10 ms·

Really badly, but could be worse. I am entirely sure that I have moderate-serious depression since the lock down started. I rely entirely on external structure

by screye 6y ago

Really badly, but could be worse. I am entirely sure that I have moderate-serious depression since the lock down started. I rely entirely on external structure and physical separation of spaces to keep myself sane. So WFH has been disastrous for me. I have been eating worse, not working out, stopped pursuing hobbies/side projects and have been incredibly unproductive at work. Thankfully, a year of good results prior to this, has helped build a lot of goodwill I can burn through. For the first time the current social climate has affected me severely too. My parents city is among the worst affected by Covid, and both my 80 yr old grandparents stay there. My anti-tribal-free-speech-absolutist and pro-equality-altruistic self have put me in a moral crisis as the BLM movement has picked up. Then today morning my favorite blog closed because of an attack by cancel-police. My country is on the cusp of actual war. I also spilled my coffee twice in the last 2 days and that makes me irrationally frustrated. On the bright side, I have no suicidal thoughts. None of my relationships have been destroyed (yet). I still have my job and I know the cause of my current state is temporary. I've started therapy, which should start helping any moment now. Covid has affected people in worse ways, so I'm quietly trudging along. Worst 3 month period of my life outside the one time I was depressed + alone . Now I am just depressed.

