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I think there's a process everyone has to go through in life of working out what truly makes them happy. When you're in your early 20s everyone has similar goa

by untog 7y ago

I think there's a process everyone has to go through in life of working out what truly makes them happy. When you're in your early 20s everyone has similar goals - you're going to be a goddamn giant success, no matter what your field is. As the years go on you realise that's not going to happen and you have to re-evaluate. It's not always easy. For me personally, I know I do good work. I know my coworkers can rely on me to deliver. Maybe I could be out there giving more conference talks and raising my profile, but I've learned to accept that isn't my forte, and that's ok. As engineers most of us are extremely lucky that even with very little public recognition we still earn the kind of money most people can only dream of. When I'm at work, I do the best I can do. Then I get out of the door at a good time, go home to my family and have a blast with them. I'm happy, though my 21 year old self might recoil in horror to see it.

o-__-o 7y ago
FWIW no one aspires to be Scottie Pippen or Dennis Rodman, we all wanna Be Like Mike. But Pippen had the most rebounds and Rodman the most assists during that time. That’s what made the team win, you want to win as a team and there is no I in team. Then you retire from engineering, never making the next Facebook or revolutionary Operating System, instead going onto lead the next generation stars to the promised land even though you were never an individual superstar during your career (see Steve Kerr for reference). Update: also Rodman talked Kim Il down from nuclear disaster, so there is plenty of opportunity to stay relevant as your career progresses
- dnh44 7y ago
  Not that it matters to the point you're making but Rodman was the one known for the rebounds.
- jkuria 7y ago
  "There may be no 'i' in team but there is definitely one in 'Win'", Michael Jordan is said to have told Phil Jackson, when criticized. "If the team is not doing it then it is up to me to score 55 points", he added! (more than the rest of the team combined). As for Rodman, he had become irrelevant and unmarketable and all he did was suck up to Kim Jong Un. There was a WSJ article about this. He was not in a position to talk him out of anything.
- sjg007 7y ago
  Steve Kerr is the best 3 point shooter by percentage in NBA history. He was definitely a super star even though not recognized for it. Certain positions and teams really highlight a player I think. He also has transitioned into becoming one of the best NBA coaches.
AndrewKemendo 7y ago
What I've seen happen is that people find cognitive-dissonance coping strategies like you describe and just find solace in that. They change their goals "I didn't want that anyway" "It wasn't my destiny to do that" "I'm much happier with this than if I had done that" etc... At the end of the day you either realize your goal, or you change it. You can either pretend like it was the plan all along, admit defeat and try something new, or wallow in defeat. Only one of those is sustainable.
- IggleSniggle 7y ago
  I agree with all of this except the final sentence. All of these options seem sustainable, although some more desirable than others. But which did you mean to suggest was the sustainable one?
  - AndrewKemendo 7y ago
    Admit defeat and try something new
- JohnBooty 7y ago
  Wow. Your appraisal is bleak and, fortunately, disconnected from reality. Cognitive dissonance, indeed! Think about any life goal that requires significant work, such as "I'd like to be a superstar engineer" or "I've got no savings, but I want to save up and buy a house" or "I'd like to become a black-belt martial artist" or "I'd like to publish a successful novel." How long does it take to achieve something like that? There are a lot of goals in life that take five, ten, or even more years to achieve. Now here's the thing... If you're doing this life thing correctly, you will gain a significant amount of wisdom and perspective in any five- or ten-year span. And with that wisdom and perspective comes the realization that some of your old goals weren't worth achieving. Or perhaps you will simply find other goals you like better. Or a different path to the same goal. That's not cognitive dissonance. That's learning and growing.
  - aerovistae 7y ago
    Thanks for saying this. Sometimes you just hope someone will come out and give the reply you can't quite find the words for yourself.
bonoboTP 7y ago
> When you're in your early 20s everyone has similar goals - you're going to be a goddamn giant success, no matter what your field is That sounds very American. Of course there are also people like that in European countries, but it's far from being the usual thing. Most people grow out of wanting to become a superstar or huge success during their teens.

by untog 7y ago

o-__-o 7y ago

FWIW no one aspires to be Scottie Pippen or Dennis Rodman, we all wanna Be Like Mike. But Pippen had the most rebounds and Rodman the most assists during that time. That’s what made the team win, you want to win as a team and there is no I in team. Then you retire from engineering, never making the next Facebook or revolutionary Operating System, instead going onto lead the next generation stars to the promised land even though you were never an individual superstar during your career (see Steve Kerr for reference). Update: also Rodman talked Kim Il down from nuclear disaster, so there is plenty of opportunity to stay relevant as your career progresses

dnh44 7y ago
Not that it matters to the point you're making but Rodman was the one known for the rebounds.
jkuria 7y ago
"There may be no 'i' in team but there is definitely one in 'Win'", Michael Jordan is said to have told Phil Jackson, when criticized. "If the team is not doing it then it is up to me to score 55 points", he added! (more than the rest of the team combined). As for Rodman, he had become irrelevant and unmarketable and all he did was suck up to Kim Jong Un. There was a WSJ article about this. He was not in a position to talk him out of anything.
sjg007 7y ago
Steve Kerr is the best 3 point shooter by percentage in NBA history. He was definitely a super star even though not recognized for it. Certain positions and teams really highlight a player I think. He also has transitioned into becoming one of the best NBA coaches.

AndrewKemendo 7y ago

What I've seen happen is that people find cognitive-dissonance coping strategies like you describe and just find solace in that. They change their goals "I didn't want that anyway" "It wasn't my destiny to do that" "I'm much happier with this than if I had done that" etc... At the end of the day you either realize your goal, or you change it. You can either pretend like it was the plan all along, admit defeat and try something new, or wallow in defeat. Only one of those is sustainable.

IggleSniggle 7y ago
I agree with all of this except the final sentence. All of these options seem sustainable, although some more desirable than others. But which did you mean to suggest was the sustainable one?
- AndrewKemendo 7y ago
  Admit defeat and try something new
JohnBooty 7y ago
Wow. Your appraisal is bleak and, fortunately, disconnected from reality. Cognitive dissonance, indeed! Think about any life goal that requires significant work, such as "I'd like to be a superstar engineer" or "I've got no savings, but I want to save up and buy a house" or "I'd like to become a black-belt martial artist" or "I'd like to publish a successful novel." How long does it take to achieve something like that? There are a lot of goals in life that take five, ten, or even more years to achieve. Now here's the thing... If you're doing this life thing correctly, you will gain a significant amount of wisdom and perspective in any five- or ten-year span. And with that wisdom and perspective comes the realization that some of your old goals weren't worth achieving. Or perhaps you will simply find other goals you like better. Or a different path to the same goal. That's not cognitive dissonance. That's learning and growing.
- aerovistae 7y ago
  Thanks for saying this. Sometimes you just hope someone will come out and give the reply you can't quite find the words for yourself.

bonoboTP 7y ago

> When you're in your early 20s everyone has similar goals - you're going to be a goddamn giant success, no matter what your field is That sounds very American. Of course there are also people like that in European countries, but it's far from being the usual thing. Most people grow out of wanting to become a superstar or huge success during their teens.