7 ms·

One thing I try to always do is smile and/or wave at babies/young children if they make eye contact with you. In a world where there is a lot of negativity bei

One thing I try to always do is smile and/or wave at babies/young children if they make eye contact with you. In a world where there is a lot of negativity being broadcast on the news 24/7 and click bait headlines, it is good to instill a sense of happiness in the youth of today by being friendly. Walking places a lot of people are distracted by their phones and hardly make eye contact anymore of if they do they make eye contact and turn away. (Maybe I'm just butt ugly I dunno). Kid however all seem to enjoy a quick smile/eye contact.

hos234 7y ago
You can also ask for directions, where to buy stuff in the neighborhood, is that take out place good etc. For some mysterious reason, it makes most people feel good, being of use to others.
rglover 7y ago
Yes! Kids are great. I always make faces at them or stick my tongue out and put my hands over my head and they always giggle. It's especially fun when the parents don't get it and think you're a weirdo.
Ascetik 7y ago
Yes, I have noticed the same. I try to put my phone away when I am in public. Kids really pick up on it if you're ignoring them and they have heightened senses of emotion, so it's important for their psychological well-being to know that not everyone is sucked into the machine and actually cares about them. I've always been friendly to children, but after having a few it really makes you appreciate their innocence that much more.
dctoedt 7y ago
That goes for adults (in some settings) too. My wife and I walk our dogs for about two miles in the neighborhood every morning around 5:00 a.m. or thereabouts. Every few minutes we'll encounter someone else running, walking a dog, bicycling, etc. We seldom know the people, but we make it a point to say "[good] morning" to everyone, and we usually get a response. What's especially gratifying is that we've started to see others saying good morning to other people. Of course, on a busy sidewalk downtown, you wouldn't do the same — that'd be just weird. But in the neighborhood when it’s quiet, it's a nice exchange of confirmation signals that while we're strangers, we're not just strangers, we're neighbors.
- Moru 7y ago
  When I'm in Germany (Eifel area) everyone greets you when you walk around the neighbourhood, sitting in the garden or walking the nature trails. Sometimes even strike up a conversation. Age does not matter, everyone at least says good morning /day /evening. Very different as soon as you hit a bigger city though. Mabe not only the phones fault?
  - Ididntdothis 7y ago
    As a kid in Germany I was taught to greet every person I met on the street. Back then I really really really hated it but now I see it’s a good way to stay in touch with each other.
  - usrusr 7y ago
    Frequency matters. Greeting more than maybe two or three times an hour is quickly getting old, but never acknowledging a face is depressing. People adjust their threshold accordingly: in a dense city environment greeting strangers would put you far above the enjoyable range so you lower the threshold. To people you actually know, or perhaps to people who somehow acted nice specifically to you. People in a place where they don't know anybody at all will often tweak the threshold a bit to strangers that share some standout commonality with them. The opposite happens in an environment with few people. On a lonely road, people start nodding at oncoming traffic or the occasional wanderer, on a very lonely road I've caught myself saying hello to farm animals or wildlife. Lost in the desert I'd probably try to chat up a friendly looking rock. The village is sitting nicely between those extremes.
bitL 7y ago
...just wait until their parents report you to the police for "smiling at kids"
- asveikau 7y ago
  I was thinking about something like this recently. I am a father of two kids. I can be walking on the sidewalk with my kids, and see another parent, maybe a mom, smile and say hello, it's totally fine. Same situation, but maybe my kids are not with me, maybe they're in school. Suddenly I'm a strange man saying hello at a mom and her kids. A real danger situation! Hold onto your bag, hold the kids extra tight, reach for the pepper spray. But I am the same person in both situations. But mindful of this, I keep a respectful distance in the latter case.
  - qwsxyh 7y ago
    This is such an exclusively American problem.
    - fffernan 7y ago
      Disagree. Plenty of perverts in many countries. Do some googling about the guys in trench coats on trains in Japan.
      - iamnotacrook 7y ago
        The reaction was typically American, I believe was the suggestion. There are perverts everywhere, but people not subject to American levels of fearmongering don't typically visualise child rape and reach for a weapon when another human smiles at their child.
        asveikau 7y ago
