4 ms·

Be yourself is a non-statement. I don't know what it means. Does it mean follow my primal urges? Follow my idealistic goals? It doesn't say anything.

MisterOctober 7y ago
Makes me think of that classic scene between Jude Law and Dustin Hoffman in "I [Heart] Huckabees" -- Hoffman: ... are you being yourself? Law [increduluous]: How am I not myself?! Hoffman : "How am I not myself." Law: _How am I not myself?_ Hoffman : "How am I not myself." Law [distressed, starting to choke up]: How am I not myself.
Scarblac 7y ago
I think it's supposed to be something like "don't only try to emulate others".
- bksenior 7y ago
  I think it's an indirect way of telling people not to over think or analyze action.
- SilasX 7y ago
  As best I can tell it means, "I'm naturally good in social situations, the point where I don't have to think about it. If and when I do, that just makes things worse because then I'm noticeably self-conscious. I'll assume you're just like me and need to do the same, because I don't know what it's like for that to be different." The most charitable interpretation I can give the advice is, "Yeah, you're not skilled at this, and there isn't much I can do to help. But there are likeable aspects about yourself, and they don't shine through if you're constantly focusing on imitating some external model of how to do it right. The best you can hope for is not to have such unforced errors, so that at least you can keep whatever wins come from the real you."
  - jamescostian 7y ago
    Even your "charitable" interpretation is obviously not charitable. "Yeah, you're not skilled at this" is not what people mean when they say "be yourself", unless by "this" you mean "emulate other people". Instead, what they mean is "You are naturally skilled enough at this thing, so stop doubting yourself and just stick with your natural skill/gut"
    - SilasX 7y ago
      If it's not charitable, then at least it's usually correct. People giving the advice are generally unaware of what it's like to be naturally skilled at social interaction, and think it's just a matter or relaxing and enjoying yourself. If they think "you're naturally skilled at this", they're usually mistaken. My charitable version is what people would say if they could be honest and were aware of the relevant facts on the ground.
      - djakjxnanjak 7y ago
        I’ve had the experience of thinking that I had terrible social skills for most of my live, then getting treatment for depression and anxiety and suddenly finding that socializing is easy. In my case, the problem really was my own fears and overanalysis about myself. My problems couldn’t be fixed merely by someone telling me to “be myself”, but they had the right idea.
      - deleted 7y ago
        [deleted]
      - jamescostian 7y ago
        > If they think "you're naturally skilled at this", they're usually mistaken. We have completely different anecdata. I've said and heard people say "be yourself" many times. Rarely have I seen it go awry. Typically the people who say "be yourself" are naturally skilled at social interaction, so they can read whether the person is also able to socialize and make the right decision. But I can see how someone who lacks social skills might repeat the saying without even noticing the level of social skills of the person they're saying it to. Much like what this commenter was talking about: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19702757 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19702757
- derekp7 7y ago
  I think it means to act around people that you aren't familiar with, the same way you would act around those your are very close to (such as immediate family, life-long childhood friends, etc). That is, don't be an "actor playing a part" when interacting with others.
- dnautics 7y ago
  That's exactly what it's supposed to mean, I think. It's especially useful in the short term context (let's say you have an interview tomorrow): you don't have enough time to pivot your personality, if you try, the judging person will read your inauthenticity as something fishy and you will increase your odds of missing out on your objective. But in so many contexts -especially in dating- it gets misinterpreted as long term advice "you are entitled for others to accept you as you are and/or eventually someone will accept you as you are, and your objective X will be met"
- e12e 7y ago
  I think it's rather: don't try to imitate others, strive to emulate them.
defertoreptar 7y ago
To me it means that you should act in a way that more authentically represents your wants and your values. For example, if someone wants to impress someone else, they may act in a way they think is in line with that someone else's wants and values. This can result in awkward and embarrassing situations since it's not natural or well-practiced, and it can result in being deceitful. Instead it's better to acknowledge and be sensitive toward what that someone else wants and values, but to still behave in a way that is true to our own wants and values.
- wwweston 7y ago
  Then you're back to the question of what it means to be authentic or have true values, a question that's very similar to the question of what it means to be "yourself", and while there's usually implied guides regarding extrinsic and intrinsic motivation, it's not really clear to me that there's an absolute dividing line there, or that it's even easy to sort out decidedly intrinsic/internal values into authentic or not authentic. I both want to play video games for hours and focus on applications of Richards Curves. I want to exercise and not exercise. I want to meet people and take care of social relationships, and have lots of time to myself. Which desires are more authentic? If one desire transcends a mere want and becomes a value, how would we distinguish that? And then, how would we distill that into meaningful advice? Probably not effectively with the words "be yourself."
  - defertoreptar 7y ago
    > Probably not effectively with the words "be yourself." Agreed. It's an easy platitude to give, which is probably why it's so common. > it's not really clear to me that there's an absolute dividing line there, or that it's even easy to sort out decidedly intrinsic/internal values into authentic or not authentic. Right, it's nebulous and a good subject for philosophy textbooks. As far as practical advice goes, I think it's not too much to say that you can draw the line when you're behaving in a way that feels unnatural in hopes that others will respond positively to it.
  - nostrademons 7y ago
    Which do you choose, and which choice leaves you happier afterwards? Authenticity means being able to look back at our choices afterwards and say "Yes, I'm proud of what I did." "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." -- Albus Dumbledore
sonnyblarney 7y ago
I don't think this is a complicated one. It means to express yourself, your ideals, and to not conform entirely to peer pressure, or to conformity. This is something we tell young people because they are often at the whim of social norms, some of which are bad, like 'Instagram popularity contests'. It's generally I think decent advice, even for adults, for whom I think the notion of 'being authentic' would apply.
crimsonalucard 7y ago
It means, "don't be afraid", because being afraid largely covers up who we really are by changing how we act.
stochastic_monk 7y ago
There’s the old quip about Gershwin asking Ravel to teach him. Supposedly, Ravel declined, saying “Why should you be a second-rate Ravel when you can be a first-rate Gershwin?” In this more specific light, find your own path rather than copying and pasting.
munchbunny 7y ago
The other top level comment explains the advice very well: The reason the advice "be yourself" exists, and also why older people tend to be the ones expressing it, is that the danger in not being yourself is that you may wake up one day in a career or surrounded by people that do not accept you for who you are. And you end up trapped in a life where you have to pretend to be something you're not. The idea is that the younger you start being honest about yourself to others, the sooner you will wind up away from people that do not like your true self, and closer to people that appreciate you for that true self. If you are an introvert, do not spend your life trying to pretend you are an extrovert. Instead, embrace your introversion and find a sustainable way to get the social interaction you need/want. If you do not enjoy managing people, you will fall behind people who do enjoy it, so instead spending your years unhappy and trapped, try to find a career ladder where you can focus on being a great individual contributor. If someone close to you just died and you are grieving, do not try to pretend that you're fine or cheerful for the sake of others. Take the time to process it however you need to. There are plenty of other examples. This advice isn't really about how you act day to day, it's about making sure you are doing things for reasons you actually believe in.
LoSboccacc 7y ago
at its core "be yourself" would be better phrased as "don't lie to yourself" the latter is less uncompromising on how you go about living and presenting yourself but contains the same principle of unity between knowing when your acting in the world is aligned with your ethic and when it isn't, so that either your acting or your ethic can move to the point the other is, to reduce entropy in your life.

