7 ms·

After years of depression, I'm sure my personality is one of the cause of me still being depressed. And if I went to therapy, I'd expect and want it to change.

by lkadr 7y ago

After years of depression, I'm sure my personality is one of the cause of me still being depressed. And if I went to therapy, I'd expect and want it to change. But change is scary, and I suppose that's why some depressed persons don't want to seek help. There's sometimes comfort in suffering. Another reason is that the not-desesperate me feels shallow and boring. But there's probably a hopeful me that's not. I haven't found it yet, it requires more effort.

sjg007 7y ago
One thing that may help is to label your depression as it's own independent thing. Something that exists outside of your core self. Even give it a name, say Dave. Then when you are feeling depressed say, hey that's just Dave, why is Dave feeling this way? Is there another perspective that Dave isn't seeing etc...
- onemoresoop 7y ago
  This mind trick works for some and at its core it's the same idea of compartmentalizing. There are different ways to get to compartmentalizing and yes, it does help clear the mind, reduce anxiety/mind chatter by grouping and labeling things/thoughts somehow (by personal choice) such that when something arises to the conscious mind it can be located, acknowledged and dealt with at a later time if needed.
  - fwip 7y ago
    Yep, this helps me with my anxiety and depression. Being able to recognize "I'm feeling anxious, and these thoughts are a product of that anxiety" allows me to process them and move on. It doesn't immediately relieve that anxiety, but it keeps me from spiraling downward, and lets me know that I should take care of myself until I feel better.
calewis 7y ago
As someone who suffers from depression and has gone to therapy for over 5 years (I am also on medication), please try and force yourself to go. It will most likely change your life for the better, if not, what have you wasted? A bit of money and a few hours of your time? It could make you better at dealing with your depression and, as a consequence, make you feel happier. You might need to try a few different therapists until you find one you like, and it's not a quick fix either. Think of it like getting (physically) fit, you need to keep at it - maybe for years. You might not also get better in a linear curve, it's up and down, you just have to stick with it. Therapy has helped me to know myself better, understand why I do what I do and feel the way I do, and, as cheesy as it sounds; learn to accept my limitations. It's changed my life and the life of many of my friends. You deserve to be happy, everyone does. Please try it - if it doesn't I will buy you a beer/coffee.
- charleyramm 7y ago
  Do you think it was necessary to go through this process with a therapist, or could a less expensive alternative have had the same effect?
  - ianai 7y ago
    I’ve heard plenty of writers describe their writing as therapy. “Free-writes” where I write exactly what I’m thinking with no filter have helped me. At some point I just get tired of retelling whatever story is affecting me and move on. Work outs have helped before (mostly cardio), etc.
  - __s 7y ago
    As with many things, a therapist offers one to exchange money for time spent figuring out things on your own I've found success without therapy through minimal exercise over no exercise & framing things as neutral Framing things as neutral: I'm Canadian, so during Winter I've made a point to perceive the statement "I'm cold" as a neutral statement. A sensory experience as opposed to an affliction of pain. Also focussed on relaxing my muscles in the cold, which made it less uncomfortable. Shivering & clenching up are unnecessary until the temperature has dropped to a point that you really are in pain & should either get inside or get better atire
    - sharkweek 7y ago
      I started taking cold showers in the morning about two months ago to practice this exact thing. After about a week, you sort of learn to neutralize the feeling of being cold as just that, a feeling. And a temporary one. It’s a good reminder for other “negative” feelings, and something I can point my brain to with other emotions I don’t like, anger, anxiety, etc. They all pass fairly quick the less I dwell on them.
    - calewis 7y ago
      This is an approach that worked for you. You have employed your own CBT technique it sounds like, and that's great! Bit I think it's unfair to imply that you can just work harder and come to the same conclusions without a professional. A physiotherapist is often highly educated in psychology and has had, usually, years of experience dealing with a range of people, issues and scenarios. Some people, due to what ever is going on in their head (myself included) can't see the wood for the tree's and a therapists job is to help bring that clarity. Mental health is complex and unique to the individual, there isn't a thing that works for everyone, even therapy.
Torwald 7y ago
Because I haven't seen it mentioned in any of the other comments: nutrition plays a role in this. I do have heard several times about people fighting depression, who bettered their lot by improving their diet. Granted, these are just anecdotes, but, if you are suffering from depression you might want to investigate that angle.
nyxtom 7y ago
As someone that has gone to therapy for several years I can tell you that eventually you get to a place where you need more than talking - action. People tend to need some sort of organizational philosophy to go with their view of life along with habits that comfort them in times of mental disarray. You are not ever going to be able to avoid suffering, times of boredom, or anything else, but you also don't have to be stuck. This is going to sound cliche, but talk is cheap. Practicing what you are discovering about yourself into habitual evidence is what becomes important as you broaden your self-awareness and dig yourself out of the depressive holes in life. In the words of Jocko, discipline = freedom. I've found that a combination of therapy and seeking out actionable things I can do to be more disciplined has been fundamental in getting beyond the ego of the self and out into the world.
ljm 7y ago
There's nothing about 'comfort zone' that suggests it's always a happy place. It's just a familiar one. It's so easy to become accustomed to pain or suffering that it becomes scary to imagine how things might be different, even if that change is positive. I would recommend giving therapy a shot, but I would recommend even strongly that you find the therapist who is right for you. It won't always be the first one you meet, or even the most recommended one. It's a relationship just like any other so it requires trust. I've been going through this for 6 years and if I had to go back and decide differently, I'd travel this same path again. Pitfalls and all.
rconti 7y ago
I know people who have done LSD and said it was one of the most life-changing things they ever did. My first thought is, holy hell. I'm pretty happy. I don't want to "find out" I have the wrong career/partner/residence/etc. So, I hear ya.