        Well there was a gender thing implicit in my comment and I feel I have witnessed it across cultures. Unfortunately in this case I think for a lot of women the defensiveness is shaped by real experiences. On the other hand if you remove the question of gender I would have to admit that many in the US are more guarded with strangers than people tend to be in other places I've been.
hoorayimhelping 7y ago
Something I've been making an effort to do more is to try to have a softer look on my face when I'm in public. I tend to be pretty intense looking, especially when I'm thinking hard, which I usually am when I'm walking or standing in line. I've noticed that consciously thinking about something that makes me very happy, or something I find funny, will make that happy emotion show on my face. When I project happy into the world, I get a lot more happy back - people (I'm talking about adults here) seem drawn to strangers in a good mood. When I'm consciously trying to be happy, people are much more likely to smile and say hello. And maybe it's confirmation bias, but when I'm trying to project happiness, and when I try to really smile at people and say good morning and mean it, I notice a lot of times that people seem to walk away with a little more pep. Almost like "wow, some stranger just genuinely wished me a good morning." This all could be cause I live in Santa Monica and people out here tend to be happier than they did in NYC.
- Bodell 7y ago
  This is definitely something I had to work on a lot (and am still working on) as I've gotten older. Some time After 25 it became apparent to me that I was leaving the house with full armor on. This was getting in the way of my being apart of the world and making me into more of a passive observer than active participant. Now, I think it is much better to leave with the defenses down. Which means a "softer face" for sure. I feel as if interactions with strangers makes most of us humans feel vulnerable in general. But that vulnerability is something to be embraced not warded off. In fact, the only thing that really gets warded off when we attempt to protect ourselves in this way is real life "living" and engagement. That said my interactions with strangers are still hit or miss, but people tend to be very open regardless and now I have a lot of crazy random interaction stories to tell.
  - ksdale 7y ago
    I agree 100%. After purchasing a home and joining the local neighborhood social media scene, it's unreal how suspicious people are of the people and cars in the neighborhood (even ones that belong to residents!). We live in as safe of a neighborhood as you possibly could, and people are still paranoid. People lament a loss of community and then without irony, get on FB and worry that every unfamiliar vehicle passing through the neighborhood is a potential burglar. We can try to meet everyone who comes through and have a community, or we can think every stranger is dangerous, but we can't do both. Having a community requires some vulnerability, as you say.
the_watcher 7y ago
> One thing I try to always do is smile and/or wave at babies/young children if they make eye contact with you. While I generally like kids, I can't say I am particularly high on the "loves kids" scale. I honestly can't help but smile & wave at a kid or baby that looks at me. The sense of wonder and fascination in their eyes is incredible.
cgs 7y ago
Along the same lines, I try to even just make brief eye contact with strangers after reading that it makes a difference, and recognizing it's something I appreciate when others do. From a recent NPR article [1]: "Kipling Williams, a Purdue University psychologist, studied how people felt when a young woman walked by them and either made eye contact, made eye contact while smiling, or completely ignored them. Even brief eye contact increased people's sense of inclusion and belonging." "Just that brief acknowledgment, that brief glance — with or without a smile — made them at least temporarily feel more socially connected," Williams says. And it works both ways. Those that had been "looked through" felt even more disconnected than the control group. [1] https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/07/26/744267015/want-to-feel-happier-today-try-talking-to-a-stranger https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/07/26/7442670...
- rabidrat 7y ago
  Interestingly, I wonder how much different the results would be if it were a man making the eye contact and smiling.
  - distant_hat 7y ago
    Yes, it sounds like one of those low n p-hacked studies that would vanish if replicated.
e40 7y ago
My rule when walking is I nod or say hello to anyone willing to make eye contact. Of course, lots of people avoid eye contact. Occasionally I get into conversations because of it, and I consider that a good thing. The more connected we are the better. I used to do eye contact with dogs, against Cesar's advice, since I love dogs, but I got bit by a dog (on a leash) recently, so I avoid eye contact with dogs now.
polynomial 7y ago
There's literally an ad on the (NYC) Subway I saw just this morning implying making eye contact is something that is to be avoided at all costs.

