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I’ve cut off all family and friends for a long period of time now, and discontinued my career/work after finally reaching a cynical point of no return a few yea

I’ve cut off all family and friends for a long period of time now, and discontinued my career/work after finally reaching a cynical point of no return a few years ago. My only interactions at this point are with food service workers at the store or coffee shop, or other shopping/errands. Perhaps this is a variant of Hikikomori. In fact, the characteristics of one for me are essentially spot on, except that I’m more of a shut-out (in public alone often). I’ve given away my retirement and am preparing for suicide. I’m not in search of advice nor assistance regarding my situation. I smile in public, but inside I’m meditating in preparation for the unknown void of the afterlife. There are almost certainly many others like me. For a long time, I wondered if it were possible for people to treat each other better and whether that would have changed anything for me. The reality is that I was unequipped to build a healthy place in society because I decided a long time ago that I hated being alive and hated people. It’s my own shortcoming, and suicide is a valid way to remove a weak seed from the gene pool, if not controversial or taboo in Western society. My understanding is that it’s not as frowned upon in Japan but not sure if that is still the case.

zerogvt 7y ago
I think you should listen a bit of Alan Watts. You can start from this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_HkQ4-x4P4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_HkQ4-x4P4
bubblewrap 7y ago
If you hate people, why do you care to remove a weak seed from the gene pool? In any case, that would also be accomplished by simply not procreating. My own recipe against suicidal thoughts is that life is very short anyway. There is little point in shortening it artificially (unless you are in significant pain because of health problems, perhaps).
neverthesame19 7y ago
A few weeks ago, I was really depressed. I had exactly the same thoughts. I didn’t want to leave my place or meet with friends. After taking magic mushrooms, I feel FAR better. It’s a bit strange to explain but even if I still have these negative thoughts, it’s harder to obsess about them like before. You should also check ketamine treatments if you’re in the US.
- isnetea 7y ago
  As stated, I’m not seeking advice, etc.
  - neverthesame19 7y ago
    Ok fine. Just google Ketamine + depression out of curiosity. I think I’m the one that understands you the most here. I still think I have terrible genes, that I shouldn’t procreate and that I’m a failure. But, a few weeks ago, I couldn’t leave my place for 6 months. After a big mushroom trip, I feel far better. When you are depressed, sometimes you need chemicals to stop the negative loop. Some guys, after going to war, have terrible PTSD. Ketamine was the only way. If I wanted to die, I would at least try to have some fun with drugs before ;).
- thomasahle 7y ago
  That's fantastic! I wish you good luck getting back with friends and building up a life :-)
fuzz4lyfe 7y ago
A thought before you go? If you weren't seeking help why are you here telling us? Perhaps you would like help but don't know how to ask for it, or are ashamed, or have another dumb reason. Talk to someone, you obviously have something to say. Even if it does nothing at least someone will hear your story.
- isnetea 7y ago
  Just leaving a point of view and something for the digital archaeologists to dig up down the road. Truly I hate being alive and I hate this species. I suspect many hikikomori feel the same way
  - fuzz4lyfe 7y ago
    I agree that "hell is other people" as Satire put it, and have often felt as you do. I often still feel as you do. I decided to not let the bastards win some time ago. I won't tell you what to do but I do know that victory is much sweeter than the endless black, and it is within your grasp should you choose it. Farewell fellow traveler, it would please me to encounter you again someday. Edit: I also have enjoyed the work of Dr. Peterson as the other commenter stated. I second the recommendation. He is why I continue to fight.
  - PycptN2MH 7y ago
    Why do you hate being alive? Do you experience a net suffering? Why hate humans? Is it an ethical issue or something else or multiple things?
- krilly 7y ago
  >If you weren't seeking help why are you here telling us? I feel that's a very presumptuous and patronising thing to say. People leave suicide notes not because they want help, but because they want people to understand what they're going through. We yearn for this sort of intellectual connection even after the wish to stay alive has disappeared.
- dooglius 7y ago
  Because it's highly relevant to the article/topic?
RickS 7y ago
I know you're not looking for advice, so I'm not going to preach too hard at you, except to say that I recognize the somber lucidity of your tone, and I've been there. Depression's heaviest weapon is that it feels like the heaviest truth. It's a bit like being in a room within a room. If nothing outside can be perceived from within the walls, does it matter that it exists? I was surprised when I got out – I was sure it couldn't happen to me either. I didn't even realize it was happening to me until months in. Lots of things that I thought were concrete facts about myself and the world turned out to be configurable in ways I was ill equipped to predict until they happened. There was no secret or epiphany or "one weird trick". I mostly did this by pretending as if being were worthwhile. I wasn't interested in anything that happy, normal people were interested in, like meeting new people or wearing clean clothes. But my crude mental model of those people had enough fidelity to imitate them, at least somewhat. So I did, in earnest. Eventually the mask became the face. We are what we repeatedly do. I lost about 6 years before I started doing that, and it took about another 6 to 9 months before I noticed that anything had changed. I have to give a lot of credit to a lecture series I was recommended on HN as well: Maps of Meaning, from Jordan Peterson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8Xc2_FtpHI&list=PL22J3VaeABQAT-0aSPq-OKOpQlHyR4k5h https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8Xc2_FtpHI&list=PL22J3VaeAB... It's weird stuff. Took some getting through. I don't remember what the first guy said that made me stick with it, but I'm glad I did. Email's in the profile if you want to chat about whatever. Doesn't have to be serious. It's never too late. Tonight, it is a fact that at least one person in the world gives a fuck about you.