hn_throwaway_99 6y ago
> I rely entirely on external structure and physical separation of spaces to keep myself sane. I think this will resonate with a significant subset of the HN crowd. I really thrive on externally-enforced structure (didn't take long to discover I made a terrible entrepreneur, but found a good niche as a startup employee). I've set my life up around having different events and places I need to be: classes at my gym, took up some in-person Spanish lessons, etc. When all those avenues shut down, I found it incredibly difficult to motivate myself to do anything. My physical health has deteriorated as I get much less exercise now, and that has sort of spiraled with my mental well-being. It's been rough.
- FuckButtons 6y ago
  I hear you. I feel the exact same way.
- screye 6y ago
  > I've set my life up around having different events and places I need to be Yes ! This was exactly it. The 2nd half of 2019 was some of the best time of my life because of this. It's been quite jarring to see how instantly my mental health deteriorated the second the lock down started.
- raihansaputra 6y ago
  > I really thrive on externally-enforced structure (didn't take long to discover I made a terrible entrepreneur, but found a good niche as a startup employee). How did you find that out? Really interested whether I fall in the same group. I feel like I agree with you; I haven't been exercising as much because I can't go to a studio/gym to exercise, and the deterioration of both physical health and mental well-being is very apparent now.
  - hn_throwaway_99 6y ago
    When I tried my go at doing my own startup with a colleague, I found it incredibly stressful. But a lot of that stress was due to me finding it difficult to prioritize the right things to do, difficulty motivating myself to do the parts I didn't enjoy, and just overall procrastination. To be honest, I know everyone wants to have a "growth mindset", i.e. the belief that if you're not good at something that you can diligently "face your fears" and overcome it, but at least for me I've come to the conclusion that I'm just constitutionally not cut out to be an entrepreneur. I don't know if it's my genes or my early upbringing or what, but I've tried all the motivation/self-direction/anti-procrastination tricks in the book, and it just doesn't work for me. There was definitely a sense of loss when I came to that conclusion, but I've found that I'm able to thrive when I have an environment with more structure.
    - raihansaputra 6y ago
      Interesting. Can you share more about your startup adventures? How long do you usually stay and what kinds of teams do you prefer? I had my own stint working at a startup, but having too little skill/experience + the startup chaos made it way too stressful, but looking back it was pretty interesting. I do agree on your last point. Part willpower, part understanding what works best for each of us. Accepting that we might not be everything that we want to be is hard, but growth is discovering the paths that we can otherwise take.
TheMerovingian 6y ago
Anecdotally, cutting my coffee intake to near-zero levels has allowed my anxiety to simmer down. Perhaps this may help in your situation.
- ck425 6y ago
  Out of curiosity did you switch to decaf or just no coffee at all? I could never tell if it was coffee specifically or just caffeine in general which heightened my anxiety.
  - cyberdrunk 6y ago
    I switched to decaf, and I have much less anxiety, but also much less energy... It's definitely the caffeine.
- dcolkitt 6y ago
  Contrapoint, research shows that coffee seems to act as a fairly effective antidepressant[1]. [1] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0004867415603131 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/000486741560313...
  - pawalt 6y ago
    It can be a good antidepressant, but definitely won't help anxiety. I've recently quit coffee as well and it's done wonders for my anxiety. https://www.goodrx.com/blog/does-coffee-caffeine-cause-anxiety/ https://www.goodrx.com/blog/does-coffee-caffeine-cause-anxie...
  - wahlrus 6y ago
    This abstract says that depression risk decreased by ~8%, but I still think this is an amazing finding. I also wish I was scientifically literate enough to understand how good the study is :P
  - cyberpip 6y ago
    Coffee + L-Theanine = Balance
jaynetics 6y ago
It never ceases to amaze me how different people are. For me, all effects have been the exact opposite. Less going out, so more cooking and healthier eating. Less tired from open office noise, so more energy for sports. More free time without commute, so I picked up some long forgotten hobbies again. This means my advice might not apply to you, but if I may still recommend one thing: ignore most of the news for a while. The sensationalism can get infectious. There won't be anything deserving of the name war in your country (the US, I assume).
- mech422 6y ago
  I actually feel a lil guilty about how well things are going for me. Its not really been any change for me, same schedule - same job. I think the key is as you said, mostly avoiding the news. Every day or two, I skim over the headlines on CNN but mostly I avoid it. I do check the stock market in the mornings - I swear the DJIA is just a yo-yo. But it's just out of curiosity as I still have 15+ years before I can retire...So not stressing about it even on bad days. I think previously, I was just way too wrapped up in the news cycles.
  - tmaly 6y ago
    I have found that avoiding news all together has definitely had a positive impact on my days. This includes social media.
    - mech422 6y ago
      HN is about the extent of my social media... I always found the signal-to-noise ratio of facebook, twitter, etc. to be too low to make them worthwhile. On the other hand, I can spend hours sucked into random tech books, blogs, etc. So I guess time wise it balances out.
  - shireboy 6y ago
    Agree 100%. I've felt a little guilty too. I started working from home full time about 4 months before covid landed in US. I'd built a nice above garage office. Kids homeschooled already. Planted a garden that's doing well, had more time for home projects, etc. I have friends not doing so well. I have donated to individuals and organizations since I feel I have an obligation to help people in need. News is the biggest drag on my mental well being. It is important to be informed, but I genuinely feel that media is so driven by ad revenue and has optimized itself into being as negative and outrageous and _loud_ as possible, to the detriment of sane balanced information and opinion. I need to know the sides of current issues, but not loudly 24x7 with as much vitriol on all sides. I blocked several news sites and social media I habitually check in my hosts file, but somehow my browser still resolves the names. I need to fix that. HackerNews is really one of the few sites I can expect to find calm reasoned discussion and information.
mercer 6y ago
