11 ms·

How do we know when we’ve fallen in love? (2016)

157 points by rohmanhakim 7y ago

skilled 7y ago
Gather around friends, the wine is on me.
- wastedthrowaway 7y ago
  well, where is the wine?
IgorPartola 7y ago
So I’ll just leave some bits here. For me the quote that started to conceptualize romantic love was “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” from Robert Heinlein. But really that’s not the whole story. Just like we have many different kinds of non-romantic love (kids, candy, outdoors, parents, friends, motorcycles, precision instruments, algorithms) we also experience many different kinds of romantic love. We often talk about “the love of your life” and “the one” as the ultimate version of romantic love. But it’s not an escalator: https://offescalator.com/what-escalator/ https://offescalator.com/what-escalator/. And if you follow this model of relationships, you quickly arrive at the concept of casual love: https://www.carsieblanton.com/blog/post/82149148832/casual-love https://www.carsieblanton.com/blog/post/82149148832/casual-l.... The idea that you can say “I love you” to a partner 2 weeks into a relationship and not place any expectations on it being actionable is very freeing. I have experienced it myself several times on both ends. It is a wonderful thing. Remember folks, you don’t have to love every partner you have. And if you love them, you don’t have to do anything about it. You can love for a week or a lifetime, you can love for a lifetime and never get serious. You can get serious but not married. The choices are yours and many options exist for all kinds different relationship types. Edit: if anyone wants to nerd out about non-monogamous/polyamorous relationships, I am happy to talk about it.
- cecilpl2 7y ago
  I knew you were poly as soon as you mentioned Heinlein as one of your biggest influences on your theory of romance. :) Love without expectations is a wonderful joyous thing. A couple songs my longest partner and I love are https://climbingpoetree.bandcamp.com/track/cant-help-but-fly-the-poly-song https://climbingpoetree.bandcamp.com/track/cant-help-but-fly... and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeGFu05xB-8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeGFu05xB-8
  - IgorPartola 7y ago
    Heh. Heinlein wasn’t actually how I came into it, but because his writing was always in the back of my mind, it made it a lot easier to accept. I fell into it the way one falls into a puddle: by a series of mishaps. And those links/songs are excellent, thank you!
    - jelliclesfarm 7y ago
      I am glad someone bought up Heinlein. He has certainly been a very important influence in my life. I don’t like the label of ‘poly’ and I don’t understand the definition of ‘love’ as we know it in society..and I have a dim view of marriage as a social construct as I see how it can be regressive for women(I am female). That Heinlein quote is one of my favorites. I embrace it better as something that causes a tumble and release of brain chemicals in a certain synchronized way. I also wonder if entheogens can help human beings grasp the concept of love and guide them to be emotionally non violent(to themselves and to those they love) about it. Perhaps we will all love each other universally if someone added ‘shrooms in our tap water.(I was being facetious! Altho..it is more of an absurd seed for maybe a weird tales story contribution.)
      - IgorPartola 7y ago
        I kind of agree. I got into an argument with an ex once about how love is just brain chemistry. She didn’t like that because that made it not romantic. I think it makes it more romantic: out of basic biochemistry you get “this insane feeling!” I do think we would all be nicer to each other and ourselves if we didn’t strive to make our partners our “everything”. It isn’t the solution to all our problems but it is a solution to a problem that plagued many marriages/long term relationships. If it wasn’t, cheating and marriage counselors wouldn’t be as common as they are. I don’t really like labels in general (I prefer to use verbs than nouns if I use one), but poly is what I have been doing for about 7 years now. In addition I have realized that other forms of non-monogamy fit me as well. Love can be felt more or less in those than in poly.
neom 7y ago
I wonder how Ayn Rand would feel about this article. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMNUdDC4tEc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMNUdDC4tEc
harryposner 7y ago
> In Russian, the verb that means discover or recognize also contains the verb to know. The English very nearly does as well. The "gn" in "recognize" has the same etymological root [1] as the "kn" in "know"---and as the "зн" in "сознать" (recognize) and "знать" (know). It's not quite as obvious as in the Russian, but "acknowledge" means nearly the same thing as "recognize" and includes "know" as a substring. [1] https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Reconstruction:Proto-Indo-European/%C7%B5neh%E2%82%83- https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Reconstruction:Proto-Indo-Eur...
- ggambetta 7y ago
  Also same root as "cognition". Similar in Spanish, "reconocer" and "conocer" (which also means "to meet", i.e. to know for the first time).
  - jacobolus 7y ago
    According to Wiktionary the early Latin word was gnōscere. Old English had cnawan and cunnan. Besides “know”, etc., modern English words “can”, “cunning”, “canny”, etc. also come from this root.
- grekain1 7y ago
  Perhaps in German it is even more obvious. "to recognize" => "zu erkennen" "to know" => "zu kennen" (alternatively, "zu wissen")