holografix 7y ago
I appreciate your honesty. I can also sometimes hate people, I think that like any other resource, once you have too much of “people” it loses its value. I don’t believe we are some sacred animal. It feels like many of us, myself included, will just be a net negative to the planet. We are born, we pollute and destroy then we multiply. Not everyone is meant for living in a society. I don’t believe this makes you a “weak seed” at all. Not giving advice, just stating a fact, but it was in nature that I found a spiritual connection and a slight purpose. Sure if I was a genius and could contribute major scientific discoveries, purpose would be forthcoming. Alas I’m not. However leaving nature in a better state when I’m gone, in quiet solitude, doesn’t take a genius or much money or even time.
resiros 7y ago
Was there a time when you were happy? Don't you want to go back there?
vokep 7y ago
Take LSD or mushrooms before you go. Not because it will make you no longer be suicidal, but because it is one of the most powerful experiences that you can achieve in this universe. To die without such experience, is incredible tragedy, especially for someone with your perspective. It also may inform you of ways you can optimize your impact on departure, given your reasoning about being a 'weak seed'. But its really best if you don't kill yourself.
- malandrew 7y ago
  I’d add ketamine to that list. First start with small doses. A larger dose where you fully dissassociate is quite an experience.
  - dkersten 7y ago
    I'll add another one to the list: DMT. I normally wouldn't recommend it, because, while the good trips are profoundly amazing, I've also heard of some pretty bad ones and unless you have some experience with psychedelics and have good mental health, it can be a traumatic experience, but since the guy has already decided he wishes to die, maybe it doesn't matter. I personally find Ketamine quite therapeutic, at any dose. The recent research suggests it may be effective as an antidepressant, although I guess its still too early to say for sure that its a good long term medication (and of course, self-medicating is never a great idea). (Of course, for anyone reading this, please do your own research before doing any drug and be safe!)
- perfmode 7y ago
  Seconding this. LSD and psilocybin provide transportation to a place within unlike any other.
- blahblahblogger 7y ago
  where do you people buy this stuff? I must be the most uncool person in the world :(
- AllegedAlec 7y ago
  Telling someone with mental issues to take strong psychotropic drugs for the first time, without anyone to keep an eye of them is one of the most retarded things I've heard in a long time.
pippy 7y ago
>It’s my own shortcoming Physiologically, there's comfort in knowing that your community and government has your back. Increased depression rates, mental health issues rising, and social isolation is a result of living in a Neo-liberal multicultural society. Living in this society where your personal value is based from how much you earn gives arise to a vapid nihilistic existence. When your government doesn't back its residents and its culture, and is forced to belong to everyone to appease international corporations. You can't even feel loyal to organizations that once paid you, or your country you grew up in. This might sound like a hard left wing or right wing rant. But a feeling of belonging (either to companies, nations, or relgion) is important for many people. This is disappearing from western society.
- iSnow 7y ago
  >This is disappearing from western society. Hikis are most numerous in Japan. Japan's society is not forced to open up by ((them)).
  - yownie 7y ago
    them?
    - bdsa 7y ago
      I think he meant to use three parentheses, he's being anti-Semitic: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triple_parentheses https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triple_parentheses
      - iSnow 7y ago
        I am just playing on the nice little dog-whistle in the comment above me.
in_hindsight 7y ago
Like other people in other replies - I want to say that I appreciate you writing this in such a clear manner. May I ask, hypothetically, what do you think could make you change your mind? Don’t get me wrong - I am not implying this as an attempt at such, but rather acting as an extension of that digital archaeologist Thank you.
lioeters 7y ago
Reading this with my morning coffee, it sure hits hard. I feel for your situation, comrade! I don't have any advice, just wanted to share my experience if you happen to read this. I've been a Hikikomori, more or less all my life, maybe with autistic tendencies. The thing is, I'm one of the happy ones - like a stray cat who's been taken in by a kind home. It's been fortunate that the condition evolved into a socially acceptable form, with a healthier balance of inside/outside, self/world. But I was very lucky in terms of family, work, relationships, and life could have dealt me with a tougher hand - so much of it was due to "chance". The word Hikikomori breaks down into 引く (hiku: to pull) and 篭る (komoru: to be confined, to shut oneself up, to hide). This latter word contains some psychological insight, and there's even some positive aspects to "komoru". One of the meanings is, during war, to go inside one's castle and fight from a protected space. So it's a strategy in a hostile situation. Another meaning is, to voluntarily withdraw from the world and retreat into a temple, for spiritual search and contemplation. There's no blame or judgement, it's a personal decision and stance, and there are many ways to go forward. There are people who care about you (or would, if you reach out). Despite our imperfections, societal/civilizational immaturity - I hope you find healing somehow, to rediscover that it's possible to love being alive, to love people, to love the world. If all that fails, at least I wish that you find peace in your heart.
