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I think a lot of people here are missing the point. Let me tell you a story. Wednesdays, my friends and I go to the bar to hang out. We grab some beers and so

by hug 7y ago

I think a lot of people here are missing the point. Let me tell you a story. Wednesdays, my friends and I go to the bar to hang out. We grab some beers and some wings, and we have a bit of a chat about, y'know, whatever. Sometimes we're around because someone just wants some company. Sometimes we're around because someone just wants to gripe about something going on. Sometimes we're there because... well, some Wednesdays we're there just because. And, y'know, it makes me happy to be around when people want to hang out, for whatever reason, because we're friends and that's what friends do. But sometimes, maybe, I could just as well go home. Like, I'm not opposed to the idea of going: If someone wants to get something off their chest or just really feels like hanging around having a laugh, I'm more than happy to be there with them. But nor, particularly, do I care about being there this particular Wednesday, except for the other guys. Don't get me wrong: Some Wednesdays I really don't want to go, I've had a shit day at work, I didn't sleep well, and I just want to go home and lay in bed with a book until I crash. Those days, I'll just send a message saying that I'm not up for coming out tonight, sorry. On the other hand, those nights where I could take it or leave it, I don't really want to send a text saying "hey guys do you want to, maybe, cancel this evening? like, I don't wanna not go, but y'know, I don't want to go either?", because that sounds like some tedious bullshit. And if anyone who didn't particularly give a shit had to announce to the world every time they did not, in fact, give a shit, we'd all get over that really quickly. The fact that I don't care for sending that message (or receiving a bunch of them either) doesn't really mean a whole lot, in and of itself: It just means that I end up going out more frequently than is, I guess, 'optimal'. And this isn't a problem that needs solving, because eating a couple of wings when I otherwise wouldn't once every two months is hardly a herculean struggle for me, but solving that minor coordination problem isn't exactly an act that devalues my friendships in any way. Maybe it would make Wednesdays at the pub a little bit more special, because you never have the nights when no one is particularly excited about being there.

kelnos 7y ago
I feel like if you really wanted to use technology to fix this issue, it's just as easily -- and maybe better? -- done in a more affirmative way. Say you have a repeating calendar invite for your nights out. Everyone agrees that they'll leave the invitation un-responded until they definitively do or do not want to meet up. If, within an hour or so (or whatever) of the meeting time, no one has replied "yes" to the invitation, it's implicitly canceled. If at least one person says "yes", then others who are on the fence can see that someone else really wants to meet up, and possibly decide to join. Regardless, I agree, as you say, that this problem maybe isn't really one that needs solving. But I also agree that using some sort of no-communication-needed app to solve this particular coordination problem does not present an apocalyptic threat to human social interactions ;)
- hug 7y ago
  I feel like it being implicitly cancelled would be a bug, not a feature, but maybe that's because my scenario is, generally speaking, a positive thing that most people want to attend, and increasing friction is just not something anyone wants. We're mostly just agreeing about the idea and nitpicking about the particulars, though.
  - kelnos 7y ago
    Yeah, that's a good point. I think I personally like the idea of a default-on get-together vs. one where people have to opt-in week after week. And, again, I do agree that your use case would be a really benign and useful way to solve your problem.
patcon 7y ago
I get what you're saying, but with both these scenarios -- (1) "going out when you don't feel like it because a friend needs your support" or (2) "telling a friend you don't feel like going out because you're feeling down, but they realize they have the energy between the both of you to buoy your low spirit" -- these are both important social negotiations that make us better at human'ing. An app that attempts to take them away is one that makes us less good at being the best sort of human to one another, imho (and more likely to fall behind on the practices that keep social anxiety at bay). All just my opinion of course, and spoken from a place of care :)
- hug 7y ago
  I don't know that either of your statements encapsulates exactly how I think about my Wednesdays. It's not that I "don't feel like" going out, it's that I don't know whether or not I don't not want to not go out or not. Help? I do get, you though. This isn't a tool that I'd want to put every single one of my calendar events into, but it's a tool I can see being useful for some class of events, with some other people.
kerkeslager 7y ago
Why not just poll the audience? "How's everybody feeling about wings tonight? I'm kind of ambivalent but I'll come out if anybody else wants to." It's not complicated, all I did was just summarize how you said you felt in two sentences.

by hug 7y ago

kelnos 7y ago

I feel like if you really wanted to use technology to fix this issue, it's just as easily -- and maybe better? -- done in a more affirmative way. Say you have a repeating calendar invite for your nights out. Everyone agrees that they'll leave the invitation un-responded until they definitively do or do not want to meet up. If, within an hour or so (or whatever) of the meeting time, no one has replied "yes" to the invitation, it's implicitly canceled. If at least one person says "yes", then others who are on the fence can see that someone else really wants to meet up, and possibly decide to join. Regardless, I agree, as you say, that this problem maybe isn't really one that needs solving. But I also agree that using some sort of no-communication-needed app to solve this particular coordination problem does not present an apocalyptic threat to human social interactions ;)

hug 7y ago
I feel like it being implicitly cancelled would be a bug, not a feature, but maybe that's because my scenario is, generally speaking, a positive thing that most people want to attend, and increasing friction is just not something anyone wants. We're mostly just agreeing about the idea and nitpicking about the particulars, though.
- kelnos 7y ago
  Yeah, that's a good point. I think I personally like the idea of a default-on get-together vs. one where people have to opt-in week after week. And, again, I do agree that your use case would be a really benign and useful way to solve your problem.

patcon 7y ago

I get what you're saying, but with both these scenarios -- (1) "going out when you don't feel like it because a friend needs your support" or (2) "telling a friend you don't feel like going out because you're feeling down, but they realize they have the energy between the both of you to buoy your low spirit" -- these are both important social negotiations that make us better at human'ing. An app that attempts to take them away is one that makes us less good at being the best sort of human to one another, imho (and more likely to fall behind on the practices that keep social anxiety at bay). All just my opinion of course, and spoken from a place of care :)

hug 7y ago
I don't know that either of your statements encapsulates exactly how I think about my Wednesdays. It's not that I "don't feel like" going out, it's that I don't know whether or not I don't not want to not go out or not. Help? I do get, you though. This isn't a tool that I'd want to put every single one of my calendar events into, but it's a tool I can see being useful for some class of events, with some other people.

kerkeslager 7y ago

Why not just poll the audience? "How's everybody feeling about wings tonight? I'm kind of ambivalent but I'll come out if anybody else wants to." It's not complicated, all I did was just summarize how you said you felt in two sentences.