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I agree with his theory, but what I find particularly interesting is that I think most people do not have an obsessive interest in anything at all. And as someo

• erikerikson 7y ago
  You'll come up for air around 3 and minor hobbies will re-emerge around 5. I would recommend finding some deeply informed and interesting podcasts on subjects you expect to be helpful in order to educate yourself passively during the early years.
  • kkylin 7y ago
    And many parents we know (ourselves included) give up exercise. If at all possible, try to maintain some semblance of an exercise routine.
    • jacquesm 7y ago
      Simplest solution: if the traffic situation around you allows it get a bike. And use it for anything under 10 km or when you need to transport something heavy. Cheaper than the gym and far healthier, saves you money on w&t on your car as well.
      • BeeOnRope 7y ago
        Why is biking far healthier than the gym?
        • bretthoerner 7y ago
          I think they just mean it's healthier than not biking to work.
          • BeeOnRope 7y ago
            That makes sense, I probably parsed it differently than the author intended.
      • DailyHN 7y ago
        Until you get hit by a car.
    • emptysands 7y ago
      Best way to do that is bike to work.
      • kkylin 7y ago
        Yeah, I commuted by bike until we had kids. Sadly, the preschool that we liked the most also wasn't easily bikable from the house. The kids now go to a school that is easily bikable, and it's a joy.
      • munificent 7y ago
        I do that now because I'm fortunate enough to live very close to work, but that can be really difficult for parents. If your commute time is too long then commute + work + commute can end up a longer span of time than the gap between breakfast and dinner for the kids. When I lived farther, I drove because that mattered more to me than missing meals with them.
    • scruple 7y ago
      My twins are 6 months. I've maintained 3x a week, hour long full body training sessions the entire time (and I get out for 2-3 10k runs a week and occasionally get out for a mountain bike ride, depending on how good of a deal I can make with my wife). I'm fortunate to work from home full-time, which means that I can get my workout in over lunch hour. For people who aren't are so fortunate, I always recommend that they look into Kettlebell Simple & Sinister on Amazon from Pavel Tsatsouline (there's a new version, recently released, easy to read and very dense with information and incredible strength training insights). Simple & Sinister is essentially a 20 minute, no nonsense, 100% legitimate strength training routine that can be done daily, even in combination with other training programs and workouts. Kettlebells take up essentially no space and if you buy a reputable brand you will have this strength training implement for the rest of your life.
      • munificent 7y ago
        > My twins are 6 months. For what it's worth, that means that you're actually at an easier phase than you will be when the kids get older. Infants are time-consuming in many ways, but they also sleep a lot and have few external needs of their own. When your kids stopping napping and start acquiring their own friends and activities, the time commitment goes up a lot, especially when they are still too young to do much for themselves. Elementary age sort of plateaus: the amount of activities goes up, but they can take care of more of their own maintainance too. I don't know what middle school is like yet, but my hunch is that the time commitment starts going down when they become old enough to go to activities on their own.
        • scruple 7y ago
          Oh, for sure. It's already ramped up, month over month, just due to them napping less. I'm excited to see where it all takes us over the coming years. That said, a major factor in why I work full-time remote today is because I wanted to take control of my health and use my lunch hour to exercise. I don't plan on ever giving that up, but I know that's optimistic. I'd happily go back to S&S 6 days a week if that's where my life took me (again).
      • peripitea 7y ago
    • jkestner 7y ago
      I’ve said it before, but I’m in the best shape of my life now with two children because the YMCA has free childcare.
• ruffrey 7y ago
  Millions of people have obsessive interest in their family or in professional sports.
• isodude 7y ago
  Read about and in depth how to raise kids. There is a lot of good books how you can let kids become strong individuals instead of good at following instructions. You will never be bored :p
  • galkk 7y ago
    Any advice?
    • agonmon 7y ago
      https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/nzsHQzsvwLw6g4pyE/review-selfish-reasons-to-have-more-kids https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/nzsHQzsvwLw6g4pyE/review-sel...
