8 ms·

As far as I'm concerned charisma is like heavy perfume or cologne that someone wears when they don't take a shower. It's probably covering something else. -- d

by b0rsuk 6y ago

As far as I'm concerned charisma is like heavy perfume or cologne that someone wears when they don't take a shower. It's probably covering something else. -- dr Ramani Durvasula, licensed clinical psychologist https://youtu.be/8EqSlSPHjR0?t=195 https://youtu.be/8EqSlSPHjR0?t=195

deleted 6y ago
[deleted]
oblio 6y ago
So, basically, it's better to be uncharismatic? I find this hard to believe, we're social creatures.
- Cthulhu_ 6y ago
  It's not a dichotomy, there is a middle ground.
- mathattack 6y ago
  More that we should be suspicious of others who are overly charismatic.
  - riyadparvez 6y ago
    This. I've seen the same in my personal life. It intuitively makes sense. If someone is just outright toxic without any redeemable quality, you will not socialize with them. It's only when they have superficial charm to cover up their toxicity, you'll be interested or manipulated to have them in their life.
    - mathattack 6y ago
      It’s also why interviewing is so tough.
hedberg10 6y ago
Dr Ramani is pretty awesome, but all her views are heavily skewed towards narcissism and it's dangers, rightfully so, since people seem to underestimate that trait. It all depends how you define charisma. If it's "larger than life" it can be and is often abused, if it's "easy to be around and suave" that comes closer to what I would think charisma is.
- Timpy 6y ago
  The difference between charisma and narcissism may be in the eye of the beholder. However, I can think of a few people in my life that are personable and incredibly genuine; the kind of person that seems to draw the best out in others. I wouldn't be happy to hear them described as narcissistic.
  - joncrane 6y ago
    The thing is narcissism in and of itself is not necessarily negative. We're all the stars of our own shows/lives. Some people want attention and do all the right things to get it: pursue the right goals, get people together to do stuff that's good for humanity. You'd better believe that many people whom we view very positively might have been narcissists: Ghandi, Mother Teresa, etc. But the difference is they did GOOD things to get the attention and power they thought they deserved. I think it has to do with the values you absorb as a very young person. We all have a drive for attention, for power, for comfort, for security. For some the drive, and the talent or "charisma" to achieve those goals is higher. The decisions made along the way, the considerations of the side effects, and what you DO with that power are what distinguish people like Donald Trump and Hitler from people like Barack Obama and Nelson Mandela. And let's not get it wrong; even the latter two have a few spots on their records. No one is perfect.
    - b0rsuk 6y ago
      "It's almost like saying 'This is a safe drunk driver'" Ramani's video on 'healthy narcissism', 10:28 https://youtu.be/QiQCsrWtUNo?t=46 https://youtu.be/QiQCsrWtUNo?t=46 She also has a video on "communal narcissists" - a breed of narcissists on a mission to help people that are very careful about documenting every single thing they do. Upon closer inspection, it turns out many people do good things only to be in spotlight and are mean to people close to them, including assistants who work for their success. She says whether it's worth it for the society in the end is a philosophical question. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF8fiHTbGtY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF8fiHTbGtY
api 6y ago
That's absolutely outstanding. You do occasionally find people who are all of very charismatic, honest, and substantive, but it's rare. Usually charisma is used to sell bullshit of one form or another. In my experience extreme charisma is a strong contrarian indicator.
- b0rsuk 6y ago
  Charisma, and physical beauty, give people power over you. And we know power corrupts. Few can resist the temptation! Few are conscious enough to know they're getting preferential treatment. It doesn't have to be on purpose, it can start as a snowballing habit.

by b0rsuk 6y ago

deleted 6y ago

[deleted]

oblio 6y ago

So, basically, it's better to be uncharismatic? I find this hard to believe, we're social creatures.

Cthulhu_ 6y ago
It's not a dichotomy, there is a middle ground.
mathattack 6y ago
More that we should be suspicious of others who are overly charismatic.
- riyadparvez 6y ago
  This. I've seen the same in my personal life. It intuitively makes sense. If someone is just outright toxic without any redeemable quality, you will not socialize with them. It's only when they have superficial charm to cover up their toxicity, you'll be interested or manipulated to have them in their life.
  - mathattack 6y ago
    It’s also why interviewing is so tough.

hedberg10 6y ago

Dr Ramani is pretty awesome, but all her views are heavily skewed towards narcissism and it's dangers, rightfully so, since people seem to underestimate that trait. It all depends how you define charisma. If it's "larger than life" it can be and is often abused, if it's "easy to be around and suave" that comes closer to what I would think charisma is.

Timpy 6y ago
The difference between charisma and narcissism may be in the eye of the beholder. However, I can think of a few people in my life that are personable and incredibly genuine; the kind of person that seems to draw the best out in others. I wouldn't be happy to hear them described as narcissistic.
- joncrane 6y ago
  The thing is narcissism in and of itself is not necessarily negative. We're all the stars of our own shows/lives. Some people want attention and do all the right things to get it: pursue the right goals, get people together to do stuff that's good for humanity. You'd better believe that many people whom we view very positively might have been narcissists: Ghandi, Mother Teresa, etc. But the difference is they did GOOD things to get the attention and power they thought they deserved. I think it has to do with the values you absorb as a very young person. We all have a drive for attention, for power, for comfort, for security. For some the drive, and the talent or "charisma" to achieve those goals is higher. The decisions made along the way, the considerations of the side effects, and what you DO with that power are what distinguish people like Donald Trump and Hitler from people like Barack Obama and Nelson Mandela. And let's not get it wrong; even the latter two have a few spots on their records. No one is perfect.
  - b0rsuk 6y ago
    "It's almost like saying 'This is a safe drunk driver'" Ramani's video on 'healthy narcissism', 10:28 https://youtu.be/QiQCsrWtUNo?t=46 https://youtu.be/QiQCsrWtUNo?t=46 She also has a video on "communal narcissists" - a breed of narcissists on a mission to help people that are very careful about documenting every single thing they do. Upon closer inspection, it turns out many people do good things only to be in spotlight and are mean to people close to them, including assistants who work for their success. She says whether it's worth it for the society in the end is a philosophical question. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF8fiHTbGtY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF8fiHTbGtY

api 6y ago

That's absolutely outstanding. You do occasionally find people who are all of very charismatic, honest, and substantive, but it's rare. Usually charisma is used to sell bullshit of one form or another. In my experience extreme charisma is a strong contrarian indicator.

b0rsuk 6y ago
Charisma, and physical beauty, give people power over you. And we know power corrupts. Few can resist the temptation! Few are conscious enough to know they're getting preferential treatment. It doesn't have to be on purpose, it can start as a snowballing habit.