7 ms·

The single consistent thing I have noticed in dealing with this type of anxiety is that if I spend time with people I actually like being with, it completely di

by rland 7y ago

The single consistent thing I have noticed in dealing with this type of anxiety is that if I spend time with people I actually like being with, it completely disappears. It's impossible to be so self-directed if there is another person in the room who I care about or love. To that end, the fix is simple: surround myself with people that I love. Friends and family. Easier said then done, especially in our modern world, which is why I suspect this comes up frequently.

andrepd 7y ago
This is exactly how I feel, which is also why it is so difficult for me: I'm in a long distance relationship because of work.
- WhompingWindows 7y ago
  Same here. We met and dated for a year, it was lovely. Then I took a job 1 hour away, 50% higher pay and a promotion, but the relationship does suffer a bit from that 1 hour drive.
hathawsh 7y ago
I concur. I would also like to suggest voluntary service. Every time I've participated in a service project, I've come away with reduced anxiety and an increased appreciation for the people around me. I discovered what I should be focusing on. One place to find service opportunities is https://www.justserve.org/ https://www.justserve.org/ . There's an app too. It's worth a look.
scarejunba 7y ago
Yeah, but it's deleterious to my societal productivity. Like I'm happier spending my time with my friends. But I have less of that burning desire to build. I think I might actually be content to live just happily on the beach with the wealth I have now, so long as everyone I love is nearby and we frequently meet. But obviously I don't want to be content with that.
- lonelappde 7y ago
  The world will be fine if you don't build
- taneq 7y ago
  Well what do you want, to be happy or to be productive? Happy people don't make great art.
  - ken 7y ago
    I used to believe that. These days, I'm certainly happier making art than whatever it was people wanted to pay me to do on a computer. Why can't happy people make great art? Do we also think that sober people can't write great novels, or people who survive past age 27 can't make great music? I can think of countless counterexamples to all of these. Just because there were miserable great artists in the past doesn't necessarily mean you have to be miserable to be a great artist.
  - esolyt 7y ago
    But they're happy.
  - themarkn 7y ago
    > Happy people don't make great art. This is kinda just a myth as far as I can tell. There is a often romanticized relationship between art and suffering, because sure, some art is created as a way to relieve suffering. But it's by no means mandatory, and at one point I've even been in the spot (like many many others) of being afraid to get help for mental health issues because of what it might do to the work I was creating. This is how the myth does harm. The longer people "trade" health for art, the more they put themselves at risk in service of this misguided idea. It's no exaggeration to say that people have died as a result of believing that treating their depression would diminish their art. A person in that situation has to win every day of their lives, while depression only has to win once.
- erikpukinskis 7y ago
  In the short term you’ll move less bricks for sure. But in the long term, I wonder if you as a group will be able to discover movable bricks that you wouldn’t have seen or cared about on your own. And maybe those bricks are both more valuable to move and more likely to successfully get to their destination, because you’re doing so as a group not as an individual. Not sure.
Fr0styMatt88 7y ago
Somewhat related -- and boy I never thought I'd say this! -- some stuff started changing in my life for the better recently and I decided to get back on Facebook and get involved again (I hadn't deleted my account or anything, I just hadn't posted or interacted in a very long time). I joined a bunch of groups that interested me and more importantly for me, I started making an effort to like and comment on posts of extended family that I rarely get to see in real life. It's been REALLY positive. Just last night, we had a huge family thread going sharing our family pasta sauce recipes. It.... made me really happy! Now at the somewhat-annual extended family get-together, we'll have something in common to talk about. I know it's definitely not a substitute for face-to-face interaction, but in letting go of my prejudices just a little, I've found a nice bit of additional joy in my life and hopefully made other people smile at the same time.
- sosuke 7y ago
  Woah, that is a pretty compelling story to me. Makes me think about Facebooking a little.
  - Fr0styMatt88 7y ago
    One hint I can give you is that joining groups seemed to be the thing that really turned my news feed into something else. I've joined groups related to game programming, music production, Arduino and a bunch of others related to local music gigs (plus some support groups that I feel I can contribute to) and now there's actually a lot of interesting (and pleasantly technical) stuff in my feed. The other effect this had is that the ads I see are a lot better as well.
    - phodo 7y ago
      On a related note : That’s also how I use Twitter - carefully curated. I’m more of an occasional user, a lurker more than a tweeter. And the resulting recommendations, ads, and tweets are relevant and useful to me in the topics I like. It’s not perfect but it makes general discovery - breadth and depth - meaningful to me, whenever I go thru my feed.
baby 7y ago
But then isn't it reverse time anxiety? You become scared of not being able to spend more time with them.

by rland 7y ago

andrepd 7y ago

This is exactly how I feel, which is also why it is so difficult for me: I'm in a long distance relationship because of work.