amriksohata 7y ago
I never understood the concept of falling in love. I can understand falling in lust. Love is something you develop over time.
- theoh 7y ago
  It's definitely a thing. Here's one theory: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence
- RangerScience 7y ago
  I never understood the concept of developing love. I can understand falling in. Love is something you notice you already always have had. But I don't actually need to understand your experience to accept that that's how it happens for you. For me, there's two big parts: 1) I can tell. Both who you are, and how I am reacting to that, very quickly, very deeply. Consistently, this applies even to the parts of each of us that are revealed later on; tritely (and topically for HN) I also find this is true about software libraries and SaaS products: If it starts easy, it pretty much stays easy, and if it starts hard, it pretty much stays hard. Note that unfamiliarity != hard. 2) I can adjust. I don't change who I am to match someone else, but, my preferences DO change to match THEM. It's actually one of my favorite feelings, and every relationship I've ever been in I've noticed when their scent started to be my preference. Along with this, many little things are fungible, or at least, are only ever momentary irritation. But, I do actually understand developing love. I definitely also feel that, I see those moments where a little thing they do becomes deeply enjoyable and meaningful, that feeling of a little bit deeper of a connection forming. I know that feeling. I also know this initial recognition.
dctoedt 7y ago
The author's ex, Daniel, did the right thing by breaking up with her. He was fairly sure that he didn't see a long-term future with the author. It would have disserved both of them — and been woefully unfair to her — for him to keep seeing her just out of habit and convenience. Both of them would have been at least somewhat foreclosed from other romantic opportunities that, at least in his eyes, would have been a better fit.
emit_time 7y ago
This really doesn't relate too much, but I've realized over time that I'm essentially in love with one of my best friends (of the opposite gender). We've been friends for 10 years, and just spending time around her makes me feel so relaxed and satisfied with life, it's a unique feeling to someone like me who hasn't been in much of a relationship so far in my life. I'm able to maintain a good friendship despite this, and I guess I just treat it as some weird thing. I'm super grateful for the friendship we have, and it's amazing that these feelings persist even though I now only see her a couple of times a year. I think part of me hoped we'd end up dating at some point, but I find that highly unlikely to work given certain circumstances. Either way, I remain grateful for what I have, and hope to find someone else that I'm able to relate to emotionally in the same way.
- claytoneast 7y ago
  Weird to read this as I've recently discovered exactly the same thing with a friend in my life. Relaxed and satisfied with life, that is precisely how I feel around her. Thanks for putting this to words.
- expressrunning 7y ago
  Thank you for sharing your story! I believe that is what love is as well. Love is when you see a very flawed individual and someone with a bad past and behaviors. And you are hopeful for them because of their potential and changed outlook. Love is seeing them with a significant other and knowing that you have zero chance of ever being with them, because of circumstances or past events, and yet would do anything and everything for that person. And you have done that, giving up all money/time, and taking in personal pains, just so you can see a smile, or knowing they are in a better place. Love is for an individual totally unrelated to you, isn’t an obligation (family members) or part of lust. Love is knowing that they will be alright at the end of the day. And you shared something special with them. And if you don’t see them for the next 50 years, you would hope for their happiness every day.
  - malvosenior 7y ago
    > Love is seeing them with a significant other and knowing that you have zero chance of ever being with them, because of circumstances or past events, and yet would do anything and everything for that person. And you have done that, giving up all money/time, and taking in personal pains, just so you can see a smile, or knowing they are in a better place. This is pretty toxic tbh. If you really feel this way about someone who has a significant other that they're serious about, the best thing you can do is leave their life (if you really can't get your feelings under control). No good will come from a one sided relationship with someone who not only is unrequited but also happily involved with someone else. It's not fair to any of the three parties involved. If you really want what's best for them, let them go.
bartimus 7y ago
If it's not a "Hell yes!", it's a "No".
- monk_e_boy 7y ago
  That's good. I realised things were not good between me and my SO one day at the beach. I was there alone, kitesurfing. When I got out of the sea I met a guy and we chatted for a while, shooting the shit, having a laugh, poking fun at each others home made hydrofoil kiteboards. Then his wife pulled up in her car and ran down the beach to kiss him. All excited. She forgot to close her car door. My SO doesn't look at me like that. I think for my SO it isn't 'hell yes' I think she settled for 'this will do'
  - majos 7y ago