Is there any option to go to co-working spaces or the like? Some people I know have started doing that and while it's different than pre-covid (strict limits on the number of 'attendees') it's been really nice to see people together again and for them to find some relief from mostly staying at home. it can work wonders!
nyxtom 6y ago
Consider the alternative: Social/political climates and the "cancel culture" always has something to target. If you look, at any given time, this is something that has been going on since we could communicate in a public sphere. There has always been and always will be a tension in the public conversation. I wouldn't say "cusp of actual war" though. There are many people however who are hoping and actively counting on you thinking that though. I would argue, however, that all of this has been severely amplified due to social media and the current crisis of the news industries. We have to at least consider who is literally banking on your getting your attention - hijacking the fight-or-flight part of your brain is part of that equation.
- screye 6y ago
  > cusp of actual war Yeah But, India and China are quite seriously considering war right now. No joke.
  - nl 6y ago
    I'm sure you are aware, but India and China have been had continual skirmishes along the Line of Actual Control[1] since the 1960s. It's the worst it's been for a while, but there have been pretty major incidents[2] even within the last decade. It's a serious situation, but not unprecedented. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Line_of_Actual_Control https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Line_of_Actual_Control [2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2013_Daulat_Beg_Oldi_incident https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2013_Daulat_Beg_Oldi_incident
  - thewhitetulip 6y ago
    The situation is unprecedented, yes, but war is not going to happen. Physical war, unless you are in crisis states which are fighting among themselves, is very rare. War among nuclear powered nations will also be difficult to ignite. Despite the bravado of 'an eye for an eye' every politician cares about their future. Modi won't start a war with China and China won't with Modi. China is already on a backfoot about the Corona situation and Modi is on a backfoot about a LOT of things but the media is bailing him out. I don't think war will be a right thing for both the nations.
bigdict 6y ago
Good on you that you went to therapy. On the bright side you are probably learning a lot about yourself.
PokemonNoGo 6y ago
I hear you. I echo your experience to the letter. It got to me so I had 6 weeks of sick leave. On antidepressants for the second time in my life. Never felt so alone. Working from the office these days because I can't imagine sitting home alone again. Went on a weird tinder bender and knocked out 20 dataes over 7 weeks only to be social...
virtue3 6y ago
Are you me? Seriously hit all the nails on the head for me. Except my country is not yet currently at war. And I used to go out social dancing and that is basically dead until next year most likely. I ruined two coffees the other day. Put too much peppermint oil in and screwed it up. And then I let my coffee friend screw with my grinder/machine settings and it got hosed. ugh. I really recommend getting a workout buddy and making yourselves accountable. It's helping so far.
- screye 6y ago
  > workout buddy That's the plan, but I also in the most stressful time of the year in terms of work. So it is kind of hard to build new habits. > making yourselves accountable Been trying this. I talk to my brother every morning, who keeps me accountable. It helps, but still rough. > I used to go out social dancing Climbing and soccer were mine. I feel you there. > I ruined two coffees the other day. Put too much peppermint oil in and screwed it up. There is something about ruined coffee that hits a person really hard. Be strong mate. Like all things, this too will pass.
- jidiculous 6y ago
  Hey, quick question about your coffee – why do you add peppermint oil? And how much do you add? I'm always looking to improve my coffee routine or try new things out. Currently I'm on an iced cold-brew trend because the place I'm in has been in a 40+°C heatwave for the last 5ish days.
  - virtue3 6y ago
    I don't have it down yet. I just switched to vanilla to try out. Roomate used to work at BlueBottle. Told me that you really want to stay away from extracts, theyd infuse their own simple syrups with vanilla beans. I think peppermint oil should work. Would be better if I used peppermint simple syrup I think tho. just more surface area. Iced coffee might not matter if you're doing a lot of milk tho! Have you tried making your own overnight cold brews yet?
    - 6y ago
thewarrior 6y ago
I feel you. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. I've been having a lot of ups and downs myself. Not having anyone to talk to I've been almost by myself for four months with occassional walks with a friend. But the sum total of my human face to face contact is about 4-5 hours a month. This is just not enough for most humans. Plus there is the added stress that if you slip too much you could end up back into a bad job market. The only thing one can do is to find other healthy diversions and keep diet / sleep / exercise on track. I hope my managers understand and won't judge my performance at this time.
PopeDotNinja 6y ago
Hey screye, mid-March to mid-June was shit for me, too. Nearly 2 months of not being able to exercise outdoors. Stress eating & drinking. I had multiple meltdowns, some of which bled into my work. I somehow managed to not get fired. In my own way, I'm right there with you. If you need someone to listen w/o judgement, and to tell you "yeah, that does indeed suck", feel free to reach out. I had some people to lean on and it really helped me.
- screye 6y ago
  Thanks for the offer mate. I really appreciate the general outpour of support within this community. I am happy to say I have a really supportive group around me, so I do get to vent every once in a while. This week is a bit rough, but I should be able to find time to reach out on the weekend. Being able to confide in a stranger like this is strangely comforting. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. Despite never having met you, one thing about Covid that is absolutely true, is that 'we are in this together'. There is a sense of camaraderie having faced a common challenge.
kerkeslager 6y ago
Hey man, I identified with a lot of your post, but I've found some ways to cope with it and I'm actually doing pretty well these days. Feel free to PM me and we can talk.
- screye 6y ago
  Hey mate, I would really appreciate it. I am a bit busy right now, but I will ping you soon.
hliyan 6y ago
Possibly a cliche response here, but take heart: the fact that you're a recognized high performer, with a family and is able to afford therapy puts you well ahead of the vast majority of humanity. Hope you'll bounce back soon.
TimSchumann 6y ago
Familiar with too much of this. Thanks for sharing, and good on you for seeking help. Hope it works out for yah.