MisterOctober 7y ago

Makes me think of that classic scene between Jude Law and Dustin Hoffman in "I [Heart] Huckabees" -- Hoffman: ... are you being yourself? Law [increduluous]: How am I not myself?! Hoffman : "How am I not myself." Law: _How am I not myself?_ Hoffman : "How am I not myself." Law [distressed, starting to choke up]: How am I not myself.

Scarblac 7y ago

I think it's supposed to be something like "don't only try to emulate others".

bksenior 7y ago
I think it's an indirect way of telling people not to over think or analyze action.
SilasX 7y ago
As best I can tell it means, "I'm naturally good in social situations, the point where I don't have to think about it. If and when I do, that just makes things worse because then I'm noticeably self-conscious. I'll assume you're just like me and need to do the same, because I don't know what it's like for that to be different." The most charitable interpretation I can give the advice is, "Yeah, you're not skilled at this, and there isn't much I can do to help. But there are likeable aspects about yourself, and they don't shine through if you're constantly focusing on imitating some external model of how to do it right. The best you can hope for is not to have such unforced errors, so that at least you can keep whatever wins come from the real you."
- jamescostian 7y ago
  Even your "charitable" interpretation is obviously not charitable. "Yeah, you're not skilled at this" is not what people mean when they say "be yourself", unless by "this" you mean "emulate other people". Instead, what they mean is "You are naturally skilled enough at this thing, so stop doubting yourself and just stick with your natural skill/gut"
  - SilasX 7y ago
    If it's not charitable, then at least it's usually correct. People giving the advice are generally unaware of what it's like to be naturally skilled at social interaction, and think it's just a matter or relaxing and enjoying yourself. If they think "you're naturally skilled at this", they're usually mistaken. My charitable version is what people would say if they could be honest and were aware of the relevant facts on the ground.
    - djakjxnanjak 7y ago
      I’ve had the experience of thinking that I had terrible social skills for most of my live, then getting treatment for depression and anxiety and suddenly finding that socializing is easy. In my case, the problem really was my own fears and overanalysis about myself. My problems couldn’t be fixed merely by someone telling me to “be myself”, but they had the right idea.
    - deleted 7y ago
      [deleted]
    - jamescostian 7y ago
      > If they think "you're naturally skilled at this", they're usually mistaken. We have completely different anecdata. I've said and heard people say "be yourself" many times. Rarely have I seen it go awry. Typically the people who say "be yourself" are naturally skilled at social interaction, so they can read whether the person is also able to socialize and make the right decision. But I can see how someone who lacks social skills might repeat the saying without even noticing the level of social skills of the person they're saying it to. Much like what this commenter was talking about: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19702757 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19702757
derekp7 7y ago
I think it means to act around people that you aren't familiar with, the same way you would act around those your are very close to (such as immediate family, life-long childhood friends, etc). That is, don't be an "actor playing a part" when interacting with others.
dnautics 7y ago
That's exactly what it's supposed to mean, I think. It's especially useful in the short term context (let's say you have an interview tomorrow): you don't have enough time to pivot your personality, if you try, the judging person will read your inauthenticity as something fishy and you will increase your odds of missing out on your objective. But in so many contexts -especially in dating- it gets misinterpreted as long term advice "you are entitled for others to accept you as you are and/or eventually someone will accept you as you are, and your objective X will be met"
e12e 7y ago
I think it's rather: don't try to imitate others, strive to emulate them.

