8 ms·

As someone who suffers from depression and has gone to therapy for over 5 years (I am also on medication), please try and force yourself to go. It will most li

As someone who suffers from depression and has gone to therapy for over 5 years (I am also on medication), please try and force yourself to go. It will most likely change your life for the better, if not, what have you wasted? A bit of money and a few hours of your time? It could make you better at dealing with your depression and, as a consequence, make you feel happier. You might need to try a few different therapists until you find one you like, and it's not a quick fix either. Think of it like getting (physically) fit, you need to keep at it - maybe for years. You might not also get better in a linear curve, it's up and down, you just have to stick with it. Therapy has helped me to know myself better, understand why I do what I do and feel the way I do, and, as cheesy as it sounds; learn to accept my limitations. It's changed my life and the life of many of my friends. You deserve to be happy, everyone does. Please try it - if it doesn't I will buy you a beer/coffee.

charleyramm 7y ago
Do you think it was necessary to go through this process with a therapist, or could a less expensive alternative have had the same effect?
- ianai 7y ago
  I’ve heard plenty of writers describe their writing as therapy. “Free-writes” where I write exactly what I’m thinking with no filter have helped me. At some point I just get tired of retelling whatever story is affecting me and move on. Work outs have helped before (mostly cardio), etc.
- __s 7y ago
  As with many things, a therapist offers one to exchange money for time spent figuring out things on your own I've found success without therapy through minimal exercise over no exercise & framing things as neutral Framing things as neutral: I'm Canadian, so during Winter I've made a point to perceive the statement "I'm cold" as a neutral statement. A sensory experience as opposed to an affliction of pain. Also focussed on relaxing my muscles in the cold, which made it less uncomfortable. Shivering & clenching up are unnecessary until the temperature has dropped to a point that you really are in pain & should either get inside or get better atire
  - sharkweek 7y ago
    I started taking cold showers in the morning about two months ago to practice this exact thing. After about a week, you sort of learn to neutralize the feeling of being cold as just that, a feeling. And a temporary one. It’s a good reminder for other “negative” feelings, and something I can point my brain to with other emotions I don’t like, anger, anxiety, etc. They all pass fairly quick the less I dwell on them.
  - calewis 7y ago
    This is an approach that worked for you. You have employed your own CBT technique it sounds like, and that's great! Bit I think it's unfair to imply that you can just work harder and come to the same conclusions without a professional. A physiotherapist is often highly educated in psychology and has had, usually, years of experience dealing with a range of people, issues and scenarios. Some people, due to what ever is going on in their head (myself included) can't see the wood for the tree's and a therapists job is to help bring that clarity. Mental health is complex and unique to the individual, there isn't a thing that works for everyone, even therapy.
    - __s 7y ago
      For sure. When I say "time is money" that might involve more time than you'll ever have available. & a friend once reflected on seeing a therapist: "It's not the job of my friends to be my therapist" ie there's value in bouncing ideas off someone who you don't have to worry about stressing a casual friendship over
  - mwfunk 7y ago
    No, a (good) therapist helps you find things that would be difficult or impossible to find on your own, it's literally an outside perspective. If what you did works for you, you either didn't have any serious mental health issues to begin with, or you figured out a hack to avoid thinking about the things which trouble you, which isn't much different from people avoiding problems by losing themselves in work, alcohol, religion, whatever. It's essential to have techniques to help yourself stay on an even keel, but it's damaging to other people who actually have problems to encourage them to dismiss their problems as insufficient detachment.
- sjg007 7y ago
  I think a therapist is necessary, at least to bootstrap the process. You can listen to podcasts and read books by therapists. You can think and try to reason about it yourself. You can expose yourself to the ideas. You can learn about cognitive behavioral therapy and try out worksheets etc... But that takes time and you may not cover everything or know what will be effective for you. A therapist can keep you accountable but mostly it takes a long time. Plus it's hard to do that when you are depressed. Even with a therapist you will be reading a lot on your own anyway.
  - _bxg1 7y ago
    This. It's similar to a personal trainer. People don't hire personal trainers because they can't figure out how to exercise, they hire personal trainers so they have someone guiding them, supporting them, keeping them on track. In my personal battle with depression, a big part of it has been self-distrust. So I could reason about it all day but I struggled to make any actual changes because I was always questioning. Having someone there actively giving me permission to reshape my thought patterns and giving me confidence that I'm on the right track has been absolutely essential.
  - wpietri 7y ago
    Totally agreed. When I pay a therapist, it's not really for facts, which I can get from books. It's for their long experience with a lot of different people. That gives them the ability to immediately spot patterns in my life that might take me years to recognize. And also the skill to point out my self-fooling BS in a way that I can listen to and understand the point.