hckr_news 6y ago
> My anti-tribal-free-speech-absolutist and pro-equality-altruistic self have put me in a moral crisis as the BLM movement has picked up What does this mean?
- deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
- screye 6y ago
  > anti-tribal + free-speech-absolutist I think that free-speech is a central tenet of modern society and the source of future progress. I am strongly anti-tribal. I do not associate with groups, isms or movements. I like to purely talk issues and like to evaluate ideas for their individual merit and not based on who says them. > pro-equality = altruistic Pretty self explanatory. Generally socialist leanings borne from wanting to provide equality of opportunity and measurably fair treatment to all. _______ I support most of BLM's policy goals. I believe there needs to be more awareness about racism. I think holding racists and people in power accountable is important. Police reform, removing qualified immunity, mandated cameras and reforming the criminal justice system. However, I refuse to align myself to the movement itself. Because an agenda-less and leaderless movement can go in any direction any time. A great example is how the Gamer-gate movement took a strong turn away from 'ethical journalism in gaming' to 'racist hatred of women' within the span of six months. Religion is an excellent example of how tribes demand loyalty. Many of the top thinkers within the BLM movement see violent protests as an inevitable part and many allies endorse violent revolution. I do not yet know if I agree on those matters. I do not want to sign up for buffet of opinions where I have to mandatorily eat every dish. I prefer to have my opinion a-la-carte. Each of these issues are important but they have a ton of nuance. To find a good solution, we need free speech. We need people with contrary opinions to be able to challenge the protestors and through the friction there will emerge solution. But, all groups (including ones of my peers) are increasingly moving towards hiveminds of agreement where the In-Group-Contrarian must be destroyed. There is a reason it has me so rattled. I have yet to truly sort out my opinions on the whole matter at large.
dgllghr 6y ago
I identify with a lot of what you say. As someone who is (as you say) "pro-equality-altruistic" but not "anti-tribal-free-speech-absolutist", one thing I want to say is that I don't hate you. I don't even dislike you. I feel like the media and social media are making it feel like we all hate each other for tiny differences in our worldviews. I've come to believe that those spaces are dominated by the most entrenched, vocal, spiteful people. If you care about equality and altruism in your heart, I'm with you. And I bet a lot more people are with you than you think.
- bargl 6y ago
  A lot of people want similar outcomes but disagree on how to get there. When you recognize that you and the other person want the same outcome but disagree on HOW to get there it's more annoying than it is anger inducing. I'm not "anti-tribal-free-speech-absolutist", but I get why people want it. By seeing their point of view I can at least say, I see your heart and I get that this is because you want more goodness in the world. Just a long winded way of saying. I agree with this too much online is pushing conflict or blind agreement, and not as much shades of agreement or small disagreements.
- Consultant32452 6y ago
  Anger gives us a spike of dopamine. The people involved in this industry are selling you that dopamine hit. They aren't required to believe anything they say. A large percentage of the people in media were educated at the finest universities on the planet. I think it's silly to believe they're so foolish they can't see that what they are spewing right now is exactly counter to what they were spewing 5 seconds ago.
shpongled 6y ago
I feel you. This has been such a shitty time just in general around the world, and I've been having a hard time personally as well. During the past month I've been pretty unproductive at work (partially out of my control), we had to put down our dog of 15 years, my grandpa had a stroke, and one my uncles has an extremely aggressive form of cancer. Luckily I'm still in good health, and I don't know anyone with covid-19. My favorite blog was also shut down this morning by the cancel police (same blog as you). Reach out if you need someone to chat to!
- screye 6y ago
  Hey mate, you seem to have it a lot rougher than I do. I would love to chat. Maybe sometime this weekend. I really appreciate your willingness to offer support, when you yourself are in such supply of it.
Insanity 6y ago
Strangely the coffee thing struck a chord with me. When I was having a bad time some weeks ago (worries around grandparents and covid) I got really frustrated because on top of that I spilled water on my keyboard. Like, in the big picture, that's not important at all. But that send me over the edge into complete frustration. Was pretty unproductive afterwards. I'm sure everything will turn out fine for you though, hang in there!
neuroticfish 6y ago
>Then today morning my favorite blog closed because of an attack by cancel-police. Isn't this still speculative at this point? Last I read about it (on Reddit) there was no actual evidence that NYT was cooking up a hit piece.
- deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
mathattack 6y ago
Hang in there. Forgive yourself for challenges coping. It’s hitting all of us.
alfor 6y ago
take a look at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snAhsXyO3Ck https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snAhsXyO3Ck
NicoJuicy 6y ago
> My country is on the cusp of actual war. If it means anything ( I hope it does). It's that democracy take a while and wars in Western democratic countries are only a very small probability. Because people don't want land anymore, as they wanted in the ( for us) distant past. They want money and trade/work is the best way to get it. Edit: It's not worldwide applicable. But be hopeful that the right loyalists are a servere minority. I wish you the best, from Belgium :)
- screye 6y ago
  Sadly it's not western and the opposition is not democratic. I am talking about India and China.
  - NicoJuicy 6y ago
    Ow ok. Sorry for making the wrong assumption, I am a bit informed about the border situation, but not enough. I hope everything works out.
7ArcticSealz 6y ago
something which might help is sticking to regular meal times, sleep times, and wake times. it will help regulate your system
divbzero 6y ago
> On the bright side, I have no suicidal thoughts. None of my relationships have been destroyed (yet). I still have my job and I know the cause of my current state is temporary. I've started therapy, which should start helping any moment now. Covid has affected people in worse ways, so I'm quietly trudging along. All the best! Thanks for sharing and keep on keeping on. We’re all there with you.
BruceOxenford 6y ago
We too in a bad situation right now and feel sorry for you. Stay strong man.

