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We were born with 2 ears and 1 mouth - listen more than you speak... I found that this drives all other areas of interpersonal interaction: you need to understa

We were born with 2 ears and 1 mouth - listen more than you speak... I found that this drives all other areas of interpersonal interaction: you need to understand where someone else is coming from / what their motivations are before trying to "fix" things or "pitch" them... sometimes people just want to be heard above all else Honestly and simplicity are the best policy. Don't bs, don't overpromise, own up to your failure, and follow-through on the things you say you'll do (and it will be easy to do this if you are honest about what you can / can't do) Favorite book: 7 Habits of Highly Successful People; the title sounds like a business book but it's really about how to be a better person / friend / parent / colleague / etc

mparkola 7y ago
I love the 7 habits. I aspire to implement them as a basic OS for everything I do.
ravenstine 7y ago
> you need to understand where someone else is coming from / what their motivations are before trying to "fix" things or "pitch" them. To extend upon that, I think listening is important in order to understand what people actually mean by what they say. Just because what they are saying is imperfect doesn't mean that the actual point they are trying to get across is invalid. I've noticed that people spend effort coming up with the next response that they only bother to argue against the surface of what the other person is saying without taking into account the actual substance and intent.
- mparkola 7y ago
  I think this perspective/skill is extremely powerful. It is also extremely hard. I try to repeat to myself "find something to agree with" whenever I encounter a difficult situation. Sometimes I succeed. Other questions I found useful are: "In what circumstances does that make sense?" "What part of that might be useful?" This is also a step in the "Five Secrets of Effective Communication" as described in the Feeling Good podcast.
1PlayerOne 7y ago
Your sentiment was codified a long time ago in a book[1] Hence the saying: If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle. [1] https://ctext.org/art-of-war/attack-by-stratagem https://ctext.org/art-of-war/attack-by-stratagem

mparkola 7y ago

I love the 7 habits. I aspire to implement them as a basic OS for everything I do.

ravenstine 7y ago

> you need to understand where someone else is coming from / what their motivations are before trying to "fix" things or "pitch" them. To extend upon that, I think listening is important in order to understand what people actually mean by what they say. Just because what they are saying is imperfect doesn't mean that the actual point they are trying to get across is invalid. I've noticed that people spend effort coming up with the next response that they only bother to argue against the surface of what the other person is saying without taking into account the actual substance and intent.

mparkola 7y ago
I think this perspective/skill is extremely powerful. It is also extremely hard. I try to repeat to myself "find something to agree with" whenever I encounter a difficult situation. Sometimes I succeed. Other questions I found useful are: "In what circumstances does that make sense?" "What part of that might be useful?" This is also a step in the "Five Secrets of Effective Communication" as described in the Feeling Good podcast.

1PlayerOne 7y ago

Your sentiment was codified a long time ago in a book[1] Hence the saying: If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle. [1] https://ctext.org/art-of-war/attack-by-stratagem https://ctext.org/art-of-war/attack-by-stratagem