4 ms·

An obituary is not written for you, it's written for the deceased person. It's an entirely symbolic deed that's done selflessly (the writer does not aim to gain

by ulucs 7y ago

An obituary is not written for you, it's written for the deceased person. It's an entirely symbolic deed that's done selflessly (the writer does not aim to gain anything from it) and that's why interrupting it to ask for money feels rude.

crankylinuxuser 7y ago
Capitalism knows no bounds. I dealt with that after my dad died, and went to the funeral home. Every fucking thing is an upsell. Every goddamned thing. And the funeral home salespeople use the fact it's a death to capitalize on it any way they can. sales: 'Do you want flowers for the casket? $1100' mom: 'No' sales: 'Don't you think he's worth flowers?' mom: 'alright...' sales: 'heres our selection of caskets, many families choose these ($6000)' mom: 'but he doesnt care, he's dead' sales: 'dont you love your husband?'
- ulucs 7y ago
  Yeah, they are almost literally vultures. You should probably buy those for yourself while you're alive.
  - lordlimecat 7y ago
    FWIW amazon sells cremation urns for a decent price ($60-100).
- claudeganon 7y ago
  My local newspaper went from having an open, freely accessible archive of obituaries to a time-limited paywall that you can have removed for various periods of time at correspondingly increasing prices. Just the lowest of the low.
  - dangus 7y ago
    And how do you expect your local paper to survive when the classifieds (the largest source of income for many local papers IIRC) have moved online and physical subscription numbers and ad buys are declining?
    - mindslight 7y ago
      This line of reasoning could also justify shoplifting to stock their break room. What I would "expect" (or really "hope") is that they would not do immoral/distasteful things. As it is, obits are paid for by the word when they're printed. But apparently a few hundred dollars isn't enough to serve a simple webpage for a few decades. It would be one thing if it were just an upfront one-time fee along with the publishing. But hitting you up after it's been "published", and instant-but-short-gratification options like $3 to unlock for 24 hours (etc) is just predatory. Contrast the experience of buying a paper with the obit, keeping it, and running across it in ten years with the experience of hitting a truncated webpage that uses your lament to hit you up for money.
    - claudeganon 7y ago
      Through wiser business decisions than alienating their customers by putting their loved ones’ obituaries behind a paywall.
- badpun 7y ago
  You know that something is wrong with a lot of Americans if they're dropping $1100 on flowers or $6000 on a casket... I mean c'mon, $6000 on a piece of furniture (?) that you'll see for maybe an hour and then bury it into the ground to rot?
  - siffland 7y ago
    Some people do splurge for flowers and a casket, but the last 4 or 5 funerals i have been to stated "in lieu of flowers" donate to such and such. Some people dont do that and still buy flowers. As for the casket, I believe the cheapest pine box is good enough for me (or cremation). Of course the metal vault around the casket is defiantly needed...you know in case of a zombie outbreak ;)
    - Aeolun 7y ago
      I think you can have armored plating inside the casket, so it doesn’t ruin the exterior.
  - solotronics 7y ago
    The Ancient Egyptians have some pretty big arguments to make here.
- andyv 7y ago
  Try "Oh, he woundn't want that".
- pkaye 7y ago
  My father died of cancer when I was 17. In our culture, I was now "man of the house" and was involved in the funeral decisions. That means I had to go along with my uncles to make some decisions. And the sales guys were still peddling and upselling products to a 17 year old kid in their time of grief.
- raattgift 7y ago
  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_American_Way_of_Death https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_American_Way_of_Death
- BrandoElFollito 7y ago
  I went to a funeral home recently to discuss what to do when I die. This is in France (west of Paris) where these discussions are not that common. I told them I want the cheapest solution and the best logistics (so that someone did all the paperwork when I die). And that nobody discusses what we agreed upon once I am not here anymore to negotiate :) It was great. They showed me the catalog going straight for the cheapest options and suggested I come back a year later as it will be cheaper for me. I think the funeral business is changing in France because more prone are like me, they plan their funerals in advance so they are much more relaxed discussing than the ones who come right after someone's death, to fall with it.
rumanator 7y ago
> An obituary is not written for you, it's written for the deceased person. Actually it is not. It's quite the opposite. The obituary is written and published for the living, to inform everyone of your death and to let family and loved ones express themselves. You are dead, so you don't care or read the obituary. the ones surviving you will handle that.