- eswat 7y ago
  To piggy-back on the personal trainer analogies earlier, alternatives like CBT tools, podcasts, books, etc. are good augmentations once you’ve learned “good form” on how to work with your depression through a therapist. The alternatives aren’t going to really push you to unpack thoughts that might be holding you back or know to switch things up if your situation becomes very dire.
- jdietrich 7y ago
  The evidence is fairly clear - reading self-help books or using an internet-based CBT programme is similarly effective to in-person psychotherapy. That doesn't mean that these approaches will be effective for you, but they're viable treatment options that are vastly more accessible. I'd still suggest trying in-person therapy if it's available to you, but don't be disheartened if that isn't an option - there's no evidence to suggest that self-help is significantly inferior to therapy. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.janxdis.2018.01.001 https://doi.org/10.1016/j.janxdis.2018.01.001 https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2017.09.006 https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2017.09.006
  - nickbarnwell 7y ago
    > reading self-help books…is similarly effective to in-person psychotherapy That was not the outcome of the CPR paper, and even the authors' statement in the abstract is considerably more hedged than you imply here. iCBT and bibliotherapy have both demonstrated the greatest efficact in subclinical or extremely high functioning populations; their utility in more severe cases or those where there are comorbid psychiatric or bio-social issues is less clear. I absolutely believe in using telehealth to broaden access to behavioural health services and think they're an excellent first line treatment, but stating there's nothing to suggest that they're a fungible good with equivalent value to human-delivered psychotherapy risks dissuading people who're already struggling and fail to improve with self-guided resources from seeking out more comprehensive services.
- DoreenMichele 7y ago
  A therapist can be a useful tool. I spent a total of about 3.5 years of my life in therapy. I also briefly was in couple's counseling and my husband was seeing a therapist as well during that time. He was extremely introverted and he truly hated discussing private matters with a therapist. One day I told him "I don't care if you see a therapist. I just want our marriage to get better. Therapy is just a means to an end. That's it." He happily quit therapy and couple's counseling promptly. He also promptly was a better husband to me and never fell down on the implied promise that he would rise to the occasion somehow. I continued with therapy because I had a lot to sort out and I saw it as a useful tool. In the long run, learning how to live well was the best therapy for me, so to speak. But I didn't personally know how to get there without first talking to someone about bad things that had happened to me and how they shaped me. My husband didn't want to go through that step and he was somehow able to just behave different towards me once I made it clear "I just want a better marriage. That's it. I don't actually care if you go to therapy."
- wsy 7y ago
  Part of many personal issues is that you "cheat yourself", or simply avoid tough topics (psychoanalysts call that resistance). A good therapist uncovers these topics, helps you to face them, and supports you in finding ways to deal with them. It is hard for me to imagine how one could do that without a human counterpart.
yboris 7y ago
Thank you for sharing. Sincerely curious what you mean by "A bit of money". I'm lucky that I didn't have to have therapy. My guess is unless your insurance/job covers mental health, it's at least $50/hour (closer to $100 or $150 if in a major city). Surely not much for the possible benefits (and on a developer salary), but I'm wondering how expensive such services are.
- klipt 7y ago
  > closer to $100 or $150 if in a major city If therapy is just talking, surely there must be options for cheaply video chatting a therapist in a state with lower cost of living?
  - calewis 7y ago
    In my experience, you need to be there face to face. I can't explain it, but it's all the nuances and the uncomfortable silences. I was seeing my therapist for a while via Skype, even though he lives a few miles up the road. I now make the effort and see him face to face. It's so much better. But, like anything, what works for you.
    - zwkrt 7y ago
      There's something about physical communication that can't be replicated. You see the posture, the gears turning, immmediate reactions. You can't formulate what to say, you say whatever is at the forefront of your thought.
  - nickbarnwell 7y ago
    Teletherapy outcomes have yet to be thoroughly researched, but anecdotally most clinicians report a strong preference for face-to-face sessions. Part of the discomfort stems from legal concerns – how do you handle a patient who reports intense suicidal ideation with a plan being one of the big ones – but also the limitations of teleconferencing. Neither the typical therapist nor their patient is like to have access to a fancy $$$ teleconferencing setup; both are likely stuck using whatever $0.50 on the BOM selfie camera Apple chose for their latest iDevice. Seeing only the face, and a 720p at that, denies the clinician a lot of valuable information about the client's internal state, their physiological responses, and their body language. Not to mention connection issues. Imagine being someone who's kept a secret about their sexuality or childhood abuse and finally developed enough trust and worked up the courage to discuss it to your therapist only to be met with a "Connection lost…" or frozen image of their face. Additionally, licensure for mental health professionals is handled on a state-by-state basis, making CoL arbitrage difficult.

