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Totally agree. Being interesting as a human and working on yourself is so much better than trying to get credit for being "respectful". That's like saying: "loo

Totally agree. Being interesting as a human and working on yourself is so much better than trying to get credit for being "respectful". That's like saying: "look I shower every day!" Be interesting.

philosopher1234 7y ago
What do you personally do to be interesting?
- clomond 7y ago
  Become a multi-deminsional, multi-faceted person. Starting with exploring genuine interests which have maybe not been 'listened to'. Being a bit adventurous (determine if things you've been curious about you actually care about), and trying new things (discover and identify new areas that exist) which could end up being interesting to you. From what I've seen, the key to being interesting is weirdly being more of "your true self". (not sure if any of that is actually helpful)
  - NeverFade 7y ago
    > Become a multi-deminsional, multi-faceted person. According to census statistics, there are 1.63 single men for every 1 woman in Marin County. 1.34 single men per single woman in San Mateo County. 1.55 single men per single woman in Santa Clara County. So I really like your advice; if every man in the Bay became a "multi-deminsional, multi-faceted person", they would transcend the boundaries of plain arithmetic so there would be enough single women to date every one of them!
    - leni536 7y ago
      The advice is for an individual, not all men collectively. But yeah the advice is not "be interesting", it's "be more interesting than a typical man in your area". The issue you describe is very real though.
      - NeverFade 7y ago
        My point is that it will be really hard for straight men to date when there's 130-160 of them for every 100 women. Yes, each one of them could become ultra-competitive about it, and crawl on top of the others to be among the fortunate 60% who get dates, instead of the 40% who don't. But do you really want to live in an area where 40% of men can't get a date because there's simply no women available to them? We also haven't discussed the downsides to these fortunate 60% men. You worked on yourself, became interesting, and got a girlfriend. However, she knows with 50% more men than women in her area, she can easily replace you. That may make the relationship less pleasant than you think. "Just become more interesting to overcome all adverse effects from 50% gender diversity" is unfortunately quite naive.
    - clomond 7y ago
      Solving the dating problem was not the question. > "How does one become more interesting" Sure, you can change your environment to be more *relatively interesting. But that was also not the core of the question as I understand it. Rather, providing a method or tips to be more OBJECTIVELY interesting today than your yesterdays self is something useful in any kind of 'dating market'.
      - xenihn 7y ago
        How to become more interesting (as a guy in the bay area): - Make (significantly) more money (than most other guys in the bay area) - Be more attractive (than most other guys in the bay area) Making $120k in the bay area obviously isn't impressive. Neither is being fit without being on gear. It's all about the other guys around you. Both quality and quantity. These things would make you interesting in other parts of the country, or outside of the USA. Not here, though. Now how about $500k? You can afford a starter home, a nice car, custom-tailored clothing. Plastic surgery if you think you need it. You're presumably good at something that you're passionate about if you're being paid that much, even if it's "just" software engineering, and that's something people like. You can even date other software engineers who will be impressed by your skills and knowledge. Yeah the gender ratio sucks, but this is also the best place in the world to make your dual-FAANG-engineer-income power-couple dream come true. Come up with something that isn't (video/board)gaming, cycling, bouldering, or photography, that you do maybe once a month and say it's your hobby. Yoga is a decent choice. Grats, you're now interesting. Assuming you don't have any physical or psychological dealbreakers that can't be overlooked no matter how rich or ripped you get, that is.
        mkohlmyr 7y ago
        Your definition of interesting might be the most interesting thing in this comment. I would not say that any of that makes you particularly interesting. Some of it might make you attractive to certain people, but I think that's quite different from what was originally intended by "interesting" in this thread. "Say it's your hobby"... I suggest actually finding a hobby. Because it will make you happier, not because it will make you "look interesting".
    - failuser 7y ago
      Universities have dozens to hundreds applications per available seat, good jobs have more. So competition here is relatively moderate.
- mozey 7y ago
  I like traveling to experience different cultures and personalities, getting out of your comfort zone can be very rewarding. If you have the means, organizing social events in a safe space for other people to join is great for creating connections and making friends. Host a potluck dinner, or go on a roadtrip, invite random people. Who do you find interesting? Try to be that person
