4 ms·

As a non-female parent who works from home. If your intention is to take care of your 18 month old AND work at the same time, I'll say it's not going to happen

by arn 15y ago

As a non-female parent who works from home. If your intention is to take care of your 18 month old AND work at the same time, I'll say it's not going to happen. In my experience, you really can't watch an 18 month old and work from home at the same time. It's the worst of both worlds. So, you'll still need some form of child care while you are working.

Alienz 15y ago
Totally agree. An 18 month old can be classified as a "terrible-two" already. This monster can draw all your attention. If you're at home typing a email, you need to do it in 2-3 installments. Thus a nanny or something to keep it away from you (even just in the next room) while you're at work is an absolute necessary. PS: I am a parent of a 2-years and a 8-month.
- ams6110 15y ago
  This actually is the case all the way up until about age 12 or 13, when they will suddenly not want your attention at all. Speaking from experience.
  - arethuza 15y ago
    "not want your attention at all" Apart from buying stuff for them, of course. Spoken as the father of one 12 year old.
  - petercooper 15y ago
    Though it's less guaranteed. From about 7 I was out all day on my bike with my friends or in my room playing computer games! :-) My 18 month old can go a good hour or so playing by herself but you'll pay for it later!
    - niels_olson 15y ago
      > From about 7 I was out all day on my bike That's what you recall... I have a 9 and 6 yo. The have bikes and friends and are out for hours on end. But trust me, not all day. And you have no idea how many times you came back in for this or that.
      - petercooper 15y ago
        Yeah, but in my case we usually ended up annoying the other kids' parents because they were cooler and had more goodies than mine ;-)
        petervandijck 15y ago
        Therein lies your solution. Don't be a cool parent, and don't have goodies.
- deleted 15y ago
  [deleted]
Jem 15y ago
Thanks (all input welcome really, not restricted to mums) I was kinda thinking my mum could take her for a couple of mornings a week, and I know my partner's mum is eager to look after her on Wednesdays. I was hoping that + evenings would be enough. Maybe I'm being totally unrealistic.
- pbhjpbhj 15y ago
  You've got two whole days of work time there (if the grandparents will commit). With some post-bedtime work then you should be able to work ½ time without getting too frazzled. Easy ;0)>
- petervandijck 15y ago
  Yes, planned like that it's doable. As long as you realize you can't work while taking care of the kid. (You can do house chores etc, but not work on the computer.)
- eps 15y ago
  You can work when (a) she is with someone (b) she is having a daytime nap (c) she is passed out for the day. Realistically you will not have contiguous stretches to work longer than an hour or two, frequently down to just 15-20 minutes, when you will need to get up and attend to the child. Regardless how short these breaks are they are the source of frustration. You just cannot concentrate. The best option is to work at night, but that yields 3 hours of work time and still manages to cut into sleep time and quickly leads to exhaustion. You may want to look at Provigil and caffeine tablets, because you will be counting every single free minute available for work. So, yeah, sorry, it is really tough. Brace yourself, it will suck, but taking your girl out of daycare is the right thing to do. Letting random people have major influence on the formation of child's personality in this early age is just plain wrong.
- Splines 15y ago
  Are your parents and/or in-laws retired? Maybe you can get them to take more time if you explained the situation. If they're not already committed to something else, they'd hopefully be glad to help out in your situation. My wife and I are pretty much on our own in a different country than our parents, and on retrospection it would have been easier on us if we were able to get our parents to babysit every now-and-then. We're fortunate that I make enough that my wife is able to stay at home and watch our kids, but she misses her career and we also miss having one-on-one time together. Things are going well for us right now but we lack flexibility in our schedules.
fiann 15y ago
I'm also a non-female parent who works from home. I have to agree that it's not possible to look after an 18 month old and work at the same time. Your experience up till now might be deceptive. I actually did look after our younger boy from time to time during work hours when he was younger, but only during the relatively easy period between when he finished breast feeding and when he was able to start running around. After 18 months, they are definitely more toddlers than babies, and they demand your attention (constantly and immediately). On the days when my wife is working, we have a combination of nursery and a carer who comes to our home. If you can afford it, having your child at home is fantastic, you can see what they are up to and they are always pleased to see you when you take a break. My experience is that both are really good for the kids for different reasons. Nursery gets them socialising with other children, and having a nanny at home gives extra one-to-one attention that really helps them. The nanny who comes to us does all the creative activities which you aspire to provide as a parent, because she's experienced and has games etc that I wouldn't have thought of, and also because she's not worrying about the practicalities of life at the same time. If you are going to have child care at home, especially if your work ever involves talking to customers on the phone, then you absolutely have to arrange a separate space to be your office away from where children are playing. Ideally it needs to be far enough away that you can carry on a conversation even if there's a screaming temper tantrum going on in the next room!
gacba 15y ago
It would be impossible to upvote this enough. Work-at-home dad here with 3 kids (1.5, 3, 6--only one of which regularly attends school). My wife's time is 110% occupied with them. If you're going to pull this off, you need: a) dedicated child care b) dedicated work space that you can hide from the kids c) cooperation from your wife to enforce #2, as the kids don't like staying away Good luck.
- wiredfool 15y ago
  Mine are a few months older than gacba's, and yeah, it's a 110% job to keep them occupied. There's some home schooling, there's a yard for them to run around in, and other kid stuff to play with, but I get interrupted from time to time. If I've got to take care of them for some reason, it's about all I can do to keep an eye on email and respond if I have to. Though, by now, it's mostly the little guy (21 mo) who needs the completely constant attention. He's still at the age that when he is quiet, that's when you need to be worried about what he's gotten into. The older two can pretty much self entertain for an hour or two, unless they get into some project that needs a bunch of help for finding materials. Or they 'accidentally' hurt each other with sticks. I don't see Caregiver + programmer working for an 18mo old, other than for a random slice of time here and there. I am the primary care person for him from bedtime on -- sometimes I get a couple hours to program at night, sometimes I get an hour, and sometimes, I'm laying down with him awake, he's flopping about, and I'm >< this close to getting something working and it's damn frustrating because every time I think he's asleep, there's another flop and a hand to keep me from escaping. I've been known to tell him that he doesn't need to respond to awakeFromNib, but he doesn't listen as well as a compiler.