thomasahle 7y ago
> The reality is that I was unequipped to build a healthy place in society because I decided a long time ago that I hated being alive and hated people. It's my own shortcoming, Why is it your shortcoming? Presumably if you decided you hated people and being alive, it's because people treated you bad. > For a long time, I wondered if it were possible for people to treat each other better and whether that would have changed anything for me. What was your conclusion?
cjslep 7y ago
I have a very selfish, impolite, and presumptuous request: Your perspective on life in general is very different than mine, and it is clear from this post you are a capable communicator. I would love to listen/read as much more as you're willing to share, written or recorded. I respect if that amount is zero, and realize this is a very selfish request to ask that a piece of you stick around.
diveanon 7y ago
This definitely reads like a cry for help to me. Depression is a disease, and it can make thoughts like this seem rational. They aren't.
sprash 7y ago
> suicide is a valid way to remove a weak seed from the gene pool The smartest people are always full of doubt. The fact that you can express yourself in coherent sentences without any grammar mistakes makes you already part of the better half of humanity. Besides if you don't procreate you are already removed from the gene pool. No suicide required. > I’m meditating in preparation for the unknown void of the afterlife. Be aware that being alive is the only way to experience anything in the universe. When you are dead there will be nothing. There will be no afterlife. Even being a passive observer is preferable to not existing at all. Believing in an afterlife makes it all so easy. > I’m not in search of advice nor assistance regarding my situation. Thoughts like the ones you are expressing are very common among people with severe depression. All caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. You have to get your shit together. You owe it to your family and friends. What you are doing and planing to do is in fact incredibly selfish. There are many ways to successful get out of this.
lordnacho 7y ago
You're clearly a good writer, able to express your thoughts eloquently. But I am not comfortable with letting someone plan to kill themselves without being sure that person is making a reasonable decision. And when it comes to ending your life, you need to be more than sure, so it's worth checking with someone experienced with this. I hope the HN moderators can do something. I don't think this is like any other comment on HN that everyone can just send out a witty or bold remark in response to.
icpmacdo 7y ago
If nothing else thanks for the comment because it’s reply’s have great insights. Be well friend
armitron 7y ago
In stark difference to pretty much almost everyone who replied to you, I'll say: Kudos. It takes courage and a strong will to see through this world for what it is and go against social and biological conditioning. It is amusing to me that the peddlers of psychedelics haven't really grasped what awaits them. Maybe they haven't taken enough psychedelics themselves. It is also amusing to see people cling to Jordan Peterson and proclaim: "Brainwash yourself into conformance! I did it! You can do it too!"
isnetea 7y ago
Some opinions from reading responses: * Referring to someone in the third person while in their (virtual) presence comes across as rude. * It is incredibly irresponsible to bring up illegal drug use at all. * Saying someone has “mental issues” who is describing their choice to withdraw and plan suicide long term is always a poor choice of words. It’s counterproductive at best, and destructive at worst. If you’re going to summarize someone’s problems in this case, perhaps “consciously chosen socially maladaptive behavior” is a better euphemism. To these opinions, did you think maybe I (or someone in this case like me) just decided long ago that I don’t like getting picked on? Ever think an algorithm can be a far worse bully than a scumbag teenager telling a classmate explicitly to kill themselves? Ever think that people try to hurt others and drive them to suicide intentionally with the intent on getting away with it? Ever see what scumbags on reddit or dark parts of the internet can do to a person behind their back? Ever think that you don’t know shit, and that you’re assuming I haven’t touched the universe long ago with your precious lysergic spiritual dimethyl horse tranquilizer bullshit? You want to summarize “him” as having “mental issues”, fine. But you have a long way to go towards understanding the truth about the extent to which it’s possible to pick on a person to the point where they are worn down to a little nub, and simply give up. The only reason I’m disclosing this is to help the species deal with people like me. I’m not seeking your advice or help, as stated. Some people have thick skins or learn to grow one. I never wanted to grow a thick skin. I wanted to die from before age 10 and I gave up then after considering the mechanisms of humanity. Hopefully the decades of data that I’ve generated since then will be a useful towards improving how people treat each other — via responsible use of technology. Again, I don’t like this species and I don’t like being alive. Take that as you will. All will be revealed to a grand AI sooner or later, largely affected by the extent of non post quantum pcaps being quietly stashed away at an exponentially growing rate.