- NeverFade 7y ago
  I personally moved to locations that don't have 50%+ more single men than women. That seemed to have made me a lot more, uhm, "interesting".
  - mattigames 7y ago
    Any pointers to a list of those locations?
    - AQuantized 7y ago
      Almost anywhere that isn't a major tech hub.
    - take_a_breath 7y ago
      New York, Chicago, Atlanta, Minneapolis, Nashville, Austin, Dallas and many more.
    - selimthegrim 7y ago
      Come to New Orleans. The city will probably be more interesting than you and you'll be forced to compete.
  - amyjess 7y ago
    You could literally be the only man in town, if you're not the kind of person other people want to date, they'd rather be single.
- JumpCrisscross 7y ago
  > What do you personally do to be interesting? People who do what they enjoy and try new things, instead of trying to be interesting, tend to be interesting.
- NalNezumi 7y ago
  A general advice would be curious in multiple things in different domains (tech, sport, politics, literature etc) be well articulated, confident and most importantly look happy. My anecdotal advice is to change environment. Depending on where you move to the demographic (men/women ratio), race preferences and what is considered as interesting changes. As an engineer in engineering university, I had more luck on dating apps focusing on women from non-tech field with different men/women ratio. As a half-asian guy, I had way more success in an Asian country than a predominately white country. (independent from race/age of the women)
- krageon 7y ago
  Accept that you are the way you are and like the things you like. When people talk about what they like, engage with them. Be a human being. From experience, this will already put you so far outside of the usual spectrum of what people meet that this is more than enough. There's a nice side-effect that you don't need to feel like you need to "do things" to be interesting, which really isn't a healthy stance to have towards yourself.
  - X6S1x6Okd1st 7y ago
    I'd also say that pushing your comfort zone is healthy behavior and will likely leave you a more well rounded person.
- X6S1x6Okd1st 7y ago
  I climb outside, I backpack, I was the first person in my college to do study abroad at a specific smaller uni, I became a beginner in breakdancing (good enough to do some moves at a party, not to perform), I've learned to scuba dive, I've learned to AT ski, I participate in a book club that has roughly a 50/50 gender balance (important for hearing view points and books you might not have), I've spent literally years fixing my dog's horrific separation anxiety, I taught another dog I cared for to close the door behind them, I cross dress about once a year. I can cook. All of this makes for better conversation on a date, or to get a date than what you do for work or how much you make.
NeverFade 7y ago
Totally! According to census data, there are 155 single men in Santa Clara County for every 100 single women. Once each of these men would "work on themselves" and "be more interesting", then a suitable single woman would materialize out of thin air to date them! Or maybe it's Santa who brings a woman for every man who "worked on himself" that year? Either way, this demographic fact is clearly those men's fault! * https://www.reddit.com/r/bayarea/comments/a2xcst/malefemale_ratios_for_bay_area_counties_2017_data/ https://www.reddit.com/r/bayarea/comments/a2xcst/malefemale_...
- Apocryphon 7y ago
  If those men are transplants, isn’t the demographic skew partially their fault?
  - NeverFade 7y ago
    Yes, if you move to an area that's known to have dating demographics badly skewed against you, don't be surprised when your dating life there is disappointing. However, when we have a discussion about Bay Area dating, and most comments blame men for "not being interesting" and completely ignore, deny, or fail to even mention the gender imbalance, I don't think it helps men to make informed choices.
    - swiley 7y ago
      The fact is that either because of infanticide or nature there are fewer younger men in the world so you’ll have this problem in most places.
      - saagarjha 7y ago
        > fewer younger men I'd expect fewer young women?
        swiley 7y ago
        Yes that’s what I meant to say.
Cthulhu_ 7y ago
> Be interesting To expand on this: Develop yourself outside of your work. You are not your career. People don't really care much about what exact job you have, as long as it provides stability - both financial and mental. You're no good for anyone if your job takes up all of your time, energy and attention. Your significant other should not need to carry your work-related burdens. Have interests outside of what you do for a living. I got weird looks when I admitted at my previous job that I don't do much coding in my spare time, but honestly the guy I talked to did coding for work and most of his spare time, all the time. I mean good for him if he's enjoying himself but it's just not for me. Use your intelligence to expand your horizons. Know what's going on in the news and politics. Read books outside of your niche (outside of fantasy/sci-fi, biographies of people that aren't called Steve or Bill, history of countries on the other side of the world). Find people and social communities outside of your industry. Get out of your comfort zone.