by arn 15y ago

Alienz 15y ago

Totally agree. An 18 month old can be classified as a "terrible-two" already. This monster can draw all your attention. If you're at home typing a email, you need to do it in 2-3 installments. Thus a nanny or something to keep it away from you (even just in the next room) while you're at work is an absolute necessary. PS: I am a parent of a 2-years and a 8-month.

ams6110 15y ago
This actually is the case all the way up until about age 12 or 13, when they will suddenly not want your attention at all. Speaking from experience.
- arethuza 15y ago
  "not want your attention at all" Apart from buying stuff for them, of course. Spoken as the father of one 12 year old.
- petercooper 15y ago
  Though it's less guaranteed. From about 7 I was out all day on my bike with my friends or in my room playing computer games! :-) My 18 month old can go a good hour or so playing by herself but you'll pay for it later!
  - niels_olson 15y ago
    > From about 7 I was out all day on my bike That's what you recall... I have a 9 and 6 yo. The have bikes and friends and are out for hours on end. But trust me, not all day. And you have no idea how many times you came back in for this or that.
    - petercooper 15y ago
      Yeah, but in my case we usually ended up annoying the other kids' parents because they were cooler and had more goodies than mine ;-)
      - petervandijck 15y ago
        Therein lies your solution. Don't be a cool parent, and don't have goodies.
deleted 15y ago
[deleted]

Jem 15y ago

Thanks (all input welcome really, not restricted to mums) I was kinda thinking my mum could take her for a couple of mornings a week, and I know my partner's mum is eager to look after her on Wednesdays. I was hoping that + evenings would be enough. Maybe I'm being totally unrealistic.