    That guy may have been looking at your partner thinking "how nice, their partner remembers to close the car door. Me, I gotta check that the burner's actually off every time my wife makes breakfast. It's killing me!" I of course don't know any of the context in your relationship, but love comes in many forms. I don't think we should adhere to the standard set by what may be naturally extroverted and demonstrative people.
- kaybe 7y ago
  So what do you do if you only get lukewarm 'yes'? Wait forever?
  - hnzix 7y ago
    Find your "Hell Yes". Settling for lukewarm is almost always a bad choice.
ArtDev 7y ago
Well, we can all agree that the word "love" is overloaded. With my parents and my kids.. my love is truly unconditional. No matter what they do or say, I will always love them. Unconditional love has no place in romantic love. They shouldn't even be sharing the same words. Romantic love is absurdly conditional. We need a different word. The word "lust" is also a temporary state, even with new couples. Music, romantic movies and shows like "The Bachelor", have warped our cultural ideas around relationships. However, sometimes media can explain it perfectly: "Listen Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people calls 'love' is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science."
- lurquer 7y ago
  I used to think that. Until I met my true love. Hope you get to experience it some day. 23+ years of embarrassingly romantic, lustful, sacrificial, unconditional straight-out-of-a-Shakespearean-sonnet divine true love. There is such a thing. Rare. But it does exist.
  - tokenpreneur 7y ago
    It's not unconditional if it's also lustful.
    - lurquer 7y ago
      Ha. I'll leave it to you to parse adjectives. All I'm saying to the delightfully Spock-ian logical HN poster is that all the cynicsm and scientific Mumbo-jumbo about endorphines and the like vanish upon laying eyes on your soul-mate. I could never convince you of true love. I don't mean to even try. I hope you have the distinct pleasure and privilege of discovering it for yourself.
      - tokenpreneur 7y ago
        The GP was making a distinction regarding the application of the quality of unconditional to romantic love. At the minimum, if there's lust involved, it's by definition not unconditional. You snarkily leave me to parsing adjectives all the while triumphing your definition of true love over others. One can accept the notion of 'true (romantic) love' but pretending its unconditional is lying about facts. I'd also argue that even parental love and the love for the offspring is not unconditional either: you love them because they are your parents, or your children. We can participate in the varieties of the human experience, but let's not lose sight of the truth or muddle the meaning of words. I'm of the opinion that completely unconditional love can only occur in relation to an other from whom one stands to gain absolutely nothing.
LifeLiverTransp 7y ago
That recklessness and self destructive behaviour make for excellent scouts of opportunity (aka as stupidity and statistics), which is why its important to fall quickly for them, cause they might be gone tomorrow.
lcall 7y ago
Long experience, observation and reading lead me to say that the pop-culture idea of "falling in love" is just hormones and curiosity and adventure. Real, true love is a decision to faithfully be there and serve a person through thick and thin. It is best if that decision is well-made. Related to courtship and marriage, I have put many thoughts here (based on experience, research and lots of observation): http://lukecall.net/ http://lukecall.net/ (under "Life Lessons").
- Invictus0 7y ago
  You should really reconsider the UI for your site. Yours is the most aggressively hostile website I have encountered in recent memory.
  - shrimp_emoji 7y ago
    I would say "spartan". "Aggressively hostile" more brings to mind the pop-up, notification-requesting, cookies-warning sites that don't render, double-render, or GIGANTICALLY-render elements when you (wisely) turn off JS that most web entities use. : P
    - Invictus0 7y ago
      True, those are worse. Maybe my eyes are shit but I just can't even read that page.
      - oftenwrong 7y ago
        This is why I set firefox to always show me my chosen font, with a minimum font size that is still easily readable. I know better than some web designer when it comes to what font I can read most easily.
  - nitrogen 7y ago
    It looks like raw html styling. Maybe browsers' default stylesheets aren't keeping up with the needs of all users.
jayalpha 7y ago
Man, you will know. Trust me. But in general: "Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them." Steve Martin
westurner 7y ago
Where is the feeling felt? Is there an associated color or a shape or a kinesiologic position? "Love styles" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_styles https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_styles "Greek words for love" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love
shadowroot 7y ago
Love is not possessiveness , attachment , emotion , feeling , hormonal activity , marriage , having kids and family, dependency , self-sacrifice , romance . True love is the state of your mind in which there are zero conflicts , no violence , just a light a joy you want to share . This sharing is called Love . I have found something and i wanted to share it, this sharing is called Love. Love is your own internal condition/state . It's not at all something to do with the other person . Love is not like you got someone , it's "You found yourself" .

