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One aspect of fatherhood that surprised me is what I call the 'rescue response'. I was not able to find any formal information about this behavior, but I have t

One aspect of fatherhood that surprised me is what I call the 'rescue response'. I was not able to find any formal information about this behavior, but I have to think there is something out there. I have experienced this exactly twice in my life on separate occasions: My child entered a physically and immediately dangerous situation. As soon as I saw their peril, my mind went into a kind of flow state. I didn't take time to weigh options, or consider any type of danger to myself, I simply reacted and before I could consider what was happening, I'd removed my kids from the peril. Later, in one case, I noticed I had bruises from my action. In the other, I received a call from the school principal. Likewise, my father saved my brother and I from drowning, and I believe he had the same 'rescue response'. As soon as he saw what was happening, he dived in from the pier and swam the 30 feet to retrieve us, only to realize that once he had us, he had no idea what to do next. Meanwhile, my aunt had calmly climbed into a nearby canoe and rowed out to assist. I don't claim this is strictly a father's behavior, or strictly a male behavior, but personally, I haven't had this identical reaction in the few times I've seen other peoples' kids in similar urgent peril. I have taken other action, such as alerting bystanders, but not immediately put myself into danger. I contemplated options first.

mattgreenrocks 6y ago
I've had this happen too, especially in potentially dangerous situations. It's as if time slows down and you have no room to fear, just act. Then there's the hangover afterward :)
- MauranKilom 6y ago
  Adrenaline is a hell of a drug...
drewcon 6y ago
I have similar experiences whenever my kids have any kind of medium to high level accident (so to be clear not helicoptering every time they fall over). For whatever reason its like I go into immediate clinical triage mode. My two year old son ended up breaking his leg stepping off a short stool a couple years ago. My wife thought nothing of his crying but after ten minutes or so she called me while I was upstairs working. I immediately came down and sensed unordinary danger, triaged his leg and concluded it was a broken bone in about 20 seconds, and was off to the ER a minute later (he's fine!). But there is something that just kicks in and says "SOLVE THIS NOW".
jacksnipe 6y ago
I have experienced something extremely similar when a pickup truck blew through an intersection and almost hit my partner and I. I yanked us both out of the way and kind of half-dove backwards -- it took about 20 minutes before I realized I was in a ton of pain (side note: it's a miracle I didn't hit my head). So I suspect that this is just adrenaline? It felt just like what you've described here.
jonathanlydall 6y ago
I know you acknowledged maybe not just a father thing. I’ve had two major life in peril crisis with my wife. First was about 3.5 years ago and started with her sister calling to say they just had a serious car accident which ultimately resulted in my wife being in intensive care for over a week. The other was in June this year when my wife and I discovered our baby was arriving 10 weeks early. Gratefully, in both cases everything turned out fine in the end. But both experiences were very surreal in that in the moment I was calm and just focussed on doing whatever needed to be done. For the car accident it was only the next morning that it really hit me emotionally. And for the premature birth, it was only several hours later once everything seemed okay did my wife and I finally take bearings on how we were feeling. And on the subject of becoming a father. My daughter spent 8 weeks in the hospital but only on the day we bought her home did I finally have the realisation that she is utterly and completely reliant on me and my wife. That was the moment that something changed in me. It was possibly also delayed as the pandemic caused hospital to severely limit visiting time for dads.
- pbronez 6y ago
  Oh yeah it’s a very weird feeling when you finally get home from the hospital. It takes a moment, then you realize that nobody else is there to help. The baby is there, hugely needy, completely dependent, and it’s just up to you guys to handle it. Gulp.
  - Agentlien 6y ago
    The way I felt it, and the way my father described his feelings in the same situation was "can I really just take this home with me? No one's going to question or stop me?"
    - jcul 6y ago
      Yes 100%, I remember thinking how is this legal? I have a tiny human here and I've no idea how to keep them alive! You learn fairly fast though. The first time you go to sleep is crazy too, "what if something happens while I'm asleep!"
_pastel 6y ago
If you'd like an endless stream of entertaining video examples of this response in action, I'd highly recommend r/DadReflexes.
zigzaggy 6y ago
I've had a similar response. My son wrecked his bike and fell into a creek once and I swear I heard him scream a block away. I ran out to the creek and pulled him out before anyone else in my house even got on scene. There are whole videos of "dad's saving kids." (0) But it's not just men. When I was very young, before I could swim, I fell into a pool and my grandmother dove in and saved me. She was like a bolt of lightening. I don't have many memories of being young. But I sure do remember that one. 0. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6__QYkV_qs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6__QYkV_qs <- but this one isn't very serious