by screye 6y ago

hn_throwaway_99 6y ago

> I rely entirely on external structure and physical separation of spaces to keep myself sane. I think this will resonate with a significant subset of the HN crowd. I really thrive on externally-enforced structure (didn't take long to discover I made a terrible entrepreneur, but found a good niche as a startup employee). I've set my life up around having different events and places I need to be: classes at my gym, took up some in-person Spanish lessons, etc. When all those avenues shut down, I found it incredibly difficult to motivate myself to do anything. My physical health has deteriorated as I get much less exercise now, and that has sort of spiraled with my mental well-being. It's been rough.

FuckButtons 6y ago
I hear you. I feel the exact same way.
screye 6y ago
> I've set my life up around having different events and places I need to be Yes ! This was exactly it. The 2nd half of 2019 was some of the best time of my life because of this. It's been quite jarring to see how instantly my mental health deteriorated the second the lock down started.
raihansaputra 6y ago
> I really thrive on externally-enforced structure (didn't take long to discover I made a terrible entrepreneur, but found a good niche as a startup employee). How did you find that out? Really interested whether I fall in the same group. I feel like I agree with you; I haven't been exercising as much because I can't go to a studio/gym to exercise, and the deterioration of both physical health and mental well-being is very apparent now.
- hn_throwaway_99 6y ago
  When I tried my go at doing my own startup with a colleague, I found it incredibly stressful. But a lot of that stress was due to me finding it difficult to prioritize the right things to do, difficulty motivating myself to do the parts I didn't enjoy, and just overall procrastination. To be honest, I know everyone wants to have a "growth mindset", i.e. the belief that if you're not good at something that you can diligently "face your fears" and overcome it, but at least for me I've come to the conclusion that I'm just constitutionally not cut out to be an entrepreneur. I don't know if it's my genes or my early upbringing or what, but I've tried all the motivation/self-direction/anti-procrastination tricks in the book, and it just doesn't work for me. There was definitely a sense of loss when I came to that conclusion, but I've found that I'm able to thrive when I have an environment with more structure.
  - raihansaputra 6y ago
    Interesting. Can you share more about your startup adventures? How long do you usually stay and what kinds of teams do you prefer? I had my own stint working at a startup, but having too little skill/experience + the startup chaos made it way too stressful, but looking back it was pretty interesting. I do agree on your last point. Part willpower, part understanding what works best for each of us. Accepting that we might not be everything that we want to be is hard, but growth is discovering the paths that we can otherwise take.

TheMerovingian 6y ago

Anecdotally, cutting my coffee intake to near-zero levels has allowed my anxiety to simmer down. Perhaps this may help in your situation.

ck425 6y ago
Out of curiosity did you switch to decaf or just no coffee at all? I could never tell if it was coffee specifically or just caffeine in general which heightened my anxiety.
- cyberdrunk 6y ago
  I switched to decaf, and I have much less anxiety, but also much less energy... It's definitely the caffeine.
dcolkitt 6y ago
Contrapoint, research shows that coffee seems to act as a fairly effective antidepressant[1]. [1] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0004867415603131 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/000486741560313...
- pawalt 6y ago
  It can be a good antidepressant, but definitely won't help anxiety. I've recently quit coffee as well and it's done wonders for my anxiety. https://www.goodrx.com/blog/does-coffee-caffeine-cause-anxiety/ https://www.goodrx.com/blog/does-coffee-caffeine-cause-anxie...
- wahlrus 6y ago
  This abstract says that depression risk decreased by ~8%, but I still think this is an amazing finding. I also wish I was scientifically literate enough to understand how good the study is :P
- cyberpip 6y ago
  Coffee + L-Theanine = Balance

jaynetics 6y ago

It never ceases to amaze me how different people are. For me, all effects have been the exact opposite. Less going out, so more cooking and healthier eating. Less tired from open office noise, so more energy for sports. More free time without commute, so I picked up some long forgotten hobbies again. This means my advice might not apply to you, but if I may still recommend one thing: ignore most of the news for a while. The sensationalism can get infectious. There won't be anything deserving of the name war in your country (the US, I assume).