Totally agree. Being interesting as a human and working on yourself is so much better than trying to get credit for being "respectful". That's like saying: "look I shower every day!" Be interesting.

philosopher1234 7y ago

What do you personally do to be interesting?

clomond 7y ago
Become a multi-deminsional, multi-faceted person. Starting with exploring genuine interests which have maybe not been 'listened to'. Being a bit adventurous (determine if things you've been curious about you actually care about), and trying new things (discover and identify new areas that exist) which could end up being interesting to you. From what I've seen, the key to being interesting is weirdly being more of "your true self". (not sure if any of that is actually helpful)
- NeverFade 7y ago
  > Become a multi-deminsional, multi-faceted person. According to census statistics, there are 1.63 single men for every 1 woman in Marin County. 1.34 single men per single woman in San Mateo County. 1.55 single men per single woman in Santa Clara County. So I really like your advice; if every man in the Bay became a "multi-deminsional, multi-faceted person", they would transcend the boundaries of plain arithmetic so there would be enough single women to date every one of them!
  - leni536 7y ago
    The advice is for an individual, not all men collectively. But yeah the advice is not "be interesting", it's "be more interesting than a typical man in your area". The issue you describe is very real though.
    - NeverFade 7y ago
      My point is that it will be really hard for straight men to date when there's 130-160 of them for every 100 women. Yes, each one of them could become ultra-competitive about it, and crawl on top of the others to be among the fortunate 60% who get dates, instead of the 40% who don't. But do you really want to live in an area where 40% of men can't get a date because there's simply no women available to them? We also haven't discussed the downsides to these fortunate 60% men. You worked on yourself, became interesting, and got a girlfriend. However, she knows with 50% more men than women in her area, she can easily replace you. That may make the relationship less pleasant than you think. "Just become more interesting to overcome all adverse effects from 50% gender diversity" is unfortunately quite naive.
  - clomond 7y ago
    Solving the dating problem was not the question. > "How does one become more interesting" Sure, you can change your environment to be more *relatively interesting. But that was also not the core of the question as I understand it. Rather, providing a method or tips to be more OBJECTIVELY interesting today than your yesterdays self is something useful in any kind of 'dating market'.
    - xenihn 7y ago
      How to become more interesting (as a guy in the bay area): - Make (significantly) more money (than most other guys in the bay area) - Be more attractive (than most other guys in the bay area) Making $120k in the bay area obviously isn't impressive. Neither is being fit without being on gear. It's all about the other guys around you. Both quality and quantity. These things would make you interesting in other parts of the country, or outside of the USA. Not here, though. Now how about $500k? You can afford a starter home, a nice car, custom-tailored clothing. Plastic surgery if you think you need it. You're presumably good at something that you're passionate about if you're being paid that much, even if it's "just" software engineering, and that's something people like. You can even date other software engineers who will be impressed by your skills and knowledge. Yeah the gender ratio sucks, but this is also the best place in the world to make your dual-FAANG-engineer-income power-couple dream come true. Come up with something that isn't (video/board)gaming, cycling, bouldering, or photography, that you do maybe once a month and say it's your hobby. Yoga is a decent choice. Grats, you're now interesting. Assuming you don't have any physical or psychological dealbreakers that can't be overlooked no matter how rich or ripped you get, that is.
      - mkohlmyr 7y ago
        Your definition of interesting might be the most interesting thing in this comment. I would not say that any of that makes you particularly interesting. Some of it might make you attractive to certain people, but I think that's quite different from what was originally intended by "interesting" in this thread. "Say it's your hobby"... I suggest actually finding a hobby. Because it will make you happier, not because it will make you "look interesting".
  - failuser 7y ago
    Universities have dozens to hundreds applications per available seat, good jobs have more. So competition here is relatively moderate.
mozey 7y ago
I like traveling to experience different cultures and personalities, getting out of your comfort zone can be very rewarding. If you have the means, organizing social events in a safe space for other people to join is great for creating connections and making friends. Host a potluck dinner, or go on a roadtrip, invite random people. Who do you find interesting? Try to be that person
NeverFade 7y ago
I personally moved to locations that don't have 50%+ more single men than women. That seemed to have made me a lot more, uhm, "interesting".
- mattigames 7y ago
  Any pointers to a list of those locations?
  - AQuantized 7y ago
    Almost anywhere that isn't a major tech hub.
  - take_a_breath 7y ago
    New York, Chicago, Atlanta, Minneapolis, Nashville, Austin, Dallas and many more.
  - selimthegrim 7y ago
    Come to New Orleans. The city will probably be more interesting than you and you'll be forced to compete.
- amyjess 7y ago
  You could literally be the only man in town, if you're not the kind of person other people want to date, they'd rather be single.
JumpCrisscross 7y ago
> What do you personally do to be interesting? People who do what they enjoy and try new things, instead of trying to be interesting, tend to be interesting.
NalNezumi 7y ago
A general advice would be curious in multiple things in different domains (tech, sport, politics, literature etc) be well articulated, confident and most importantly look happy. My anecdotal advice is to change environment. Depending on where you move to the demographic (men/women ratio), race preferences and what is considered as interesting changes. As an engineer in engineering university, I had more luck on dating apps focusing on women from non-tech field with different men/women ratio. As a half-asian guy, I had way more success in an Asian country than a predominately white country. (independent from race/age of the women)
krageon 7y ago
Accept that you are the way you are and like the things you like. When people talk about what they like, engage with them. Be a human being. From experience, this will already put you so far outside of the usual spectrum of what people meet that this is more than enough. There's a nice side-effect that you don't need to feel like you need to "do things" to be interesting, which really isn't a healthy stance to have towards yourself.
- X6S1x6Okd1st 7y ago
  I'd also say that pushing your comfort zone is healthy behavior and will likely leave you a more well rounded person.
X6S1x6Okd1st 7y ago
I climb outside, I backpack, I was the first person in my college to do study abroad at a specific smaller uni, I became a beginner in breakdancing (good enough to do some moves at a party, not to perform), I've learned to scuba dive, I've learned to AT ski, I participate in a book club that has roughly a 50/50 gender balance (important for hearing view points and books you might not have), I've spent literally years fixing my dog's horrific separation anxiety, I taught another dog I cared for to close the door behind them, I cross dress about once a year. I can cook. All of this makes for better conversation on a date, or to get a date than what you do for work or how much you make.

