7 ms·

A question I have is...why marriage at all? Is there a reason I need the government to recognize the union between my and my SO?

• rubidium 7y ago
  Main reason for government recognition is taxes, healthcare situations, common property ownership, and kids. There's laws that take into account if two people are married or now.
  • t0mbstone 7y ago
    Just so you know, there isn't always a tax break for being married, unless one of the partners is making significantly less than the other or is a stay at home parent. In many cases, you can actually save more money by filing separately, and instead of getting legally married, just become "domestic partners". Health insurance treats domestic partners just like spouses (so you can still add each other to the primary person's insurance if you want). Many of the other "benefits" of marriage can be solved by intentionally creating a living will where you state how you want medical issues to be handled, and where you have named the other person as your benefactor if you die. You can even list your domestic partner as the benefactor on your life insurance policy. As for kids, you don't lose your parental rights just because you aren't married. It's still your kid, and you still owe child support regardless. There are plenty of people who are divorced and have kids. Being in a domestic partnership with kids works just fine. Honestly, I don't even know why anyone gets married these days. The laws regarding marriage in many states are so antiquated and nonsensical. A lot of the laws and protections in marriage are designed around the antiquated idea of stay-at-home moms who can't work or provide for themselves. That's not the modern world we live in anymore. My significant other and I have been in a relationship for over 5 years now, and we have a 3 year old kid. We keep almost all of our finances completely separate (with the exception of a shared savings account just for household and childcare expenses). She makes her money, and I make mine. We track all of our shared household and childcare expenses using Splitwise, and we file our taxes separately. When we do our taxes, we figure out who gets the bigger refund that year (when filing for head of household and adding the childcare expenses), and then we split the refund difference. Everything is totally fair, and everyone pulls their own weight in the relationship. We split all of the household duties, and we split things like childcare duties, too. For example, she watches the kiddo all day on Saturday (giving me a day off), and I watch him all day on Sunday (giving her a day off). We also play World of Warcraft together in the evenings after the kiddo has gone to bed. Life is great!
    • deleted 7y ago
      [deleted]
    • hackeraccount 7y ago
      That sounds great. I went to a wedding recently and it made me think about my marriage and the thought that occurred to me was how insanely dependent I've become to my wife. It's like I've cut off a leg, given it to someone and said "Yeah, you use that and just give me a hand whenever I need to hop around." Honestly that's not the weird part for me though. The weird part is that this woman I depend on so much surprises me so much. I've known her for 20 years. Almost every night I got to sleep knowing I can just reach over and she'll be there. And still she'll say something and I'll think - How can she believe that? Or she'll do something and I'll wish I was that kind. Or be happy I'm not so stubborn. :-)
    • michaelgrafl 7y ago
      That sounds great. But I couldn't do that with my wife, because we're both terrible with paperwork and planning. My wife even refuses to use a digital calendar, for example, as well as anything involving receipts or basic algebra. And its not that she doesn't pull her own weight, she's just insane. I'm in Europe, so most of my friends with children aren't actually married. They know what you wrote above. Most of them still get married at some point, because it's an effective way to reinforce the internalized relationship status by externalizing it, which is in general is valuable to long-term couples.
• aarpmcgee 7y ago
  Indeed.
• i_am_proteus 7y ago
  If you merge assets, marriage is a useful legal vehicle covering a common societal practice. One could also establish an LLC for the purpose, or not merge assets, of course.
  • deleted 7y ago
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• cliffy 7y ago
  Raising kids is hard enough with two dedicated parents. Marriage at least comes with the promise of staying together in the long term. Makes it a little harder for one partner to just leave. I have two kids. The idea of raising them by myself seems nearly impossible. Maybe it's doable if you're already independently wealthy or can heavily rely on nearby family or both. Still doesn't sound as healthy as having two dedicated parents.
  • iuguy 7y ago
    > Marriage at least comes with the promise of staying together in the long term. I'm not sure the divorce rate agrees that this constitutes a promise.
    • jtcruthers 7y ago
      A broken promise was still a promise at one point.
    • oblongx 7y ago
      What is the separation rate of non-married couples?
      • dominotw 7y ago
        thats a question for GP who made the original claim. > Makes it a little harder for one partner to just leave.
        • cliffy 7y ago
          Marriage has legal consequences. Many of which don't exist for unmarried couples. Some of the legalities will make some people think twice before getting a divorce/leaving. I think that is more than enough to support the claim of: 'a little harder to leave'.
