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The author's post after realizing things had gotten too severe: http://apainintheneck.com/2019/11/16/the-worst-thing/ http://apainintheneck.com/2019/11/16/the-

by kick 7y ago

The author's post after realizing things had gotten too severe: http://apainintheneck.com/2019/11/16/the-worst-thing/ http://apainintheneck.com/2019/11/16/the-worst-thing/ † The author's obituary: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/04/obituaries/josie-rubio-dead.html https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/04/obituaries/josie-rubio-de...

adim86 7y ago
That last post was really sad. I don't have much words
- kick 7y ago
  Yeah, it's gotten me in a strange mental state, too.
inportb 7y ago
http://archive.is/EbvEq http://archive.is/EbvEq to get around the obituary paywall
- valtism 7y ago
  Having a paywall on an obituary seems quite distasteful.
  - dangus 7y ago
    Why? In the days of paper, if you didn’t pay for your subscription, you didn’t get the newspaper at all.
    - ulucs 7y ago
      An obituary is not written for you, it's written for the deceased person. It's an entirely symbolic deed that's done selflessly (the writer does not aim to gain anything from it) and that's why interrupting it to ask for money feels rude.
      - crankylinuxuser 7y ago
        Capitalism knows no bounds. I dealt with that after my dad died, and went to the funeral home. Every fucking thing is an upsell. Every goddamned thing. And the funeral home salespeople use the fact it's a death to capitalize on it any way they can. sales: 'Do you want flowers for the casket? $1100' mom: 'No' sales: 'Don't you think he's worth flowers?' mom: 'alright...' sales: 'heres our selection of caskets, many families choose these ($6000)' mom: 'but he doesnt care, he's dead' sales: 'dont you love your husband?'
        ulucs 7y ago
        Yeah, they are almost literally vultures. You should probably buy those for yourself while you're alive.
        lordlimecat 7y ago
        FWIW amazon sells cremation urns for a decent price ($60-100).
        claudeganon 7y ago
        My local newspaper went from having an open, freely accessible archive of obituaries to a time-limited paywall that you can have removed for various periods of time at correspondingly increasing prices. Just the lowest of the low.
        dangus 7y ago
        And how do you expect your local paper to survive when the classifieds (the largest source of income for many local papers IIRC) have moved online and physical subscription numbers and ad buys are declining?
        mindslight 7y ago
        This line of reasoning could also justify shoplifting to stock their break room. What I would "expect" (or really "hope") is that they would not do immoral/distasteful things. As it is, obits are paid for by the word when they're printed. But apparently a few hundred dollars isn't enough to serve a simple webpage for a few decades. It would be one thing if it were just an upfront one-time fee along with the publishing. But hitting you up after it's been "published", and instant-but-short-gratification options like $3 to unlock for 24 hours (etc) is just predatory. Contrast the experience of buying a paper with the obit, keeping it, and running across it in ten years with the experience of hitting a truncated webpage that uses your lament to hit you up for money.
  - pferde 7y ago
    Javascript disabled here, and I've seen no paywall. Just saying.
claudiawerner 7y ago
For me it's rather curious that people place such a high value on finding an SO even when dying. This seems to speak to one (or two) things: that it is a tragedy to have lived and never been in love, and that having someone with you in the pain and the last period of your live is very highly valued. It makes me think of all the people who don't have a terminal disease but still never manage to find someone. Their case, while sad, is perhaps not as tragic.
- coldtea 7y ago
  These musings have a little "alien observing earth people" tone...
  - ProAm 7y ago
    I think that is a trend in most HN comments just because the nature of the audience. Not a bad or good thing, just an observation.
- em-bee 7y ago
  there was a study that showed that people who have friends live longer. finding a partner in such trying times can be a life-anchor, and it can increase your strength and will to live. for some it can mean the difference of a few months or years, for some it could even mean the strength to beat the illness outright.
ryeights 7y ago
Jesus Christ. That blog post is horrifying
twodave 7y ago
"The enemy's gate is down" is a subtle Ender's Game reference, and it's beautiful in this post. This person's life expectancy is not oriented in the usual way, so the phrase becomes a call to re-establish norms and consider life in a way that suits the present reality. This isn't just a lesson to be learned by the dying, either.
TurkishPoptart 7y ago
Thank you for pulling these up. I am tearing up in an otherwise indifferent office.
neonIcon 7y ago
That was rough.. Thank you for posting though.