NeverFade 7y ago

Totally! According to census data, there are 155 single men in Santa Clara County for every 100 single women. Once each of these men would "work on themselves" and "be more interesting", then a suitable single woman would materialize out of thin air to date them! Or maybe it's Santa who brings a woman for every man who "worked on himself" that year? Either way, this demographic fact is clearly those men's fault! * https://www.reddit.com/r/bayarea/comments/a2xcst/malefemale_ratios_for_bay_area_counties_2017_data/ https://www.reddit.com/r/bayarea/comments/a2xcst/malefemale_...

Apocryphon 7y ago
If those men are transplants, isn’t the demographic skew partially their fault?
- NeverFade 7y ago
  Yes, if you move to an area that's known to have dating demographics badly skewed against you, don't be surprised when your dating life there is disappointing. However, when we have a discussion about Bay Area dating, and most comments blame men for "not being interesting" and completely ignore, deny, or fail to even mention the gender imbalance, I don't think it helps men to make informed choices.
  - swiley 7y ago
    The fact is that either because of infanticide or nature there are fewer younger men in the world so you’ll have this problem in most places.
    - saagarjha 7y ago
      > fewer younger men I'd expect fewer young women?
      - swiley 7y ago
        Yes that’s what I meant to say.

Cthulhu_ 7y ago

> Be interesting To expand on this: Develop yourself outside of your work. You are not your career. People don't really care much about what exact job you have, as long as it provides stability - both financial and mental. You're no good for anyone if your job takes up all of your time, energy and attention. Your significant other should not need to carry your work-related burdens. Have interests outside of what you do for a living. I got weird looks when I admitted at my previous job that I don't do much coding in my spare time, but honestly the guy I talked to did coding for work and most of his spare time, all the time. I mean good for him if he's enjoying himself but it's just not for me. Use your intelligence to expand your horizons. Know what's going on in the news and politics. Read books outside of your niche (outside of fantasy/sci-fi, biographies of people that aren't called Steve or Bill, history of countries on the other side of the world). Find people and social communities outside of your industry. Get out of your comfort zone.