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Just FYI, I really enjoyed your story but I almost closed the tab and didn't read it due to "Read on to find out" in the first paragraph. It sets off all the cl
by smichel17 6y ago
Just FYI, I really enjoyed your story but I almost closed the tab and didn't read it due to "Read on to find out" in the first paragraph. It sets off all the clickbait alarms in my head, which make me expect to find a bunch of low-quality content. The rj45 cable melting is just as good of a hook (and is actually why I continued reading). I'd suggest sticking the first sentence onto the front of the second paragraph and removing the rest of the first paragraph.
- ethanwillis 6y agoThanks for that feedback. I'm having to do a lot more writing for my job now so being able to improve my writing with honest feedback is super important. I agree, I even cringed a little bit when I wrote it. But I didn't want to fully give everything away so it was just a bad edit :) Your suggestion would work a lot better.
- TheAdamAndChe 6y agoBe sure to write specifically for your target audience. That clickbait would work if your target was the Lowest Common Denominator. It doesn't work so well with a highly technical audience.
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- virgulino 6y agoYou had me hook, line and sinker at "cable in my cable modem melted". Great story and great writing, thanks!