mattgreenrocks 6y ago

I've had this happen too, especially in potentially dangerous situations. It's as if time slows down and you have no room to fear, just act. Then there's the hangover afterward :)

MauranKilom 6y ago
Adrenaline is a hell of a drug...

drewcon 6y ago

I have similar experiences whenever my kids have any kind of medium to high level accident (so to be clear not helicoptering every time they fall over). For whatever reason its like I go into immediate clinical triage mode. My two year old son ended up breaking his leg stepping off a short stool a couple years ago. My wife thought nothing of his crying but after ten minutes or so she called me while I was upstairs working. I immediately came down and sensed unordinary danger, triaged his leg and concluded it was a broken bone in about 20 seconds, and was off to the ER a minute later (he's fine!). But there is something that just kicks in and says "SOLVE THIS NOW".

jacksnipe 6y ago

I have experienced something extremely similar when a pickup truck blew through an intersection and almost hit my partner and I. I yanked us both out of the way and kind of half-dove backwards -- it took about 20 minutes before I realized I was in a ton of pain (side note: it's a miracle I didn't hit my head). So I suspect that this is just adrenaline? It felt just like what you've described here.

jonathanlydall 6y ago

I know you acknowledged maybe not just a father thing. I’ve had two major life in peril crisis with my wife. First was about 3.5 years ago and started with her sister calling to say they just had a serious car accident which ultimately resulted in my wife being in intensive care for over a week. The other was in June this year when my wife and I discovered our baby was arriving 10 weeks early. Gratefully, in both cases everything turned out fine in the end. But both experiences were very surreal in that in the moment I was calm and just focussed on doing whatever needed to be done. For the car accident it was only the next morning that it really hit me emotionally. And for the premature birth, it was only several hours later once everything seemed okay did my wife and I finally take bearings on how we were feeling. And on the subject of becoming a father. My daughter spent 8 weeks in the hospital but only on the day we bought her home did I finally have the realisation that she is utterly and completely reliant on me and my wife. That was the moment that something changed in me. It was possibly also delayed as the pandemic caused hospital to severely limit visiting time for dads.

pbronez 6y ago
Oh yeah it’s a very weird feeling when you finally get home from the hospital. It takes a moment, then you realize that nobody else is there to help. The baby is there, hugely needy, completely dependent, and it’s just up to you guys to handle it. Gulp.
- Agentlien 6y ago
  The way I felt it, and the way my father described his feelings in the same situation was "can I really just take this home with me? No one's going to question or stop me?"
  - jcul 6y ago
    Yes 100%, I remember thinking how is this legal? I have a tiny human here and I've no idea how to keep them alive! You learn fairly fast though. The first time you go to sleep is crazy too, "what if something happens while I'm asleep!"

_pastel 6y ago

If you'd like an endless stream of entertaining video examples of this response in action, I'd highly recommend r/DadReflexes.

zigzaggy 6y ago

I've had a similar response. My son wrecked his bike and fell into a creek once and I swear I heard him scream a block away. I ran out to the creek and pulled him out before anyone else in my house even got on scene. There are whole videos of "dad's saving kids." (0) But it's not just men. When I was very young, before I could swim, I fell into a pool and my grandmother dove in and saved me. She was like a bolt of lightening. I don't have many memories of being young. But I sure do remember that one. 0. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6__QYkV_qs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6__QYkV_qs <- but this one isn't very serious