    • isodude 7y ago
      My trip regarding this has been mostly Swedish content. Like this guy: (Grow, not obey) http://www.larshgustafsson.se/?p=1413 http://www.larshgustafsson.se/?p=1413 I don't see any of this book translated to English though. He reflects upon his life as a doctor for mostly kids. How interactions with parents work out. How he hates methods and recipies to handle your kids, since that tends to distance yourself from the kid, use your instinct instead. Another book I was really fascinated by was "Barn som bråkar" (Kids that fight) by Bo Heijskov: https://eng.hejlskov.se/books/ https://eng.hejlskov.se/books/ I think most books are a good read there. Mostly about how nothing can be solved by screaming/shouting/distancing. Accept that kids have their own mechanics that you need to appreciate and tend to. Angry kids are good, that means they love you enough to share their emotions. Now it is up to you as a guardian to control the structure around the kid to make it easier to exist and control itself. Most likely I have missed tons of authors, but I strongly believe that if one follows the pattern of giving love to kids and not shout at them, things will be much easier, for both parent and kids. Reading about it and discussing it with ones partner is something that needs to be tended to all the time. For me as a bonus dad/bonus grandad and dad I fill a lot of roles, I tend to do deep dives in all areas (tech, music, philosofy etc), reading more about the roles I fill was such a joy and time consuming. To be fair I started out reading Bo Heilskov and then the site with soundbooks gave me the others.
• codetrotter 7y ago
  > I agree with his theory, but what I find particularly interesting is that I think most people do not have an obsessive interest in anything at all. I am not convinced that this is true. I think a lot more people are really interested or passionate about something than you may realize, but not all of them talk about those things to everyone. Alternatively, their passion might be what they do for a living. So for instance a case of the former might be someone that has a very niche interest, so they have learned that in most cases talking about that thing does not lead to any interesting conversations. Another possibility is that they might not view themselves as being particularly good at their area of interest (which may or may not be the case), so they don’t like to talk about it. So for whatever reason, including the above or other reasons, you end up not learning about these interests that those people have when you just talk casually with them. And as for the people that do it for a living, it could be that they have no interests outside of work, because work fulfills their passion. For example someone who is a really passionate salesperson, if they already truly derive meaning and joy from doing what they do at work, maybe they don’t need anything outside of work other than to relax and recover. Lastly, another group of people I can think of are those that have interests that are very costly and they don’t have a high paying job. So most of the year they spend a lot of time at work and on the spare time they sit in front of the TV, or the computer and it sounds like they have no passion for anything but really they are spending a lot of time dreaming about the next trip they can afford to go on in the Himalayas or whatever, and when they sit at home they watch programs about skiing, and they read about skiing online and discuss it with others online, and maybe read magazines about it as well. I’m not saying that everyone has something that they are deeply interested in, but I believe that more people do than one might realize.
  • ip26 7y ago
    I can vouch for the "do it for a living" route. Spent almost ten years obsessively tinkering with electronics. Started a career in electronics. Pretty much abandoned hobby electronics; I do it all day at work, get my enjoyment, and pursue more casual interests for fun. Although life still gets empty if it's just work/eat/sleep.
  • jacques_chirac 7y ago
    I have a hard time agreeing with this. In my experience people's single most interesting thing to talk about is themselves. Once you notice that, you see it everywhere. It's such a lure, it's almost irresistible. I've made it a habit to ask them a couple of open questions and then just let them have at it. In a few situations folks lost business with me simply because they were too preoccupied with talking about themselves to simply ask "so... how about you? what do you do?" It follows that whenever someone has an obsession, it comes up naturally while they talk about themselves.
• danbmil99 7y ago
  Frankly most people obsess about things like finding a mate, playing video games, collecting comics, politics, reading books, watching & discussing TV shows & movies, social websites (such as this one), sex, porn, fashion, sports, the social politics of work (as opposed to the work itself -- e.g. "The Office") and, of course, their kids. But none of these sorts of obsessions are likely to lead to fame or fortune. I think it is the rare person who literally has no obsessive interests at all. Sounds rather sad and boring.
  • dual_basis 7y ago
    Many of my relatives seem to have no interests or hobbies. I mean sure, they watch TV and movies, but it's not like they are deeply interested in them, they serve more as pastimes. They don't have anything they are actually passionate about.
    • brokenmachine 7y ago
      Most people I meet seem to simply survive on instinct and mimicking others around them. I find it really refreshing when I discover that someone is passionate about something, no matter what it is. The possibility exists that I could just be a bad interviewer though.
      • arthurjj 7y ago
        > The possibility exists that I could just be a bad interviewer though. Making small talk with people I have this thought constantly. Is the format of small talk what's preventing us from having a discussion about what you're passionate about or do they lack a passion?
