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> At critical moments in time, you can raise the aspirations of other people significantly, especially when they are relatively young, simply by suggesting they
by jdsully 7y ago
> At critical moments in time, you can raise the aspirations of other people significantly, especially when they are relatively young, simply by suggesting they do something better or more ambitious than what they might have in mind.
Whatever you do, DO NOT apply this advice to your significant other. Perhaps a better man than me can do it effectively but I can say from experience the results are always disastrous.
- sitkack 7y agoAs someone who has been on the receiving end of this (from a loved one), your advice is sound.
- mistermann 7y agoTrue, this matches my experience perfectly, but perhaps the/some ways do exist but haven't been found, or will never be found, because it's too risky to try on an individual basis?
- majos 7y agoCan one of you explain why this is bad for partners? What’s wrong with saying “it’s reasonable for you to be ambitious”?
- nefitty 7y agoIt could be uncharitably interpreted as, "You're not providing the value I expect. You should fix that."
- travisjungroth 7y agoI think I’ve done it and been successful. I think two things are important. It has to come during a time when they’re already talking about their plans. And, it has to obviously come from a place that you think they’re underselling themselves (not that you want to get more from them). “Maybe I should get a job as a data analyst.” “Really? I think you have everything you need to be a data scientist.”
- mistermann 7y agoExactly, various techniques such as this can be successful, and it seems reasonable that there are numerous others. But how might we discover them?
- alpha_squared 7y agoConversely, my partner credits me with being the motivating factor in applying for grad school. I don't recall doing anything, but it was apparently a comment I'd made along the lines of, "I think you'd do really well in grad school and should consider applying." They got accepted into multiple programs and ultimately selected one they really like and feel sets them up well for industry. I guess I'm saying experience varies.
- chillee 7y agoOh I read this as a joke... Like, don't encourage your SO to find someone better than yourself.