4 ms·

> for many centuries (at least in Germany), arranged marriages were quite a success story For men, yes.

by deng 7y ago

wyoh 7y ago
Why "for men". You think men are happier than women in arranged marriages?!
- deng 7y ago
  > Why "for men". You think men are happier than women in arranged marriages?! As long as they have all the money and can have lovers, how is that even a question?
  - scarmig 7y ago
    Being responsible for making the money is different from having the agency to spend the money. It's fairly common for cultures to grant that role to the woman of the household. Not sure if that's the case in historic Germanic regions, but it's a crutch to take the principle "women are universally oppressed by men" and believe that's all you need in order to make any statement about gender across all of time and space.
    - deng 7y ago
      > Not sure if that's the case in historic Germanic regions It wasn't (aside from food and other common needs). > it's a crutch to take the principle "women are universally oppressed by men" I did not say that. The OP spoke of centuries where arranged marriages were common in Germany, and there's no doubt that women did not have equal rights during that time. The crutch here is to define "success of marriages" through fertility rates and number of divorces.
rossenberg79 7y ago
Men and women tend to be happier in arranged marriages. It is one of the best ways to find a high quality mate quickly.
- deng 7y ago
  Do you even notice that you speak like a breeder?
  - rossenberg79 7y ago
    So what?
  - sctb 7y ago
    Come on, could you please not post vapid personal jabs here? https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
dqybh 7y ago
Men and women have the potential to be equally unhappy when you force a partner on them. Also, giving women free reign is causing great inequality between men and women in their chances of having a partner and forming a family, which I believe will be problematic in the future. Very well explained by this other user: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19891412 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19891412
- ausbah 7y ago
  >Men and women have the potential to be equally unhappy when you force a partner on them. His point wasn't about happiness for either party, it was that men simply had more societal control and rights than woman at the time arranged marriages were common - so it wasnt so much a partnership as it was one party having a huge amount of control over the other party's autonomy. That may not be the case with arranged marriages today, but I think the historical trend points in that direction. >Also, giving women free reign is causing great inequality between men and women in their chances of having a partner and forming a family, which I believe will be problematic in the future. Very well explained by this other user: This is just sexist drivel, to me you're a.) making frankly unwarranted generalizations about how both genders date, b.) reiterating the shirt 80/20 meme spouted by right wing incels, and c) proposing a system that takes away both party's freedom of choice with relationships because it's "unfair" to men.
  - dqybh 7y ago
    >His point wasn't about happiness for either party, it was that men simply had more societal control and rights than woman at the time arranged marriages were common - so it wasnt so much a partnership as it was one party having a huge amount of control over the other party's autonomy. Meh, in my experience (Indians I know) females in both families have the same amount of power when choosing a mate, even more power than males I'd say. >This is just sexist Reality is sexist. Both genders are different. That's just the way it is. >making frankly unwarranted generalizations about how both genders date You have statistics here, which paint a broader picture: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19601600 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19601600 >reiterating the shirt 80/20 meme spouted by right wing incels Why is my argument bad? "People I don't like say the same thing" is not an argument. >proposing a system that takes away both party's freedom of choice with relationships because it's "unfair" to men I didn't propose that we go back to arranged marriages, and I agree that there's no easy solution. In fact I've got nothing to propose. The fact that there's no solution doesn't mean we should just pretend there's no problem.

> for many centuries (at least in Germany), arranged marriages were quite a success story For men, yes.

by deng 7y ago

> for many centuries (at least in Germany), arranged marriages were quite a success story For men, yes.

wyoh 7y ago

Why "for men". You think men are happier than women in arranged marriages?!

deng 7y ago
> Why "for men". You think men are happier than women in arranged marriages?! As long as they have all the money and can have lovers, how is that even a question?
- scarmig 7y ago
  Being responsible for making the money is different from having the agency to spend the money. It's fairly common for cultures to grant that role to the woman of the household. Not sure if that's the case in historic Germanic regions, but it's a crutch to take the principle "women are universally oppressed by men" and believe that's all you need in order to make any statement about gender across all of time and space.
  - deng 7y ago
    > Not sure if that's the case in historic Germanic regions It wasn't (aside from food and other common needs). > it's a crutch to take the principle "women are universally oppressed by men" I did not say that. The OP spoke of centuries where arranged marriages were common in Germany, and there's no doubt that women did not have equal rights during that time. The crutch here is to define "success of marriages" through fertility rates and number of divorces.

rossenberg79 7y ago

Men and women tend to be happier in arranged marriages. It is one of the best ways to find a high quality mate quickly.

deng 7y ago
Do you even notice that you speak like a breeder?
- rossenberg79 7y ago
  So what?
- sctb 7y ago
  Come on, could you please not post vapid personal jabs here? https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

dqybh 7y ago

Men and women have the potential to be equally unhappy when you force a partner on them. Also, giving women free reign is causing great inequality between men and women in their chances of having a partner and forming a family, which I believe will be problematic in the future. Very well explained by this other user: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19891412 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19891412

ausbah 7y ago
>Men and women have the potential to be equally unhappy when you force a partner on them. His point wasn't about happiness for either party, it was that men simply had more societal control and rights than woman at the time arranged marriages were common - so it wasnt so much a partnership as it was one party having a huge amount of control over the other party's autonomy. That may not be the case with arranged marriages today, but I think the historical trend points in that direction. >Also, giving women free reign is causing great inequality between men and women in their chances of having a partner and forming a family, which I believe will be problematic in the future. Very well explained by this other user: This is just sexist drivel, to me you're a.) making frankly unwarranted generalizations about how both genders date, b.) reiterating the shirt 80/20 meme spouted by right wing incels, and c) proposing a system that takes away both party's freedom of choice with relationships because it's "unfair" to men.
- dqybh 7y ago
  >His point wasn't about happiness for either party, it was that men simply had more societal control and rights than woman at the time arranged marriages were common - so it wasnt so much a partnership as it was one party having a huge amount of control over the other party's autonomy. Meh, in my experience (Indians I know) females in both families have the same amount of power when choosing a mate, even more power than males I'd say. >This is just sexist Reality is sexist. Both genders are different. That's just the way it is. >making frankly unwarranted generalizations about how both genders date You have statistics here, which paint a broader picture: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19601600 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19601600 >reiterating the shirt 80/20 meme spouted by right wing incels Why is my argument bad? "People I don't like say the same thing" is not an argument. >proposing a system that takes away both party's freedom of choice with relationships because it's "unfair" to men I didn't propose that we go back to arranged marriages, and I agree that there's no easy solution. In fact I've got nothing to propose. The fact that there's no solution doesn't mean we should just pretend there's no problem.