by ulucs 7y ago

crankylinuxuser 7y ago

Capitalism knows no bounds. I dealt with that after my dad died, and went to the funeral home. Every fucking thing is an upsell. Every goddamned thing. And the funeral home salespeople use the fact it's a death to capitalize on it any way they can. sales: 'Do you want flowers for the casket? $1100' mom: 'No' sales: 'Don't you think he's worth flowers?' mom: 'alright...' sales: 'heres our selection of caskets, many families choose these ($6000)' mom: 'but he doesnt care, he's dead' sales: 'dont you love your husband?'

ulucs 7y ago
Yeah, they are almost literally vultures. You should probably buy those for yourself while you're alive.
- lordlimecat 7y ago
  FWIW amazon sells cremation urns for a decent price ($60-100).
claudeganon 7y ago
My local newspaper went from having an open, freely accessible archive of obituaries to a time-limited paywall that you can have removed for various periods of time at correspondingly increasing prices. Just the lowest of the low.
- dangus 7y ago
  And how do you expect your local paper to survive when the classifieds (the largest source of income for many local papers IIRC) have moved online and physical subscription numbers and ad buys are declining?
  - mindslight 7y ago
    This line of reasoning could also justify shoplifting to stock their break room. What I would "expect" (or really "hope") is that they would not do immoral/distasteful things. As it is, obits are paid for by the word when they're printed. But apparently a few hundred dollars isn't enough to serve a simple webpage for a few decades. It would be one thing if it were just an upfront one-time fee along with the publishing. But hitting you up after it's been "published", and instant-but-short-gratification options like $3 to unlock for 24 hours (etc) is just predatory. Contrast the experience of buying a paper with the obit, keeping it, and running across it in ten years with the experience of hitting a truncated webpage that uses your lament to hit you up for money.
  - claudeganon 7y ago
    Through wiser business decisions than alienating their customers by putting their loved ones’ obituaries behind a paywall.
badpun 7y ago
You know that something is wrong with a lot of Americans if they're dropping $1100 on flowers or $6000 on a casket... I mean c'mon, $6000 on a piece of furniture (?) that you'll see for maybe an hour and then bury it into the ground to rot?
- siffland 7y ago
  Some people do splurge for flowers and a casket, but the last 4 or 5 funerals i have been to stated "in lieu of flowers" donate to such and such. Some people dont do that and still buy flowers. As for the casket, I believe the cheapest pine box is good enough for me (or cremation). Of course the metal vault around the casket is defiantly needed...you know in case of a zombie outbreak ;)
  - Aeolun 7y ago
    I think you can have armored plating inside the casket, so it doesn’t ruin the exterior.
- solotronics 7y ago
  The Ancient Egyptians have some pretty big arguments to make here.
andyv 7y ago
Try "Oh, he woundn't want that".
pkaye 7y ago
My father died of cancer when I was 17. In our culture, I was now "man of the house" and was involved in the funeral decisions. That means I had to go along with my uncles to make some decisions. And the sales guys were still peddling and upselling products to a 17 year old kid in their time of grief.
raattgift 7y ago
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_American_Way_of_Death https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_American_Way_of_Death
BrandoElFollito 7y ago
I went to a funeral home recently to discuss what to do when I die. This is in France (west of Paris) where these discussions are not that common. I told them I want the cheapest solution and the best logistics (so that someone did all the paperwork when I die). And that nobody discusses what we agreed upon once I am not here anymore to negotiate :) It was great. They showed me the catalog going straight for the cheapest options and suggested I come back a year later as it will be cheaper for me. I think the funeral business is changing in France because more prone are like me, they plan their funerals in advance so they are much more relaxed discussing than the ones who come right after someone's death, to fall with it.

rumanator 7y ago

> An obituary is not written for you, it's written for the deceased person. Actually it is not. It's quite the opposite. The obituary is written and published for the living, to inform everyone of your death and to let family and loved ones express themselves. You are dead, so you don't care or read the obituary. the ones surviving you will handle that.