157 points by rohmanhakim 7y ago

skilled 7y ago

Gather around friends, the wine is on me.

wastedthrowaway 7y ago
well, where is the wine?

IgorPartola 7y ago

So I’ll just leave some bits here. For me the quote that started to conceptualize romantic love was “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” from Robert Heinlein. But really that’s not the whole story. Just like we have many different kinds of non-romantic love (kids, candy, outdoors, parents, friends, motorcycles, precision instruments, algorithms) we also experience many different kinds of romantic love. We often talk about “the love of your life” and “the one” as the ultimate version of romantic love. But it’s not an escalator: https://offescalator.com/what-escalator/ https://offescalator.com/what-escalator/. And if you follow this model of relationships, you quickly arrive at the concept of casual love: https://www.carsieblanton.com/blog/post/82149148832/casual-love https://www.carsieblanton.com/blog/post/82149148832/casual-l.... The idea that you can say “I love you” to a partner 2 weeks into a relationship and not place any expectations on it being actionable is very freeing. I have experienced it myself several times on both ends. It is a wonderful thing. Remember folks, you don’t have to love every partner you have. And if you love them, you don’t have to do anything about it. You can love for a week or a lifetime, you can love for a lifetime and never get serious. You can get serious but not married. The choices are yours and many options exist for all kinds different relationship types. Edit: if anyone wants to nerd out about non-monogamous/polyamorous relationships, I am happy to talk about it.