by kick 7y ago

adim86 7y ago

That last post was really sad. I don't have much words

kick 7y ago
Yeah, it's gotten me in a strange mental state, too.

inportb 7y ago

http://archive.is/EbvEq http://archive.is/EbvEq to get around the obituary paywall

valtism 7y ago
Having a paywall on an obituary seems quite distasteful.
- dangus 7y ago
  Why? In the days of paper, if you didn’t pay for your subscription, you didn’t get the newspaper at all.
  - ulucs 7y ago
    An obituary is not written for you, it's written for the deceased person. It's an entirely symbolic deed that's done selflessly (the writer does not aim to gain anything from it) and that's why interrupting it to ask for money feels rude.
    - crankylinuxuser 7y ago
      Capitalism knows no bounds. I dealt with that after my dad died, and went to the funeral home. Every fucking thing is an upsell. Every goddamned thing. And the funeral home salespeople use the fact it's a death to capitalize on it any way they can. sales: 'Do you want flowers for the casket? $1100' mom: 'No' sales: 'Don't you think he's worth flowers?' mom: 'alright...' sales: 'heres our selection of caskets, many families choose these ($6000)' mom: 'but he doesnt care, he's dead' sales: 'dont you love your husband?'
      - ulucs 7y ago
        Yeah, they are almost literally vultures. You should probably buy those for yourself while you're alive.
        lordlimecat 7y ago
        FWIW amazon sells cremation urns for a decent price ($60-100).
      - claudeganon 7y ago
        My local newspaper went from having an open, freely accessible archive of obituaries to a time-limited paywall that you can have removed for various periods of time at correspondingly increasing prices. Just the lowest of the low.
        dangus 7y ago
        And how do you expect your local paper to survive when the classifieds (the largest source of income for many local papers IIRC) have moved online and physical subscription numbers and ad buys are declining?
        mindslight 7y ago
        This line of reasoning could also justify shoplifting to stock their break room. What I would "expect" (or really "hope") is that they would not do immoral/distasteful things. As it is, obits are paid for by the word when they're printed. But apparently a few hundred dollars isn't enough to serve a simple webpage for a few decades. It would be one thing if it were just an upfront one-time fee along with the publishing. But hitting you up after it's been "published", and instant-but-short-gratification options like $3 to unlock for 24 hours (etc) is just predatory. Contrast the experience of buying a paper with the obit, keeping it, and running across it in ten years with the experience of hitting a truncated webpage that uses your lament to hit you up for money.
- pferde 7y ago
  Javascript disabled here, and I've seen no paywall. Just saying.

claudiawerner 7y ago

For me it's rather curious that people place such a high value on finding an SO even when dying. This seems to speak to one (or two) things: that it is a tragedy to have lived and never been in love, and that having someone with you in the pain and the last period of your live is very highly valued. It makes me think of all the people who don't have a terminal disease but still never manage to find someone. Their case, while sad, is perhaps not as tragic.

coldtea 7y ago
These musings have a little "alien observing earth people" tone...
- ProAm 7y ago
  I think that is a trend in most HN comments just because the nature of the audience. Not a bad or good thing, just an observation.
em-bee 7y ago
there was a study that showed that people who have friends live longer. finding a partner in such trying times can be a life-anchor, and it can increase your strength and will to live. for some it can mean the difference of a few months or years, for some it could even mean the strength to beat the illness outright.

ryeights 7y ago

Jesus Christ. That blog post is horrifying

twodave 7y ago

"The enemy's gate is down" is a subtle Ender's Game reference, and it's beautiful in this post. This person's life expectancy is not oriented in the usual way, so the phrase becomes a call to re-establish norms and consider life in a way that suits the present reality. This isn't just a lesson to be learned by the dying, either.

TurkishPoptart 7y ago

Thank you for pulling these up. I am tearing up in an otherwise indifferent office.

neonIcon 7y ago

That was rough.. Thank you for posting though.