5 ms·

I'm 34 and I am finally meeting a psychiatrist soon for what I suspect has been ADHD all along. I do not suffer from depression or anxiety (to my knowledge). I

by verst 7y ago

I'm 34 and I am finally meeting a psychiatrist soon for what I suspect has been ADHD all along. I do not suffer from depression or anxiety (to my knowledge). I have a perfectly healthy lifestyle - I run 5 days a week, about 40 miles total, eat healthily and sleep well. During my runs (which physically feel painful) I have few moments of clarity in my head. Other than running though my mind has a thousand thoughts all at once that I cannot control... I tell a story, interrupt myself, get 6 levels deep and then essentially have a stack overflow and can't recover to my main point that took me down that spiral. Nobody can follow my thought process. What I do know is that my mind is stimulated by strong feelings. I sit at my desk to do work, notice a story about the DOT / airlines soon banning ESAs and proceed to research the legal authority according to the ADA and other provisions in U.S. Code. I waste a lot of time thinking about the stuff I need to do, but I can't get myself to do it. So I don't do anything that is fun for me, nor the work I need to do itself. Only under immense stress due to deadlines (and the potential negative consequences of failing to deliver) I can force myself to crank out work that is of reasonable quality. This is how I went through all of high school and college for example. I was completely sleep deprived as a result. Never in my life have I been able to finish reading a book for school - I'm bilingual (learned English as a second language), but this isn't a language problem for me. I simply don't know what I read at the top of the page when I get to the bottom. I read incredibly slowly (I have to imagine hearing someone speak the words - this is called subvocalization). If I focus on reading for fun it will probably take me 3-4 months to get through one fantasy books. If I can read 3 books in a year I had a very good year. At a dinner in a restaurant I cannot pay attention to my friend (or date) in front of me, because other conversations around me draw in my attention and trigger my brain when interesting subjects are raised. I am not able to focus without extreme stimulation and am completely at the mercy of my brain / mind. This means I can't listen to people well, I get impatient and interrupt people at inappropriate moments. Yes I'm high-functioning and I do well, I have a crazy amount of energy, but this isn't a healthy way to live. I am not lazy, but my mind is. I am convinced I'm only operating at 20% of my true cognitive potential and output potential. For these and many more reasons I will be seeking diagnosis for ADHD (or ADD?) soon.

sibeliuss 7y ago
Before going down a road that involves powerful stimulants that have a high likelihood of abuse or misuse -- the danger is that they're fun, and one develops a tolerance, just like other similar illegal drugs -- it might be worthwhile to investigate a mediation practice, or other exercises to improve your attention. If you're already high functioning its likely not as bad as it seems. From experience: First thing to go with the stimulants is healthy sleep; it's often hard to sleep on amphetamines. But in the morning, because you've got a script, you can take a pill and not worry about it (but the body remembers). Next thing to go is healthy eating; you simply don't need to eat when under the influence, or you do -- but you forget. Soon, those things combined could have the potential to turn a high functioning and healthy life into quite the opposite. But in the beginning -- especially if you've never experimented with stimulants recreationally -- you'll feel better than you ever have. Stimulants are euphoric. It's a trap, it wears off. Side-effects are likely. I've said it in a previous comment, but it's profound and interesting until it's not, and once the stimulants are gone a dark depression is very possible. Attention is like a muscle, but also -- attention isn't everything. It could also be ones attitude towards these things. Be skeptical -- understand that there might be blind spots in your thinking about your problems.
- CathedralBorrow 7y ago
  > the danger is that they're fun I don't know about others, but fun isn't the word I'd use to describe the ADHD medication which I'm basically chained to for life because I cannot function without it, and yet causes me so many other problems that I need to work around or cope with like loss of appetite (food is no longer a thing I enjoy), insomnia, anxiety, restlessness and mood swings. Where's the fun part again? Are you willing to be skeptical yourself and understand that you might have blind spots just like the people you're talking to?
  - sibeliuss 7y ago
    > But in the beginning -- especially if you've never experimented with stimulants recreationally -- you'll feel better than you ever have. Stimulants are euphoric. It's a trap, it wears off. Side-effects are likely. I've said it in a previous comment, but it's profound and interesting until it's not, and once the stimulants are gone a dark depression is very possible. As I said further down. It's most certainly not fun later. And it was a difficult as all hell to finally quit.

by verst 7y ago

sibeliuss 7y ago

Before going down a road that involves powerful stimulants that have a high likelihood of abuse or misuse -- the danger is that they're fun, and one develops a tolerance, just like other similar illegal drugs -- it might be worthwhile to investigate a mediation practice, or other exercises to improve your attention. If you're already high functioning its likely not as bad as it seems. From experience: First thing to go with the stimulants is healthy sleep; it's often hard to sleep on amphetamines. But in the morning, because you've got a script, you can take a pill and not worry about it (but the body remembers). Next thing to go is healthy eating; you simply don't need to eat when under the influence, or you do -- but you forget. Soon, those things combined could have the potential to turn a high functioning and healthy life into quite the opposite. But in the beginning -- especially if you've never experimented with stimulants recreationally -- you'll feel better than you ever have. Stimulants are euphoric. It's a trap, it wears off. Side-effects are likely. I've said it in a previous comment, but it's profound and interesting until it's not, and once the stimulants are gone a dark depression is very possible. Attention is like a muscle, but also -- attention isn't everything. It could also be ones attitude towards these things. Be skeptical -- understand that there might be blind spots in your thinking about your problems.

CathedralBorrow 7y ago
> the danger is that they're fun I don't know about others, but fun isn't the word I'd use to describe the ADHD medication which I'm basically chained to for life because I cannot function without it, and yet causes me so many other problems that I need to work around or cope with like loss of appetite (food is no longer a thing I enjoy), insomnia, anxiety, restlessness and mood swings. Where's the fun part again? Are you willing to be skeptical yourself and understand that you might have blind spots just like the people you're talking to?
- sibeliuss 7y ago
  > But in the beginning -- especially if you've never experimented with stimulants recreationally -- you'll feel better than you ever have. Stimulants are euphoric. It's a trap, it wears off. Side-effects are likely. I've said it in a previous comment, but it's profound and interesting until it's not, and once the stimulants are gone a dark depression is very possible. As I said further down. It's most certainly not fun later. And it was a difficult as all hell to finally quit.