cecilpl2 7y ago
I knew you were poly as soon as you mentioned Heinlein as one of your biggest influences on your theory of romance. :) Love without expectations is a wonderful joyous thing. A couple songs my longest partner and I love are https://climbingpoetree.bandcamp.com/track/cant-help-but-fly-the-poly-song https://climbingpoetree.bandcamp.com/track/cant-help-but-fly... and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeGFu05xB-8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeGFu05xB-8
- IgorPartola 7y ago
  Heh. Heinlein wasn’t actually how I came into it, but because his writing was always in the back of my mind, it made it a lot easier to accept. I fell into it the way one falls into a puddle: by a series of mishaps. And those links/songs are excellent, thank you!
  - jelliclesfarm 7y ago
    I am glad someone bought up Heinlein. He has certainly been a very important influence in my life. I don’t like the label of ‘poly’ and I don’t understand the definition of ‘love’ as we know it in society..and I have a dim view of marriage as a social construct as I see how it can be regressive for women(I am female). That Heinlein quote is one of my favorites. I embrace it better as something that causes a tumble and release of brain chemicals in a certain synchronized way. I also wonder if entheogens can help human beings grasp the concept of love and guide them to be emotionally non violent(to themselves and to those they love) about it. Perhaps we will all love each other universally if someone added ‘shrooms in our tap water.(I was being facetious! Altho..it is more of an absurd seed for maybe a weird tales story contribution.)
    - IgorPartola 7y ago
      I kind of agree. I got into an argument with an ex once about how love is just brain chemistry. She didn’t like that because that made it not romantic. I think it makes it more romantic: out of basic biochemistry you get “this insane feeling!” I do think we would all be nicer to each other and ourselves if we didn’t strive to make our partners our “everything”. It isn’t the solution to all our problems but it is a solution to a problem that plagued many marriages/long term relationships. If it wasn’t, cheating and marriage counselors wouldn’t be as common as they are. I don’t really like labels in general (I prefer to use verbs than nouns if I use one), but poly is what I have been doing for about 7 years now. In addition I have realized that other forms of non-monogamy fit me as well. Love can be felt more or less in those than in poly.

neom 7y ago

I wonder how Ayn Rand would feel about this article. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMNUdDC4tEc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMNUdDC4tEc

harryposner 7y ago

> In Russian, the verb that means discover or recognize also contains the verb to know. The English very nearly does as well. The "gn" in "recognize" has the same etymological root [1] as the "kn" in "know"---and as the "зн" in "сознать" (recognize) and "знать" (know). It's not quite as obvious as in the Russian, but "acknowledge" means nearly the same thing as "recognize" and includes "know" as a substring. [1] https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Reconstruction:Proto-Indo-European/%C7%B5neh%E2%82%83- https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Reconstruction:Proto-Indo-Eur...

ggambetta 7y ago
Also same root as "cognition". Similar in Spanish, "reconocer" and "conocer" (which also means "to meet", i.e. to know for the first time).
- jacobolus 7y ago
  According to Wiktionary the early Latin word was gnōscere. Old English had cnawan and cunnan. Besides “know”, etc., modern English words “can”, “cunning”, “canny”, etc. also come from this root.
grekain1 7y ago
Perhaps in German it is even more obvious. "to recognize" => "zu erkennen" "to know" => "zu kennen" (alternatively, "zu wissen")

amriksohata 7y ago

I never understood the concept of falling in love. I can understand falling in lust. Love is something you develop over time.

theoh 7y ago
It's definitely a thing. Here's one theory: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence
RangerScience 7y ago
I never understood the concept of developing love. I can understand falling in. Love is something you notice you already always have had. But I don't actually need to understand your experience to accept that that's how it happens for you. For me, there's two big parts: 1) I can tell. Both who you are, and how I am reacting to that, very quickly, very deeply. Consistently, this applies even to the parts of each of us that are revealed later on; tritely (and topically for HN) I also find this is true about software libraries and SaaS products: If it starts easy, it pretty much stays easy, and if it starts hard, it pretty much stays hard. Note that unfamiliarity != hard. 2) I can adjust. I don't change who I am to match someone else, but, my preferences DO change to match THEM. It's actually one of my favorite feelings, and every relationship I've ever been in I've noticed when their scent started to be my preference. Along with this, many little things are fungible, or at least, are only ever momentary irritation. But, I do actually understand developing love. I definitely also feel that, I see those moments where a little thing they do becomes deeply enjoyable and meaningful, that feeling of a little bit deeper of a connection forming. I know that feeling. I also know this initial recognition.

