5 ms·
I eat dinner at the same restaurant almost every Sunday night. I know the waitstaff, the maître d', and the people at the bar. They know about my life and I kno
by tyre 8y ago
I eat dinner at the same restaurant almost every Sunday night. I know the waitstaff, the maître d', and the people at the bar. They know about my life and I know about theirs. I have a similar relationship with people at a wine bar near my house.
We don't see each other outside this context, except for the occasional serendipitous run-ins. They are nice, casual friendships that tie me closer to my community.
That kind of community feels less and less common with our AirPods in, heads in our phones, taking Lyft instead of public transit, etc.
- war1025 8y agoThis is exactly how I feel about the different coffee shops I frequent. I think it's also the sort of relationships that churches, social clubs, etc. provide. These all fit under the broad umbrella of Third Places [1]. Third Places are critical to the social fabric of a community, and I think they are largely overlooks and underappreciated by people. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place
- cubecul 8y agoI think you'd really enjoy this podcast episode on libraries! https://99percentinvisible.org/episode/palaces-for-the-people/ https://99percentinvisible.org/episode/palaces-for-the-peopl...
- HeWhoLurksLate 8y agoFor the longest time, Overwatch was one of those third places for me. Now my third place is more or less at home with my siblings.
- balfirevic 8y agoWait, what is your first place then?
- war1025 8y agoHome is the "First Place" in this framework. Work is the "Second Place". I saw an article recently that kind of missed what "Third Place" was, in my opinion. It basically said "Third Place" was just taking time for yourself. The real point of "Third Places", in my understanding, is that they are neither home nor work. At home, connections you build are with family. At work, connections you build are with coworkers. At third places, the connections you build are with the broader community. It's where you build the disparate connections that weave together the "social fabric" of a place.
- iamnothere 8y agoI have heard good things about the book Bowling Alone, which apparently explores some of this territory: http://bowlingalone.com/ http://bowlingalone.com/ (I have not read it personally.)
- matwood 8y agoI have the same at my local grocery, coffee shop, and gym. When you see the same people all the time it becomes awkward not to say hello.
- askafriend 8y agoWhen I have my AirPods in, I'm busy forming a relationship with the podcast host or guest that I'm listening to. This is more important to me personally than becoming friends with waitstaff at the restaurants I go to. I'm curious what you think of this take.
- lordgrenville 8y agoNot OP, but I think you could make an argument about the value of face-to-face interactions, and of one-to-one over one-to-many communication.
- seventhtiger 8y agoThese one way relationships through mass media are not social. They're parasocial. This kind of relationship is becoming universal when mass media is so accessible that everyone is bound to find a podcast/vlog/stream they personally connect with. A good question is whether you think someone could be so charming that you would be their friend even if they never let you speak. Mass media is not new and my guess is that ever since the printing press readers would form personal connections with writers. I don't think any of it is inherently good or bad, but it's a matter of what you want to pay attention to. Everyone around you will be less entertaining, charming, inspiring, or funny than the podcast, but they will listen to you. Which kind of relationship would you rather have?
- askafriend 8y ago> Everyone around you will be less entertaining, charming, inspiring, or funny than the podcast, but they will listen to you. Which kind of relationship would you rather have? Compared to making random small-talk with the server at a restaurant? I'd prefer the one-way relationship with the podcast host. Compared to hanging out with a good friend/acquaintance and talking in-depth for hours about subjects we're passionate about? I'd mostly prefer the hanging out (but maybe sometimes not!). My point is that one type of relationship isn't by default better or worse in my life.