pbhjpbhj 15y ago
You've got two whole days of work time there (if the grandparents will commit). With some post-bedtime work then you should be able to work ½ time without getting too frazzled. Easy ;0)>
petervandijck 15y ago
Yes, planned like that it's doable. As long as you realize you can't work while taking care of the kid. (You can do house chores etc, but not work on the computer.)
eps 15y ago
You can work when (a) she is with someone (b) she is having a daytime nap (c) she is passed out for the day. Realistically you will not have contiguous stretches to work longer than an hour or two, frequently down to just 15-20 minutes, when you will need to get up and attend to the child. Regardless how short these breaks are they are the source of frustration. You just cannot concentrate. The best option is to work at night, but that yields 3 hours of work time and still manages to cut into sleep time and quickly leads to exhaustion. You may want to look at Provigil and caffeine tablets, because you will be counting every single free minute available for work. So, yeah, sorry, it is really tough. Brace yourself, it will suck, but taking your girl out of daycare is the right thing to do. Letting random people have major influence on the formation of child's personality in this early age is just plain wrong.
Splines 15y ago
Are your parents and/or in-laws retired? Maybe you can get them to take more time if you explained the situation. If they're not already committed to something else, they'd hopefully be glad to help out in your situation. My wife and I are pretty much on our own in a different country than our parents, and on retrospection it would have been easier on us if we were able to get our parents to babysit every now-and-then. We're fortunate that I make enough that my wife is able to stay at home and watch our kids, but she misses her career and we also miss having one-on-one time together. Things are going well for us right now but we lack flexibility in our schedules.

fiann 15y ago

I'm also a non-female parent who works from home. I have to agree that it's not possible to look after an 18 month old and work at the same time. Your experience up till now might be deceptive. I actually did look after our younger boy from time to time during work hours when he was younger, but only during the relatively easy period between when he finished breast feeding and when he was able to start running around. After 18 months, they are definitely more toddlers than babies, and they demand your attention (constantly and immediately). On the days when my wife is working, we have a combination of nursery and a carer who comes to our home. If you can afford it, having your child at home is fantastic, you can see what they are up to and they are always pleased to see you when you take a break. My experience is that both are really good for the kids for different reasons. Nursery gets them socialising with other children, and having a nanny at home gives extra one-to-one attention that really helps them. The nanny who comes to us does all the creative activities which you aspire to provide as a parent, because she's experienced and has games etc that I wouldn't have thought of, and also because she's not worrying about the practicalities of life at the same time. If you are going to have child care at home, especially if your work ever involves talking to customers on the phone, then you absolutely have to arrange a separate space to be your office away from where children are playing. Ideally it needs to be far enough away that you can carry on a conversation even if there's a screaming temper tantrum going on in the next room!

gacba 15y ago

It would be impossible to upvote this enough. Work-at-home dad here with 3 kids (1.5, 3, 6--only one of which regularly attends school). My wife's time is 110% occupied with them. If you're going to pull this off, you need: a) dedicated child care b) dedicated work space that you can hide from the kids c) cooperation from your wife to enforce #2, as the kids don't like staying away Good luck.

wiredfool 15y ago
Mine are a few months older than gacba's, and yeah, it's a 110% job to keep them occupied. There's some home schooling, there's a yard for them to run around in, and other kid stuff to play with, but I get interrupted from time to time. If I've got to take care of them for some reason, it's about all I can do to keep an eye on email and respond if I have to. Though, by now, it's mostly the little guy (21 mo) who needs the completely constant attention. He's still at the age that when he is quiet, that's when you need to be worried about what he's gotten into. The older two can pretty much self entertain for an hour or two, unless they get into some project that needs a bunch of help for finding materials. Or they 'accidentally' hurt each other with sticks. I don't see Caregiver + programmer working for an 18mo old, other than for a random slice of time here and there. I am the primary care person for him from bedtime on -- sometimes I get a couple hours to program at night, sometimes I get an hour, and sometimes, I'm laying down with him awake, he's flopping about, and I'm >< this close to getting something working and it's damn frustrating because every time I think he's asleep, there's another flop and a hand to keep me from escaping. I've been known to tell him that he doesn't need to respond to awakeFromNib, but he doesn't listen as well as a compiler.