6 ms·

He's got a 5 year old and he's giving parenting advice. The ideal parent folks. We all love our children, we all try to do the best for them. You're not special

He's got a 5 year old and he's giving parenting advice. The ideal parent folks. We all love our children, we all try to do the best for them. You're not special. You don't post your kids face online, well I don't gloat how great of a parent I am online. We should all remember that how people present themselves online, whether it's beautiful photos on Instagram or enlightened blog posts, is not reality. Being a parent is fucking hard. I love it, it may be hard to see it sometimes but it's worth it, and I don't pretend for a minute that I don't fuck it up every other moment or that it isn't the most challenging role I've taken on. I also don't preach to other parents how they should raise their kids. I do my best, though I fail, to not judge how other people parent. I certainly don't blab about it if I do. I guess except in this miserable instance.

adreamingsoul 7y ago
How do you feel after reading that article?
- jezinka 7y ago
  that I also want not to think about household duties - I have a 3 years old and work and there is also a lot to do like meals, laundry, cleaning, shopping... Yeah, few hours outside sounds great when you have somebody who take care of everything that should be done.
- deleted 7y ago
  [deleted]
indemnity 7y ago
Note: He’s financially independent, never has to work again if he doesn’t want to. Most importantly, he has time in a way most working parents do not. Maybe that changes your perspective of how applicable his views are to your situation.
- Aeolun 7y ago
  It certainly makes it sound a little bit pretentious when you say you are spending 30 hours a week with your son.
kick 7y ago
We should all remember that how people present themselves online, whether it's beautiful photos on Instagram or enlightened blog posts, is not reality. Sivers legally forced himself to give nearly the entire value of his company (~$22,000,000 - (5% per year of living)) that he had worked years to build to charity, and that can be verified pretty easily. It's safe to say he's a better person than most, and this article isn't really advice in the sense you seem to be implying. Using a holier-than-thou tone probably doesn't help your case, very much.
- free652 7y ago
  I had to verify and I am calling BS on this. The charity will only give money to anyone else but him when he dies. Until then he is paying himself 4.4 million per year or when the trust is depleted.
  - kick 7y ago
    Did you mess up your math? 5% of 22,000,000 is not 4,400,000, it's 1,100,00.
- in_cahoots 7y ago
  Most of us don’t have the ability to give vast sums of money to charity and still spend 30 quality hours a week with a kid. How does having more financial resources make him a better person?
  - 55555 7y ago
    We know empirically that the vast majority of people who make tens of millions of dollars from their business don't give almost all of it to charity. So if we can agree on any moral framework, then I think it's fair to say that Sivers is, at least in this way, a "better" person than most, as most in his situation don't act so "good".
    - burntoutfire 7y ago
      > Sivers is, at least in this way, a "better" person than most Better than most who make millions, not than general population. Who knows, maybe the millionaires are "worse" than the average in this regard.
deleted 7y ago
[deleted]
austhrow743 7y ago
Yeah fuck this guy for writing on his blog. People are born with an innate ability to parent equally as well as anybody else. All parents are fantastic at it.
- tasuki 7y ago
  It appears sarcasm either isn't welcome or isn't understood on HN. Your comment made me smile.
etagobla 7y ago
His writing is a little goofy sometimes, but take what you can from it. Where does he oversimplify? What does he get right? Has this made you think about your own life? The real funny thing is that he's not even telling you what to do. He just spends a lot of time with his kid and wrote about why it makes him happy.
tasuki 7y ago
> He's got a 5 year old and he's giving parenting advice. Is he not supposed to give advice because of the age of his offspring? What age children and how many ought one to have before giving parenting advice? It seemed like good advice to me, and I liked the point that in the end he's doing it all for himself.
- RobertRoberts 7y ago
  I have a kid in college. I guarantee you that I would never do many of the same things again that I did with my 5 year old kid... but that is because I have seen the long term results. This guys is a freshman parent, but he does have a few good points. He is in for a surprise when he has more kids and simply cannot put as much time into each kid.
  - MattRix 7y ago
    Our of curiosity, what kind of things do you wish you had not done with your 5 year old? (I ask as a parent of a 7 and 9 year old)
    - RobertRoberts 7y ago
      I would be more patient and kind and sweet. I would encourage them more. But, at the same time I would raise my expectations. I did this for the later kids and it's made them harder workers and more responsible. I would spend more time teaching them to enjoy work instead of play. Find the joy of accomplishment. I would never ever (ever again) overlook disrespectful, rude or nasty behavior in any way. Because a 3 year old making nasty faces is cute, but a 16 year old making the exact same face she has made for years is hurtful, insulting and simply aggravating. I would recognize that almost all the bad behaviors a child has is the same I have, but without any adult filters to hide it properly. I would be so much more vigilant about knowing what my kid is dealing with at school. We had a few really bad teachers that really affected my kids poorly and it broke my heart to only learn about it after the fact. I would teach my child to be strong, brave and have real courage. Give her opportunities to have courage and really demonstrate how to stand up to others. But I would do all of these things patiently. I would let her fail and not be angry. Failure is fine, as long as they know what is right and good to do, they will try again. But I was harsh on failure and it drove a wedge between my oldest daughter and me, that I had to work hard to repair after she had left home. There are about a dozen moments in my kids lives over many years where I really wanted to not have to do something or face something. And the failure I had with my oldest gave me the resolve to not fail at it again. Things like making excuses not to spend time on something, or justifying not correcting bad behavior. Which brings up another minor issue about behavior, I learned that you just have to tell a child what you expect them to do for almost all problems to be solved. I can often refer to my own behavior and say "do what I do". I corrected mass family issues by simply fixing my own personal problems as well. Instead of trying to correct everyone else's, they came around to see I didn't tolerate or engage in the behavior I wanted to change in the family. I could go on and on with this stuff, but ultimately, things changed and I dealt with my kids better when I made everything my own personal responsibility to resolve and doing so in a way I wanted to be treated. I know this sounds almost trite, but when you do it for real at first you don't get results, but if you permanently change, everyone around you can't help but see it. I found that being kind and loving to my kids over all things, and taking full responsibility openly in front of the family (meaning I would gather everyone together to apologize for something I had done in front of the whole family) gives me a permanent solution to all future problems. You just can't foresee what each kid is going to be dealing with or what problems they will bring to the table, so I needed the ultimate answer to give me a strong base to solve issues from. Last, I grew up in an abusive home, no details needed, but it was damn near a nightmare most of my childhood. And I thought (with my first kid) that suffer made a kid stronger and able to deal with the harsh realities of life. But this is not true at all. Kids who have a hard life can barely get up in the morning let alone face yet another struggle. So, after seeing this massive failure (I learned this from my mother, she said it plainly so I am not assuming this theory from her) I started to build my kids up. Tell them that hard work, doing your best and encouraging them to not give up and to face hardship head on made happier and more solid kids. Now when the younger kids face something hard, they take it in stride, where my oldest still struggles with somethings that I regret so badly for not helping her learn to face. Sorry this got so long. You are raising adults, not children. The goal of parenting is a solid, happy, humble, brave, wise adult... (fill in your own here of course, these are only a few I could think of)
deleted 7y ago
[deleted]

