4 ms·

My son is a crybaby. I get that emotions are valid, etc, but he cries when he loses at video games, when he gets an answer wrong, when he doesn’t get picked to

My son is a crybaby. I get that emotions are valid, etc, but he cries when he loses at video games, when he gets an answer wrong, when he doesn’t get picked to answer a question at school, when someone gets the book he wanted before he does. We have tried everything and he’s old enough but won’t stop crying. I’m ready to just start spanking him every time he cries and to tell him that it’s not okay to just cry whenever he doesn’t get his way. It’s getting to the point where he is far too old to be acting this way and I’m at my wits end.

tartoran 7y ago
Let your son cry, he will grow out of it by himself. My wife is a strong woman and she's telling me that she cried a lot when she was a kid. My nephew cried a lot when he grew up. Now he seems emotionally stronger than his peers. I cried some when I was growing up and still do occasionally when I can but mostly ran out of tears. Please do let your child cry and manifest his emotions, your trying to help might scar him.
zrail 7y ago
How old is he?
Waterluvian 7y ago
Some people are wired to cry when emotions of any sort are overwhelming. I was like this as a kid. I'd cry when my brothers and dad lost their shit at a Leafs goal. It's possible you're misunderstanding why they cry. Particularly as you say they're too old for it. Striking them to stop is a great way to really fuck them up. If you're feeling stuck and not sure how to proceed this is absolutely an appropriate thing to talk with their physician about.
klyrs 7y ago
> I’m ready to just start spanking him every time he cries and to tell him that it’s not okay to just cry whenever he doesn’t get his way. This is extremely counterproductive, and this punitive attitude might be why he has so much difficulty handling his emotions. Spanking the tears out is a great way to raise a volatile misanthrope who drinks his pain away and beats his wife and kids (my dad). It sounds like what he needs is a bit of talk therapy. Ask him why he's crying. Dig deeper. Ask him why losing at a video game illicits such a strong emotional response. Ask him why he continues to play, even if he knows that there's a risk of failure. Help him reason through this stuff, and it'll start to click after a while. He'll enjoy this even less than spanking (which, fyi, can and does turn into a fetish for folks; yes, even straight boys can have "daddy issues"), but more importantly, you'll be equipping him with the tools he needs to process complex emotions. This isn't meant as an insult; but you might consider therapy yourself. We all need it, even if we think our life was idyllic or that a hard life made us too tough to need the help.
octokatt 7y ago
For reals, this was me. Turns out, Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Spanking will not help, therapy might. Please try bringing him into a developmental psychologist if this is one of multiple symptoms of extreme distress (not being able to complete things to a deadline, unable to sleep well, difficulty making friends).
bena 7y ago
Behaviors are either learned or they can be learned. So either he reacts to failure in a way he's been taught to or you can teach him to react to failure in new ways. By spanking him when he cries, the only thing he'll really learn is that failure carries with it punishment. He'll start getting really good at hiding failure and unwilling to try things for fear of failure. What you need to do is to teach him how to respond to failure. Part of this is by example. First, analyze how you respond to failure. How those around your son respond to failure. Do you complain, make a deal of it, treat it like something significant? Stop that. Acknowledge the failure. Say that it was hard and that you couldn't do it. Then move on. Make light of it. Something other than dwelling on it. Get him focused on problem solving rather than dwelling. Ok, I failed. What went wrong? What can I do instead? Is it worth doing instead? And don't acknowledge the crying. Don't give in to it. Ignore it. Don't respond to it. No threats, no withholding, no bargaining. Nothing. Act like he's not crying. Be calm, be rational, be steady. He will eventually respond in kind and respond to failure as you do.
minikites 7y ago
Spanking has no positive benefit and is essentially child abuse. There is no legitimate reason to strike a child.
- deleted 7y ago
  [deleted]
lopmotr 7y ago
> We have tried everything and he’s old enough but won’t stop crying. Going by the article and experience, it sounds like you see it as a problem that needs fixing, which means you're probably not being supportive when he does cry, and don't have or want a very intimate relationship with him. Children need care from their parents, even too much of it to the point where it annoys them! Knowing they can rely on the safety of their parents gives them confidence to take greater risks.
balfirevic 7y ago
> I’m ready to just start spanking him every time he cries Go pick someone your own size. No, wait, that would not be ok either. Don't fucking hit people who are not aggressive towards you.
IfOnlyYouKnew 7y ago
Don’t let your son suffer your misguided ideas about masculinity.

