4 ms·
The context about the anger and powerlessness.. I haven't heard too many people mention that. I got the bug in March and my GP (who is amazing) told me to talk
by stuntkite 6y ago
The context about the anger and powerlessness.. I haven't heard too many people mention that.
I got the bug in March and my GP (who is amazing) told me to talk to the health department and the health department told me to talk to my GP or go to the ER. I was in the middle of moving out of my house when it hit. My girlfriend was gone (she had just taken an internship) and I was alone. I was furious about my lack of options and just the bullshit from everyone being overloaded, the stress of work (I work from home) and still wanting to pack boxes to finish my move. The last 4 days of fever were the worst. I remember my last night of fever acutely. Sitting alone in my bed with a throat that felt like a sun bleached mummy of a garden hose full of glitter, hallucinating, and stupefied (the coronavirus brain fog is one of the most interesting symptoms IMO). I sent my doctor's office a message on the medical portal and said "Fuck you and fuck the fucking health department, if I die alone today I want you to know you might have been able to help." My fever broke a few hours later and I was largely functional by the next day.
I've seen my doc since, we are fine and haven't talked about my message. I'm dealing with inflammation that looks like pericarditis by a lot of blood markers but is almost invisible to anything else that would confirm it. I had a heart attack a month ago. I'm 37 and relatively fit for a console jockey. That feeling of powerlessness and isolation. The worry of giving it to anyone else even if I did ask for help... On top of that the disbelief that I was going through it and the still persistent disbelief that I get from other people if I do talk about it. I won't forget it any time soon. Especially because ever since it feels like I've got a dinner plate glued inside my chest that no one can find.
Wear a mask. We are in this for a long haul. Well, I might not be.
- jhanschoo 6y agoThe psychological aspect of this reminded me of when my depression hit and I responded so differently emotionally to everything and felt like (and was) a completely different person. Habits and rituals that used to be nothing pleasure for my past self, things that I did to reward yourself for a good job done were painful and tedious to my present self. The depression was one thing, but suddenly being a different person when you thought you knew yourself, and wondering if you should learn to live as this new, damaged person with its different emotional attitudes to everything (that I didn't trust were sustainable) or act like your old self working toward your old self's goals trusting in the wisdom of the person you once were---that was a different dilemma I didn't know I had to make, that nobody understood.
- me_me_me 6y agoThank you for your story. Its hard for me to read as I can relate to some of it. Wishing you very best in the long haul, stay healthy.
- sizzle 6y agoWow a heart attack at 37?! How did the coronavirus contribute to it? Never heard a link between the two. Glad you are stable now, any idea how the heck you got it? I'm beyond paranoid of contracting it...
- stuntkite 6y agoWe are just starting to learn about the long term effects. They are myriad and present for even people who had mild to no symptoms. Joint pain, cognitive issues, stroke, and cardiac arrest are shockingly common. Plenty of articles have popped up here on HN about it. No one knows anything except that it’s hard to tell who will have problems or why. I have a pretty good guess as to how I got it, but nothing conclusive. It’s everywhere and has been since the beginning of the year.
- nradov 6y agoMany severe viral infections can increase the risk of heart attack. https://www.stjohnleavenworth.com/Services/Heart-and-Vascular/Heart-and-Vascular-Flu-Impact-on-Heart.aspx https://www.stjohnleavenworth.com/Services/Heart-and-Vascula...