hos234 7y ago

You can also ask for directions, where to buy stuff in the neighborhood, is that take out place good etc. For some mysterious reason, it makes most people feel good, being of use to others.

rglover 7y ago

Yes! Kids are great. I always make faces at them or stick my tongue out and put my hands over my head and they always giggle. It's especially fun when the parents don't get it and think you're a weirdo.

Ascetik 7y ago

Yes, I have noticed the same. I try to put my phone away when I am in public. Kids really pick up on it if you're ignoring them and they have heightened senses of emotion, so it's important for their psychological well-being to know that not everyone is sucked into the machine and actually cares about them. I've always been friendly to children, but after having a few it really makes you appreciate their innocence that much more.

dctoedt 7y ago

That goes for adults (in some settings) too. My wife and I walk our dogs for about two miles in the neighborhood every morning around 5:00 a.m. or thereabouts. Every few minutes we'll encounter someone else running, walking a dog, bicycling, etc. We seldom know the people, but we make it a point to say "[good] morning" to everyone, and we usually get a response. What's especially gratifying is that we've started to see others saying good morning to other people. Of course, on a busy sidewalk downtown, you wouldn't do the same — that'd be just weird. But in the neighborhood when it’s quiet, it's a nice exchange of confirmation signals that while we're strangers, we're not just strangers, we're neighbors.

Moru 7y ago
When I'm in Germany (Eifel area) everyone greets you when you walk around the neighbourhood, sitting in the garden or walking the nature trails. Sometimes even strike up a conversation. Age does not matter, everyone at least says good morning /day /evening. Very different as soon as you hit a bigger city though. Mabe not only the phones fault?
- Ididntdothis 7y ago
  As a kid in Germany I was taught to greet every person I met on the street. Back then I really really really hated it but now I see it’s a good way to stay in touch with each other.
- usrusr 7y ago
  Frequency matters. Greeting more than maybe two or three times an hour is quickly getting old, but never acknowledging a face is depressing. People adjust their threshold accordingly: in a dense city environment greeting strangers would put you far above the enjoyable range so you lower the threshold. To people you actually know, or perhaps to people who somehow acted nice specifically to you. People in a place where they don't know anybody at all will often tweak the threshold a bit to strangers that share some standout commonality with them. The opposite happens in an environment with few people. On a lonely road, people start nodding at oncoming traffic or the occasional wanderer, on a very lonely road I've caught myself saying hello to farm animals or wildlife. Lost in the desert I'd probably try to chat up a friendly looking rock. The village is sitting nicely between those extremes.

bitL 7y ago

...just wait until their parents report you to the police for "smiling at kids"

asveikau 7y ago
I was thinking about something like this recently. I am a father of two kids. I can be walking on the sidewalk with my kids, and see another parent, maybe a mom, smile and say hello, it's totally fine. Same situation, but maybe my kids are not with me, maybe they're in school. Suddenly I'm a strange man saying hello at a mom and her kids. A real danger situation! Hold onto your bag, hold the kids extra tight, reach for the pepper spray. But I am the same person in both situations. But mindful of this, I keep a respectful distance in the latter case.
- qwsxyh 7y ago
  This is such an exclusively American problem.
  - fffernan 7y ago
    Disagree. Plenty of perverts in many countries. Do some googling about the guys in trench coats on trains in Japan.
    - iamnotacrook 7y ago
      The reaction was typically American, I believe was the suggestion. There are perverts everywhere, but people not subject to American levels of fearmongering don't typically visualise child rape and reach for a weapon when another human smiles at their child.
      - asveikau 7y ago
        Well there was a gender thing implicit in my comment and I feel I have witnessed it across cultures. Unfortunately in this case I think for a lot of women the defensiveness is shaped by real experiences. On the other hand if you remove the question of gender I would have to admit that many in the US are more guarded with strangers than people tend to be in other places I've been.

