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> It used to be that I could click "browse," find a cute girl's profile, say hi, and set up a date within a few days. Maybe this digital cat-calling lead to th

> It used to be that I could click "browse," find a cute girl's profile, say hi, and set up a date within a few days. Maybe this digital cat-calling lead to this: > Modern social media is cold and hostile. Stay in your friend group. Avoid strangers: They're all scary and bad. People just don't like to be annoyed by random strangers. Especially woman and specificaly when it's about molesting them.

brandall10 6y ago
With all due respect, MySpace was a dating site for many of both sexes. They even had a search filter based on physical attributes like any dating site. I had a female friend set up my profile specifically for this purpose in early 2006. Within hours after signing up a random girl sent me a message to ask if I had a girlfriend. The following week I went out on 3 dates. By the end of the year I met about 30 women in person and probably went out with a dozen multiple times, until shutting things when one became my girlfriend. Facebook was setup to work differently and I never used it for this purpose, instead moving on to OKCupid when I was single again in 2011.
- slightwinder 6y ago
  It wasn't build as a dating-site and it wasn't sold as a dating-place. That some people misused it that way, doesn't mean every user is ok with this and likes to be annoyed by sex-spam. Kinda speaks for that myspace failed so fast... We have the algorithm-drived services with all their control and reduced friction because some people just can't behave well and must destroy the nice things for everyone.
  - totony 6y ago
    There are inherent sexual dynamics in any social circle, be it myspace, facebook or the workplace. I don't think the current trend of perceiving any unwanted sexual interest as inherently bad is at all healthy for society. P.S: i know and remember a lot of my friends who found their S.O. through facebook so it being alive arguanly disproves the assumption behind >Kinda speaks for that myspace failed so fast...
    - slightwinder 6y ago
      > There are inherent sexual dynamics in any social circle, Yes, it maybe there, but no, It's only a problem if people make it one. It's not there by default and unavoidable. > I don't think the current trend of perceiving any unwanted sexual interest as inherently bad is at all healthy for society. That's a pretty hostile view. > P.S: i know and remember a lot of my friends who found their S.O. through facebook so it being alive arguanly disproves the assumption behind There is a difference between making friends and eventually hooking up with one/some of them, and going out to make victims on purpose.
      - totony 6y ago
        >Yes, it maybe there, but no, It's only a problem if people make it one. It's not there by default and unavoidable. It seems to me unavoidable that human would look for sex. The notion that sex is pillar to human endeavour has been a strongly held view of a lot of psychologists. I also don't believe sexual social dynamics are a problem (but im not sure if thats what you were saying). >victim This mentality underlies a very unhealthy view of dating imo. You don't have to be friends with someone prior to dating them.
        slightwinder 6y ago
        > It seems to me unavoidable that human would look for sex. Sure. But there are proper ways for it. Legal ways. There are reason why those behaviours more and more get outlawed in different countries. If someone makes it clear they are interessted in dating, then yes, go for it. But just to exist is not a clear hint for this. Dating is still special case of social interaction, not the default. > > victim > This mentality underlies a very unhealthy view of dating imo. This has nothing to do with dating. The victims here are mainly the people who are forced to cope with that crap, but never asked for it, and don't wanna date any of those people for whatever reason. The joke here is, we do have elaborated spamfilter and adblocker to get rid of all the annoying crap in our mailboxes and webbrowser, and most user accept it as neccessary because ads are just aweful. Yet we still don't have filters for dickpics and sexual harrasment. Quite funny, just because it's Humans doing the same, instead of business?
  - brandall10 6y ago
    There’s explicit marketing and implicit marketing. That you could search the population by age/height/hair color/relationship status meant implicitly, it was a dating site, albeit a crude one. No one was misusing it for this purpose, it was obviously intended to be used this way by MySpace itself. I agree that not everyone wanted to use it that way and that was part of the friction in the platform... it was kinda meant to be everything to everyone.
    - slightwinder 6y ago
      > That you could search the population by age/height/hair color/relationship status meant implicitly, it was a dating site, albeit a crude one. In the first place it means they knew about a problem, and searched for ways to solve it. It does not mean they wanted to enforce it and spread it. Relationship status is a big hint there. Yes, there is nothing wrong with annoying people who want to be annoyed. But ignorantly bothering anyone just because you can is harmful.
      - brandall10 6y ago
        If they wanted to solve it they would remove that feature entirely. Relationship status was there to facilitate. We’re just going to have to agree to disagree here.