zerogvt 7y ago

I think you should listen a bit of Alan Watts. You can start from this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_HkQ4-x4P4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_HkQ4-x4P4

bubblewrap 7y ago

If you hate people, why do you care to remove a weak seed from the gene pool? In any case, that would also be accomplished by simply not procreating. My own recipe against suicidal thoughts is that life is very short anyway. There is little point in shortening it artificially (unless you are in significant pain because of health problems, perhaps).

neverthesame19 7y ago

A few weeks ago, I was really depressed. I had exactly the same thoughts. I didn’t want to leave my place or meet with friends. After taking magic mushrooms, I feel FAR better. It’s a bit strange to explain but even if I still have these negative thoughts, it’s harder to obsess about them like before. You should also check ketamine treatments if you’re in the US.

isnetea 7y ago
As stated, I’m not seeking advice, etc.
- neverthesame19 7y ago
  Ok fine. Just google Ketamine + depression out of curiosity. I think I’m the one that understands you the most here. I still think I have terrible genes, that I shouldn’t procreate and that I’m a failure. But, a few weeks ago, I couldn’t leave my place for 6 months. After a big mushroom trip, I feel far better. When you are depressed, sometimes you need chemicals to stop the negative loop. Some guys, after going to war, have terrible PTSD. Ketamine was the only way. If I wanted to die, I would at least try to have some fun with drugs before ;).
thomasahle 7y ago
That's fantastic! I wish you good luck getting back with friends and building up a life :-)

fuzz4lyfe 7y ago

A thought before you go? If you weren't seeking help why are you here telling us? Perhaps you would like help but don't know how to ask for it, or are ashamed, or have another dumb reason. Talk to someone, you obviously have something to say. Even if it does nothing at least someone will hear your story.

