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In addition, sadly there are nearly 0 shelters for men. https://nypost.com/2017/10/29/these-shelters-help-male-victims-of-domestic-violence/ https://nypost.com

In addition, sadly there are nearly 0 shelters for men. https://nypost.com/2017/10/29/these-shelters-help-male-victims-of-domestic-violence/ https://nypost.com/2017/10/29/these-shelters-help-male-victi...

rodolphoarruda 7y ago
Good point. It reminds us that it's not only physical violence that counts. Sometimes psychological violence (harassment, blackmailing etc.) is even worse, especially when kids are put in the mix.
- champagneben 7y ago
  I'm sure physical violence happens against men as well. Many would never retaliate or really physically defend themselves against a woman. And you can be very vulnerable when you sleep or look away.
jschwartzi 7y ago
If you think that’s important then open one.
- retrac 7y ago
  I've spent the last 20 years providing informal supports to street-involved gay and bisexual youth and adults, many of whom are fleeing abuse of some kind. I was distantly involved in opening one of Toronto's first shelters for abused men and sole fathers with dependents, and it's been difficult to secure public funding comparable to what is given to women's abuse shelters on a per capita basis. The government largely seems to have the attitude that the general men's shelters are adequate, even for non-gender-conforming men and men who are abuse victims, and that children of men who are in shelters should simply be taken into foster care, rather than trying to keep the family together like they try with women's shelters. I say this with the hope that it doesn't devolve into a flamewar about gender relations and roles, but for whatever reasons, our society seems to be less sympathetic to a man fleeing an abusive partner or violence than it is to a woman in the same circumstance.
  - jschwartzi 7y ago
    > our society seems to be less sympathetic to a man fleeing an abusive partner or violence than it is to a woman in the same circumstance. I agree with you wholeheartedly on that point.
nabnob 7y ago
I've noticed people only ever bring this up to derail conversations around women's shelters. Do you spread information on this topic and try to raise awareness in a proactive way, or do you only bring this up in reaction to comments about women's shelters?
- hither2 7y ago
  "In addition" This means in addition. You are arguing in bad faith. You do not even need to argue.
- oneida 7y ago
  That’s probably because your perception is that it is a derailment.
  - nabnob 7y ago
    It's a derailment because the people bringing this up aren't actually organizing towards helping homeless men. These two issues, women's shelters and men's shelters, aren't actually in contradiction with each other but the commenter I was responding to is treating it that way. The reason women's shelters exist is because activists in the 60's and 70's decided to build them and gain support, and eventually fought for funding. What is stopping any of you from actually building a movement to help homeless men, instead of complaining about the activists who try to help women in need of housing? Why complain about the activists who focus on women's shelters because they're not ALSO tackling the issue of men's shelters, when you yourself could prioritize the issue of men's shelters? Edit: The people who are dedicating their lives to helping homeless men do not see women's shelters as competition, they see women's shelters as valuable resources for knowledge with lots of carryover (such as approaches for addressing mental illness, drug addiction, and poverty). If you yourself have zero interest in putting in real effort towards a solution outside of opportunistic internet comments, why should anyone listen to you? Take the lead, do some research, and build something.
    - Talanes 7y ago
      This competition angle really only seems to be coming through in your posts. No one in this thread has complained about women's shelters, the commenters who brought them up originally was AGREEING with a comment about the lack of long term women's shelters.
sfkdjf9j3j 7y ago
It's obviously tough to find exact statistics on this, but everything I'm finding suggests that more than 90% of domestic violence is male perpetrators and female victims. If that's true, then wouldn't you expect the overwhelming majority of shelters to be for women?
- throwaway202003 7y ago
  https://www.researchgate.net/publication/233717660_Thirty_Years_of_Denying_the_Evidence_on_Gender_Symmetry_in_Partner_Violence_Implications_for_Prevention_and_Treatment https://www.researchgate.net/publication/233717660_Thirty_Ye... Much of the "research" around DV is propaganda by ideological advocacy groups. The actual research shows that it's more like 50/50, and about 70% of the time when it's only one partner being abusive, it's the woman. The most violent relationships are lesbian relationships, followed by heterosexual relationships, followed by gay relationships. Clearly if it were true that "men are the cause of DV because they are protecting their patriarchal power", we would expect the opposite correlation.
- maerF0x0 7y ago
  First hit on google: > More than 40% of domestic violence victims are male, report reveals https://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/sep/05/men-victims-domestic-violence https://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/sep/05/men-victims-...
- deleted 7y ago
  [deleted]
dang 7y ago
We detached this subthread from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22728665 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22728665.
downerending 7y ago
For better or worse, it's hard to imagine there'd be much demand (even if there's arguably need). I've been in a situation sort of like this, and reaching out to a shelter would have been the last thought on my mind. Rather, we're pretty much taught and shamed into "sucking it up", both by women and men. That's usually what happens, and those who no longer can generally just end up as statistics.
- maerF0x0 7y ago
  While you're correct about the social conditioning, I think it's a ecosystem sort of feedback loop. "Real men dont need shelters" so then we dont make them. So then when men need shelters they think "See? Other men dont need them, I must suck it up and be a realmens"
  - downerending 7y ago
    I do think they should exist (and be publicized).