WhompingWindows 7y ago
Same here. We met and dated for a year, it was lovely. Then I took a job 1 hour away, 50% higher pay and a promotion, but the relationship does suffer a bit from that 1 hour drive.

hathawsh 7y ago

I concur. I would also like to suggest voluntary service. Every time I've participated in a service project, I've come away with reduced anxiety and an increased appreciation for the people around me. I discovered what I should be focusing on. One place to find service opportunities is https://www.justserve.org/ https://www.justserve.org/ . There's an app too. It's worth a look.

scarejunba 7y ago

Yeah, but it's deleterious to my societal productivity. Like I'm happier spending my time with my friends. But I have less of that burning desire to build. I think I might actually be content to live just happily on the beach with the wealth I have now, so long as everyone I love is nearby and we frequently meet. But obviously I don't want to be content with that.

lonelappde 7y ago
The world will be fine if you don't build
taneq 7y ago
Well what do you want, to be happy or to be productive? Happy people don't make great art.
- ken 7y ago
  I used to believe that. These days, I'm certainly happier making art than whatever it was people wanted to pay me to do on a computer. Why can't happy people make great art? Do we also think that sober people can't write great novels, or people who survive past age 27 can't make great music? I can think of countless counterexamples to all of these. Just because there were miserable great artists in the past doesn't necessarily mean you have to be miserable to be a great artist.
- esolyt 7y ago
  But they're happy.
- themarkn 7y ago
  > Happy people don't make great art. This is kinda just a myth as far as I can tell. There is a often romanticized relationship between art and suffering, because sure, some art is created as a way to relieve suffering. But it's by no means mandatory, and at one point I've even been in the spot (like many many others) of being afraid to get help for mental health issues because of what it might do to the work I was creating. This is how the myth does harm. The longer people "trade" health for art, the more they put themselves at risk in service of this misguided idea. It's no exaggeration to say that people have died as a result of believing that treating their depression would diminish their art. A person in that situation has to win every day of their lives, while depression only has to win once.
erikpukinskis 7y ago
In the short term you’ll move less bricks for sure. But in the long term, I wonder if you as a group will be able to discover movable bricks that you wouldn’t have seen or cared about on your own. And maybe those bricks are both more valuable to move and more likely to successfully get to their destination, because you’re doing so as a group not as an individual. Not sure.

Fr0styMatt88 7y ago

Somewhat related -- and boy I never thought I'd say this! -- some stuff started changing in my life for the better recently and I decided to get back on Facebook and get involved again (I hadn't deleted my account or anything, I just hadn't posted or interacted in a very long time). I joined a bunch of groups that interested me and more importantly for me, I started making an effort to like and comment on posts of extended family that I rarely get to see in real life. It's been REALLY positive. Just last night, we had a huge family thread going sharing our family pasta sauce recipes. It.... made me really happy! Now at the somewhat-annual extended family get-together, we'll have something in common to talk about. I know it's definitely not a substitute for face-to-face interaction, but in letting go of my prejudices just a little, I've found a nice bit of additional joy in my life and hopefully made other people smile at the same time.

sosuke 7y ago
Woah, that is a pretty compelling story to me. Makes me think about Facebooking a little.
- Fr0styMatt88 7y ago
  One hint I can give you is that joining groups seemed to be the thing that really turned my news feed into something else. I've joined groups related to game programming, music production, Arduino and a bunch of others related to local music gigs (plus some support groups that I feel I can contribute to) and now there's actually a lot of interesting (and pleasantly technical) stuff in my feed. The other effect this had is that the ads I see are a lot better as well.
  - phodo 7y ago
    On a related note : That’s also how I use Twitter - carefully curated. I’m more of an occasional user, a lurker more than a tweeter. And the resulting recommendations, ads, and tweets are relevant and useful to me in the topics I like. It’s not perfect but it makes general discovery - breadth and depth - meaningful to me, whenever I go thru my feed.

baby 7y ago

But then isn't it reverse time anxiety? You become scared of not being able to spend more time with them.