isnetea 7y ago
Just leaving a point of view and something for the digital archaeologists to dig up down the road. Truly I hate being alive and I hate this species. I suspect many hikikomori feel the same way
- fuzz4lyfe 7y ago
  I agree that "hell is other people" as Satire put it, and have often felt as you do. I often still feel as you do. I decided to not let the bastards win some time ago. I won't tell you what to do but I do know that victory is much sweeter than the endless black, and it is within your grasp should you choose it. Farewell fellow traveler, it would please me to encounter you again someday. Edit: I also have enjoyed the work of Dr. Peterson as the other commenter stated. I second the recommendation. He is why I continue to fight.
- PycptN2MH 7y ago
  Why do you hate being alive? Do you experience a net suffering? Why hate humans? Is it an ethical issue or something else or multiple things?
krilly 7y ago
>If you weren't seeking help why are you here telling us? I feel that's a very presumptuous and patronising thing to say. People leave suicide notes not because they want help, but because they want people to understand what they're going through. We yearn for this sort of intellectual connection even after the wish to stay alive has disappeared.
dooglius 7y ago
Because it's highly relevant to the article/topic?

RickS 7y ago

I know you're not looking for advice, so I'm not going to preach too hard at you, except to say that I recognize the somber lucidity of your tone, and I've been there. Depression's heaviest weapon is that it feels like the heaviest truth. It's a bit like being in a room within a room. If nothing outside can be perceived from within the walls, does it matter that it exists? I was surprised when I got out – I was sure it couldn't happen to me either. I didn't even realize it was happening to me until months in. Lots of things that I thought were concrete facts about myself and the world turned out to be configurable in ways I was ill equipped to predict until they happened. There was no secret or epiphany or "one weird trick". I mostly did this by pretending as if being were worthwhile. I wasn't interested in anything that happy, normal people were interested in, like meeting new people or wearing clean clothes. But my crude mental model of those people had enough fidelity to imitate them, at least somewhat. So I did, in earnest. Eventually the mask became the face. We are what we repeatedly do. I lost about 6 years before I started doing that, and it took about another 6 to 9 months before I noticed that anything had changed. I have to give a lot of credit to a lecture series I was recommended on HN as well: Maps of Meaning, from Jordan Peterson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8Xc2_FtpHI&list=PL22J3VaeABQAT-0aSPq-OKOpQlHyR4k5h https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8Xc2_FtpHI&list=PL22J3VaeAB... It's weird stuff. Took some getting through. I don't remember what the first guy said that made me stick with it, but I'm glad I did. Email's in the profile if you want to chat about whatever. Doesn't have to be serious. It's never too late. Tonight, it is a fact that at least one person in the world gives a fuck about you.

holografix 7y ago

I appreciate your honesty. I can also sometimes hate people, I think that like any other resource, once you have too much of “people” it loses its value. I don’t believe we are some sacred animal. It feels like many of us, myself included, will just be a net negative to the planet. We are born, we pollute and destroy then we multiply. Not everyone is meant for living in a society. I don’t believe this makes you a “weak seed” at all. Not giving advice, just stating a fact, but it was in nature that I found a spiritual connection and a slight purpose. Sure if I was a genius and could contribute major scientific discoveries, purpose would be forthcoming. Alas I’m not. However leaving nature in a better state when I’m gone, in quiet solitude, doesn’t take a genius or much money or even time.

resiros 7y ago

Was there a time when you were happy? Don't you want to go back there?

vokep 7y ago

Take LSD or mushrooms before you go. Not because it will make you no longer be suicidal, but because it is one of the most powerful experiences that you can achieve in this universe. To die without such experience, is incredible tragedy, especially for someone with your perspective. It also may inform you of ways you can optimize your impact on departure, given your reasoning about being a 'weak seed'. But its really best if you don't kill yourself.