charleyramm 7y ago

Do you think it was necessary to go through this process with a therapist, or could a less expensive alternative have had the same effect?

ianai 7y ago
I’ve heard plenty of writers describe their writing as therapy. “Free-writes” where I write exactly what I’m thinking with no filter have helped me. At some point I just get tired of retelling whatever story is affecting me and move on. Work outs have helped before (mostly cardio), etc.
__s 7y ago
As with many things, a therapist offers one to exchange money for time spent figuring out things on your own I've found success without therapy through minimal exercise over no exercise & framing things as neutral Framing things as neutral: I'm Canadian, so during Winter I've made a point to perceive the statement "I'm cold" as a neutral statement. A sensory experience as opposed to an affliction of pain. Also focussed on relaxing my muscles in the cold, which made it less uncomfortable. Shivering & clenching up are unnecessary until the temperature has dropped to a point that you really are in pain & should either get inside or get better atire
- sharkweek 7y ago
  I started taking cold showers in the morning about two months ago to practice this exact thing. After about a week, you sort of learn to neutralize the feeling of being cold as just that, a feeling. And a temporary one. It’s a good reminder for other “negative” feelings, and something I can point my brain to with other emotions I don’t like, anger, anxiety, etc. They all pass fairly quick the less I dwell on them.
- calewis 7y ago
  This is an approach that worked for you. You have employed your own CBT technique it sounds like, and that's great! Bit I think it's unfair to imply that you can just work harder and come to the same conclusions without a professional. A physiotherapist is often highly educated in psychology and has had, usually, years of experience dealing with a range of people, issues and scenarios. Some people, due to what ever is going on in their head (myself included) can't see the wood for the tree's and a therapists job is to help bring that clarity. Mental health is complex and unique to the individual, there isn't a thing that works for everyone, even therapy.
  - __s 7y ago
    For sure. When I say "time is money" that might involve more time than you'll ever have available. & a friend once reflected on seeing a therapist: "It's not the job of my friends to be my therapist" ie there's value in bouncing ideas off someone who you don't have to worry about stressing a casual friendship over
- mwfunk 7y ago
  No, a (good) therapist helps you find things that would be difficult or impossible to find on your own, it's literally an outside perspective. If what you did works for you, you either didn't have any serious mental health issues to begin with, or you figured out a hack to avoid thinking about the things which trouble you, which isn't much different from people avoiding problems by losing themselves in work, alcohol, religion, whatever. It's essential to have techniques to help yourself stay on an even keel, but it's damaging to other people who actually have problems to encourage them to dismiss their problems as insufficient detachment.
sjg007 7y ago
I think a therapist is necessary, at least to bootstrap the process. You can listen to podcasts and read books by therapists. You can think and try to reason about it yourself. You can expose yourself to the ideas. You can learn about cognitive behavioral therapy and try out worksheets etc... But that takes time and you may not cover everything or know what will be effective for you. A therapist can keep you accountable but mostly it takes a long time. Plus it's hard to do that when you are depressed. Even with a therapist you will be reading a lot on your own anyway.
- _bxg1 7y ago
  This. It's similar to a personal trainer. People don't hire personal trainers because they can't figure out how to exercise, they hire personal trainers so they have someone guiding them, supporting them, keeping them on track. In my personal battle with depression, a big part of it has been self-distrust. So I could reason about it all day but I struggled to make any actual changes because I was always questioning. Having someone there actively giving me permission to reshape my thought patterns and giving me confidence that I'm on the right track has been absolutely essential.
- wpietri 7y ago
  Totally agreed. When I pay a therapist, it's not really for facts, which I can get from books. It's for their long experience with a lot of different people. That gives them the ability to immediately spot patterns in my life that might take me years to recognize. And also the skill to point out my self-fooling BS in a way that I can listen to and understand the point.
eswat 7y ago
To piggy-back on the personal trainer analogies earlier, alternatives like CBT tools, podcasts, books, etc. are good augmentations once you’ve learned “good form” on how to work with your depression through a therapist. The alternatives aren’t going to really push you to unpack thoughts that might be holding you back or know to switch things up if your situation becomes very dire.
jdietrich 7y ago
The evidence is fairly clear - reading self-help books or using an internet-based CBT programme is similarly effective to in-person psychotherapy. That doesn't mean that these approaches will be effective for you, but they're viable treatment options that are vastly more accessible. I'd still suggest trying in-person therapy if it's available to you, but don't be disheartened if that isn't an option - there's no evidence to suggest that self-help is significantly inferior to therapy. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.janxdis.2018.01.001 https://doi.org/10.1016/j.janxdis.2018.01.001 https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2017.09.006 https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2017.09.006
- nickbarnwell 7y ago
  > reading self-help books…is similarly effective to in-person psychotherapy That was not the outcome of the CPR paper, and even the authors' statement in the abstract is considerably more hedged than you imply here. iCBT and bibliotherapy have both demonstrated the greatest efficact in subclinical or extremely high functioning populations; their utility in more severe cases or those where there are comorbid psychiatric or bio-social issues is less clear. I absolutely believe in using telehealth to broaden access to behavioural health services and think they're an excellent first line treatment, but stating there's nothing to suggest that they're a fungible good with equivalent value to human-delivered psychotherapy risks dissuading people who're already struggling and fail to improve with self-guided resources from seeking out more comprehensive services.
DoreenMichele 7y ago
A therapist can be a useful tool. I spent a total of about 3.5 years of my life in therapy. I also briefly was in couple's counseling and my husband was seeing a therapist as well during that time. He was extremely introverted and he truly hated discussing private matters with a therapist. One day I told him "I don't care if you see a therapist. I just want our marriage to get better. Therapy is just a means to an end. That's it." He happily quit therapy and couple's counseling promptly. He also promptly was a better husband to me and never fell down on the implied promise that he would rise to the occasion somehow. I continued with therapy because I had a lot to sort out and I saw it as a useful tool. In the long run, learning how to live well was the best therapy for me, so to speak. But I didn't personally know how to get there without first talking to someone about bad things that had happened to me and how they shaped me. My husband didn't want to go through that step and he was somehow able to just behave different towards me once I made it clear "I just want a better marriage. That's it. I don't actually care if you go to therapy."
wsy 7y ago
Part of many personal issues is that you "cheat yourself", or simply avoid tough topics (psychoanalysts call that resistance). A good therapist uncovers these topics, helps you to face them, and supports you in finding ways to deal with them. It is hard for me to imagine how one could do that without a human counterpart.