tartoran 7y ago

Let your son cry, he will grow out of it by himself. My wife is a strong woman and she's telling me that she cried a lot when she was a kid. My nephew cried a lot when he grew up. Now he seems emotionally stronger than his peers. I cried some when I was growing up and still do occasionally when I can but mostly ran out of tears. Please do let your child cry and manifest his emotions, your trying to help might scar him.

zrail 7y ago

How old is he?

Waterluvian 7y ago

Some people are wired to cry when emotions of any sort are overwhelming. I was like this as a kid. I'd cry when my brothers and dad lost their shit at a Leafs goal. It's possible you're misunderstanding why they cry. Particularly as you say they're too old for it. Striking them to stop is a great way to really fuck them up. If you're feeling stuck and not sure how to proceed this is absolutely an appropriate thing to talk with their physician about.

klyrs 7y ago

> I’m ready to just start spanking him every time he cries and to tell him that it’s not okay to just cry whenever he doesn’t get his way. This is extremely counterproductive, and this punitive attitude might be why he has so much difficulty handling his emotions. Spanking the tears out is a great way to raise a volatile misanthrope who drinks his pain away and beats his wife and kids (my dad). It sounds like what he needs is a bit of talk therapy. Ask him why he's crying. Dig deeper. Ask him why losing at a video game illicits such a strong emotional response. Ask him why he continues to play, even if he knows that there's a risk of failure. Help him reason through this stuff, and it'll start to click after a while. He'll enjoy this even less than spanking (which, fyi, can and does turn into a fetish for folks; yes, even straight boys can have "daddy issues"), but more importantly, you'll be equipping him with the tools he needs to process complex emotions. This isn't meant as an insult; but you might consider therapy yourself. We all need it, even if we think our life was idyllic or that a hard life made us too tough to need the help.

octokatt 7y ago

For reals, this was me. Turns out, Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Spanking will not help, therapy might. Please try bringing him into a developmental psychologist if this is one of multiple symptoms of extreme distress (not being able to complete things to a deadline, unable to sleep well, difficulty making friends).

bena 7y ago

Behaviors are either learned or they can be learned. So either he reacts to failure in a way he's been taught to or you can teach him to react to failure in new ways. By spanking him when he cries, the only thing he'll really learn is that failure carries with it punishment. He'll start getting really good at hiding failure and unwilling to try things for fear of failure. What you need to do is to teach him how to respond to failure. Part of this is by example. First, analyze how you respond to failure. How those around your son respond to failure. Do you complain, make a deal of it, treat it like something significant? Stop that. Acknowledge the failure. Say that it was hard and that you couldn't do it. Then move on. Make light of it. Something other than dwelling on it. Get him focused on problem solving rather than dwelling. Ok, I failed. What went wrong? What can I do instead? Is it worth doing instead? And don't acknowledge the crying. Don't give in to it. Ignore it. Don't respond to it. No threats, no withholding, no bargaining. Nothing. Act like he's not crying. Be calm, be rational, be steady. He will eventually respond in kind and respond to failure as you do.

minikites 7y ago

Spanking has no positive benefit and is essentially child abuse. There is no legitimate reason to strike a child.

deleted 7y ago
[deleted]

lopmotr 7y ago

> We have tried everything and he’s old enough but won’t stop crying. Going by the article and experience, it sounds like you see it as a problem that needs fixing, which means you're probably not being supportive when he does cry, and don't have or want a very intimate relationship with him. Children need care from their parents, even too much of it to the point where it annoys them! Knowing they can rely on the safety of their parents gives them confidence to take greater risks.

balfirevic 7y ago

> I’m ready to just start spanking him every time he cries Go pick someone your own size. No, wait, that would not be ok either. Don't fucking hit people who are not aggressive towards you.

IfOnlyYouKnew 7y ago

Don’t let your son suffer your misguided ideas about masculinity.