4 ms·

> I was at a liberating structures event recently, and one of the people I was working with related an anecdote in which he tried a party game as an ice breaker

> I was at a liberating structures event recently, and one of the people I was working with related an anecdote in which he tried a party game as an ice breaker. Many of those are cringe, but this one sounded fun and inoffensive (it was a sentence continuation game where each person said a word following on from a previous one, in an attempt to construct something that sounded like an aphorism). Most people were reluctant initially but got into the swing of things, but a few people just dug their heels in and would not engage properly with it because of concern over looking weird. Perhaps some of them were indeed concerned about looking weird. I guarantee you that at least a few of them didn't want to engage because they're introverts who just generally hate awkward group getting-to-know-you games.

war1025 6y ago
Amen.
ngerrity 6y ago
I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to participate in silly games like that all the time, but if you never try to step out of your comfort zone in a public setting, I think you're missing out on an opportunity to grow as a person. You might just have fun doing something you thought was stupid or you thought you would hate.
- kubanczyk 6y ago
  Ahh hello there, good'ol FOMO. Let me show you a little trick: I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to participate in silly games like that all the time, and if you never try to step out of your comfort zone in a public setting, I don't think you're missing out on an opportunity to grow as a person.
  - cutemonster 6y ago
    Not fomo IMO. Rather, experimenting and discovering new things, incl about oneself.
    - leroy_masochist 6y ago
      That can happen outside of attention-seeking exercises organized by extroverts, FYI.
- kanakka 6y ago
  Basically Bandit algorithm: balancing between exploitation (doing same things that already work) vs exploration (try out new things)
AgentMatt 6y ago
I think you are conflating introversion and shyness or a broader uncomfortableness / inexperience with social interactions. Yes, these things can be related. Spending less time socialising will lead to fewer opportunities to learn social skills, and to being less used to interactions with strangers. Things being (perceived as) awkward are in my experience a result of lack of knowing what's appropriate behavior in a given situation. Something that will come with experience, and with self-confidence (reduces the need to "know the protocol" to feel comfortable in a social situation). I would consider myself an introvert. I also used to be very shy, and was very concerned about appearing weird to others. In retrospect, one of the reasons for that was that _I_ was judging people all the time for all kinds of things, and believed they must be doing the same, and I couldn't bear that thought. Nowadays I am comfortable in social situations and enjoy them greatly with the right people. Still don't go to parties a lot, still spent a lot of time by myself. By self-proclaiming yourself as introvert and implying that entails unchangeable defects in social abilities, you will prevent yourself from learning and acquiring these abilities.
- leroy_masochist 6y ago
  > I think you are conflating introversion and shyness or a broader uncomfortableness / inexperience with social interactions. Respectfully, no. It's not about knowing appropriate behavior, it's about the fact that "getting to know you" type exercises in a large group format often serve, de facto, as a power-grabbing / power-flexing exercise for extroverts who need affirmation and attention for their mind to be at ease. The world has a natural extrovert-bias as humans gather in groups, e.g., if 10 people who don't know each other show up for a seminar or something, and 2 of them are extroverts and 8 are introverts, the two extroverts will have a loud and spirited conversation that they then try, often successfully, to pull the others into. Some of the introverts will play this game, others will not, but all of them will hate it. Another example of this would be company offsites where the senior leadership team wants to discuss company culture -- like clockwork, they usually turn into a gabfest where the office manager and senior recruiter suck up all the air time with yap-yap-yap while the dev team zones out and waits for this bullshit to wrap up. Productive introverts' coping techniques for toxic, needy extroverts seems to me to be a largely ignored topic in business literature -- probably because introverts generally don't like talking about stuff.

war1025 6y ago

Amen.

ngerrity 6y ago

I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to participate in silly games like that all the time, but if you never try to step out of your comfort zone in a public setting, I think you're missing out on an opportunity to grow as a person. You might just have fun doing something you thought was stupid or you thought you would hate.

kubanczyk 6y ago
Ahh hello there, good'ol FOMO. Let me show you a little trick: I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to participate in silly games like that all the time, and if you never try to step out of your comfort zone in a public setting, I don't think you're missing out on an opportunity to grow as a person.
- cutemonster 6y ago
  Not fomo IMO. Rather, experimenting and discovering new things, incl about oneself.
  - leroy_masochist 6y ago
    That can happen outside of attention-seeking exercises organized by extroverts, FYI.
kanakka 6y ago
Basically Bandit algorithm: balancing between exploitation (doing same things that already work) vs exploration (try out new things)

AgentMatt 6y ago

I think you are conflating introversion and shyness or a broader uncomfortableness / inexperience with social interactions. Yes, these things can be related. Spending less time socialising will lead to fewer opportunities to learn social skills, and to being less used to interactions with strangers. Things being (perceived as) awkward are in my experience a result of lack of knowing what's appropriate behavior in a given situation. Something that will come with experience, and with self-confidence (reduces the need to "know the protocol" to feel comfortable in a social situation). I would consider myself an introvert. I also used to be very shy, and was very concerned about appearing weird to others. In retrospect, one of the reasons for that was that _I_ was judging people all the time for all kinds of things, and believed they must be doing the same, and I couldn't bear that thought. Nowadays I am comfortable in social situations and enjoy them greatly with the right people. Still don't go to parties a lot, still spent a lot of time by myself. By self-proclaiming yourself as introvert and implying that entails unchangeable defects in social abilities, you will prevent yourself from learning and acquiring these abilities.

leroy_masochist 6y ago
> I think you are conflating introversion and shyness or a broader uncomfortableness / inexperience with social interactions. Respectfully, no. It's not about knowing appropriate behavior, it's about the fact that "getting to know you" type exercises in a large group format often serve, de facto, as a power-grabbing / power-flexing exercise for extroverts who need affirmation and attention for their mind to be at ease. The world has a natural extrovert-bias as humans gather in groups, e.g., if 10 people who don't know each other show up for a seminar or something, and 2 of them are extroverts and 8 are introverts, the two extroverts will have a loud and spirited conversation that they then try, often successfully, to pull the others into. Some of the introverts will play this game, others will not, but all of them will hate it. Another example of this would be company offsites where the senior leadership team wants to discuss company culture -- like clockwork, they usually turn into a gabfest where the office manager and senior recruiter suck up all the air time with yap-yap-yap while the dev team zones out and waits for this bullshit to wrap up. Productive introverts' coping techniques for toxic, needy extroverts seems to me to be a largely ignored topic in business literature -- probably because introverts generally don't like talking about stuff.