yboris 7y ago

Thank you for sharing. Sincerely curious what you mean by "A bit of money". I'm lucky that I didn't have to have therapy. My guess is unless your insurance/job covers mental health, it's at least $50/hour (closer to $100 or $150 if in a major city). Surely not much for the possible benefits (and on a developer salary), but I'm wondering how expensive such services are.

klipt 7y ago
> closer to $100 or $150 if in a major city If therapy is just talking, surely there must be options for cheaply video chatting a therapist in a state with lower cost of living?
- calewis 7y ago
  In my experience, you need to be there face to face. I can't explain it, but it's all the nuances and the uncomfortable silences. I was seeing my therapist for a while via Skype, even though he lives a few miles up the road. I now make the effort and see him face to face. It's so much better. But, like anything, what works for you.
  - zwkrt 7y ago
    There's something about physical communication that can't be replicated. You see the posture, the gears turning, immmediate reactions. You can't formulate what to say, you say whatever is at the forefront of your thought.
- nickbarnwell 7y ago
  Teletherapy outcomes have yet to be thoroughly researched, but anecdotally most clinicians report a strong preference for face-to-face sessions. Part of the discomfort stems from legal concerns – how do you handle a patient who reports intense suicidal ideation with a plan being one of the big ones – but also the limitations of teleconferencing. Neither the typical therapist nor their patient is like to have access to a fancy $$$ teleconferencing setup; both are likely stuck using whatever $0.50 on the BOM selfie camera Apple chose for their latest iDevice. Seeing only the face, and a 720p at that, denies the clinician a lot of valuable information about the client's internal state, their physiological responses, and their body language. Not to mention connection issues. Imagine being someone who's kept a secret about their sexuality or childhood abuse and finally developed enough trust and worked up the courage to discuss it to your therapist only to be met with a "Connection lost…" or frozen image of their face. Additionally, licensure for mental health professionals is handled on a state-by-state basis, making CoL arbitrage difficult.