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I've been coming to terms with both my parents dying this year, and one of the eye opening things is how much worse it could have been. Seeking a bit of comfor

I've been coming to terms with both my parents dying this year, and one of the eye opening things is how much worse it could have been. Seeking a bit of comfort, I went to different friends who I knew had lost a parent to speak about the experience. I hadn't expected it, but a couple of friends had truly traumatic losses. One of them was due to locked-in syndrome. After a stroke, my friend's dad had this happen to him. It really changes what you feel about death. Initially, there's the fighting stage. You want to do everything for your loved one to survive. I wanted my dad to eat better and exercise. He wanted just for his dad to wake up. He'd get ill often, and the doctors would give him antibiotics and whatever therapy was needed. It lasted for years, no wake up. Time passed, numerous visits came and went. Eventually the family decided it might be better to let the next illness end it, so they agreed with the medical staff on what to do, and made their final thoughts. Incredibly, the next infection took years to come. In a twisted irony, the family spent years hoping for improvement, then years hoping for the end. Weirdly this wasn't even the worst story of the ones I collected. It's just a reminder that things could have been much worse. We tend to not think about death too much, it's grim and challenges our ideas about who we are and what the good life is.

aborsy 6y ago
Having seen a similar case, this is truly a traumatic ordeal for the patient’s family (and possibly the patient too, though we don’t know how they feel in that state). Keeping such person alive is a huge project. A team of experts is needed, not to treat the patient, but to help prevent his/her situation getting worse. I mean, you need several people just to move the patient. Eventually, the support wears down and the family goes from the help mode to, well, let the next infection take its course. It’s a dead end and I don’t wish that for my worst enemy. Brain diseases are horrible. I would take cancer anytime!
- dr_dshiv 6y ago
  My father passed away from a rare small cell prostate cancer last year. I didn't know at the time, but the median survival rate was 9 months -- and the rate hadn't changed since the 70s. So, he had a little less than a year to get his things in order -- and then passed swiftly from complete liver failure. I look back and feel very blessed -- he had a really beautiful passing, which i didn't even know was possible.
paulyy_y 6y ago
Sorry for your losses, that is really tough. I appreciate you sharing, it resonated with me. My mom's dad passed away two days ago and in the last two weeks before death a stroke destroyed his ability to speak. Nowhere near the level of locked in but terrible in its own way. Death really is grim, I haven't had much exposure to it in my life up until losing two grandparents this year - holding my mother as she sobbed was heartbreaking. I can't help but contrast the idyllic memories I have of my grandparents when I was young and the world was so bright and wonderful to the feelings of dread and sadness now. As if a layer of darkness has been laid over my perception of the world. It feels like hapiness and joy, things I used to find intrinsic to life, are now fleeting constructs that we build in spite of the inevitable. Maybe this is the difference between a youthful perception of the world and a mature one.
- hyperdimension 6y ago
  I don't mean at all to detract from your story, but I've also had many family members die seemingly one after another in my relatively short life. I've also struggled with (well, maybe) unrelated deep depression all my life, and your last paragraph is so poignant, I just wanted to say thank you for putting a certain feeling that I've always felt into words but have never been able to write. I'm sorry for your losses.
- deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]

aborsy 6y ago

Having seen a similar case, this is truly a traumatic ordeal for the patient’s family (and possibly the patient too, though we don’t know how they feel in that state). Keeping such person alive is a huge project. A team of experts is needed, not to treat the patient, but to help prevent his/her situation getting worse. I mean, you need several people just to move the patient. Eventually, the support wears down and the family goes from the help mode to, well, let the next infection take its course. It’s a dead end and I don’t wish that for my worst enemy. Brain diseases are horrible. I would take cancer anytime!

dr_dshiv 6y ago
My father passed away from a rare small cell prostate cancer last year. I didn't know at the time, but the median survival rate was 9 months -- and the rate hadn't changed since the 70s. So, he had a little less than a year to get his things in order -- and then passed swiftly from complete liver failure. I look back and feel very blessed -- he had a really beautiful passing, which i didn't even know was possible.

paulyy_y 6y ago

Sorry for your losses, that is really tough. I appreciate you sharing, it resonated with me. My mom's dad passed away two days ago and in the last two weeks before death a stroke destroyed his ability to speak. Nowhere near the level of locked in but terrible in its own way. Death really is grim, I haven't had much exposure to it in my life up until losing two grandparents this year - holding my mother as she sobbed was heartbreaking. I can't help but contrast the idyllic memories I have of my grandparents when I was young and the world was so bright and wonderful to the feelings of dread and sadness now. As if a layer of darkness has been laid over my perception of the world. It feels like hapiness and joy, things I used to find intrinsic to life, are now fleeting constructs that we build in spite of the inevitable. Maybe this is the difference between a youthful perception of the world and a mature one.

hyperdimension 6y ago
I don't mean at all to detract from your story, but I've also had many family members die seemingly one after another in my relatively short life. I've also struggled with (well, maybe) unrelated deep depression all my life, and your last paragraph is so poignant, I just wanted to say thank you for putting a certain feeling that I've always felt into words but have never been able to write. I'm sorry for your losses.
deleted 6y ago
[deleted]