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My pet theory on teens, and one I'm brainstorming for my own kids, is that they don't have enough meaningful responsibility within their families or communities
by aklemm 7y ago
My pet theory on teens, and one I'm brainstorming for my own kids, is that they don't have enough meaningful responsibility within their families or communities. Somehow I want to find them work that is critical for the family and let them be in charge of it.
Whether they are more competent than we assume is an interesting angle, but I look back at my teens and feel like I was both competent enough for most work but also utterly useless compared to what I am now.
Edit: I'd reform school to add in lots of responsibility for older kids to teach and care for younger kids. Also perhaps get them helping with food production in gardens, farms, grocers, restaurants. What other meaningful work could we find for teens?
- pbhjpbhj 7y agoLearning is critical work too, perhaps recognising that as a responsibility (to the family and wider society) might be a good idea. I guess it depends on the kids whether more directly aiding through work is a greater benefit than preparing for later work.
- aklemm 7y agoThat is an important point, and true that a teen’s main work is learning. I guess that’s lost on them too often.
- Nasrudith 7y agoThat is something I have seen as well by "well meaning" wanting to promote volunteering and well outright authoritarians. They fail to think of what it is like being in the other's shoes. Responsibility forced upon without the perks is just another burden. They miss the important aspect of it long term - agency and power in decision making. I know many forever turned off from volunteering as they view community service a punishment they were unjustly assigned. The correct answer is to support them in something they are interested in.
- aklemm 7y agoThe “perk” is fulfilling a purpose in your social group. No ones talking about a volunteer death march.
- NohatCoder 7y agoI agree, but the problem is that school is already a full-time job. You can't add much additional work without risking owerworking your kids.
- noobermin 7y agoIt seems the alternative is to potentially reduce school work then.
- arandr0x 7y agoThere is a French psychologist called Françoise Dolto who agrees with you, she even write a book about it. She says a great deal of the problems with adolescents today (where today is in the past century, this is not a recent book) is that they are not needed. So, exactly like adults who are not needed and left to their own devices, they develop para-social hierarchies, and/or turn to crime and develop mood problems. Your teen can probably balance a checkbook and pay bills. Teens also eventually come to a point where they're really interested in driving and, in America, you can use that to make them run errands, take younger siblings to school, and so on. Even a scooter works fine for a lot of that. Also, to use an example from my real life, as a teen I just... stayed with the other women and talked about their lives and offered emotional support, helped smooth over relationships, that sort of thing. Yeah I wouldn't have been able to negotiate someone's salary or something but most teens can tell Aunt Marie that Aunt Alice wants her coffee machine back while eliding the "and thinks you're ungrateful and live in a hovel" part. And I helped them with math too.
- aklemm 7y agoI love it! Thanks for the Dolto tip.