mech422 6y ago
I actually feel a lil guilty about how well things are going for me. Its not really been any change for me, same schedule - same job. I think the key is as you said, mostly avoiding the news. Every day or two, I skim over the headlines on CNN but mostly I avoid it. I do check the stock market in the mornings - I swear the DJIA is just a yo-yo. But it's just out of curiosity as I still have 15+ years before I can retire...So not stressing about it even on bad days. I think previously, I was just way too wrapped up in the news cycles.
- tmaly 6y ago
  I have found that avoiding news all together has definitely had a positive impact on my days. This includes social media.
  - mech422 6y ago
    HN is about the extent of my social media... I always found the signal-to-noise ratio of facebook, twitter, etc. to be too low to make them worthwhile. On the other hand, I can spend hours sucked into random tech books, blogs, etc. So I guess time wise it balances out.
- shireboy 6y ago
  Agree 100%. I've felt a little guilty too. I started working from home full time about 4 months before covid landed in US. I'd built a nice above garage office. Kids homeschooled already. Planted a garden that's doing well, had more time for home projects, etc. I have friends not doing so well. I have donated to individuals and organizations since I feel I have an obligation to help people in need. News is the biggest drag on my mental well being. It is important to be informed, but I genuinely feel that media is so driven by ad revenue and has optimized itself into being as negative and outrageous and _loud_ as possible, to the detriment of sane balanced information and opinion. I need to know the sides of current issues, but not loudly 24x7 with as much vitriol on all sides. I blocked several news sites and social media I habitually check in my hosts file, but somehow my browser still resolves the names. I need to fix that. HackerNews is really one of the few sites I can expect to find calm reasoned discussion and information.

mercer 6y ago

Is there any option to go to co-working spaces or the like? Some people I know have started doing that and while it's different than pre-covid (strict limits on the number of 'attendees') it's been really nice to see people together again and for them to find some relief from mostly staying at home. it can work wonders!

nyxtom 6y ago

Consider the alternative: Social/political climates and the "cancel culture" always has something to target. If you look, at any given time, this is something that has been going on since we could communicate in a public sphere. There has always been and always will be a tension in the public conversation. I wouldn't say "cusp of actual war" though. There are many people however who are hoping and actively counting on you thinking that though. I would argue, however, that all of this has been severely amplified due to social media and the current crisis of the news industries. We have to at least consider who is literally banking on your getting your attention - hijacking the fight-or-flight part of your brain is part of that equation.

screye 6y ago
> cusp of actual war Yeah But, India and China are quite seriously considering war right now. No joke.
- nl 6y ago
  I'm sure you are aware, but India and China have been had continual skirmishes along the Line of Actual Control[1] since the 1960s. It's the worst it's been for a while, but there have been pretty major incidents[2] even within the last decade. It's a serious situation, but not unprecedented. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Line_of_Actual_Control https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Line_of_Actual_Control [2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2013_Daulat_Beg_Oldi_incident https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2013_Daulat_Beg_Oldi_incident
- thewhitetulip 6y ago
  The situation is unprecedented, yes, but war is not going to happen. Physical war, unless you are in crisis states which are fighting among themselves, is very rare. War among nuclear powered nations will also be difficult to ignite. Despite the bravado of 'an eye for an eye' every politician cares about their future. Modi won't start a war with China and China won't with Modi. China is already on a backfoot about the Corona situation and Modi is on a backfoot about a LOT of things but the media is bailing him out. I don't think war will be a right thing for both the nations.

bigdict 6y ago

Good on you that you went to therapy. On the bright side you are probably learning a lot about yourself.