defertoreptar 7y ago

To me it means that you should act in a way that more authentically represents your wants and your values. For example, if someone wants to impress someone else, they may act in a way they think is in line with that someone else's wants and values. This can result in awkward and embarrassing situations since it's not natural or well-practiced, and it can result in being deceitful. Instead it's better to acknowledge and be sensitive toward what that someone else wants and values, but to still behave in a way that is true to our own wants and values.

wwweston 7y ago
Then you're back to the question of what it means to be authentic or have true values, a question that's very similar to the question of what it means to be "yourself", and while there's usually implied guides regarding extrinsic and intrinsic motivation, it's not really clear to me that there's an absolute dividing line there, or that it's even easy to sort out decidedly intrinsic/internal values into authentic or not authentic. I both want to play video games for hours and focus on applications of Richards Curves. I want to exercise and not exercise. I want to meet people and take care of social relationships, and have lots of time to myself. Which desires are more authentic? If one desire transcends a mere want and becomes a value, how would we distinguish that? And then, how would we distill that into meaningful advice? Probably not effectively with the words "be yourself."
- defertoreptar 7y ago
  > Probably not effectively with the words "be yourself." Agreed. It's an easy platitude to give, which is probably why it's so common. > it's not really clear to me that there's an absolute dividing line there, or that it's even easy to sort out decidedly intrinsic/internal values into authentic or not authentic. Right, it's nebulous and a good subject for philosophy textbooks. As far as practical advice goes, I think it's not too much to say that you can draw the line when you're behaving in a way that feels unnatural in hopes that others will respond positively to it.
- nostrademons 7y ago
  Which do you choose, and which choice leaves you happier afterwards? Authenticity means being able to look back at our choices afterwards and say "Yes, I'm proud of what I did." "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." -- Albus Dumbledore

sonnyblarney 7y ago

I don't think this is a complicated one. It means to express yourself, your ideals, and to not conform entirely to peer pressure, or to conformity. This is something we tell young people because they are often at the whim of social norms, some of which are bad, like 'Instagram popularity contests'. It's generally I think decent advice, even for adults, for whom I think the notion of 'being authentic' would apply.

crimsonalucard 7y ago

It means, "don't be afraid", because being afraid largely covers up who we really are by changing how we act.

stochastic_monk 7y ago

There’s the old quip about Gershwin asking Ravel to teach him. Supposedly, Ravel declined, saying “Why should you be a second-rate Ravel when you can be a first-rate Gershwin?” In this more specific light, find your own path rather than copying and pasting.

munchbunny 7y ago

The other top level comment explains the advice very well: The reason the advice "be yourself" exists, and also why older people tend to be the ones expressing it, is that the danger in not being yourself is that you may wake up one day in a career or surrounded by people that do not accept you for who you are. And you end up trapped in a life where you have to pretend to be something you're not. The idea is that the younger you start being honest about yourself to others, the sooner you will wind up away from people that do not like your true self, and closer to people that appreciate you for that true self. If you are an introvert, do not spend your life trying to pretend you are an extrovert. Instead, embrace your introversion and find a sustainable way to get the social interaction you need/want. If you do not enjoy managing people, you will fall behind people who do enjoy it, so instead spending your years unhappy and trapped, try to find a career ladder where you can focus on being a great individual contributor. If someone close to you just died and you are grieving, do not try to pretend that you're fine or cheerful for the sake of others. Take the time to process it however you need to. There are plenty of other examples. This advice isn't really about how you act day to day, it's about making sure you are doing things for reasons you actually believe in.

LoSboccacc 7y ago

at its core "be yourself" would be better phrased as "don't lie to yourself" the latter is less uncompromising on how you go about living and presenting yourself but contains the same principle of unity between knowing when your acting in the world is aligned with your ethic and when it isn't, so that either your acting or your ethic can move to the point the other is, to reduce entropy in your life.