          • dominotw 7y ago
• francisofascii 7y ago
  Yeah, I think there are benefits to your community/society to have the union formally recognized. People then know who is off limits, couples more likely to work out issues rather than simply breaking up, kids have a better chance at a stable home life, etc.
• dominotw 7y ago
  "for tax reasons"
• pcmaffey 7y ago
  I used to parrot about marriage - "license and registration are for cars." But, getting married (after 7yrs with SO) had 2 powerful effects: 1. The power of social contract as a signal to family, friends, society etc is huge. It's also really nice to celebrate with loved ones. There's not enough ceremony in our lives as it is... 2. The power of agreement with SO had an immensely positive impact on our relationship. Words have power, agreements have even more so. Just choose carefully and intentionally the agreement that you're entering with your partner.
  • stanski 7y ago
    I had a similar experience though a lot more recently. My SO had to almost drag me through the altar - I didn't care much either way but didn't want to jump through the various hoops (especially the financial ones) to get it done. I can't say it has affected our everyday life in any way but it is an experience that you end up sharing forever and becomes a part of your relationship. That said I'm lucky that we both wanted a small ceremony. I may not have fared as well if we were dropping tens of thousands of dollars and spending months planning a wedding. That'd be a whole different animal.
    • alanfranz 7y ago
      > sharing forever Which is not necessarily good. If your marriage fails, it's 'regretting forever'.
  • michaelgrafl 7y ago
    In general I still feel a bit uneasy with the way the signing of a pretty substantial contract between to people entering an official partnership is given a sentimental air to make it seem less rational, but this was my experience as well. I'm not saying you have to get married to make a relationship feel serious and long-term-ish, but it certainly enforces that feeling.
• deleted 7y ago
  [deleted]
• ropiwqefjnpoa 7y ago
  One reason is it offers legal protections so a disadvantaged mate isn't left with nothing. Especially in the case of a couple where one isn't working, perhaps to care for children.
  • toomuchtodo 7y ago
    Your spouse also gets to collect half of your social security benefit (with no impact to you) if that is higher than their benefit if you were married at least 10 years.
    • ropiwqefjnpoa 7y ago
      Many people view marriage as just a religious function, but it's really a legal one. It's why you have the "power vested in me" by whatever is the governmental law authority of the area.
      • Maultasche 7y ago
        In Germany, marriage is viewed by the state as only a legal function. You must have a civil ceremony at a government office to make your marriage legal. Religious ceremonies are not legal marriages. After the civil ceremony (if you want to) you can have a separate religious ceremony. Many people now just do the civil ceremony and skip the religious ceremony. It was interesting to see all the couples outside the government office waiting to get married on whatever day marriages were performed.
        • ropiwqefjnpoa 7y ago
          Same in Colombia
• jpollock 7y ago
  Given the rules on common-law marriage that many jurisdictions have, no. I am aware of one reason to get married. US Immigration does not recognize common law spouses as spouses for visa purposes. You want to travel to the US because your partner has gotten a job at Google? You must be married to have the relationship recognized.
• bassman9000 7y ago
  https://www.mdrc.org/publication/effects-marriage-and-divorce-families-and-children https://www.mdrc.org/publication/effects-marriage-and-divorc... First, children who grow up in an intact, two-parent family with both biological parents present do better on a wide range of outcomes than children who grow up in a single-parent family. Single parenthood is not the only, nor even the most important, cause of the higher rates of school dropout, teenage pregnancy, juvenile delinquency, or other negative outcomes we see; but it does contribute independently to these problems. Neither does single parenthood guarantee that children will not succeed; many, if not most, children who grow up in a single-parent household do succeed. That, coupled to the fact that marriage improves stability. You have less incentives to overcome disagreements and other issues if not bound by law.
• SllX 7y ago
  Inheritance laws, the tax code, spousal rights, some legal protections including in the court room, property rights, and family law are keyed around marriage. There are allowances for non-matrimonial relationships, but generally it makes your life easier or your SO’s life a lot easier from a legal, inheritance and property perspective if you’re married and one of you dies. You also receive some tax advantages while you are both alive. Put it another way, there’s a reason marriage has existed and was pervasive on every continent every human was on, even prior to the Columbian exchange. You can go against the grain and say the government has no place qualifying your relationship, but it does have some say in that and for some good reasons.
• thefz 7y ago
  My country has just started recognizing de-facto couples the same as married ones. There are some cases in which it is useful to know that a close partner or loved one exists, such as admittance to the ospital room if one is sick or hurt, succession rights, and so on.