brandall10 6y ago

With all due respect, MySpace was a dating site for many of both sexes. They even had a search filter based on physical attributes like any dating site. I had a female friend set up my profile specifically for this purpose in early 2006. Within hours after signing up a random girl sent me a message to ask if I had a girlfriend. The following week I went out on 3 dates. By the end of the year I met about 30 women in person and probably went out with a dozen multiple times, until shutting things when one became my girlfriend. Facebook was setup to work differently and I never used it for this purpose, instead moving on to OKCupid when I was single again in 2011.

slightwinder 6y ago
It wasn't build as a dating-site and it wasn't sold as a dating-place. That some people misused it that way, doesn't mean every user is ok with this and likes to be annoyed by sex-spam. Kinda speaks for that myspace failed so fast... We have the algorithm-drived services with all their control and reduced friction because some people just can't behave well and must destroy the nice things for everyone.
- totony 6y ago
  There are inherent sexual dynamics in any social circle, be it myspace, facebook or the workplace. I don't think the current trend of perceiving any unwanted sexual interest as inherently bad is at all healthy for society. P.S: i know and remember a lot of my friends who found their S.O. through facebook so it being alive arguanly disproves the assumption behind >Kinda speaks for that myspace failed so fast...
  - slightwinder 6y ago
    > There are inherent sexual dynamics in any social circle, Yes, it maybe there, but no, It's only a problem if people make it one. It's not there by default and unavoidable. > I don't think the current trend of perceiving any unwanted sexual interest as inherently bad is at all healthy for society. That's a pretty hostile view. > P.S: i know and remember a lot of my friends who found their S.O. through facebook so it being alive arguanly disproves the assumption behind There is a difference between making friends and eventually hooking up with one/some of them, and going out to make victims on purpose.
    - totony 6y ago
      >Yes, it maybe there, but no, It's only a problem if people make it one. It's not there by default and unavoidable. It seems to me unavoidable that human would look for sex. The notion that sex is pillar to human endeavour has been a strongly held view of a lot of psychologists. I also don't believe sexual social dynamics are a problem (but im not sure if thats what you were saying). >victim This mentality underlies a very unhealthy view of dating imo. You don't have to be friends with someone prior to dating them.
      - slightwinder 6y ago
        > It seems to me unavoidable that human would look for sex. Sure. But there are proper ways for it. Legal ways. There are reason why those behaviours more and more get outlawed in different countries. If someone makes it clear they are interessted in dating, then yes, go for it. But just to exist is not a clear hint for this. Dating is still special case of social interaction, not the default. > > victim > This mentality underlies a very unhealthy view of dating imo. This has nothing to do with dating. The victims here are mainly the people who are forced to cope with that crap, but never asked for it, and don't wanna date any of those people for whatever reason. The joke here is, we do have elaborated spamfilter and adblocker to get rid of all the annoying crap in our mailboxes and webbrowser, and most user accept it as neccessary because ads are just aweful. Yet we still don't have filters for dickpics and sexual harrasment. Quite funny, just because it's Humans doing the same, instead of business?
- brandall10 6y ago
  There’s explicit marketing and implicit marketing. That you could search the population by age/height/hair color/relationship status meant implicitly, it was a dating site, albeit a crude one. No one was misusing it for this purpose, it was obviously intended to be used this way by MySpace itself. I agree that not everyone wanted to use it that way and that was part of the friction in the platform... it was kinda meant to be everything to everyone.
  - slightwinder 6y ago
    > That you could search the population by age/height/hair color/relationship status meant implicitly, it was a dating site, albeit a crude one. In the first place it means they knew about a problem, and searched for ways to solve it. It does not mean they wanted to enforce it and spread it. Relationship status is a big hint there. Yes, there is nothing wrong with annoying people who want to be annoyed. But ignorantly bothering anyone just because you can is harmful.
    - brandall10 6y ago
      If they wanted to solve it they would remove that feature entirely. Relationship status was there to facilitate. We’re just going to have to agree to disagree here.