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Personally, using apps diluted the spark of dating for me so I stopped using them. The most intense part of "mating" for me are the initial stages of attraction

Personally, using apps diluted the spark of dating for me so I stopped using them. The most intense part of "mating" for me are the initial stages of attraction, trying to suss out whether or not the opposite party is attracted to you and reading the signs, that and flirting can generate a great high because there is such risk. At the end of the day once the app sets you up you'll have to flirt anyway to generate attraction -- but if you've ever had a spontaneous flirtatious interaction with someone you're attracted to you know what I mean.

metalliqaz 7y ago
As an introvert who grew up with crippling social anxiety, I have no idea what you're talking about.
- deleted 7y ago
  [deleted]
- wendyshu 7y ago
  Social skills can be improved, at least in many people. I learned slowly but eventually I mostly caught up.
  - mkr-hn 7y ago
    Introversion is not a lack of social skills. Introversion is an inclination toward solitude. Social anxiety is its own thing and says nothing about social skills. Even great socializers often have social anxiety.
    - wendyshu 7y ago
      Fair enough but there's a positive correlation.
    - dooglius 7y ago
      You're giving the scientific definition, not the way the term is commonly used.
- amelius 7y ago
  Try meditation. If you get the hang of it, you can calm yourself down even in social situations which are now stressful.
save_ferris 7y ago
I completely agree. Online dating completely removes that initial attraction aspect for me as well. There’s just something meeting someone IRL and then discovering mutual attraction that doesn’t translate for me when meeting someone from a dating app
- obviuosly 7y ago
  Indeed, lots of people also care about stories. Meeting online by algorithm does not make for a very good story.
RcouF1uZ4gsC 7y ago
>but if you've ever had a spontaneous flirtatious interaction with someone you're attracted to you know what I mean The problem with spontaneous flirting is that you don’t know if it is welcome by the other party. With a dating app, you know that flirting is desired by both parties.
- wendyshu 7y ago
  As I mentioned in another comment, the main solution is to start small, pay attention to feedback, and escalate if appropriate.

metalliqaz 7y ago

As an introvert who grew up with crippling social anxiety, I have no idea what you're talking about.

deleted 7y ago
[deleted]
wendyshu 7y ago
Social skills can be improved, at least in many people. I learned slowly but eventually I mostly caught up.
- mkr-hn 7y ago
  Introversion is not a lack of social skills. Introversion is an inclination toward solitude. Social anxiety is its own thing and says nothing about social skills. Even great socializers often have social anxiety.
  - wendyshu 7y ago
    Fair enough but there's a positive correlation.
  - dooglius 7y ago
    You're giving the scientific definition, not the way the term is commonly used.
amelius 7y ago
Try meditation. If you get the hang of it, you can calm yourself down even in social situations which are now stressful.

save_ferris 7y ago

I completely agree. Online dating completely removes that initial attraction aspect for me as well. There’s just something meeting someone IRL and then discovering mutual attraction that doesn’t translate for me when meeting someone from a dating app

obviuosly 7y ago
Indeed, lots of people also care about stories. Meeting online by algorithm does not make for a very good story.

RcouF1uZ4gsC 7y ago

>but if you've ever had a spontaneous flirtatious interaction with someone you're attracted to you know what I mean The problem with spontaneous flirting is that you don’t know if it is welcome by the other party. With a dating app, you know that flirting is desired by both parties.

wendyshu 7y ago
As I mentioned in another comment, the main solution is to start small, pay attention to feedback, and escalate if appropriate.