dctoedt 7y ago

The author's ex, Daniel, did the right thing by breaking up with her. He was fairly sure that he didn't see a long-term future with the author. It would have disserved both of them — and been woefully unfair to her — for him to keep seeing her just out of habit and convenience. Both of them would have been at least somewhat foreclosed from other romantic opportunities that, at least in his eyes, would have been a better fit.

emit_time 7y ago

This really doesn't relate too much, but I've realized over time that I'm essentially in love with one of my best friends (of the opposite gender). We've been friends for 10 years, and just spending time around her makes me feel so relaxed and satisfied with life, it's a unique feeling to someone like me who hasn't been in much of a relationship so far in my life. I'm able to maintain a good friendship despite this, and I guess I just treat it as some weird thing. I'm super grateful for the friendship we have, and it's amazing that these feelings persist even though I now only see her a couple of times a year. I think part of me hoped we'd end up dating at some point, but I find that highly unlikely to work given certain circumstances. Either way, I remain grateful for what I have, and hope to find someone else that I'm able to relate to emotionally in the same way.

claytoneast 7y ago
Weird to read this as I've recently discovered exactly the same thing with a friend in my life. Relaxed and satisfied with life, that is precisely how I feel around her. Thanks for putting this to words.
expressrunning 7y ago
Thank you for sharing your story! I believe that is what love is as well. Love is when you see a very flawed individual and someone with a bad past and behaviors. And you are hopeful for them because of their potential and changed outlook. Love is seeing them with a significant other and knowing that you have zero chance of ever being with them, because of circumstances or past events, and yet would do anything and everything for that person. And you have done that, giving up all money/time, and taking in personal pains, just so you can see a smile, or knowing they are in a better place. Love is for an individual totally unrelated to you, isn’t an obligation (family members) or part of lust. Love is knowing that they will be alright at the end of the day. And you shared something special with them. And if you don’t see them for the next 50 years, you would hope for their happiness every day.
- malvosenior 7y ago
  > Love is seeing them with a significant other and knowing that you have zero chance of ever being with them, because of circumstances or past events, and yet would do anything and everything for that person. And you have done that, giving up all money/time, and taking in personal pains, just so you can see a smile, or knowing they are in a better place. This is pretty toxic tbh. If you really feel this way about someone who has a significant other that they're serious about, the best thing you can do is leave their life (if you really can't get your feelings under control). No good will come from a one sided relationship with someone who not only is unrequited but also happily involved with someone else. It's not fair to any of the three parties involved. If you really want what's best for them, let them go.

bartimus 7y ago

If it's not a "Hell yes!", it's a "No".

monk_e_boy 7y ago
That's good. I realised things were not good between me and my SO one day at the beach. I was there alone, kitesurfing. When I got out of the sea I met a guy and we chatted for a while, shooting the shit, having a laugh, poking fun at each others home made hydrofoil kiteboards. Then his wife pulled up in her car and ran down the beach to kiss him. All excited. She forgot to close her car door. My SO doesn't look at me like that. I think for my SO it isn't 'hell yes' I think she settled for 'this will do'
- majos 7y ago
  That guy may have been looking at your partner thinking "how nice, their partner remembers to close the car door. Me, I gotta check that the burner's actually off every time my wife makes breakfast. It's killing me!" I of course don't know any of the context in your relationship, but love comes in many forms. I don't think we should adhere to the standard set by what may be naturally extroverted and demonstrative people.
kaybe 7y ago
So what do you do if you only get lukewarm 'yes'? Wait forever?
- hnzix 7y ago
  Find your "Hell Yes". Settling for lukewarm is almost always a bad choice.