  • sornaensis 7y ago
    Interests aren't necessarily obsessions or passions. I think it's rare to be obsessed with any of those things, but common to be superficially interested. For instance many people will just watch a TV show and enjoy it, and maybe even rewatch it a few times, without knowing all of the actors or writers or how the production of the show worked, etc etc, while you would expect an obsessed person to know at least some of these things, because they are compelled to find out at much as they possibly can about the object of their obsession.
• ced 7y ago
  > I am more financially comfortable than ever Work part-time? I get 1-2 days off per week for projects (and house stuff) then in the evenings/weekends I actually have time and energy for playing with my child. Plus, it's better for the environment than more work, more consumption.
• ryanobjc 7y ago
  I’m pretty much with you. And I can’t help but wonder as joining startups has clearly been sold as a path to riches, this site has shifted. Here’s a benchmark question: is it better to be right or be popular?
• ken 7y ago
  I think it'd be more accurate to say that most people haven't yet found something to be obsessively interested in. Although the child prodigy is a popular image, I don't actually know anyone who's ended up doing the same thing all their life since they were young. People bounce around a lot before they hit something that clicks. Sometimes it's at 15, sometimes it's at 50. Even people who have obsessive interests today first went through their boring phases, too.
• tomxor 7y ago
  > I have a very intense dread of losing myself in the necessary mundanity of life; I am more financially comfortable than ever, but I also feel less like myself than I ever have. Going to meetings, making dinner, creating to-do lists — these don’t fit my personality at all, but I have to do them because they need to be done. You just articulated my worst fear, occasionally some aspect of it creeps into my life when society demands some "busy work" from me... each time it makes me feel like wanting to retreat into the wilderness to escape from society and enjoy nature and do things I actually find interesting.
  • mertd 7y ago
    Except simply surviving in a non-urban environment is even more mundane and exhausting.
    • tomxor 7y ago
      oh absolutely, for prolonged escape if you don't take the basic technology of modern civilization with you, you will loose all your time again to keeping yourself clean, clothed, warm and fed. I you really want to escape I think the trick must be to live just close enough to reap the benefits of modern industry - but for me it is merely a desire or maybe a fantasy that seems more attractive on some days than others.
      • myth_drannon 7y ago
        You can go to some small village in south America. Live on a beach or in mountains. It's so cheap that all you basic needs can be taken care of with 100-400$/month and you can dedicate yourself to the persuit of your hobby.
• JMTQp8lwXL 7y ago
  > Going to meetings, making dinner, creating to-do lists — these don’t fit my personality at all, but I have to do them because they need to be done. Have you ever tried not doing things, and seeing what happens? A lot of things are quite frankly unnecessary in life.
  • TeMPOraL 7y ago
    FWIW, making to-do list is often a way of coping with inability to focus and hold coherent thoughts for longer periods of time in one's head. At least that's how I do this - especially now that I have a kid. I jot down lots of random throwaway todo lists for the day or week; otherwise, between the job, family and unwinding on HN, I'd essentially never do anything other than daily chores and "firefighting".
• mrmonkeyman 7y ago
  People are interested in their (extended) family and their kids, not to mention their spouse. Someone who has or takes the time to tinker with stuff for 12 hours straight seems to have a problem with priorities from this point of view. In that time you could have helped your grandma, your kid with his homework and your uncle with the shop. If you think people work, watch TV and go to sleep that there tells me you utterly underestimate the complexity of others' lives and completely overestimating your own. There's a lot more to it, cowboy.
• pram 7y ago
  It’s not that bad. I just had twin girls and I’m still managing to draw for ~3 hours a day in between feeding and diaper changes. If you like your hobby enough you’ll find the energy and time somewhere ;P
  • sibeliuss 7y ago
    I've got a new one too. My guitar follows me all around the house, and I've planted books in a bunch of different places for the in-between time. I'm curious to see how this evolves as the baby gets older.
• sibeliuss 7y ago
  I'm very new to having a kid but so far I've found it's helped focus my time more efficiently by getting better at multi-tasking, and then the remaining "interests" time is spent with a serious, no-time-to-waste approach. Also, you might be surprised at what having a kid does to you, in a good way. Like PG mentions in his essay, once people have kids they tend to be their focus, and it's satisfying to guide them and see them grow.
  • joe_the_user 7y ago
    Yeah, kid, family and relationships seems like the basic answer to "why aren't most people obsessed with obscure X". The chances are your kid will take all your time when they're young and then probably won't share obsessive interest X when they get older. Just as much with relationships - you can't be an appealing mate by being successful, well-balanced and well-adjusted. Or you can share interest X with you mate. But latter approach gives one 1/10000th as many people - not impossible but it's something to think about. I think there are some portion of people who could find hobby X appealing but then, consciously or unconsciously think about these considerations and push themselves back to mainstream.