rodolphoarruda 7y ago

Good point. It reminds us that it's not only physical violence that counts. Sometimes psychological violence (harassment, blackmailing etc.) is even worse, especially when kids are put in the mix.

champagneben 7y ago
I'm sure physical violence happens against men as well. Many would never retaliate or really physically defend themselves against a woman. And you can be very vulnerable when you sleep or look away.

jschwartzi 7y ago

If you think that’s important then open one.

retrac 7y ago
I've spent the last 20 years providing informal supports to street-involved gay and bisexual youth and adults, many of whom are fleeing abuse of some kind. I was distantly involved in opening one of Toronto's first shelters for abused men and sole fathers with dependents, and it's been difficult to secure public funding comparable to what is given to women's abuse shelters on a per capita basis. The government largely seems to have the attitude that the general men's shelters are adequate, even for non-gender-conforming men and men who are abuse victims, and that children of men who are in shelters should simply be taken into foster care, rather than trying to keep the family together like they try with women's shelters. I say this with the hope that it doesn't devolve into a flamewar about gender relations and roles, but for whatever reasons, our society seems to be less sympathetic to a man fleeing an abusive partner or violence than it is to a woman in the same circumstance.
- jschwartzi 7y ago
  > our society seems to be less sympathetic to a man fleeing an abusive partner or violence than it is to a woman in the same circumstance. I agree with you wholeheartedly on that point.

nabnob 7y ago

I've noticed people only ever bring this up to derail conversations around women's shelters. Do you spread information on this topic and try to raise awareness in a proactive way, or do you only bring this up in reaction to comments about women's shelters?

hither2 7y ago
"In addition" This means in addition. You are arguing in bad faith. You do not even need to argue.
oneida 7y ago
That’s probably because your perception is that it is a derailment.
- nabnob 7y ago
  It's a derailment because the people bringing this up aren't actually organizing towards helping homeless men. These two issues, women's shelters and men's shelters, aren't actually in contradiction with each other but the commenter I was responding to is treating it that way. The reason women's shelters exist is because activists in the 60's and 70's decided to build them and gain support, and eventually fought for funding. What is stopping any of you from actually building a movement to help homeless men, instead of complaining about the activists who try to help women in need of housing? Why complain about the activists who focus on women's shelters because they're not ALSO tackling the issue of men's shelters, when you yourself could prioritize the issue of men's shelters? Edit: The people who are dedicating their lives to helping homeless men do not see women's shelters as competition, they see women's shelters as valuable resources for knowledge with lots of carryover (such as approaches for addressing mental illness, drug addiction, and poverty). If you yourself have zero interest in putting in real effort towards a solution outside of opportunistic internet comments, why should anyone listen to you? Take the lead, do some research, and build something.
  - Talanes 7y ago
    This competition angle really only seems to be coming through in your posts. No one in this thread has complained about women's shelters, the commenters who brought them up originally was AGREEING with a comment about the lack of long term women's shelters.

sfkdjf9j3j 7y ago

It's obviously tough to find exact statistics on this, but everything I'm finding suggests that more than 90% of domestic violence is male perpetrators and female victims. If that's true, then wouldn't you expect the overwhelming majority of shelters to be for women?

throwaway202003 7y ago
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/233717660_Thirty_Years_of_Denying_the_Evidence_on_Gender_Symmetry_in_Partner_Violence_Implications_for_Prevention_and_Treatment https://www.researchgate.net/publication/233717660_Thirty_Ye... Much of the "research" around DV is propaganda by ideological advocacy groups. The actual research shows that it's more like 50/50, and about 70% of the time when it's only one partner being abusive, it's the woman. The most violent relationships are lesbian relationships, followed by heterosexual relationships, followed by gay relationships. Clearly if it were true that "men are the cause of DV because they are protecting their patriarchal power", we would expect the opposite correlation.
maerF0x0 7y ago
First hit on google: > More than 40% of domestic violence victims are male, report reveals https://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/sep/05/men-victims-domestic-violence https://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/sep/05/men-victims-...
deleted 7y ago
[deleted]

dang 7y ago

We detached this subthread from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22728665 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22728665.

downerending 7y ago

For better or worse, it's hard to imagine there'd be much demand (even if there's arguably need). I've been in a situation sort of like this, and reaching out to a shelter would have been the last thought on my mind. Rather, we're pretty much taught and shamed into "sucking it up", both by women and men. That's usually what happens, and those who no longer can generally just end up as statistics.

maerF0x0 7y ago
While you're correct about the social conditioning, I think it's a ecosystem sort of feedback loop. "Real men dont need shelters" so then we dont make them. So then when men need shelters they think "See? Other men dont need them, I must suck it up and be a realmens"
- downerending 7y ago
  I do think they should exist (and be publicized).