hoorayimhelping 7y ago

Something I've been making an effort to do more is to try to have a softer look on my face when I'm in public. I tend to be pretty intense looking, especially when I'm thinking hard, which I usually am when I'm walking or standing in line. I've noticed that consciously thinking about something that makes me very happy, or something I find funny, will make that happy emotion show on my face. When I project happy into the world, I get a lot more happy back - people (I'm talking about adults here) seem drawn to strangers in a good mood. When I'm consciously trying to be happy, people are much more likely to smile and say hello. And maybe it's confirmation bias, but when I'm trying to project happiness, and when I try to really smile at people and say good morning and mean it, I notice a lot of times that people seem to walk away with a little more pep. Almost like "wow, some stranger just genuinely wished me a good morning." This all could be cause I live in Santa Monica and people out here tend to be happier than they did in NYC.

Bodell 7y ago
This is definitely something I had to work on a lot (and am still working on) as I've gotten older. Some time After 25 it became apparent to me that I was leaving the house with full armor on. This was getting in the way of my being apart of the world and making me into more of a passive observer than active participant. Now, I think it is much better to leave with the defenses down. Which means a "softer face" for sure. I feel as if interactions with strangers makes most of us humans feel vulnerable in general. But that vulnerability is something to be embraced not warded off. In fact, the only thing that really gets warded off when we attempt to protect ourselves in this way is real life "living" and engagement. That said my interactions with strangers are still hit or miss, but people tend to be very open regardless and now I have a lot of crazy random interaction stories to tell.
- ksdale 7y ago
  I agree 100%. After purchasing a home and joining the local neighborhood social media scene, it's unreal how suspicious people are of the people and cars in the neighborhood (even ones that belong to residents!). We live in as safe of a neighborhood as you possibly could, and people are still paranoid. People lament a loss of community and then without irony, get on FB and worry that every unfamiliar vehicle passing through the neighborhood is a potential burglar. We can try to meet everyone who comes through and have a community, or we can think every stranger is dangerous, but we can't do both. Having a community requires some vulnerability, as you say.

the_watcher 7y ago

> One thing I try to always do is smile and/or wave at babies/young children if they make eye contact with you. While I generally like kids, I can't say I am particularly high on the "loves kids" scale. I honestly can't help but smile & wave at a kid or baby that looks at me. The sense of wonder and fascination in their eyes is incredible.

cgs 7y ago

Along the same lines, I try to even just make brief eye contact with strangers after reading that it makes a difference, and recognizing it's something I appreciate when others do. From a recent NPR article [1]: "Kipling Williams, a Purdue University psychologist, studied how people felt when a young woman walked by them and either made eye contact, made eye contact while smiling, or completely ignored them. Even brief eye contact increased people's sense of inclusion and belonging." "Just that brief acknowledgment, that brief glance — with or without a smile — made them at least temporarily feel more socially connected," Williams says. And it works both ways. Those that had been "looked through" felt even more disconnected than the control group. [1] https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/07/26/744267015/want-to-feel-happier-today-try-talking-to-a-stranger https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/07/26/7442670...

rabidrat 7y ago
Interestingly, I wonder how much different the results would be if it were a man making the eye contact and smiling.
- distant_hat 7y ago
  Yes, it sounds like one of those low n p-hacked studies that would vanish if replicated.

e40 7y ago

My rule when walking is I nod or say hello to anyone willing to make eye contact. Of course, lots of people avoid eye contact. Occasionally I get into conversations because of it, and I consider that a good thing. The more connected we are the better. I used to do eye contact with dogs, against Cesar's advice, since I love dogs, but I got bit by a dog (on a leash) recently, so I avoid eye contact with dogs now.

polynomial 7y ago

There's literally an ad on the (NYC) Subway I saw just this morning implying making eye contact is something that is to be avoided at all costs.