ArtDev 7y ago

Well, we can all agree that the word "love" is overloaded. With my parents and my kids.. my love is truly unconditional. No matter what they do or say, I will always love them. Unconditional love has no place in romantic love. They shouldn't even be sharing the same words. Romantic love is absurdly conditional. We need a different word. The word "lust" is also a temporary state, even with new couples. Music, romantic movies and shows like "The Bachelor", have warped our cultural ideas around relationships. However, sometimes media can explain it perfectly: "Listen Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people calls 'love' is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science."

lurquer 7y ago
I used to think that. Until I met my true love. Hope you get to experience it some day. 23+ years of embarrassingly romantic, lustful, sacrificial, unconditional straight-out-of-a-Shakespearean-sonnet divine true love. There is such a thing. Rare. But it does exist.
- tokenpreneur 7y ago
  It's not unconditional if it's also lustful.
  - lurquer 7y ago
    Ha. I'll leave it to you to parse adjectives. All I'm saying to the delightfully Spock-ian logical HN poster is that all the cynicsm and scientific Mumbo-jumbo about endorphines and the like vanish upon laying eyes on your soul-mate. I could never convince you of true love. I don't mean to even try. I hope you have the distinct pleasure and privilege of discovering it for yourself.
    - tokenpreneur 7y ago
      The GP was making a distinction regarding the application of the quality of unconditional to romantic love. At the minimum, if there's lust involved, it's by definition not unconditional. You snarkily leave me to parsing adjectives all the while triumphing your definition of true love over others. One can accept the notion of 'true (romantic) love' but pretending its unconditional is lying about facts. I'd also argue that even parental love and the love for the offspring is not unconditional either: you love them because they are your parents, or your children. We can participate in the varieties of the human experience, but let's not lose sight of the truth or muddle the meaning of words. I'm of the opinion that completely unconditional love can only occur in relation to an other from whom one stands to gain absolutely nothing.

LifeLiverTransp 7y ago

That recklessness and self destructive behaviour make for excellent scouts of opportunity (aka as stupidity and statistics), which is why its important to fall quickly for them, cause they might be gone tomorrow.

lcall 7y ago

Long experience, observation and reading lead me to say that the pop-culture idea of "falling in love" is just hormones and curiosity and adventure. Real, true love is a decision to faithfully be there and serve a person through thick and thin. It is best if that decision is well-made. Related to courtship and marriage, I have put many thoughts here (based on experience, research and lots of observation): http://lukecall.net/ http://lukecall.net/ (under "Life Lessons").

Invictus0 7y ago
You should really reconsider the UI for your site. Yours is the most aggressively hostile website I have encountered in recent memory.
- shrimp_emoji 7y ago
  I would say "spartan". "Aggressively hostile" more brings to mind the pop-up, notification-requesting, cookies-warning sites that don't render, double-render, or GIGANTICALLY-render elements when you (wisely) turn off JS that most web entities use. : P
  - Invictus0 7y ago
    True, those are worse. Maybe my eyes are shit but I just can't even read that page.
    - oftenwrong 7y ago
      This is why I set firefox to always show me my chosen font, with a minimum font size that is still easily readable. I know better than some web designer when it comes to what font I can read most easily.
- nitrogen 7y ago
  It looks like raw html styling. Maybe browsers' default stylesheets aren't keeping up with the needs of all users.

jayalpha 7y ago

Man, you will know. Trust me. But in general: "Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them." Steve Martin

westurner 7y ago

Where is the feeling felt? Is there an associated color or a shape or a kinesiologic position? "Love styles" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_styles https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_styles "Greek words for love" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love

shadowroot 7y ago

Love is not possessiveness , attachment , emotion , feeling , hormonal activity , marriage , having kids and family, dependency , self-sacrifice , romance . True love is the state of your mind in which there are zero conflicts , no violence , just a light a joy you want to share . This sharing is called Love . I have found something and i wanted to share it, this sharing is called Love. Love is your own internal condition/state . It's not at all something to do with the other person . Love is not like you got someone , it's "You found yourself" .