adreamingsoul 7y ago

How do you feel after reading that article?

jezinka 7y ago
that I also want not to think about household duties - I have a 3 years old and work and there is also a lot to do like meals, laundry, cleaning, shopping... Yeah, few hours outside sounds great when you have somebody who take care of everything that should be done.
deleted 7y ago
[deleted]

indemnity 7y ago

Note: He’s financially independent, never has to work again if he doesn’t want to. Most importantly, he has time in a way most working parents do not. Maybe that changes your perspective of how applicable his views are to your situation.

Aeolun 7y ago
It certainly makes it sound a little bit pretentious when you say you are spending 30 hours a week with your son.

kick 7y ago

We should all remember that how people present themselves online, whether it's beautiful photos on Instagram or enlightened blog posts, is not reality. Sivers legally forced himself to give nearly the entire value of his company (~$22,000,000 - (5% per year of living)) that he had worked years to build to charity, and that can be verified pretty easily. It's safe to say he's a better person than most, and this article isn't really advice in the sense you seem to be implying. Using a holier-than-thou tone probably doesn't help your case, very much.

free652 7y ago
I had to verify and I am calling BS on this. The charity will only give money to anyone else but him when he dies. Until then he is paying himself 4.4 million per year or when the trust is depleted.
- kick 7y ago
  Did you mess up your math? 5% of 22,000,000 is not 4,400,000, it's 1,100,00.
in_cahoots 7y ago
Most of us don’t have the ability to give vast sums of money to charity and still spend 30 quality hours a week with a kid. How does having more financial resources make him a better person?
- 55555 7y ago
  We know empirically that the vast majority of people who make tens of millions of dollars from their business don't give almost all of it to charity. So if we can agree on any moral framework, then I think it's fair to say that Sivers is, at least in this way, a "better" person than most, as most in his situation don't act so "good".
  - burntoutfire 7y ago
    > Sivers is, at least in this way, a "better" person than most Better than most who make millions, not than general population. Who knows, maybe the millionaires are "worse" than the average in this regard.