by lkadr 7y ago

sjg007 7y ago

One thing that may help is to label your depression as it's own independent thing. Something that exists outside of your core self. Even give it a name, say Dave. Then when you are feeling depressed say, hey that's just Dave, why is Dave feeling this way? Is there another perspective that Dave isn't seeing etc...

onemoresoop 7y ago
This mind trick works for some and at its core it's the same idea of compartmentalizing. There are different ways to get to compartmentalizing and yes, it does help clear the mind, reduce anxiety/mind chatter by grouping and labeling things/thoughts somehow (by personal choice) such that when something arises to the conscious mind it can be located, acknowledged and dealt with at a later time if needed.
- fwip 7y ago
  Yep, this helps me with my anxiety and depression. Being able to recognize "I'm feeling anxious, and these thoughts are a product of that anxiety" allows me to process them and move on. It doesn't immediately relieve that anxiety, but it keeps me from spiraling downward, and lets me know that I should take care of myself until I feel better.

calewis 7y ago

As someone who suffers from depression and has gone to therapy for over 5 years (I am also on medication), please try and force yourself to go. It will most likely change your life for the better, if not, what have you wasted? A bit of money and a few hours of your time? It could make you better at dealing with your depression and, as a consequence, make you feel happier. You might need to try a few different therapists until you find one you like, and it's not a quick fix either. Think of it like getting (physically) fit, you need to keep at it - maybe for years. You might not also get better in a linear curve, it's up and down, you just have to stick with it. Therapy has helped me to know myself better, understand why I do what I do and feel the way I do, and, as cheesy as it sounds; learn to accept my limitations. It's changed my life and the life of many of my friends. You deserve to be happy, everyone does. Please try it - if it doesn't I will buy you a beer/coffee.

charleyramm 7y ago
Do you think it was necessary to go through this process with a therapist, or could a less expensive alternative have had the same effect?
- ianai 7y ago
  I’ve heard plenty of writers describe their writing as therapy. “Free-writes” where I write exactly what I’m thinking with no filter have helped me. At some point I just get tired of retelling whatever story is affecting me and move on. Work outs have helped before (mostly cardio), etc.
- __s 7y ago
  As with many things, a therapist offers one to exchange money for time spent figuring out things on your own I've found success without therapy through minimal exercise over no exercise & framing things as neutral Framing things as neutral: I'm Canadian, so during Winter I've made a point to perceive the statement "I'm cold" as a neutral statement. A sensory experience as opposed to an affliction of pain. Also focussed on relaxing my muscles in the cold, which made it less uncomfortable. Shivering & clenching up are unnecessary until the temperature has dropped to a point that you really are in pain & should either get inside or get better atire
  - sharkweek 7y ago
    I started taking cold showers in the morning about two months ago to practice this exact thing. After about a week, you sort of learn to neutralize the feeling of being cold as just that, a feeling. And a temporary one. It’s a good reminder for other “negative” feelings, and something I can point my brain to with other emotions I don’t like, anger, anxiety, etc. They all pass fairly quick the less I dwell on them.
  - calewis 7y ago
    This is an approach that worked for you. You have employed your own CBT technique it sounds like, and that's great! Bit I think it's unfair to imply that you can just work harder and come to the same conclusions without a professional. A physiotherapist is often highly educated in psychology and has had, usually, years of experience dealing with a range of people, issues and scenarios. Some people, due to what ever is going on in their head (myself included) can't see the wood for the tree's and a therapists job is to help bring that clarity. Mental health is complex and unique to the individual, there isn't a thing that works for everyone, even therapy.

Torwald 7y ago

Because I haven't seen it mentioned in any of the other comments: nutrition plays a role in this. I do have heard several times about people fighting depression, who bettered their lot by improving their diet. Granted, these are just anecdotes, but, if you are suffering from depression you might want to investigate that angle.

nyxtom 7y ago

As someone that has gone to therapy for several years I can tell you that eventually you get to a place where you need more than talking - action. People tend to need some sort of organizational philosophy to go with their view of life along with habits that comfort them in times of mental disarray. You are not ever going to be able to avoid suffering, times of boredom, or anything else, but you also don't have to be stuck. This is going to sound cliche, but talk is cheap. Practicing what you are discovering about yourself into habitual evidence is what becomes important as you broaden your self-awareness and dig yourself out of the depressive holes in life. In the words of Jocko, discipline = freedom. I've found that a combination of therapy and seeking out actionable things I can do to be more disciplined has been fundamental in getting beyond the ego of the self and out into the world.

ljm 7y ago

There's nothing about 'comfort zone' that suggests it's always a happy place. It's just a familiar one. It's so easy to become accustomed to pain or suffering that it becomes scary to imagine how things might be different, even if that change is positive. I would recommend giving therapy a shot, but I would recommend even strongly that you find the therapist who is right for you. It won't always be the first one you meet, or even the most recommended one. It's a relationship just like any other so it requires trust. I've been going through this for 6 years and if I had to go back and decide differently, I'd travel this same path again. Pitfalls and all.

rconti 7y ago

I know people who have done LSD and said it was one of the most life-changing things they ever did. My first thought is, holy hell. I'm pretty happy. I don't want to "find out" I have the wrong career/partner/residence/etc. So, I hear ya.