PokemonNoGo 6y ago

I hear you. I echo your experience to the letter. It got to me so I had 6 weeks of sick leave. On antidepressants for the second time in my life. Never felt so alone. Working from the office these days because I can't imagine sitting home alone again. Went on a weird tinder bender and knocked out 20 dataes over 7 weeks only to be social...

virtue3 6y ago

Are you me? Seriously hit all the nails on the head for me. Except my country is not yet currently at war. And I used to go out social dancing and that is basically dead until next year most likely. I ruined two coffees the other day. Put too much peppermint oil in and screwed it up. And then I let my coffee friend screw with my grinder/machine settings and it got hosed. ugh. I really recommend getting a workout buddy and making yourselves accountable. It's helping so far.

screye 6y ago
> workout buddy That's the plan, but I also in the most stressful time of the year in terms of work. So it is kind of hard to build new habits. > making yourselves accountable Been trying this. I talk to my brother every morning, who keeps me accountable. It helps, but still rough. > I used to go out social dancing Climbing and soccer were mine. I feel you there. > I ruined two coffees the other day. Put too much peppermint oil in and screwed it up. There is something about ruined coffee that hits a person really hard. Be strong mate. Like all things, this too will pass.
jidiculous 6y ago
Hey, quick question about your coffee – why do you add peppermint oil? And how much do you add? I'm always looking to improve my coffee routine or try new things out. Currently I'm on an iced cold-brew trend because the place I'm in has been in a 40+°C heatwave for the last 5ish days.
- virtue3 6y ago
  I don't have it down yet. I just switched to vanilla to try out. Roomate used to work at BlueBottle. Told me that you really want to stay away from extracts, theyd infuse their own simple syrups with vanilla beans. I think peppermint oil should work. Would be better if I used peppermint simple syrup I think tho. just more surface area. Iced coffee might not matter if you're doing a lot of milk tho! Have you tried making your own overnight cold brews yet?
  - 6y ago

thewarrior 6y ago

I feel you. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. I've been having a lot of ups and downs myself. Not having anyone to talk to I've been almost by myself for four months with occassional walks with a friend. But the sum total of my human face to face contact is about 4-5 hours a month. This is just not enough for most humans. Plus there is the added stress that if you slip too much you could end up back into a bad job market. The only thing one can do is to find other healthy diversions and keep diet / sleep / exercise on track. I hope my managers understand and won't judge my performance at this time.

PopeDotNinja 6y ago

Hey screye, mid-March to mid-June was shit for me, too. Nearly 2 months of not being able to exercise outdoors. Stress eating & drinking. I had multiple meltdowns, some of which bled into my work. I somehow managed to not get fired. In my own way, I'm right there with you. If you need someone to listen w/o judgement, and to tell you "yeah, that does indeed suck", feel free to reach out. I had some people to lean on and it really helped me.

screye 6y ago
Thanks for the offer mate. I really appreciate the general outpour of support within this community. I am happy to say I have a really supportive group around me, so I do get to vent every once in a while. This week is a bit rough, but I should be able to find time to reach out on the weekend. Being able to confide in a stranger like this is strangely comforting. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. Despite never having met you, one thing about Covid that is absolutely true, is that 'we are in this together'. There is a sense of camaraderie having faced a common challenge.

kerkeslager 6y ago

Hey man, I identified with a lot of your post, but I've found some ways to cope with it and I'm actually doing pretty well these days. Feel free to PM me and we can talk.

screye 6y ago
Hey mate, I would really appreciate it. I am a bit busy right now, but I will ping you soon.

hliyan 6y ago

Possibly a cliche response here, but take heart: the fact that you're a recognized high performer, with a family and is able to afford therapy puts you well ahead of the vast majority of humanity. Hope you'll bounce back soon.

TimSchumann 6y ago

Familiar with too much of this. Thanks for sharing, and good on you for seeking help. Hope it works out for yah.

hckr_news 6y ago

> My anti-tribal-free-speech-absolutist and pro-equality-altruistic self have put me in a moral crisis as the BLM movement has picked up What does this mean?

deleted 6y ago
[deleted]
screye 6y ago
> anti-tribal + free-speech-absolutist I think that free-speech is a central tenet of modern society and the source of future progress. I am strongly anti-tribal. I do not associate with groups, isms or movements. I like to purely talk issues and like to evaluate ideas for their individual merit and not based on who says them. > pro-equality = altruistic Pretty self explanatory. Generally socialist leanings borne from wanting to provide equality of opportunity and measurably fair treatment to all. _______ I support most of BLM's policy goals. I believe there needs to be more awareness about racism. I think holding racists and people in power accountable is important. Police reform, removing qualified immunity, mandated cameras and reforming the criminal justice system. However, I refuse to align myself to the movement itself. Because an agenda-less and leaderless movement can go in any direction any time. A great example is how the Gamer-gate movement took a strong turn away from 'ethical journalism in gaming' to 'racist hatred of women' within the span of six months. Religion is an excellent example of how tribes demand loyalty. Many of the top thinkers within the BLM movement see violent protests as an inevitable part and many allies endorse violent revolution. I do not yet know if I agree on those matters. I do not want to sign up for buffet of opinions where I have to mandatorily eat every dish. I prefer to have my opinion a-la-carte. Each of these issues are important but they have a ton of nuance. To find a good solution, we need free speech. We need people with contrary opinions to be able to challenge the protestors and through the friction there will emerge solution. But, all groups (including ones of my peers) are increasingly moving towards hiveminds of agreement where the In-Group-Contrarian must be destroyed. There is a reason it has me so rattled. I have yet to truly sort out my opinions on the whole matter at large.