malandrew 7y ago
I’d add ketamine to that list. First start with small doses. A larger dose where you fully dissassociate is quite an experience.
- dkersten 7y ago
  I'll add another one to the list: DMT. I normally wouldn't recommend it, because, while the good trips are profoundly amazing, I've also heard of some pretty bad ones and unless you have some experience with psychedelics and have good mental health, it can be a traumatic experience, but since the guy has already decided he wishes to die, maybe it doesn't matter. I personally find Ketamine quite therapeutic, at any dose. The recent research suggests it may be effective as an antidepressant, although I guess its still too early to say for sure that its a good long term medication (and of course, self-medicating is never a great idea). (Of course, for anyone reading this, please do your own research before doing any drug and be safe!)
perfmode 7y ago
Seconding this. LSD and psilocybin provide transportation to a place within unlike any other.
blahblahblogger 7y ago
where do you people buy this stuff? I must be the most uncool person in the world :(
AllegedAlec 7y ago
Telling someone with mental issues to take strong psychotropic drugs for the first time, without anyone to keep an eye of them is one of the most retarded things I've heard in a long time.

pippy 7y ago

>It’s my own shortcoming Physiologically, there's comfort in knowing that your community and government has your back. Increased depression rates, mental health issues rising, and social isolation is a result of living in a Neo-liberal multicultural society. Living in this society where your personal value is based from how much you earn gives arise to a vapid nihilistic existence. When your government doesn't back its residents and its culture, and is forced to belong to everyone to appease international corporations. You can't even feel loyal to organizations that once paid you, or your country you grew up in. This might sound like a hard left wing or right wing rant. But a feeling of belonging (either to companies, nations, or relgion) is important for many people. This is disappearing from western society.

iSnow 7y ago
>This is disappearing from western society. Hikis are most numerous in Japan. Japan's society is not forced to open up by ((them)).
- yownie 7y ago
  them?
  - bdsa 7y ago
    I think he meant to use three parentheses, he's being anti-Semitic: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triple_parentheses https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triple_parentheses
    - iSnow 7y ago
      I am just playing on the nice little dog-whistle in the comment above me.

in_hindsight 7y ago

Like other people in other replies - I want to say that I appreciate you writing this in such a clear manner. May I ask, hypothetically, what do you think could make you change your mind? Don’t get me wrong - I am not implying this as an attempt at such, but rather acting as an extension of that digital archaeologist Thank you.

lioeters 7y ago

Reading this with my morning coffee, it sure hits hard. I feel for your situation, comrade! I don't have any advice, just wanted to share my experience if you happen to read this. I've been a Hikikomori, more or less all my life, maybe with autistic tendencies. The thing is, I'm one of the happy ones - like a stray cat who's been taken in by a kind home. It's been fortunate that the condition evolved into a socially acceptable form, with a healthier balance of inside/outside, self/world. But I was very lucky in terms of family, work, relationships, and life could have dealt me with a tougher hand - so much of it was due to "chance". The word Hikikomori breaks down into 引く (hiku: to pull) and 篭る (komoru: to be confined, to shut oneself up, to hide). This latter word contains some psychological insight, and there's even some positive aspects to "komoru". One of the meanings is, during war, to go inside one's castle and fight from a protected space. So it's a strategy in a hostile situation. Another meaning is, to voluntarily withdraw from the world and retreat into a temple, for spiritual search and contemplation. There's no blame or judgement, it's a personal decision and stance, and there are many ways to go forward. There are people who care about you (or would, if you reach out). Despite our imperfections, societal/civilizational immaturity - I hope you find healing somehow, to rediscover that it's possible to love being alive, to love people, to love the world. If all that fails, at least I wish that you find peace in your heart.

thomasahle 7y ago

> The reality is that I was unequipped to build a healthy place in society because I decided a long time ago that I hated being alive and hated people. It's my own shortcoming, Why is it your shortcoming? Presumably if you decided you hated people and being alive, it's because people treated you bad. > For a long time, I wondered if it were possible for people to treat each other better and whether that would have changed anything for me. What was your conclusion?