  • sibeliuss 7y ago
    I would also like to say -- having a kid makes one realize how much time is wasted online reading reading reading. It's been a nice adjustment getting away from the internet.
• tsycho 7y ago
  Your fear is valid. One way I solved it (partly) is to hire help. Use your financial comfort to buy back your own time by paying someone else to do chores like cleaning, dishes etc. And the 1-2 hours per day that you'll save, now you can spend with your kid and/or on your interests.
• nexus2045 7y ago
  I used to be obsessed with many different things during childhood, perhaps because I am an only child and had large chunks of time where I was in my own room, alone, as a child. I would do things like lay out a paper map of a city, and start tracing my fingers along the roads as if I was a bus driver, or pretending I had multiple estates. I would start documenting the statistics of my Pokemon card deck. Take apart my computer. Spend hours trying to create something significant from random Lego blocks. Make songs by humming into a cassette tape recorder. Even invented a language (very short-lived hobby). Then puberty hit. I became more interested in making sure my hair and clothes were cool enough, so I could fit in, so I could attract my crush. I became much more addicted into the mainstream grooves of video games, such as League of Legends. I lost interest in random obsessions, and instead replaced it with a more artificial one governed by Riot Games or Blizzard, and the digital points/levels that I got in game. Then I grew up. I am now working as a software developer, but don't even have much obsession for programming at all. I just don't see how someone can get excited about the intracacies of a programming language, because its so dry and boring. And I feel a bit ashamed for not being too interested in hacking together a MVP anymore, even though programming presents such a huge realm of possibility available to anyone at no barrier/cost to entry. Nowadays, whenever I have a slight interest in anything, the capitalistic worldview has polluted my thoughts by always triggering the thought: "but is this a viable business idea? Could I get recognition from others and provide value such that the market would compensate me?" I would trade anything to get my childhood obsessions back, because I am living mostly like the repetitive 9-5er you describe.
• jeffdavis 7y ago
  What separates piano and OS hscking from making dinner, for you? What is mundane versus interesting? It seems to reduce the problem back to what might lead to a useful discovery versus what won't. But piano is likely in the latter category, given that its obsessed about so often over centuries. Maybe the time for OS hacking to lead to discoveries is on its way out, as well. Obsessive cooking might be more likely to be fruitful, come to think of it. We have changing ideas about food production and nutrition; and more enabling technologies around for new ideas. (I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with obsessing about things that won't lead to discoveries. They could be useful in a more mundane way, or be useless but still engaging.)
  • jaxr 7y ago
    I think that's the whole point. It's not about what is interesting and what not, but what truly obsesses you. What OP means is that cooking is not something he feels obsessed about. It's great if you are obsessed about cooking and have 10 hours a day to practice your cooking. But most of us, wish we had more time to explore the topics we are deeply attracted to. If they make a difference, all the better.
    • ip26 7y ago
      That said many topics are deeply fascinating in their own ways, and we just haven't stopped & looked close enough to discover it.
      • TeMPOraL 7y ago
        Manufacturing fascination is a hard mental task, doubly so if you try to do it to find a substitute for something you're already fascinated in, but can't find time to pursue - you'll know you're trying to cheat yourself.
  • neetle 7y ago
    I highly recommend going obsessive with cooking. It pays dividends when you can cook at home and eat like a king. I found playing with Heston Blumenthal recipes and then diving into as many cook books as possible to be the best way to start.
• ip26 7y ago
  1) Your kid will determine how much free time you have. Some infants sleep 22 hours a day. Some sleep 4 hours a day. You can't know which you'll get. 2) Ruthless economizing & prioritizing of what's important to you. Combine activities, e.g. biking to work is commute, exercise, and possibly shower all-in-one.
• nitwit005 7y ago
  Go look up what the average American or European media consumption is. It's difficult to see it as anything but an obsession. It's just that the obsession relates to things others are producing.
• lorepieri 7y ago
  If you don't have time for your obsessive interest, then it's not really obsessive after all. A maximally obsessive person would have neglected distractions from his obsession.
• andybak 7y ago
  > making dinner That seemed an odd thing to include. Making food is a rewarding and intriguing pursuit. It combines aesthetics, science, social benefit and sensual rewards. It has a rich history and tons of controversies to poke at. I never feel that making dinner is a waste of my time.