deleted 7y ago

[deleted]

austhrow743 7y ago

Yeah fuck this guy for writing on his blog. People are born with an innate ability to parent equally as well as anybody else. All parents are fantastic at it.

tasuki 7y ago
It appears sarcasm either isn't welcome or isn't understood on HN. Your comment made me smile.

etagobla 7y ago

His writing is a little goofy sometimes, but take what you can from it. Where does he oversimplify? What does he get right? Has this made you think about your own life? The real funny thing is that he's not even telling you what to do. He just spends a lot of time with his kid and wrote about why it makes him happy.

tasuki 7y ago

> He's got a 5 year old and he's giving parenting advice. Is he not supposed to give advice because of the age of his offspring? What age children and how many ought one to have before giving parenting advice? It seemed like good advice to me, and I liked the point that in the end he's doing it all for himself.

RobertRoberts 7y ago
I have a kid in college. I guarantee you that I would never do many of the same things again that I did with my 5 year old kid... but that is because I have seen the long term results. This guys is a freshman parent, but he does have a few good points. He is in for a surprise when he has more kids and simply cannot put as much time into each kid.
- MattRix 7y ago
  Our of curiosity, what kind of things do you wish you had not done with your 5 year old? (I ask as a parent of a 7 and 9 year old)
  - RobertRoberts 7y ago
    I would be more patient and kind and sweet. I would encourage them more. But, at the same time I would raise my expectations. I did this for the later kids and it's made them harder workers and more responsible. I would spend more time teaching them to enjoy work instead of play. Find the joy of accomplishment. I would never ever (ever again) overlook disrespectful, rude or nasty behavior in any way. Because a 3 year old making nasty faces is cute, but a 16 year old making the exact same face she has made for years is hurtful, insulting and simply aggravating. I would recognize that almost all the bad behaviors a child has is the same I have, but without any adult filters to hide it properly. I would be so much more vigilant about knowing what my kid is dealing with at school. We had a few really bad teachers that really affected my kids poorly and it broke my heart to only learn about it after the fact. I would teach my child to be strong, brave and have real courage. Give her opportunities to have courage and really demonstrate how to stand up to others. But I would do all of these things patiently. I would let her fail and not be angry. Failure is fine, as long as they know what is right and good to do, they will try again. But I was harsh on failure and it drove a wedge between my oldest daughter and me, that I had to work hard to repair after she had left home. There are about a dozen moments in my kids lives over many years where I really wanted to not have to do something or face something. And the failure I had with my oldest gave me the resolve to not fail at it again. Things like making excuses not to spend time on something, or justifying not correcting bad behavior. Which brings up another minor issue about behavior, I learned that you just have to tell a child what you expect them to do for almost all problems to be solved. I can often refer to my own behavior and say "do what I do". I corrected mass family issues by simply fixing my own personal problems as well. Instead of trying to correct everyone else's, they came around to see I didn't tolerate or engage in the behavior I wanted to change in the family. I could go on and on with this stuff, but ultimately, things changed and I dealt with my kids better when I made everything my own personal responsibility to resolve and doing so in a way I wanted to be treated. I know this sounds almost trite, but when you do it for real at first you don't get results, but if you permanently change, everyone around you can't help but see it. I found that being kind and loving to my kids over all things, and taking full responsibility openly in front of the family (meaning I would gather everyone together to apologize for something I had done in front of the whole family) gives me a permanent solution to all future problems. You just can't foresee what each kid is going to be dealing with or what problems they will bring to the table, so I needed the ultimate answer to give me a strong base to solve issues from. Last, I grew up in an abusive home, no details needed, but it was damn near a nightmare most of my childhood. And I thought (with my first kid) that suffer made a kid stronger and able to deal with the harsh realities of life. But this is not true at all. Kids who have a hard life can barely get up in the morning let alone face yet another struggle. So, after seeing this massive failure (I learned this from my mother, she said it plainly so I am not assuming this theory from her) I started to build my kids up. Tell them that hard work, doing your best and encouraging them to not give up and to face hardship head on made happier and more solid kids. Now when the younger kids face something hard, they take it in stride, where my oldest still struggles with somethings that I regret so badly for not helping her learn to face. Sorry this got so long. You are raising adults, not children. The goal of parenting is a solid, happy, humble, brave, wise adult... (fill in your own here of course, these are only a few I could think of)

deleted 7y ago

[deleted]