cjslep 7y ago

I have a very selfish, impolite, and presumptuous request: Your perspective on life in general is very different than mine, and it is clear from this post you are a capable communicator. I would love to listen/read as much more as you're willing to share, written or recorded. I respect if that amount is zero, and realize this is a very selfish request to ask that a piece of you stick around.

diveanon 7y ago

This definitely reads like a cry for help to me. Depression is a disease, and it can make thoughts like this seem rational. They aren't.

sprash 7y ago

> suicide is a valid way to remove a weak seed from the gene pool The smartest people are always full of doubt. The fact that you can express yourself in coherent sentences without any grammar mistakes makes you already part of the better half of humanity. Besides if you don't procreate you are already removed from the gene pool. No suicide required. > I’m meditating in preparation for the unknown void of the afterlife. Be aware that being alive is the only way to experience anything in the universe. When you are dead there will be nothing. There will be no afterlife. Even being a passive observer is preferable to not existing at all. Believing in an afterlife makes it all so easy. > I’m not in search of advice nor assistance regarding my situation. Thoughts like the ones you are expressing are very common among people with severe depression. All caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. You have to get your shit together. You owe it to your family and friends. What you are doing and planing to do is in fact incredibly selfish. There are many ways to successful get out of this.

lordnacho 7y ago

You're clearly a good writer, able to express your thoughts eloquently. But I am not comfortable with letting someone plan to kill themselves without being sure that person is making a reasonable decision. And when it comes to ending your life, you need to be more than sure, so it's worth checking with someone experienced with this. I hope the HN moderators can do something. I don't think this is like any other comment on HN that everyone can just send out a witty or bold remark in response to.

icpmacdo 7y ago

If nothing else thanks for the comment because it’s reply’s have great insights. Be well friend

armitron 7y ago

In stark difference to pretty much almost everyone who replied to you, I'll say: Kudos. It takes courage and a strong will to see through this world for what it is and go against social and biological conditioning. It is amusing to me that the peddlers of psychedelics haven't really grasped what awaits them. Maybe they haven't taken enough psychedelics themselves. It is also amusing to see people cling to Jordan Peterson and proclaim: "Brainwash yourself into conformance! I did it! You can do it too!"

isnetea 7y ago

Some opinions from reading responses: * Referring to someone in the third person while in their (virtual) presence comes across as rude. * It is incredibly irresponsible to bring up illegal drug use at all. * Saying someone has “mental issues” who is describing their choice to withdraw and plan suicide long term is always a poor choice of words. It’s counterproductive at best, and destructive at worst. If you’re going to summarize someone’s problems in this case, perhaps “consciously chosen socially maladaptive behavior” is a better euphemism. To these opinions, did you think maybe I (or someone in this case like me) just decided long ago that I don’t like getting picked on? Ever think an algorithm can be a far worse bully than a scumbag teenager telling a classmate explicitly to kill themselves? Ever think that people try to hurt others and drive them to suicide intentionally with the intent on getting away with it? Ever see what scumbags on reddit or dark parts of the internet can do to a person behind their back? Ever think that you don’t know shit, and that you’re assuming I haven’t touched the universe long ago with your precious lysergic spiritual dimethyl horse tranquilizer bullshit? You want to summarize “him” as having “mental issues”, fine. But you have a long way to go towards understanding the truth about the extent to which it’s possible to pick on a person to the point where they are worn down to a little nub, and simply give up. The only reason I’m disclosing this is to help the species deal with people like me. I’m not seeking your advice or help, as stated. Some people have thick skins or learn to grow one. I never wanted to grow a thick skin. I wanted to die from before age 10 and I gave up then after considering the mechanisms of humanity. Hopefully the decades of data that I’ve generated since then will be a useful towards improving how people treat each other — via responsible use of technology. Again, I don’t like this species and I don’t like being alive. Take that as you will. All will be revealed to a grand AI sooner or later, largely affected by the extent of non post quantum pcaps being quietly stashed away at an exponentially growing rate.