranged to human "nature". It's okay to search for our own pace and only comply with what's obligatory and possible. (Not saying therapy and medication aren't necessary; not that it's all down to modern life.)

wccrawford 6y ago

Or if they are but don't like having it pointed out, they feel angry and sad and ashamed, and you've made their day worse by once again making assumptions about them.

macspoofing 6y ago

>getting a sitting space in a crowded bus, even if there are old people around Why? Giving up a seat to an older individual is a show of respect as well as a recognition that standing for seniors is a bigger burden than it is for a young 30-something. Why would ADHD change that?

anoncake 6y ago
They wrote they also have CFS (or something with similar symptoms)
speeder 6y ago
Not the person you are replying to but... In my case was because if I tried to give space to older people, I would go nuts, having ADHD and possibly (I never tried to get diagnosed since there is no treatment) Asperger's, I just don't notice old people there... So I go, see a spot, sit, and after a while note the stares and so on. I had to learn to ignore the stares, because whenever I was worried about being a gentleman and whatnot I ended going into crazy thinking spirals on my head, ruminating non-stop if I was offending someone or not, or not noticing someone, I would instead scare people, looking like some sort of paranoid person on the bus.
- tener 6y ago
  The alternative coping mechanism would be not to sit at all if most of the sitting spaces are already taken. I sometimes did so as I expected to have to vacate my spot in only a few minutes.
kolinko 6y ago
ADHD not, but CFS yes - i take meds daily to not keep falling asleep all the time. My theory is that for the part of the ADHD population the core reason is excessive daytime sleepiness/tiredness.

stronglikedan 6y ago

> The way I handle it now is by asking someone who leaves a car, who doesn't look disabled, if they need some help I'm curious as to why you feel the need to say anything at all, considering you are not an authority figure. It seems like you're possibly inviting trouble by not minding your own business. At the very least, you're unnecessarily shaming people, which is not admirable.

honkycat 6y ago

> - getting a sitting space in a crowded bus, even if there are old people around This is fine, honestly. I see people trying to be... tough? I don't know what they are doing, but they are blocking the lane when they refuse to sit down because they perceive it as rude. We are all in this together, just take a seat and get out of the way!! That being said I will give up my seat for someone with a kid in tow.

notsureifdis 6y ago

> Since that time I always have doubt whether to point out to someone that they took a disabled parking spot. The way I handle it now is by asking someone who leaves a car, who doesn't look disabled, if they need some help (instead of pointing out that they are assholes). If they are indeed disabled, they won't mind, if they aren't - they feel like assholes :) You should just stop bothering because it’s really not your place or any of your business. I say this as someone who took care of my mother during cancer treatments. I drove her to her clinics/hospitals and she had a difficult time walking from the parking lot to the door, so we were able to get a handicap parking thing issued to hang on the rear view mirror. It helped her tremendously that I could park the car basically right at the door and we could both go in together. I never abused the label and removed it when I wasn’t driving her around, but every time she was in the car with me and we went somewhere I hung it up. There were times when she/I forgot something in the car and I had to go out to go get it. There were times when people like you would have seen me lightly jogging to the car to get something and running back in. You would have asked me if I needed help and apparently I “should feel like an asshole.” You would have asked me if I needed help and if I didn’t ignore you you would have wasted my time trying to bring in papers or my mom’s purse or something. And if I did ignore you because I was in a hurry you might have tweeted about me taking up a handicap parking, when you know absolutely nothing about the situation. When she was recovering and was able to drive herself, she took the decal and used the handicap parking as well. She was able to walk around normally and you wouldn’t have thought she was handicapped in anyway, but she still had respiratory issues and was physically weak that walking far was difficult. You would have been one of those people pointing out to her that she was an asshole.

R0b0t1 6y ago
>You should just stop bothering because it’s really not your place or any of your business. Superficially yes, but if there's no enforcement then the accommodations do not serve their original purpose.

partyboat1586 6y ago

We have a different culture in the UK, no one will confront you for using the disabled spot even if you look fully able bodied. They announce in supermarkets "some people have an invisible disability and are not able to wear a mask" so people don't get harassed for that too. It's pretty good. Unfortunately this trust does get abused but when it works it's good.