dgllghr 6y ago

I identify with a lot of what you say. As someone who is (as you say) "pro-equality-altruistic" but not "anti-tribal-free-speech-absolutist", one thing I want to say is that I don't hate you. I don't even dislike you. I feel like the media and social media are making it feel like we all hate each other for tiny differences in our worldviews. I've come to believe that those spaces are dominated by the most entrenched, vocal, spiteful people. If you care about equality and altruism in your heart, I'm with you. And I bet a lot more people are with you than you think.

bargl 6y ago
A lot of people want similar outcomes but disagree on how to get there. When you recognize that you and the other person want the same outcome but disagree on HOW to get there it's more annoying than it is anger inducing. I'm not "anti-tribal-free-speech-absolutist", but I get why people want it. By seeing their point of view I can at least say, I see your heart and I get that this is because you want more goodness in the world. Just a long winded way of saying. I agree with this too much online is pushing conflict or blind agreement, and not as much shades of agreement or small disagreements.
Consultant32452 6y ago
Anger gives us a spike of dopamine. The people involved in this industry are selling you that dopamine hit. They aren't required to believe anything they say. A large percentage of the people in media were educated at the finest universities on the planet. I think it's silly to believe they're so foolish they can't see that what they are spewing right now is exactly counter to what they were spewing 5 seconds ago.

shpongled 6y ago

I feel you. This has been such a shitty time just in general around the world, and I've been having a hard time personally as well. During the past month I've been pretty unproductive at work (partially out of my control), we had to put down our dog of 15 years, my grandpa had a stroke, and one my uncles has an extremely aggressive form of cancer. Luckily I'm still in good health, and I don't know anyone with covid-19. My favorite blog was also shut down this morning by the cancel police (same blog as you). Reach out if you need someone to chat to!

screye 6y ago
Hey mate, you seem to have it a lot rougher than I do. I would love to chat. Maybe sometime this weekend. I really appreciate your willingness to offer support, when you yourself are in such supply of it.

Insanity 6y ago

Strangely the coffee thing struck a chord with me. When I was having a bad time some weeks ago (worries around grandparents and covid) I got really frustrated because on top of that I spilled water on my keyboard. Like, in the big picture, that's not important at all. But that send me over the edge into complete frustration. Was pretty unproductive afterwards. I'm sure everything will turn out fine for you though, hang in there!

neuroticfish 6y ago

>Then today morning my favorite blog closed because of an attack by cancel-police. Isn't this still speculative at this point? Last I read about it (on Reddit) there was no actual evidence that NYT was cooking up a hit piece.

deleted 6y ago
[deleted]

mathattack 6y ago

Hang in there. Forgive yourself for challenges coping. It’s hitting all of us.

alfor 6y ago

take a look at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snAhsXyO3Ck https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snAhsXyO3Ck

NicoJuicy 6y ago

> My country is on the cusp of actual war. If it means anything ( I hope it does). It's that democracy take a while and wars in Western democratic countries are only a very small probability. Because people don't want land anymore, as they wanted in the ( for us) distant past. They want money and trade/work is the best way to get it. Edit: It's not worldwide applicable. But be hopeful that the right loyalists are a servere minority. I wish you the best, from Belgium :)

screye 6y ago
Sadly it's not western and the opposition is not democratic. I am talking about India and China.
- NicoJuicy 6y ago
  Ow ok. Sorry for making the wrong assumption, I am a bit informed about the border situation, but not enough. I hope everything works out.

7ArcticSealz 6y ago

something which might help is sticking to regular meal times, sleep times, and wake times. it will help regulate your system

divbzero 6y ago

> On the bright side, I have no suicidal thoughts. None of my relationships have been destroyed (yet). I still have my job and I know the cause of my current state is temporary. I've started therapy, which should start helping any moment now. Covid has affected people in worse ways, so I'm quietly trudging along. All the best! Thanks for sharing and keep on keeping on. We’re all there with you.

BruceOxenford 6y ago

We too in a bad situation right now and feel sorry for you. Stay strong man.